ADC's, Visions & Dreams

[annietina220]

annie,

I understand your anger but it's not reasonable to be angry at yourself. I can understand you being upset about the way things happened and the lack of you be able to be there...help her, or at least say goodbye. But being angry with yourself is really not going to get you anywhere with your grief...eventually you will have to let that inner anger go and you will still be left with the grieving work so you might as well forgive yourself (although i don't believe you have anything to forgive)..

Try to imagine that she was scared for a moment then relieved...travelled about her body and went to people she loved to check in and see what was going on...see you find out about the fire and now watch you all this time being stuck not just in the loss of your friend but all these other issues...

You have to believe she is OK where she is...and that life although it sucks sometimes takes these types of turns.

I believe there is a heaven and you should think about it. if you don't believe in heaven...perhaps just a calm peaceful place...try to imagine that she's there...and know that what you are going through is far worse than what she is...if you truly love her that should comfort you.

I am as sad as a person can be believe me...but i have to know that someday I'll be with my Mom again.

I know what you are telling me in truth in my

head Stellaanne, but my heart is telling me another

thing and that is what messes me up. I can't help

thinking what I could have done for her if I could have

been there. I do believe in Heaven and I know she is there,

I guess my human need of her being here clouds that. I feel

cheated and robbed and I don't know when I will get over it!

-Annie

[ribitsmom]

After reading many of these posts I became a little irritated/disappointed because so many of you have been having dreams and the only dreams I have had since we lost our daughter were gruesome, relive the accident, dreams. It had actually been bothering me for quite a while to not have dreams that my daughter comes to talk to me…or dreams at all with my daughter.

This gets funny, promise.

Then I was out of town for work last week and sleeping peacefully until 12:30am when I heard a big “BOOM” and jumped up and was disoriented (due to being in a hotel), then heard another loud noise and at the same time my bed is shaking…well, it was the couple in the room next to me. So, I decided not to pound on the wall between us and to let them finish and then tried to go back to sleep. When I tried to go back to sleep I realized that I had been in the middle of a good dream and wanted to get back to it, so I started to piece it back together and realized I had been dreaming of my daughter and that she was in a hurry and wanted me to hustle so we could leave…we were in some hippy house (don’t get that one, but her wanting to hurry made sense, she was always running late).

I believe that was my daughter’s comical way of telling me that I have been dreaming of her and just never remembered and she wanted to make sure I didn’t forget this time.

Anyway…that is my story; I just really wanted to share it with someone. I got a good chuckle (at 12:30am) out of it.

Denise

[swede1]

I just wanted to share this webpage I found on ADC's, or EE's as they're called here. It should help everyone in this forum.

http://www.extraordinarygriefexperiences.com/

[nurseconnie]

HI everyone

On Feb 1st my husband and I went out for an early lunch... we went to a place that we had never been before.. close to a hospital where i use to work..

On the way home I told my husband as we passed the hospital that my father was standing in the parking lot. I assumed that someone was sick or hurt and he was going to visit them there . He had on a coat.. it was cold outside. I decided to call my mother after we went to the post office when I got home. About two miles down the road my mom called me screaming and crying telling me that the police were at her home and that my father was dead. I told her that couldnt be true because I had just seen him at the hospital.

Unfortunately it was true My dad had shot himself. He was gone.

A few weeks later .. i heard my new puppy ...otis crying to get out of his kennel. I had ordered otis before my dad died.. I had tried to stop his delivery but was unable too. When I heard the puppy crying I didn't want to getout of bed....All of a sudden.. there was a woman there..

She was smiling and gestering to me. She was talking but I couldn't understand or hear what she was saying. She kept pointing down the hall of my house.

I looked down the hall... still hearing the doggie whining.. and there was my dad. He had on a blue fishing cap.. a red sweater... jeans and two toned new balance tennis shoes. I looked at him and he looked so worried and sad. I sat straight up in the bed and everything vanished.

After telling my husband about this and my daughter... I called the detective who investigated his death. I never saw my dad that day or any day afterwards.

The detective gave me a list of the clothing that my dad died in... It included his navy blue cap with the fish on it... a burgandy sweater... a pair of jeans and his new balance tennis shoes. ...

I'm a nurse... a scientifically minded person. Now I'm a believer.

I miss you dad.. I love you with all my heart..

Thanks for the visit.

Con

[ribitsmom]

NurseConnie - I have goose bumps. What a wonderful, though sad, story.

Denise

[annietina220]

Wow Connie,

That is incrediable! Your Dad loves you and wanted to see you.

I saw my brother Joey staring at me from the window while I was

in the driveway. I saw him for about 2 seconds and then he vanished.

That is their way to let you know that they are ok where they are.

Love,

Annie

[nurseconnie]

of course the people i've told this too think i'm now certifiably nutso.

[ribitsmom]

Oh Well, wait till it happens to them, you can say; "Told you so". My brother, son and husband all think I am nuts when I mention that I have had "experiences", too.

[lauraa]

Nurseconnie,

I lost my husband 16 months ago and about 3 months after he passed I sat on my bed and looked toward the window and my husband showed his face...just for a couple seconds....I also am a believer and I am a nurse, too! Also, my dad passed shortly before my husband and he appeared to his sister at her house. She was standing in her bathroom looking in the mirror and looked to the doorway and my dad was standing there looking at her. He then went and sat on the edge of her bed and she held his hand and kissed as she always did and then he said he was there to give a message to one of my brothers...then he left. She said it was like touching him when he was alive. She is the most genuine person I know and would not make this up and neither would I. I have had many mediums tell me things they would never of known that has also confirmed to me that they live on. You may be interested in reading the book, Hello From Heaven by Jusy and Bill Guggenheim. If you think your nuts then after reading that book you'll know there are 1000's that are too......

[nurseconnie]

I dont think for a moment that is was not my father... I just shared this with a neighbor .. who I thought was a friend.

I've since found out... Well let's just say that you know who your true friends are

[jenyfer]

I would love to share a dream with you.

Its about someone i truely respect and love so much.

My Grandfather. He has been gone for 15years. and still lives on today.

My Dream.

- I was walking (to me it seemed like heaven) everything was white.

- everyone i knew thats alive today, were there.

- as i continued to walk towards my family.

- i saw this older man smiling @ me.

- i paid no attention, because i was trying to find my grandpa.

- i had asked my auntie where he was?

- and they both ignored me.

- i happened to turn around and saw that same ol' man smiling.

- i walked fast and then ran.

- all i could remember was my arms being around him.

- saying "i missed you so much papa"

- we went for a walk.

- i told'em about Tasha (my daughter).

- and how her being born was the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.

- he smiled and then told me.

- "sweetheart i am proud of you everyday. you just make me proud."

- "there isnt a thing in this world i wouldnt do for you."

- " tell your parents they have did a wonderful job raising you."

- ".. and i can tell you are going to do a wonderful job raising my beautiful grandbaby."

- "im with her everyday, because she needs me. i check up on you too."

- and then he turned and walked away.

- and i asked him "where are you going?"

- and he replied "nowhere you cant come. but you cant come right now."

- he said "i will wait for you, i love you with all my heart."

- and when i looked behind him. i saw 3 people standing behind him waiting for him. waving @ me.

- it was my brother / sister and grandmother.

- i started running towards them.

- and grandpa said "go home, i will see you again"

- then i woke up.

i just wanted you to know. dreams can mean something so beautiful

and can always help you. so keep dreaming.

my dream helped me, see a better life for me & my child.

Jenyfer.

[stellaanne]

jenyfer,

That was beautiful...you made me cry.

I'm happy for you that you had such a beautiful dream.

I know what it is and the feeling you get when a dream like that happens...it's as if you were given such a great gift and it just lifts your spirits so much.

I believe our loved ones are around and checking in every so often...and a dream makes you feel like you were just with the person...i just love it.

[annietina220]

I would love to share a dream with you.

Its about someone i truely respect and love so much.

My Grandfather. He has been gone for 15years. and still lives on today.

My Dream.

- I was walking (to me it seemed like heaven) everything was white.

- everyone i knew thats alive today, were there.

- as i continued to walk towards my family.

- i saw this older man smiling @ me.

- i paid no attention, because i was trying to find my grandpa.

- i had asked my auntie where he was?

- and they both ignored me.

- i happened to turn around and saw that same ol' man smiling.

- i walked fast and then ran.

- all i could remember was my arms being around him.

- saying "i missed you so much papa"

- we went for a walk.

- i told'em about Tasha (my daughter).

- and how her being born was the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.

- he smiled and then told me.

- "sweetheart i am proud of you everyday. you just make me proud."

- "there isnt a thing in this world i wouldnt do for you."

- " tell your parents they have did a wonderful job raising you."

- ".. and i can tell you are going to do a wonderful job raising my beautiful grandbaby."

- "im with her everyday, because she needs me. i check up on you too."

- and then he turned and walked away.

- and i asked him "where are you going?"

- and he replied "nowhere you cant come. but you cant come right now."

- he said "i will wait for you, i love you with all my heart."

- and when i looked behind him. i saw 3 people standing behind him waiting for him. waving @ me.

- it was my brother / sister and grandmother.

- i started running towards them.

- and grandpa said "go home, i will see you again"

- then i woke up.

i just wanted you to know. dreams can mean something so beautiful

and can always help you. so keep dreaming.

my dream helped me, see a better life for me & my child.

Jenyfer.

Jenyfer,

Thank you for sharing your dream visit with us.

I was deeply touched by it and could feel the love in it.

I am happy for you for having such a beautiful dream.

Love,

Annie

[nurseconnie]

Hi everyone,

I just thought that I would write an afterthought to my previous posting.

I recently had an on the job experience that nearly brought me to my knees.

Tonight while I work.. I had a man who had received a heart transplant nearly 11 years ago...

He was in dire straits... not only was the heart in rejection.. which for those of you are aren't medical.. is very bad business... but his kidneys had failed.

He told me that last night he was up all night.. and that a girl had appeared to him and told him he needed to come tho the hospital. He said she was in her mid 20's and was pretty with long brown hair. She pointed to her heart area.. and told him that he needed to go.

He told me this .. out of the blue... I don't discuss my stuff at work.

He also told me that he knew it was the donor of his heart.

Then he said... "I knew you would understand"

The only thing that he knew about his donor.. was that she died from a self inflicted gunshot wound to her head.

I've cried most of the night... can't sleep...

My dad seems to be telling me that we all have a connection...

All you nurses out there... have you had any experiences with dying patients kind of reading into your history? I'm just a little freaked out.

[ericpierson]

Hi! I want to share an ADC story that is moving, touching, and humorous. My grandmother passed away about 10 years ago. She was a real care-taker. My grandfather was very stoic and would never have believed in ADCs. Several years after my grandmother passed, my grandfather was placed in a nursing home. He was always worried that he was not going to make it to heaven - he regretted many things in life and forgot many of the good things he did in life. He was in the home for about 5 years and as his health deteriorated, he worried more and more that he wouldn't make it. My aunt and dad visited him one day and he told them "Mom (my grandma) was here again." (Apparently he had been saying this to my aunt for some time but never to my dad. Apparently Grandma came frequently and would lay down next to him for the night.) Grandpa was VERY mentally "with it" - no dimentia or anything. So my aunt says to him "Oh Yah, well what did she have to say?!" Of course on hearing this story I was saying to my dad and aunt "yes, yes, yes ... what did Grandma have to say" - looking forward to a real wisdom from "beyond." And my Grandpa's very matter of fact reply to this question was "move over!" It makes me laugh every time I even think about the story since I was expecting to hear some deep revelation or something spiritual! But humor aside, I think it was pretty clear that she was there to continue to take care of him and assure him that he'd be just fine during the transition and afterwards - that he had nothing to fear. That would be my Grandma!

[ribitsmom]

ericpierson: That is a great story...I just love it.

Denise

[nurseconnie]

Laurra,

DO you think that I'll see my dad again. Also.. do you ever find yourself going backwards instead of forwards. For the past month ,I have regressed horribly. I was so busy taking care of everyone else for the first five months that I didn't have time to worry so much about me. Now I am worried about me. I have been treated horribly by my neighbors. In fact I and my husband have been completely shunned by people who have been our so called friends for the last several years. They don't want to see me cry or hear about anything sad anymore. So they have moved along to another couples house. I have also lost my mother.. she is locked into a daze of ativan and who knows what else. I can't talk to anyone in my family . I have scheduled an appointment with a counselor for monday. Should I tell her that I saw my dad.. or will she lock me up somewhere. I know that I have a lot of questions.. but i hope that I get some answers.

C

[lauraa]

Nurseconnie,

You are not nuts! There is also tons of documentation proving what you and I already know....It is real and someday it will scientificly be proven. I have also gone thru the isolation of everyone withdrawing from me...It took me some time to accept it because I couldn't figure out where the hell everyone went (including family)....I mean I lost my soulmate and where the heck was everybody? So, I chose to isolate myself as it was very uncomfortable. I got my support from other places like a counselor, reading and one very close friend who called me each and everyday and still does. Yes, we do regress...it's the grieving process and it sucks....the hardest thing I have ever gone thru in my life and I haven't had an easy one.....trying to figure out how I am going to have go on without my best friend and husband...and, the biggest hurdle of all is to do that and love life again....Big Challenge! I think it depends on your relationship with your counselor...I have told my therapist and she is very supportive (she lost 2 husbands) so I think she has been thru much I what I speak about.....I will write later as I just wanted to tap on to your post before I go to work.....Yes, yes, yes....we are normal and everything you are feeling is, too! People just don't want to look at death, talk about it or deal with it in any way....It is extremely hurtful and isolating....another of life's cruel lessons, huh? We really do find out who our dearest and most sincere friends are at times like these....Keep breathing and counseling is a great idea as I would be lost without it.

[swede1]

Nurseconnie,

I spoke of these things with my counselor, too, and she's not only heard the same countless times in her practise, but is quite well-versed and experienced with all sorts of energy-work and experiences personally, so it wasn't anything new to HER. We also discussed this some in the free grief group I went to in the beginning, and both facilitators said the topic invariably comes up in ALL grief groups and it's probably the most uplifting portion of the group sharing. I know in my group, everyone's faces lit up, for the first and only time as a whole, when I first mentioned it ( I got brave cuz I wanted to know where these people stood on it and whether I'd feel comfortable with them or not ) and we talked about it as long as we were able that night. Also of note, what brought it up for me was that during the sharing of our stories that night, I'd asked my Mom earlier to be there with me. When we began the sharing portion, all the lights in the ceiling around the entire room started flickering madly ( this was when I brought up the subject ) and we all looked around the facility ( in a hospital, and you could see from our room, the chapel, through to other parts across the way, in the hall, etc. ) to see if it was happening anywhere else. It was ONLY in this chapel. I silently asked my Mom if it was her, to please start the flickering again and w/o a moment's hesitation, they started up again. I repeated this again, and still the same result. Then I got caught up in the discussion, so my attention wavered and I stopped asking - the answer was good enough for me, anyway! So many counselors are well aware of these phenomena, and were it me, if I found out my therapist poo-poo'd the idea, I'd be looking for someone else anyway, as I could never be comfortable with a professional who invalidated me and my experience. Hope this helps!

[lauraa]

Swede1,

I clicked on that web-site your recommended the other day and I'm enjoying it very much. I did however come across some beautiful little video's with music and poems but haven't been able to find them since...do you know what I'm talking about and where I can find them again on that site....thank you!

[swede1]

Lauraa,

If this is the last one I'd mentioned here, then I don't think there are any videos right on that site, you must have gone to their Resources section and clicked on a Link from there to another site ( I think they listed 4? other sites ), so you'd have to check all the links. Sorry!

[stellaanne]

Nurseconnie and lauraa,

Firstly Lauraa...I nodded my head YES so many times while reading your post a couple ways back about people staying away from us grieving folks.

The only thing I can come up with is trying to think of people who lost someone very close...(however, my Mom was the first in my immediate family to pass in my lifetime other than my grandmother but I was only 5 and my drunken grandfather and he was no big loss for anyone)...ANYWAY, my thought was that I suppose say, when my aunt lost her husband, I didn't feel as at ease as I once did with her...and although I didn't normally see her often, the thought of seeing her at the time would make me very uneasy...

So all I can do is compare that feeling to what the rest of my family must feel toward me in relation to my Mom...because the loss is FAR greater for me than anyone else, being that I lived with her, cared for her during different illinesses and was her only daughter...and best friend as well.

I thought I actually picked up on that feeling coming from a few family members a few weeks back and it really took me by surprised but then I started thinking about my past feelings about being around people who had lost people and it IS scary IF YOU'VE NEVER GONE THROUGH IT YOURSELF....today, I would never again act or feel that way because I KNOW BETTER NOW.

Nurseconnie...

I told my counselor about how my father was breathing down my back to get the safe open only 2 weeks after my Mom passed...he was so concerned about any papers involving money and wanted me to go through everything (yes, less than 2 weeks after)....Anyway, it was a Monday morning and although I'd been trying to put it off I would have to call a locksmith to get the safe open somehow because the combination my Mom gave me on her death bed wasn't working to get the safe open.....

I actually was getting up after my coffee to go get the phone book to call when I thought...'hey let me look real quick through these pictures in the cabinet to see if there's any good ones of Mom to enlarge.' I looked a few minutes and got to a little photo album of me, opened it and there was a combination written in my Mother's hand writing that she had given me 15 years ago..it was slightly diffent than the previous combo...I tried it and on the 2nd time got the safe open....no need to call the locksmith....

I told this to my counselor because he knew the problems I was having with my dad and he said "wow,that was a sign from your Mom"...without me even saying that I felt it was....I don't know what I would have done without a counselor.

And yes, they should know all about acd's if he or she is worth his salt.

[nurseconnie]

Hi to All...

Thanks so much for responding to my posts. Tonight as I was leaving the ER.. ( we had A horrible night) I was walking up the ramp to the parking lot. It was really pretty out.. the moon was bright.. there was a breeze here in virginia.. I was a little scared walking in the parking lot because I left later than usual. I took care of a patient tonight who was dying... He told me ..\" i\'m proud of you sissy\"....No one ever has called me sissy except for my dad. While I was walking to the car I heard five words again very clearly.. \" i\'m proud of you sissy\"... I know exactly where this came from. I firmly believe now that my patients are my salvation in all this.. That by returning something to them I get so many great gifts back. My dad\'s death has made me a better nurse. So in spite of all the pain and anguish I am seeing the silver lining.

What a wonderful feeling to know that he is so proud of me..

Thanks to all of your for your wonderful support.

Connie

[lauraa]

Nurseconnie,

How beautiful and I'm sure you felt solace and peace.....I know where that came from, too! God bless you!

[septemberspain]

I really don't know the proper wording for the things that have been happening to me since the passing of my mom.

I didn't live with my mom I had moved a few states away a couple of years ago and my mother's illness bought me home to be her caretaker. But when my mom went to the hospital my sister thought it was a good idea to take my mom to her house when we put her on hospice so for the last few months I had been staying at my sister's house until the week we buried my mom. I moved to my mom's house and I was the only one home that morning and I was getting ready to take a shower to get dressed for the day and I was looking for where the towels were now kept (this is the house I grew up in) So after searching all over for a towel I said out loud "OK mom, where you keeping the towels at these days?" then I remembered oh yeah my sister had just done laundry so I'm quite sure there are clean towels downstairs so I went down stairs and got a towel out the dryer. So now I'm on my way back upstairs and when I got to the top of the stairs I noticed the closet outside my mom's room was open & I know I didn't open it and I was the only one at home at the time so I go to the closet & sure enough this was the "new linen closet" The only thing I could say was "Thanks Mom" and I shut the door lol. I know that my mom is still here watching over us daily I've felt her sooooo many times I'm really a chicken to spooky stuff and all so I said to my mom before she died "Mom, I know that after a person dies they still come to visit their loved ones" and she looked at me kind of strange and then I said "I want you to come see me but you know how scary I am" & she said yeah so I said "well can you put me on the daytime visits only because I really don't think my heart could take a nightly visit from you" and she looked at me with the straightest face a person could have and said "It's always daytime where I'm going". But all the visits have been daytime and at night I sleep so soundly just as if she were standing over us watching out to make sure we were safe.

[nurseconnie]

Dear Friends,

When I think back over the last months of pain and fog and haze... and how bad it was in the beginning... I know now that I am so much better.

Due to my father's suicide and the emotional hole that it has left in me, I have begun a spiritual journey to help fill that hole. So many many things have happened. I have developed a circle of friends, none of whom I knew 8 months ago. I started drawing again. I do portraits. I am now being approached by several people who have lost loved ones to do their portraits. There was an article in the newspaper about my art work, and .... well it took off.

I have met through all of this, a wonderful friend and counselor.. a girl at the print shop.. my friend at the frame shop, and a person who works for the historical society here where I live. All of these people have come into my life since my dad's death.. and since I started drawing again.

The one common thread here.. is that all of these people have lost someone to suicide. It seems like every step that I took from buying art supplies.. to having prints made to getting frames done.... there was someone there who raised me up... told me their story.... told me I was going to be okay.

You've read my posts about my experiences with patients...even they have delivered messages.

Well.... daddy I'm getting the message. I have followed where i have been lead... I have learned what they have all had to teach me...

It's only the beginning... but what a ways I have come.

Do I miss my father? Every second of every minute of every hour.... yeah I do. The pain is unbearable at times.... but then I stop.

Look at all that has happened just to me. I'm no one special.. I'm not psychic...I wasn't even really religious...

Now there are things that I am so sure of. Life continues on. We may not see it... but it's there.

The people we love are a breath away... We may not see them... but like that breath.. we can feel them..

The people we love.. continue to affect our lives. Mine has changed full circle... thanks to my dad and what he did. Is it a better life? That has yet to be seen.

I would love to see my dad and talk to him...and have him over for dinner like i use to. I can't cook.. so he's probably glad that he doesn't have to suffer through my meals any longer.... I would love for my kids to have their grandad back.. but in spite of the loss there have been so many beautiful gains. They are the things that bring me peace.

For each and all my new friends here... It will take sometime, and effort.. but look for the silver lining. It does exist.

It's a gift.

[mamabets]

Hi Connie!! I love to hear that this painting has really started to take off for you- My Dad was a copywriter, a lefty, and a very artistically gifted guy. When he retired, he started to paint famous golf holes, so to read about you doing this for people, going to get the frames, touches such a warm place in my heart. He also painted this one lighthouse- My brother just came across the photo from which he did it-He did the lighthouse and gave one to each one of his five kids. He painted 3 deer for my mother for her three daughters- It hangs over her bed. As he got older, whenever a buddy would shoot his age on the golf course- Say... 75 on a great day?? He would paint the clubhouse of that club- Some really fun stuff!!! This is my homing pigeon father-!! William James Casey- died 5/4/04. What's up with house plans??? xo Betsy

[mamabets]

For Connie- Can you send me the newspaper article???? xo

[withani]

Hello everyone...I haven't been on this site for a couple months but had some strange occurences over the past couple days and wanted to get some opinions. My SO passed away suddenly January 2nd and our favorite holiday was Halloween...we always dressed up and danced all night. This past Friday I was talking to my bestfriend and 1/2 an hour into the conversation a fax noise was going off in the phone...this has happened once since Gary's passing and it was early January??? I normally have treat or treaters and this year...not a one..probably means nothing...but then another friend emailed me a card yesterday and she got a message back that it was undeliverable??? Just wanted to see if anyone has any insight...I try not to over analyze but I do believe these are signs. Take care everyone...hugs...Withani

[kathy714]

Hi i don't usually post on this forum,but as usual i always find what i need on BI,Iloss my son Nathan,Jan 31,2005,on his 21st birthday,and lately i feel like i am going crazy.Ifeel like everyone has just stopped calling and coming around ,i am sure my husband has noticed this to but doesn't really talk about it.Itry to be strong around people but makes me wonder,am i that depressed that no one wants to be around me,now i am just starting to isolate myself,no one calls and i don't call them. r eading the post here tonight i see some others are going through the same thing. I'm sorry i know this does't really fit this forum ,i came to post something else them i read about this and had to reply.. T/C Kathy,Nate's mom

[swede1]

For those of you who haven't heard this story before, perhaps it will help soothe your fears if you haven't had an ADC yet.

The Dragonfly Story

Down below the surface of a quiet pond lived a little colony of water bugs. They were a happy colony, living far away from the sun. For many months they were very busy, scurrying over the soft mud on the bottom of the pond. They did notice that every once in awhile one of their colony seemed to lose interest in going about. Clinging to the stem of a pond lily it gradually moved out of sight and was seen no more.

"Look!" said one of the water bugs to another. "One of our colony is climbing up the lily stalk. Where do you think she is going?" Up, up, up it slowly went. Even as they watched, the water bug disappeared from sight. Its friends waited and waited but it didn't return...

"That's funny!" said one water bug to another. "Wasn't she happy here?" asked a second. "Where do you suppose she went?" wondered a third.

No one had an answer. They were greatly puzzled. Finally one of the water bugs, a leader in the colony, gathered its friends together. "I have an idea. The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk must promise to come back and tell us where he or she went and why."

"We promise," they said solemnly.

One spring day, not long after, the very water bug who had suggested the plan found himself climbing up the lily stalk. Up, up, up he went. Before he knew what was happening, he broke through the surface of the water and fell onto the broad, green lily pad above.

When he awoke, he looked about with surprise. He couldn't believe what he saw. A startling change had come to his old body. His movement revealed four silver wings and a long tail. Even as he struggled, he felt an impulse to move his wings... The warmth of the sun soon dried the moisture from the new body. He moved his wings again and suddenly found himself up above the water. He had become a dragonfly!

Swooping and dipping in great curves, he flew through the air. He felt exhilarated in the new atmosphere. By and by the new dragonfly lighted happily on a lily pad to rest. Then it was that he chanced to look below to the bottom of the pond. Why, he was right above his old friends, the water bugs! There they were scurrying around, just as he had been doing some time before.

The dragonfly remembered the promise: "The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk will come back and tell where he or she went and why." Without thinking, the dragonfly darted down. Suddenly he hit the surface of the water and bounced away. Now that he was a dragonfly, he could no longer go into the water...

"I can't return!" he said in dismay. "At least, I tried. But I can't keep my promise. Even if I could go back, not one of the water bugs would know me in my new body. I guess I'll just have to wait until they become dragonflies too. Then they'll understand what has happened to me, and where I went."

And the dragonfly winged off happily into its wonderful new world of sun and air...

STICKNEY, D. (1997). Water Bugs and Dragonflies. Explaining Death To Young Children. The Pilgrim Press.

[mattsdad]

swede1,

Never heard that story before. Brought tears to my eyes.(not that I needed much help).

Thanks.

Jeff

[kathy714]

Swede1,what a nice story,thank you for sharing it with us,i too never heard it before.T/C Kathy,Nate's mom

[aprilsmom]

ooooh, I loved that story too. Someone told me that a butterfly with a dragonfly is a symbol of a child gone home early, has anyone else heard that. Scary because April gave me a mobile for my garden that had both of those on it.

I've had some pretty awesome ADC's, I just feel wierd sharing them. You all go first:)

[mattsdad]

To all,

I have heard that found pennies are a sign that we have been visited by our loved ones.

The other day I found 1 single penny in the dryer when I took my clothes out.

Usually if I leave change in my pocket there is a lot more than 1 penny.

Tuesday night I went to the Shop-Rite in another part of town. Usually I go to the Newton Shop-Rite. Instead on Tuesday I went to the Byram Shop-Rite. I walked up to the #10 cash register. The girl that checked me out was a new-hire. Her name?

PENNY.

OK. Don\'t call the men with the white coats---but it does seem a little weird that this would happen.

Call me crazy but I hope these are signs that there is something going on.

Mamabets---I know you are going nuts at my news. You said not to look but to feel. I hope these are signs that I have been visited.

2 weeks ago I asked Matthew to give me a sign that he was around. When I got home that morning from work a \"sun catcher\" that had been hanging on our kitchen window for years had broken. The link on the chain had broken and the sun catcher fell to the countertop. Just 1 hour after I had asked Matthew for a sign.

Coincidence? possibly!

But why not take that leap and believe it was something that Matthew meant to happen.

Thanks for listening.

Jeff

[momsbabygirl]

My birthday was this week and I got through it suprisingly well...until I got home from work that day and found a b-day card from my father in the mail. It was the sweetest, most beautiful card. I think he picked the mushiest card he could find! Anyway, I opened it up, read the words and saw his signature and just lost it! Mom always picked out, sent and signed the cards and not seeing her handwriting just did it! At that same exact moment, my phone rang. I told my husband to answer it becuase I couldn't talk. He answered and handed me the phone. The person on the other end immediately began to sing "Happy Birthday" and I just cried through the whole song. I didn't even realize who it was on the other end until she was done and started talking. It was my mother's sister, the woman who, aside from my mother, I was closest to growing up.

Calling up and signing "Happy Birthday" was my mother's signature thing to do on everyone's b-days and something that my aunt has never done before, so having her call at the exact moment that I was missing my mother the most was a great feeling. It was like Mom knew what was going on and sent my aunt to call me at that moment. That's what I like to think anyway....

[lindasdaughter89]

momsbabygirl,

Its amazing how our mothers take care of us by giving us this wonderful family. I know my next birthday is going to be so very hard without my mom there. Even on my 20th birthday she made it special... even though her ALS took away her ability to speak and walk by that time... you could see how very proud she was by just looking in her eyes.

I'm so glad your birthday was okay... even with out your mom there... she was in a way.

[swede1]

Mom'sbabygirl,

Oh, what a lovely, loving thing for your aunt to do! ( and your dad, too, as the men don't usually remember these things as well as the women-hate to stereotype, but it's true! ) I wish MY Mom's sisters weren't as self-centred as they are and would do something like that for me. But yes, I agree that your mom is very likely behind that kind thought that formed in your aunt's head!

[swede1]

Mattsdad,

Don't forget to check the years on those pennies. John Edward used to say that they very often correlate to a loved one's year in some way, either birth or death. Also, any kind of change-finding can be indicative ~ not just pennies. ( and no, we've all lost the # for which to call those men in white coats! :-) )

[mattsdad]

swede1,

Missed it by one year. I found a 1980 penny. Matthew was born in 1981.

RRRGGG... That would have been a jolt if the years corresponded.

But I am not giving up hope. I have been told that there are countless signs---I just have to be receptive to them and they will come and be recognized.

Thanks.

Jeff

[care4u]

Hi everyone,

some of you I have had the pleasure of already communing with and others not. I have been scrolling down the quotes to try to become familiar with everyone and the losses that they are going through. I love your conversations and had something to add. After reading a book by Sylvia Brown I tried something she suggested. I put a blank tape in a player on record in a seperate room while sleeping and asked that all spirits of the white light sent from god come to leave there imprint on tape. Well...around 3:30am the power went out to my neighbourhood. I awoke of course...and was a little frightened(but there's no reason to be). My cell phone started going off like crazy (Hello Moto!) it kept ringing (if you are familiar with that greeting). I checked my phone the next morning, but I knew I would find no missed calls. I checked the tape once over, but I didn't hear anything, although, I read it can be quite faint and you REALLY have to listen. I didn't take the time to go over and over it though. Well, I just thought I would share that bit of mysteriousness. I'm not so sure it was a coincidence, but I don't think I was ready for that. I was frightened and kept apologizing to spirit in my thoughts for asking them to come down and then I chicken out and get frightened. I know they forgive me. I thought it was nice that I could have that many loved ones(possibly from past lives) on the other side that would come down and be able to take the power out to my neighbourhood. I found it heart warming.

Take care everyone

Lots of love and god bless.

[aprilsmom]

Dear Mattsdad - BUT was he conceived in 1980? Just thought I'd ask:)

Hi Care 4U, When I had Reiki done, her stereo equipment in the room went berserk. I do need to say here that I AM a Christian, but like most grieving parents, I will grasp at ANYTHING to touch my child again, the Lord knows that better than anyone. When my friends made me go to a psychic, they were in the other room PRAYING for me to be surrounded by love and safety. I can understand your fear; if it doesn't bring you peace.....Have you read Moody's books? Have a wonderful weekend! Type later, Renee

[care4u]

Dear Mattsdad - BUT was he conceived in 1980? Just thought I'd ask:)

Hi Care 4U, When I had Reiki done, her stereo equipment in the room went berserk. I do need to say here that I AM a Christian, but like most grieving parents, I will grasp at ANYTHING to touch my child again, the Lord knows that better than anyone. When my friends made me go to a psychic, they were in the other room PRAYING for me to be surrounded by love and safety. I can understand your fear; if it doesn't bring you peace.....Have you read Moody's books? Have a wonderful weekend! Type later, Renee

Hi Aprilsmom,

I am so sorry to hear that you have had a child move on to spirit. It is so painful when a loved one moves on without you. I hope you are ok with my wording. I am really sorry if I am being to forward. I have posted a quote under "beliefs and religions" and then under "other beliefs" that I think you might find interesting. It goes into a bit of detail on more experiences I have had with spirit. I myself was not brought up with a religion, so what I have written is just from my own experiences. I didn't start attending the spiritual church until after I started developing my unusual abilities. I don't want you to think that I am trying to convince you in anyway, though. I just like to share my experiences and one day I hope that I will be able to help people in grieving and when possible the loved one who is getting close to making the transition into spirit. I am not sure if I have read Moody's books, I have read so many that I can't seem to keep track. Will you go into more detail on the name of the books? I think it would probably be something I would be interested in. My fears are starting to diminish the more that I grow and develop spiritually and I am starting to feel so much peace and comfort. Take care and thanks for sharing with me.

[aprilsmom]

Hi Care4U, Don't worry, I know you are just trying to share and it helps everyone on all the different threads to get other's perspectives. Actually, i think that's why we all come to BI - for comfort in knowing that not only are we not alone but that there are parents that actually survive this misery. The reason I asked if you've read Moody is because he is so similar to Browne and Van Praag, I think.....

Take Care, Renee

[care4u]

I'm not to sure how to go about this and I in no way intend to offend anyone and I am very sorry if I do and you can let me know and I will not post something like this ever again. As I was meditating tonight a spirit came through that was not my guides. He had a message and I don't know if anyone here can relate to this but I felt the need to post this message because I would feel terrible if someone could relate and I didn't do anything about it. Well, here goes. I had a spirit by the name of Matt who said he passed in a car crash. He said that he is playing sports and that he is happy. I do not want to offend anyone in any way so I will just leave this here and I hope that maybe someone can relate. If not I am very sorry for posting something like this. I do not want to go against anyones beliefs or religions or step on any toes.

[mamabets]

For Care4U- Please do not think that you would offend anyone- I suggest that you take this story to "loss of an adult child" because there are so many people that have lost children there by the name of Matt... It could be of great help- I lost a 25 year old son, and I have had so many signs from him, I would not know where to begin. There is a list a half mile long of people who are really starting to experience connections... It is wonderful- Please take this story there and God Bless You!!! xoxo mamabets

[mattsdad]

Aprilsmom,

Yes. Matthew was conceived in 1980.

Found another penny last night in the middle of the the floor in the sitting area of our bedroom in only a place where I would have gone. My wife doesn't go into this area . This time a 1986 penny. Daughter Kristin was born in 1987, conceived in 1986.

Think I should leave Matthew a calendar. He's missing by 1 year again.

Jeff

[aprilsmom]

Ok Jeff, I'm going to share this and you will probably think I'm lying but it's true. I was driving the route I drove the morning just mins. before the accident. At the light, a silver 4 runner(same color and I think it was the same year as April's) pulled up next to me. The young woman had her hair pulled back like I last saw Apes. THE LICENCE PLATE SAID; 4URB976. My initials are RB (April always called me Renee when there were so many kids around she couldn't get my attention) 9 76 is her sister Kristi's birthdate (Sept. 1976). When driving in that SAME exact spot the morning of the accident I was on my cell phone telling someone how worried I was about Kristi! Was this a coincidence?

[linangel]

Dear Friends,

Here is a letter I posted on TCF site in the UK. If anyone feels that they could contribute to this research, please e-mail and I will send on details. I now have about 50 bereaved parents who have sent their accounts.

Following the recent postings about signs from our children, I feel that this is probably the right time to ask for help from you all.

About a year after our beloved son, Tom died in 1999 from SADs and fuelled by my own experience of intense grief, protracted mourning and strange experiences, I wrote a proposal for a PhD thesis I intended to complete. The working title for this was ‘The Spiritual Experiences of Bereaved Parents’. At that time, in deep and all consuming pain, I was barely able to function at any level as all of you will undoubtedly understand and so I did not pursue the idea further although it had come to me in a comprehensive flash and in a remarkably fully formed way. I now firmly believe that the time was not right – I had to somehow go further along the road of my own grief journey and that of my family and had other vital things to do in memory of Tom.

Very recently, in a flurry of odd synchronicities, I have become convinced that I should proceed with this study and have enrolled as a part time student to begin the work.

It is important for several reasons. Firstly to collect and analyse the experiences so many of us have had in relation to the deaths of our children – anecdotal and powerful, these experiences are often dismissed as the delusions of grief deranged people, a sort of insubstantial and unimportant ‘side effect’ of grief with no validity or purpose. I feel that this often common attitude towards the experiences is both misguided and counter productive in offering holistic support to those of us who have suffered ‘the ultimate loss’. Physical, emotional, mental and spiritual bonds with our children are probably the strongest ties we will make in our lives. We suffer so greatly because we loved so powerfully and so unconditionally.

Secondly, if there is any solace following the death of a child, we ask ourselves ‘Where is this to be found?’ and we start to think ‘outside the box’ of every day existence which does not begin to answer the profound questions we may have. Others have been this way before – others will follow. Ancient spiritual and religious systems, new scientific knowledge, a growing volume of evidence suggest that there is a greater dimension to reality than we can imagine and this information needs to be recorded and synthesised in order to give meaning and purpose to our lives. Where is our hope?

A few years ago I began to write an account of my own inexplicable experiences following Tom’s death. Anne Jolly (Chairperson of SADs UK.)had requested that some of us write down these experiences for the SADs newsletter. What I wrote turned into a torrent of words – far too long for inclusion and yet ongoing and incomplete because my journey is not yet over. I know from meeting and talking to many of you that you also have your story to tell and your contribution to make towards an ever-growing body of knowledge of this important aspect of grief. Therefore, I would be very grateful for any contribution to this project. Please e-mail Baldwinlin8@aol.com in the first instance for more details. Love to you all.

Lin

[mattsdad]

aprilsmom,

I don't doubt the veracity of your story. Sometimes things like this cannot be explained. There are certain things that are not coincidences. They just are what they are and no one will be able to disprove our experiences.

Not that I want to play "can you top this" but listen to what happened to me THIS morning.

At 3:26 a. m. I woke up to a distinct tapping sound either at our bedroom door or the laundry room(garage door). About 8 to 10 taps. My wife did not wake. My dog did not wake either. He is a cairn terrier and he doesn't miss a thing.

No matter what time Matthew got home he would knock on the bedroom door and inevitably wake my wife, dog, and myself to tell us he was home.

I didn't think about this until about 2 hours again when I called my wife and asked her if she heard anything this morning. She heard nothing. NOW, remember I said the time was 3:26. All of a sudden it hit us both as we spoke on the phone. Matthew was born on March 26, 1981. Third month, 26th day. I nearly drove off the road.(I know-I shouldn't have been talking on the while driving).

Also this is the 3 month anniversary of his death.

Could he have been announcing that he was home again or am I just one can short of a six-pack?

Jeff