Trying to accept new life, really miss my old life

[needy]

Life has sure changed in the last 8 months.

What I really miss is my old life. It still had it low and high points but I miss it so much. I miss being upset that my husband drank a little too much, I miss his snoring, and I miss his horrible taste in music. I really miss his smile, his jokes, that he listened to me how my day went and how he never seemed to complain about nothing.

I miss when he use to make supper. He would make way too much food and he always made rock hard garlic bread with every meal. I really miss seeing him working in our butt ugly 1970 kitchen. God I hate our kitchen, I really do until the contractor called me and told me they are gutting out the kitchen on Monday. I look at the trim around the entrance to the hallway from the kitchen. There are the heigh measurements of my children as they grew up and right on the top is a measurement and right beside it says Dad. I am not ready to say goodbye to my butt ugly kitchen, I am not ready to erase these memories.

Funny thing is I use to get so upset with my husband, keeping things from deceased love ones that seemed to me to not worth keeping. Now I feel this way about my butt ugly kitchen. Hope I can get a grip on this.

[MissingDaniel]

I feel you....the list of the things I miss is long as well, and full of things that used to drive me crazy. Best to you as you try to adjust. It's just hard

[HeyJude]

OMG...me too!!! All the things that Jerry did that annoyed me so much, I'd give anything to have all that back and I swear, I would never complain again!! I really miss having someone who really cared about me, who almost obsessively worried about me. It really irked my ass until now. All his little weird habits, I should have never let them get me so angry because now I'd give anything to have him back.

[Caremal]

You are not alone I have also had a hard time when my husband died. I missed his smile his twinkle in his eyes. I missed his grumpy moments his hugs and love he gave me. I miss it all the hugs the conversation. I miss it all and will never forget him. He had a big chunk of my heart for 32 years. He told me to go on and be happy again someday. I did not want to but now after a year and a half I have done so. I found a friend who is so happy with me and I am happy with. I still have a hard time to give my heart away - I know it is a work in progress. I wish you all the best love an d hugs

[widower2]

Yes it's amazing all the things we realize we took for granted or even things we "hated" which we now miss. I'm a particular expert at not appreciating people or things, though, so I'm not surprised. Though if I'm to be really honest, not ALL of those things I miss but needless to say I'd take them all back in a heartbeat if I meant I could have her back.

[needy]

Missing Daniel, your right we have to adjust.

Judy, yes those horrible habits. The things that use to drive us up the wall, how the heck can we miss it.

Caremal, so glad your new relationship is working out.

Widower2, your right I don't miss the drinking. I think you do appreciate people, I know I sure appreciate you.

[tnwulf0513]

All I can say is that I too miss my "honey" and everything about her. For some reason it has been especially bad the last couple of days. I suppose just another trip on the rollercoaster.......

Actually I know what widower2 means .. I fell far short letting Shari know that I appreciated her .. and now its too late ..

[Silvergirl61]

peace be with us all. I am sure that although sometimes we all feel like we didn't appreciate them enough while they were here..that they knew how much they meant then, and probably understand it even better now.

[Fabs]

I was immediately drawn to the title of this forum. Then, when I saw everyone's comments-it was like they were reading my mind.Makes me feel not so alone. I too feel like I didn't appreciate my husband enough and take great comfort in Silvergirl61's post.

Towards the end of my first day back at work I found myself thinking about what I was going to talk with Frank about that evening. That was always a very special part of the day for me, when we would recount our days and make each other laugh. I miss that.

[backyarder1]

Needy, your post made me smile! The paragraph that described what you miss about your husband could have been written by me. He drank too much, snored too loud and some of his music was a little too wild for me. But his smile, his laugh and the song in his heart made up for everything else. It's only been 4 weeks since my hubby passed away but I sure do miss his laugh. I even miss his snoring. My hubby liked to collect jars. I have a whole shelf in the pantry of his jars! What in the heck am I supposed to do with those? But can I throw them away? I doubt it.

[needy]

Backyard1 so sorry for your loss. My husband was a collector of junk, the kids and I hated it. My advice is take your time when you are getting rid of things. You might find as you go down this journey (that none of us want to do) your outlook on things will change. I found after time I could actually think of what was best for me. Hope that makes sense?

Best wishes to you.

[catfan2]

I miss my old life too that I had with my late boyfriend. I miss his laugh and his smile and his kisses and hugs. Why is it hard to adjust to life without him? Life sucks sometimes.

[KayC]

I see you resurrected an old thread...when you are ready, maybe you'll start your own thread and tell us your story...about who you lost and when.  You've found a caring group of people here, been through it, we get it.  I miss my old life too, I try not to think about it too much, it's hard.  It seems a lifetime ago...

[Billie Rae]

My old life feels like a very distant memory,but it wasn't so long ago
I wonder why it feels like years ago instead of months?

Sent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app

[Moment2moment]

Where she was, that was "home".

I have lost my home, my identity, my history, my purpose.

Most of the time I feel sorry for myself. I feel I have no one who cares about me in my daily life. No one to talk to about my day. No one to share a meal with besides the TV and my 3 dogs. No one to do anything with.

Part of it is aging. I am 64 but live my life as a 35 year old in terms of my interests and activity level. There are no kids, grandkids, family of any kind. A few old friends out of state.

4 years of caregiving put me in a cave socially but then I was never a social butterfly.

I go out and come home and she is not here and that will never change. My 3 dogs are here and thrilled to see me and that keeps me from pulling the trigger.

So I try to keep busy and yet no matter what she still is no longer here at home where she was for almost 30 years.

That cannot be fixed.

[foreverhis]

4 hours ago, Moment2moment said:

Where she was, that was "home".

I understand.  I wrote this recently.

 

Home

Our home,

now a house,

a place to wait

until I am with you

and I am home again.

 

[KayC]

18 hours ago, Billie Rae said:

My old life feels like a very distant memory,but it wasn't so long ago
I wonder why it feels like years ago instead of months?
 

I think it's because we have so much to process and have had to work through so many changes/adjustments it's meant for us.  Our lives little resemble our old lives.

14 hours ago, Moment2moment said:

My 3 dogs are here and thrilled to see me and that keeps me from pulling the trigger.

My dog is my companion and life...but now I'm losing him too, to cancer.  I don't know how I'll handle it when he's gone.  Family is not all it's cracked up to be sometimes (I wrote about that in loss of pet section, Living with Loss).  George always understood everything I was going through, just as your partners did...losing them is just downright traumatic, even years later.  It's times like this the pain is so intense.

Lily Bell, my heart goes out to you.

foreverhis, your poem is short but says what we all feel.

[Moment2moment]

9 hours ago, foreverhis said:

I understand.  I wrote this recently.

 

Home

 

 

 

Our home,

 

now a house,

 

a place to wait

 

until I am with you

 

and I am home again.

 

 

And that says it perfectly. I am waiting until we are together again.

[Moment2moment]

12 minutes ago, KayC said:

I think it's because we have so much to process and have had to work through so many changes/adjustments it's meant for us.  Our lives little resemble our old lives.

My dog is my companion and life...but now I'm losing him too, to cancer.  I don't know how I'll handle it when he's gone.  Family is not all it's cracked up to be sometimes (I wrote about that in loss of pet section, Living with Loss).  George always understood everything I was going through, just as your partners did...losing them is just downright traumatic, even years later.  It's times like this the pain is so intense.

Lily Bell, my heart goes out to you.

foreverhis, your poem is short but says what we all feel.

Kay

Honestly, the only way that I got through losing my 18 year old and my 14 year old Bichons at the same time was to go out and rescue a dog that no one else wanted.

He was blind and deaf and old but oh so loving. I gave him 6 months of a happy loving home and then lost him. His heart just stopped.

When I called the rescue people to let them know of his passing she told me she had another 5 year old, same breed, that no one would adopt because he had one eye and a bite history. (He had been beaten about the head and wouldn't you bite to defend yourself?)

I took him and we passed our first week and he loves my other 2 and they him. He has transformed my heart ache over losing his predecessor and something good has come out of that loss.

So that is how I cope and I highly recommend it to you.

My last 13 year old Bichon is one that she and I rescued together. I dread losing her as she will be the last of our original family.

I ask God to give me the strength to get through that and I know that rescuing another will be how something positive comes of it.

I also know that she will be joining Martha who will be waiting for her with open arms, so she will be safe and loved.

Don't want to sound corny, but I believe that these little souls are brought to me to help me heal by giving them the home and love they never had or lost.

If you have the time and means and environment to rescue dogs or cats, I highly recommend it.

It has saved my life, or what is left of it.

[Telly2018]

I don't want to get rid of any of Dennis' things....clothes, shoes, hats, ties, glasses, brush( for his beard only)...everything is him, our apartment, the candles he would burn, how he would just cook...and smile and listen to gospel...I HATE LIFE RIGHT NOW!!!