Special Dates

[alwaysmyjennifer]

My precious child, how much I wish

That I could hold you in my arms

To let know your father’s love

To safely guard you from all harm

So many times I cry in vain

Thinking of you, now gone, in Heaven

My heart is longing to end its pain

But will it end? Maybe never.

Your life was ended one moonlit night

All too soon as you were only beginning

To set your course by the sun’s warm light

A gentle child, loving, giving

Your dad abides here in this pain

That gives my heart this dreadful rending

Yet through it all one thing won’t change

My love for you is never ending.

Jennifer Kacy Lee, my heart is broken today, your angel day. I love you always, with all my heart and soul.

[ellismum]

Dear Ellis

Today is your second birthday, mummy, daddy and your baby brother went to harrogate for the day. we bought you a big truck and trailer that holds a digger on the back. i wish you were here to play with this. i miss you so much. We put some flowers for you at the crematorium, same as we will in one month. You will always be my special little baby boy. You only wieghed 1 pound on this earth, but you are and will always be a giant in my heart.

all our love mummy, daddy and corban.

[billysmom1]

billysmom1....what a special tribute. I know I say to everyone that a mother's fear is that their child will be forgotten. Well...now you know that Billy has not been forgotten. What a great gift.

BettyAnn

thank you i have had a few of his teachers tell me what a impact he had on them and how much they miss him .

[alwaysmyjennifer]

To my Jennifer, my angelbaby, happy 32nd birthday, honey. From October 16, 1974 til May 22, 1996, your life was so beautiful. Not a day can slip by without me missing you. I love you with all my heart. Always your dad, always your friend. You are always my Jennifer.

[suelowe]

Mark, i apologise for writing in this part, as im not a parent, but what you wrote about Jennifer is absolutely beautiful, it's priceless. What you said just says it all. Jennifer is very very proud of you, proud that you are her dad, that you love her with all your heart. I'm proud of you too.

warmest wishes and big, big hugs ((((((((((mark)))))))))

Sue xx

[paulsmum]

I think I have the right forum this time, Hello all, this is the first time I have written on this web site, I have been on often though to read your stories and have cried with you all and shared your pain. Today my son Paul would have been 24, and I feel so alone. I am the only one who grieves for him or who even remembers him, so I thought I would share with you my story of my precious little baby Paul. I was 16 when I had Paul, I was not married and his father was not in the picture. I decided when I fell pregnant with him that I would keep and raise him, that was not meant to be. Paul was born with Hypoplastic left heart syndrome. When he was born I was told he would not live and to go home, forget about him and get on with my life. I did not do this. I held Paul for his short life, only 4 days, then I buried him. Everyone, my family and friends went on with their lives. I later married, had 3 more children, got divorced and muddled through my life. BUT today and every other birthday, I am on my own with my grief. I am the only one who remembers him, my children, although they know of him, cannot grieve for him, those who were around when he was born choose not to acknowledge today. I know 24 years is a long time but my life was changed that day, yes time does lessen the paid but it is still there underneath the surface and I doubt it will ever leave me. So here I am writing to you the people I know will understand where I am coming from. Thank you for letting me share this with you.

[jamiebmom]

October 22, 2006 will be the 5th month anniversary of my daughter Jamie-Leigh Britt's passing from this world. This has been the loneliest, hardest, saddest thing I've ever experienced. There has to be a big, black abyss where my heart and soul should be. Does it ever ease up? The people here at Beyond Indigo have been so kind and understanding and I appreciate each of you for helping me along. Please keep my family in your prayers.

[chucksmom]

Hi. My name is Teresa and I am new to this site. I have been reading posts for a while and finally realize that the only people I can share my grief with are people who are going through a similar experience. My son Charlie will have been gone one year on Nov. 9. He was in an accident on November 7, 2005 and died from severe brain trauma on the 9th. Not a day goes by without missing him and thinking of him. I understand what Jamiebmom is saying when she said it is the lonliest, saddest time. It feels so bleak sometimes and the pain is neverending. I want to thank all of the people who have shared their thoughts because it has helped me see that I'm not alone, which has been the most difficult thing to bear. I'm sure next week will be even more difficult than the past year has been, but hopefully I'll get through. Thanks for listening.

[messenger]

DEAR CHUCKSMOM..........WELCOME......YOU ARE RIGHT!! THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO YOU CAN TRUELY SHARE YOUR GREIF WITH AND KNOW THEY WILL LISTEN IS ONES WHO HAVE BEEN THERE THEMSELVES...........WE ARE ALL IN THE LONELY BOAT OF LOSING A CHILD.....MOM, DAD,SPOUSE,,,RELATIVE OF SOME KIND,,,,,I AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS......YOUR SON WAS A MAJOR PART OF YOUR LIFE......OUR SON WAS 27 WHEN HE DIED..........NEVER THOUGHT WE WOULD LOSE HIM EITHER.........ALWAYS A SMILE ON HIS FACE AND WANTING TO DO SOMETHING OR ENCOURAGE SOME ONE EVERYDAY........WE NEED MORE PEOPLE LIKE HIM IN THIS WORLD.

NEXT WEEK WILL BE HARD.......BUT KNOW HE IS STILL WITH YOU..............HE HEARS ALL AND SEES ALL..TRY GETTING SOME BALLOONS AND TAKING THEM TO HIS GRAVE .....TELL HIM WHAT IS IN YOUR HEART..............AND RELEASE THE BALLOONS.......MAYBE HAVE SOME OF HIS FRIENDS OR RELATIVES GO TO...........I PRAY THIS WILL HELP YOU FIND SOME PEACE AT THIS DIFFICULT TIME IN YOUR LIFE...KNOW WE HERE ALL CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER AND TRY TO ENCOURAGE THOSE THAT NEED IT............COME AND SAY WHAT YOU ARE FEELING ANYTIME............IT IS THE ONLY WAY YOU WILL BE ABLE TO DEAL WITH YOUR LOSS..

YOU WILL BE IN MY PRAYERS

MESSENGER

[chucksmom]

Thank you for the warm welcome. It's encouraging to have people who want to listen to what most people really do not want to listen to. Thank you for the suggestion on how to spend that 1st anniversary. We really didn't have any ideas, but we now have begun to make some plans. Last year, during this same week, I spent three straight days in the hospital as friends, family and acquaintances all came and went, hoping for the best, but not getting it. I'm hoping this will be a better week, though I know it won't be easy and the memories will be intense. Thanks for your help and suggestions.

[billysmom1]

Billy would have been 15 nov 25 he is missed so much .

[4everjoeysmom]

My precious Joey has been gone for 4 months. The first weeks I was in shock. The first months I have been numb. Today I am shattered--just letting the feelings flow freely. Joey was born 8/7/82 at 9:10 am. I remember every detail about him that day. Joey was born into Heaven 7/31/06 at 12:17 am. I'm afraid to forget the least of details. I miss him so much, I can't breathe sometimes.

[jamiedawnsmom]

Sunday, December 10 at 7 p.m. is the Compassionate Friends World Wide Candle Lighting Sunday...that their light may always shine. Light a candle for all children who have died. Let's light up the globe and remember all the children on BI and elsewhere who have gone home too soon. Pass this on to your family and friends so that they too can remember all the children gone too soon.

Renee

[wadesmom]

My sons 16th Birthday is the 11th of March. Wade died from a MVA on August 15, 2006. My heart aches, and our lives have been forever changed. I have alot of pain, turbulentn thoughts & anxiety related to the loss of our son and yet I knew that it would be difficult, just like anything else is right now, to approach his Birthday month with out our son here on earth. So my daughters and I purchased 16 minature whirlygigs/windmills- and we placed them on Wade's grave. We also placed a fluorescent green strip that is about 3' long and 2-3" wide, we placed the strip on a stake beside the grave, it spins one direction and then the other, and my daughter thought it resembled Birthday ribbon and knew her brother would approve- cause it's always spinning and somewhat annoying to watch due to the continous motion. I don't know if this is the right thing to do or not- but it felt ok to acknowledge Wade's BD in this way.

Wade was always in motion, moving continously and always on the go- he had a zest for life and all that it had to offer. He could make a boring routine or task exciting and fun because he had the natural ability to make life enjoyable 24/7. I miss Wade and I miss the energy that he possessed.

Wadesmom

[brin3d]

My daughter died in an auto accident July 2003....we have three dates that we celebrate....so to speak....We celebrate her birth on April 22nd, 1980, earth day....we celebrate her life on July 8th each year....for she loved life and lived it like there was no tomorrow....and we celebrate her favorite holiday....Christmas because she was so excited, shaking each package to see if she could guess what it was...making lists up to Xmas eve of what she just had to have....her excitement was contagious.....So on these three days we buy a gift related to her favorite thing (butterflies), wrap it, date it, and put it aside for her child to open on her 18th birthday. Her child just turned 5 in March.

[wazastarr]

My daughter would have been 1year on 7/7/07 and that day and that week have been the hardest so far. My favorite holiday has always been Christmas but that changed last year when my daughter died on Dec 23,2006 11:40am .

Now I don't know how to get through Dec and Christmas without being committed.

My precious Angel was born with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. She was 5 1/2 months when she died.

My daughter was something special as I know all parents believe, but Malia had so much life. She would look at you and her eyes would shine then you would see her dimples as she would smile. My little monster's favorite thing to do/ Sticking her tounge out at everyone who looked at her. Even at the end she would stick her tounge around the breathing tube and stick her tounge at you then she would smile as much as she could.

These holiday's are going to be so hard. I miss her so much. I guess I always will and this is the only place I've found that actually understand.

[Guest Guest]

Our darling Aysha ,turned 21 this year,and still we feel the loss of her.

we love her and miss her ever so much.

http://babyaysha.gonetoosoon.co.uk/

ALWAYS LOVED AND REMEMBERED

[Artina]

In Memory of Christopher, 09-30-82 * 01-04-02.  Chris crossed over after his snowmobile collided into a tree- he died instantly. He was 19 years old and too young to leave us behind.

 

Mother- Tina

Father- Art

Brother- Mike

[luvumicheal]

I am so sorry for your joey and feel your pain...1982 was the year my baby was born Micheal a. diaz  7/25/82 ...he took his life on 11/2/2007......and now I will never be the same.....life is not what it seems to be....

[bobbysmom]

Robert Jr.

December 17, 1979 - April 20, 2002

Have a happy heavenly birthday and know we will love you forever.

Mom and Dad

[lisaloring]

8 weeks ago, right about this time, my dear David was alive, trapped under a car that had flown out of control and flipped 3 times. David and his friends were ejected through the rear window. Jeff flew up, David down, face first into a ditch. Of course, cars don't "fall up", they fall down...and top of David, who struggled for more than 20 minutes to free himself, despite massive chest trauma. (11 broken ribs on right, 2 on left...). He eventuall grew tired, said "I am going to sleep now"...and passed away holding a Sheriff's Deputy's hand.

I miss him more each passing day.

[missngkate]

January 11 would be my Kate's 23rd birthday.  She has been gone for 16 months now and even though the pain of her death has eased somewhat, it's still a struggle every day.  This is a poem that Kate wrote when she was 16.  We found it in her journal when going through her things and I wanted to share it.  Reading it now, the poem seems almost too close to how we feel about her death. 

• There and gone so quick
  
• Can it be justified?
  
• Wanting to hold on that much longer
  
• But knowing I can't
  
• Is what makes it so hard.
  
• I'll still lvoe  you
  
• And you'll still love me
  
• Head over Hills
  
• But never so free
  
• Remember those short minues and
  
• Maybe I won't die.
  
• Suffer the never ending yet too short goodbyes.
  
• I'll try to remember the good over bad
  
• Yet tears of sadness run over and drive me mad.
  
• I'll step into life as if nothing was wrong
  
• But nothing is ever to pull me from
  
• This never ending fall.

Happy Birthday to my baby girl.

[mikesmum]

Thank you for sharing Kates words.  Such words, such writing, such insight.  I hope you find the smiles and energies so you may celebrate her 23rd birthday.

I still want to celebrate Micheals birthday, not with the mind that tells me he has gone - but with the heart that tells me how blessed each day I was that he was born to me....

Thinking of you....

[mikesmum]

Morning my son.  Mal told me January would be hard, but u know me, not a problem.  Wrong wrong wron. I feel like I am walking into the ocean.  Okay for a while and the a rip or a drop off into deep dark water. 

It is one year today since I sat with you here before you went to court.  I remember how diplomatic you were in asking me not to come with you, you would be okay, it would be fine.  I was bone weary that day having finished a nightshift.  I was teary then as I am now.  I had seen the emotional pain you had endured in the 10 days prior.  To see your child in pain, something I never did well with. You hugged me, told me to go to bed and get some sleep.  Mal told me you had talked alot that last night.

I snoozed until I heard you come home.  We sat again. You were leaving, going you said to the block (land you bought out in the country). You would camp with Amanda and Harmony to bond.  You wanted to give her a chance to build your lives together. 

I never believed for a minute you were going to the block.  It was one of those 'tell mum what she needs to hear' moments.  As we loaded your things into your car you kept reassuring me, 'it will be okay mum'.  'You worry too much'.

With another bear hug a kiss and a promise to be at Emily's birthday on Saturday.

 I think it was then that the impending cloud of darkness fell on me.  I couldn't shake it.  You didn't come to Emily's.  You did ring and again lead with the 'tell mum what she needs to hear'  to avert conflict. 

I never can take back any of the things that occured in the week before you died.  I can never change the events that lead to you leaving home a year ago today.

But I can tell you every day that I love you, I miss you and I will never understand this child before adult dying thing.

My heart breaks my son my son.....I see you standing in the doorway " C ya Mal, C ya Mum...love you......Love you too my son.....

 

[missngkate]

Emily Kate Robertson - 1/11/85 - 08/25/06

This morning your Dad and I put flowers on your grave and told you Happy Birthday.  Tonight Will is going to have the best concert ever at Alley Katz.  He's got four bands lined up and a DJ.  You'd have loved it!  The TV station even promoted it last night on the news.  It's always a shock when I see your picture on the TV news, because my first thought is always that I want to call  you and tell you all about it.  This is the best I can do.  Happy Birthday kiddo ... until we meet again.

[mikesmum]

=====18th January, 2007=======

1020HRS - CPR Ceased, Pt Deceased, Police notified.

Micheal Shane, my son my son.  This was how I knew when you were gone. Words on a computer screen, on over 50 computer screens.  At the time that was all they were.  Just words.  It was something I had seen so many times over the years, yet this day somehow it was different.

Even driving to where you were I never believed those words were connected to to me.....you..........to us......

I remember Mal and Uncle Bill meeting me at the gate.  Stifled tears, lots of holding on......Walking to where you lay was an out of body experience.  Passing the police officers, acknowledging each other professionally, it seemed strangely normal.

As I reached the door there you were.  Something wasn't right.  For a start my son, you never slept on your back.....I remembered you sleeping curled up on your side.......your bed was made up, sheets folded back across your shoulders, hands folded together, resting on top of the sheet.........not the normal knotted mass of sheets and doona, a sign of a restless sleeper. 

You didn't move....no flickering of your eyes.....pretending to be asleep.....no sittting up asking 'what are you doing here?'   No sounds of my son breathing softly ....in ....out.....in .....out....... I sat with you, brushing your hair back, touching your face......nothing....just a peaceful relaxed face, eyes shut softly with the slightest blue tinge.........

1010HRS 4th June 1975 - Baby Boy Born, APGAR 9 Weight 8lb 10oz.  When you were born, I was lost in your first minutes.  We sat, you and I, looking into each others eyes.  Back then, you were my first born.  I had nothing to offer you but unconditional love and the promise that no matter what, I would always be therefore you......"I am your mum".

Now holding your hand, stroking your face I was once again lost.  Amazing how the man now seemed so much like the child I held 31yrs before. 

Softly I whispered, "rest now, find your peace, no one can hurt you now....I love you my son, you always were and always will be my son, my son".  So strange to kiss you and not have it returned, no hug, no c-ya, call ya later.....such a strange finality......

Micheal Shane, they tell me its been a year......its not you know.....it has been but a heart beat.......time for me has no relevance.  Life has changed, somethings will never move forward.  I struggle with the idea of never being able to see you again.  To never be able to talk you, to never hear how you are, your hopes your dreams your struggles your successes.  For me your life has been left unfinished and with that to so has mine. 

I have to know in my broken heart that you are safe, painfree  and now with those whose journey started many years before yours.  I wait til I too begin the next journey...................the one that leads me to you ..

Love you Micheal Shane.....my son, my son......

 

[missngkate]

Mike's Mum -- I grieve with you. 

Helen

[johnnysmama]

Today was the day march 19th that we buried my son, John Robert Zink one year ago.  it still doesnt seem real that he is gone and buried. I lost this year and worse yet I lost one of my dearest loves in the world. Mama misses you every second of every minute of every hourof every day of every month for every year...My heart is broken...

[oransmom]

My son, Oran Daniel Jones, died on May 14, 2008 from injuries sustained in a motorcycle accident.  He was 19 years 5 months and 12 days old.  He had owned the motorcycle 2 days.  I spoke to him the night before he wrecked and told him to take the motorcycle back.  He didn't.  It's just so odd that the finality of his death is the beginning of something else. Pain, agony, heartbreak, guilt.......

[ericasmom]

To Oran's Momma,

I am so sorry he left so soon. My girl, Erica Eileen Reith left on July 14, 2003, at age 19 years, 3 months. Forever 19.

We are fast approaching the 5 year mark that left us in the dust. YOu are very new to this path, so please continue to post and on those nights when sleep is impossible, do write here or in a journal. It is an amazing tool as you travel this road. Several months from now you will be able to read your words and see the distance you have made. Hang on Dear One, it is a rough ride but we are all here to tell you it is doable.

Peace,

Dee

PS your Son is a beautiful young man

[oransmom]

Thank you for such kind words,

I have, since I lost my son, gone through another death of a young person.  One of my best friends, who was with me every step of the way during my funeral process lost her son six weeks later and I really just am thrown for a loop.  I was hanging on the best that I could and just learning to breathe without thinking and then....

I know I can overcome all of this and I know it just takes time.  So...I'm just waiting for the time to pass.

[wyomingsal]

[align=center] [/align]

Yesterday, July 20th was the one year date without my son on Earth.  My husband is in the hospital so wasn't able to come, but my living children and I went down to the little spillways slide where he died and released some balloons.  One of his good friends came with us as well.  It is still unbelievable that a year has gone bye without my boy.  He should be walking in the door anytime now.  This whole year has been a blur.  Time seems to have stood still without him. 

 

 

ONE YEAR AGO TODAY

When I awoke one year ago today

Everything seemed to be going ok

I didn't believe anything would go wrong

We were happy and our family was strong.

You were grinning and enjoying the sun

Lets go get Micah I said, We gotta run

===================

As we climbed in the car one year ago today

Everything was doing ok

You were in a good mood, a big smile on your face

Jacob and Lynnie too

Off we went to pick up Micah

Then we could have fun for a few

===================

We stopped at Wallmart along the way

And everything was still ok

Brand new water shoes, they were bright orange,

Graced your feet as we headed to the car

===================

Waiting for Micah at the church one year ago today

Everything was still doing ok

You ran around having fun and wanting to play

While I chatted with fellow parents

No strong urge or thought to pray

===================

We ate Subway one year ago today

Everything was going ok

You ordered a meatball sub just like your Dad

Nothing warned me that soon I would be so sad.

===================

You and Micah were best buddies one year ago today

And everything sure seemed ok

You both asked "Can we go to the spillway slide to swim?"

Dad and I said yes and off you went.

=====================

How I wish I would have taken more time to say goodbye

I couldn't know that my yes meant you would die.

One year ago today my son everything was ok

Until sometime between 2 and 3 that day.

=====================

When I answered the phone a year ago today

I didn't know that every thing had forever changed

Everything was not ok!....You my boy had gone away

======================

...Lost in the river?

No it cant be!

Joshua my son!

Come back home to me!

======================

You are so much a part of my life

Not having you here just isn't right

Memories still fill my heart each day

Even now a whole year since you went away...

=======================

Beautiful curly hair for me to run my fingers through

Your silly voice saying..."I love you Lynnie Poo"

Funny crab walking up the stairs

Begging to go to county fairs

====================

You liked rap on 104.7

You wanted a green mansion when you got to Heaven

Hiking and swimming, adventures and fun

Your hair getting blond in the hot summer sun

====================

You hated turkey but loved honey baked ham

You were growing into such a tall handsome young man

Cub Scouts, singing, VBS,

teasing siblings and making a mess.

=================

You love to travel and go on trips

most of the knees in your pants had big rips

The girls were starting to fall in love with you

You weren't quite sure what to do

===============

So many memories and thoughts fill my heart

each moment of each day we are apart

Wait for me my son with our dear Lord

'til the day I join you and we receive our reward

==============

I love you Joshua and miss you more then you could imagine!

Every single day since that day....

One year ago....today that you went to Heaven

[wyomingsal]

The kids contemplating what happened a year ago right at this little spillway.

[ericasmom]

Wyoming Sal,

Wow! One year ago yesterday, and now you are on the start of year two. It is amazing and unbelievable still, the pain is so great, but I promise you that after a bit more time, you will begin to feel his peace. I am so sorry for his leaving, it sounds as though he had a fabulous time growing up your Son. A happy young man.

I love your poem, it really shows the world how very quickly our lives can change. Your words touch my heart.

God Bless,

Dee

[johnnysmama]

Sal

It is amazing it has been a year-seems like forever and just yesterday, doesn't it?Your words were so poignant and really made the point to live for today. Doesnt seem right that you were having such a wonderful, typical family day and then life changed forever for all of you. Your children are beautiful and Joshua will be forever missed and loved.

peace and strength to you,

Kay

[mikesmum]

Sal, its a year ago today, yet as your poem reflects on that day, one year ago, in a blink everything changes.

As Dee says, you're in your 2nd year.  The memories of Joshua still fresh in your mind, the love still warm in your heart.

Thoughts with you - the pictures are telling of just how Joshua's being gone has impacted on those still here....Trudi

[momof04]

Sal, You are one strong women. You have a lovely family and I know Joshua is watching over you. The storey you wrote made me cry. I really think our children are friends and waiting for us to someday meet them and each other in heaven. I too am coming up on the year mark and have wondered how we would remeber the day. I was thinking of going to the beach were she wanted to go after cleaning her room. It has been 11 months today since my little Jayme left earth. I can't beleive it. Some times it seems like it has been for ever and other times it is like I blinked and it was just yesterday she was sitting on my lap telling me she loves me. I MISS HER so much. I know she is some where over the rainbow watching us.

The strange thing is everytime we do something fun as a family, I hurt that she is not there. Then we see a girl that looks alot like her. We have come to say "Jayme has sent her sign to say she is her, in one way or another." I just wish it was physically. Take care, Carrie

[oransmom]

Hey there,

I DO see the difference in my feelings, reactions, and my heart.  My son will be in my heart forever.  He died a little over 6 months ago and his birthday is coming up (Dec 2). I do not dwell on mistakes or bad times.  I like to think of the fun things we did.

I say every night what I said to him and all of my kids as I tucked them in "God bless you, good night.  Sweet dreams, sleep tight.  Don't let the bed bugs bite" then I would tickle them.

I hang on to the good memories.  I just know that I have come so far in just 6 months. I NEVER thought I could take the death of one of my chidren but I am  dealing with it and have become stronger.  That is good for my two surviving children.

I want parents to know that if their worst fear comes true, they can not only get through it in time but be stronger.  I talk to and cry every day for my son.  But I HAD to let him go or I was going to be no good to anyone.

 

 

 

 

[momof04]

 

Well another birthday for my angel has come and gone. I choose to work this year on her birthday. Not so sure that was a good idea. I know I needed to try to keep my mind off from what the day was, but that didn't work. I miss her dearly and can not get over how unfair it is that she did not get to be here for another birthday. Its not fair my baby never got to be 11.

Miss and love you more then words can say my sweet little Jayme

Carrie