Loss of an Adult Child

[jscmom]

Briansdad: What to do for mothers day...good question. Today my husband and I went shopping for my mothers day ring. I choose a pinkie ring with my stone, my daughters stone and my John's stone. There was much sadness in doing this yet my husbands jesture was so loving it did bring me a little happiness. Now I can't wait to get my ring.

We don't know what we will do on that day, I want to be with my son....yet we do have our daughter and both of our mom's also.

This life we used to know is for ever gone, how do we learn how to live this new life without our child (children)?

Not looking forward to Mothers day...yet I am thankful I can be here for our daughter.

Thanks for listening.

Johnny's mom forever 22

[jscmom]

To Michaels mom, I am speechless!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[jasonsdad]

First time posting on this board. Been reading it for a while. My heart goes out to all of you. Especially Moms with Mom's day coming up.

We lost our son Jason on Oct. 14th 2003. Just printing this is oh so hard.

His death was a fluke and should have never happened. I will maybe tell the story someday. He was 27 and just getting over a bad relationship. We have another son Brad who is now 26. My wife and I have been married 33 years.

Jason was the laughter and intellect in our house. Even after all this time I wonder if I still want to go on, but I have to. Cry everyday, hope my tears aren't holding him back. We have great support. We all know there are no words to describe the pain. I just pray and hope that we will all see our kids again. Thank you for this site. Dan

[julsmom]

jasonsdad - I am sorry for the loss of your son. Our daughter died Oct 13, 2003 and was also 27. She was in a good relationship and traveling from seeing her boyfriend in Western PA back to our home in NJ when the accident occurred. Julie too was the laughter in our home. We have an older son, who lives 10 hrs. from us. Saw him age way too much for such a young man. My husband and I have been married 35 yrs. I can't even remember what we did for the first mother's day last year without her. I remember one of the teenage girls at church wishing me a happy mother's day and I told her mom, because moms need to know when teenagers do good things. May we all find the peace we need on this road we travel. Lynda

[briansdad]

jasonsdad

I've just gone through Brian's first birthday without him.We've got mothers day coming up and I'm suffering through my first spring (prime fishing time) without my fishing buddy.Brian was 24 yrs old.Still lived at home.He had my dumb sense of humor.Had all my interests.It was like they cloned me.Man it hurts.You know ,I went to the spot where he died, to tie a birthday balloon on the cross I put out there.On my way home I thought if he had just gone straight to work instead of taking a short detour to see his daughter off to school he would still be alive today.Kind of ironic huh,just because he loved his daughter so much to go out of his way to see her,he's dead!I just rips my guts out to think what went through his mind as he lay there and died.Well there's my rant for the month.Sorry Guys

Peace to all, or maybe just a good nights sleep.

[brin3d]

I have had a rough couple months....April 22nd was Darcia's birthday (25th) and in March her daughter turned 3. Now with mother's day coming up I have decided that my granddaughter and I will celebrate it together with my sons. Darcia was both a daughter and a mother. Alize' and I make a special card for her mother which we put in her memory book. This is also my special gift on mother's day because I get to share it with her daughter, the most precious gift she could have ever given to me. Just being able to share the time and doing a simple thing like making a card with Alize' is unmatched. The simple things in life can truly make us happier.

[daveydow1]

Rhonda68,

I feel the same as you do sometimes. Feeling like there's not

much reason to go on. Somehow, I guess we do go on anyhow,

although there's not much joy in it. I hope & pray that you

can find some comfort somehow---even for a little while.

Take care.

Briansdad,

You mentioned getting a good night's sleep. Yes, sometimes

it is very hard, if not impossible to get to sleep. Then in

the morning we feel like a zombie. I hope that everyone at

this site can sleep well tonight. Peace to all.

[rhonda68]

Hello. I have had a few things help me over the last week so i thought I would share. Someone told me not to think of the future just live moment to moment so thats what I have been trying to do. Also this site has helped alot and I have chatted to people in this same circumstance and I find the only people that truly understand are the ones that have been there too. I took roses out to my sons grave a week ago it has snowed and to my surprise the roses are still in full color and have not even wilted I also gave my mother a rose out of that same package and hers is still in full bloom she said she has never had a rose live that long before and open so beautiful. So I am thinking this is my sign from my son and it makes me think of the song "Where the Roses Never Fade" Love to all and take care!!!!!!!

Richards Mom

[Michaelsmom]

Mother's day will be especially hard on me this year. Having just lost my second child March 21. We plan on going to the cemetery and sending off some balloons. We grandchildren will leave flowers for their mother. It's going to be a real tear jerker. My son-in-law was kind enough to bury my daughter next to my son. I'm sure in the future it will be beneficial to me but right now seeing both of them together tears my heart out. For the rest of you, how do you celebrate the day? The same as always only keep that person close to your heart and in your memories. Get together and celebrate their life. It helps, believe me.

Michael and Carolyn's Mom

[rhonda68]

Jasons Dad truly sorry about the loss of your son.

Brians dad totally know what you mean by you were cloned my son was alot like me kind hearted and caring of other people and he loved to have fun and laugh and I so miss him its just like someone shot a hole right threw my heart.

Michaels Mom I have not went threw a mothers day yet but just wanted you to know I think that is a great idea and I wan't to go be close with my son for Mothers day! I will be thinking of you!

Daveydow thanks for your kind words all of these things help alot.

[Artina]

Jasonsdad,

I am so sorry for your loss. When you are ready to talk about your son... we would love to hear about him.

The most important steps I took in the first year- sleep, eat, drink lots of water, and exercise (I walked with a supportive friend who would let me vent without judgement). Exercise aided my sleep. Sleep aided my energy. Using energy up created an appetite and eating kept my blood sugar level... which aided my ability to cope. These were the basics to surviving each day. Please know we care and we are here for each other.

Peace to you, Tina

(mother to Chris who died Jan 4, 2002, from injuries sustained in a snowmobile accident)

[Artina]

Michaelsmom,

I think the balloon idea is a great idea. Thank you for sharing it. Please know that I am thinking about you.

Peace to you, Tina

[kathy714]

To Brians dad i can relate to what you mean by your son being a clone of you ,because my son Nathan (21y.o.)was carbon copy of my husband,they even slept in the same positions,they looked alike and had same likes and dislikes.They were also best friends and i worry about my husband all the time because he doesn't express his feelings about our son's passing,he holds everything in.My husband also has cancer for 2nd time and is on chemo,i pray everyday the he doesn't lose the will to live, we have been married 24 years and i can not see me going on without him .About Mothers Day coming up that is something i am not looking foward to,but it was nice to read some of the good ideas posted. T/C everyone.

[Artina]

Dear Beyond Indigo Parents,

I had to share a Mother's Day that I experienced after the loss of my son. We went on a fishing/camping trip and on the way to the lake I seen some beautiful purple flowers and was thinking about picking them before we left that area. At the same time I was thinking about my son, because it had just been four months since I lost him. To sum it up... we left the lake without picking those purple flowers, which I had never seen before. On our way home, I told my husband that I had forgotten to pick those beautiful purple flowers. The trip took about three hours and I knew I wouldn't be going back to pick those flowers anytime soon. However, as we turned the corner to our home there was a vase of those purple flowers sitting on my door step. Can you believe that!!! I was brought to tears. My son's best friend picked those purple flowers, which were on his farm, and brought them to my house for Mothers Day and we weren't home so he left them on my door step. He didn't know I wanted those flowers... he wasn't with us... he had no idea. I believe that my son had a hand in that choice...

I just wanted to share this with each of you...

Peace to you, Tina

In Memory of Chris Wentworth, who crossed over January 4, 2002, from injuries sustained in a snowmobile accident.

[hmtod73]

Dear Beyond Indigo Parents,

I had to share a Mother's Day that I experienced after the loss of my son. We went on a fishing/camping trip and on the way to the lake I seen some beautiful purple flowers and was thinking about picking them before we left that area. At the same time I was thinking about my son, because it had just been four months since I lost him. To sum it up... we left the lake without picking those purple flowers, which I had never seen before. On our way home, I told my husband that I had forgotten to pick those beautiful purple flowers. The trip took about three hours and I knew I wouldn't be going back to pick those flowers anytime soon. However, as we turned the corner to our home there was a vase of those purple flowers sitting on my door step. Can you believe that!!! I was brought to tears. My son's best friend picked those purple flowers, which were on his farm, and brought them to my house for Mothers Day and we weren't home so he left them on my door step. He didn't know I wanted those flowers... he wasn't with us... he had no idea. I believe that my son had a hand in that choice...

I just wanted to share this with each of you...

Peace to you, Tina

tina, what a great story!!!!! if that doesn't warm the heart, nothing will. cherish that. short on words again tonight. thanks for sharing. heather

[jasonsdad]

Thanks to everyone for your kindness. I thought I was getting better, but recently feel like I am going the other way. I am having terrible separation anxiety, as I'm sure you all are. Mothers Day is just another reminder as are all holidays. I mostly raised Jason and my other Son as my dear wife was abused as a child and

found her worth in her career, in which She has done quite well, but always had a hard time showing them affection until they got older. Some of you seem so strong, I don't know how you do it? Especially those that have lost more then 1 child. I keep busy, but my mind has an ingrained memory of my Son, that never seems to let up. I guess I should be grateful for all of the memories.

I guess we should be thanful that we had our children longer then some. Dan

[Michaelsmom]

I'd like to say something to all of you who have lost their children especially with Mother's day coming up. Having lost two children, I feel I am the most experienced of the group to speak. What gets me through? Not my religion as I have lost that. My memories - I have many - I have friends who care - and family who look over me. I will tell you one thing, I am not afraid of dying. Actually, I look forward to it. I have so many loved ones waiting for me. All of you have the same grief - some have it deeper and harder than others. Some of you are extremely strong as I am others feel that you won't make it through the day. What it comes down to is we don't have a choice - so I have decided to make the best of it and care for others. My grandchildren are a great comfort - we do everything with them. My son-in-law has buried my daughter next to my son in the cemetery that is only a block from me so I can visit every day. He lives an hour away. I have a close friend who lost her daughter last year but very rarely sees her granddaughter. I bowl and work part time. I recently had a person tell me they were shocked to hear I lost my daughter only 6 weeks ago as I acted very "normal". I mourn in private. My last surviving child, a daughter, is an angel. I have to stay strong for her as she is suffering more than me. This Mother's day we are going to the cemetery to raise balloons and toast the most perfect and special person who died too early and from a horrible disease called cancer. It took her in one month. Bitter? I could be but what's the use. I want to stay focused to help my family get through this. It helps me. So, a happy Mother's Day to all of you - if just for your wonderful memories, and you have many!

Michael and Carolyn's Mom

[julsmom]

Michaelsmom - how wonderful you have grandchildren you can visit. I know of several bereaved parents, who no longer see grandchildren. I believe that could be like a "second" death so to speak. I too mourn in private. I have recieved two reactions to that, one that I was stoic (was I supposed to throw myself on the ground?) and the other was that I have handled her death with grace.

To Jasonsdad - we all just get through minute by minute. We were not strong in the beginning and even now almost 19 mos. later there are some very not so strong days. I can't even think of Mother's day. My husband has asked what to do, and we have decided to stay home. I can't comprehend going out to a restaurant with mothers and children. This second year in some respects has seem worse. The numbness has worn off and the reality of life (or death) has settled in.

May we all find peace in this journey.

Lynda

[daveydow1]

Artina,

Thanks for sharing that lovely story of the purple flowers.

These are the kinds of things that we cherish, isn't it?

Tomarrow (may 5) is the birthday of my little Lisa (age 6 mo.) who passed

over 35 yrs. ago--from an accidental choking, and I still

feel very blue on that date. I will visit her grave as I always

have, but now I have my son's grave to go to also. He never knew

his sister, Lisa, as she died 1 yr. before he was born. They are

together now I believe. Thanks to all for listening, and for sharing

your experiences. It helps.

[Artina]

Daveydow,

I am thinking about you as you approach Lisa's birthday. Everyday is difficult, but celebrations are bitter-sweet.

Peace to you my friend, Tina

[starlight1]

Thanks for the lovely story of the purple flowers, Tina. I love stories of messages from our kids who've crossed over. I get lovely messages from my son occasionally and they always make me so happy.

-Sandy

[starlight1]

Davydow...I'm thinking of you today on Lisa's birthday.

Hugs,

Sandy

[briansdad]

I bought my wife a crystal angel to give to her on mothers day from Brian.Guys I don't know what's going on but I'm finding myself thinking about dying, you know not wanting to put up with this pain.I f*#%n hate waking up in the morning.I'm so angry at how the Highway Patrol wrote off my son because he was a young guy on a sportbike.Nothing has gone right I'm my life for some time now.I just don't get it I play by the rules,pay my taxes,never tried to hurt anyone and all I get is bullshit back.Where the hell is the you reap what you sow stuff from the bible?I talk to lawyers about Brian's accident and because it's not a slam dunk case they say sorry.HOW IN THE HELL CAN THEY SAY SORRY-THEIR TALKING ABOUT MY SON!My business is going in the tank because I can't concentrate on my work.GOD I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!I'm really afraid I'm gonna snap.I know you might say seek professional help but #1 I will not talk to anyone who hasn't been through what I've been through.#2 I can't afford health insurance.I pray for help all the time but I don't seem to get it.I look in the mirror and say who the hell are you?I think I've aged years in 7 months.I really think I feel myself dying a little more each day.

[biadmin]

Your grief is your story. Talking and sharing your grief can be healing. Reading about other people's journey through the grief process can help you realize you are not alone. People want to read other people's stories. Do you want to share yours? Share yours at Beyond Story.

http://www.beyondindigo.com/stories/index.php

[rhonda68]

Briansdad I so know how your feeling all I ever get is the **** end of the stick too and I have about had enough. Nothing ever goes right and if it wasn't for bad luck I wouldn't have any luck at all. I miss my son so much its just killing me and I hate my pathetic life. Don't know how to get threw my life without him and everyday that goes by I just think well I am a little closer to my death. Not much sense in life now the only thing that keeps me hanging in is my other son and my parents I just couldn't put them threw how I am feeling right now they feel bad enough with the loss of their grandson. Everyday my heart aches for my angel son but I have to stay here and take care of my earthly son. The picture of his accident keeps going threw my mind its enough to drive anyone nuts. And I really hate people that have been threw nothing, there rich never lost anyone and treat you like ****.

[rhonda68]

Briansdad also noticing that you bought a crystal angel for your wife for mothers day just wanted to tell you what a wonderful idea and she is lucky to have an understanding caring husband. AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[daveydow1]

Artina and Starlight1,

Thank you for your kind words. I made it through the day

doing fairly well.

Rhonda and Briansdad,

I also feel terribly unlucky. My son, Davey, was always

unlucky. Nothing ever worked out for him---no breaks in

life, and then someone KILLS him in a traffic crash! How's

that for luck? I feel so very sorry for you, and really

do relate to the way you have described your feelings. I

hope & pray that you can somehow find some peace.

[Artina]

Dear Friends,

I too feal like I have aged and have been pulled through a knot-hole. It has been over three years since my son crossed over and my life is different. I guess that's how I survive my grief... I have come to terms with the fact that my life is different. When I lost my son, I also lost me, my dreams, my goals, my hopes, my whole family, my drive, my trust, and all my day to day norms. Our life is different and we have a right to be upset about it. I am upset that my son was taken. I am upset that "bad" people seem to also be lucky people, because they have all their children. I am upset that I have lived a good honest life where my children were the most important part of my life, yet my son was taken from me. This is a normal way for us to feel. We hurt. However, I don't feel those feelings as strongly as I did the first couple of years. I do dream a little now; I dream about being a grandma to my living son's children some day. I dream of being a great wife to my husband, who's heart is also broken. I dream of creating deep relationships with my family and friends. I dream of seeing my son again- I know I will.

Peace to all, Tina

[kathy714]

dear Artina,Rhonda68,Briansdad,reading all your messages sounds just like whats going on in my head,it's been 3 months since my son Nathan passed and today i broke down.I been using his cell phone and today my older son called and got the voicemail with Nathans voice on it.when he told me about it i had to call and listen.OMG when i heard his voice i just loss it.I can't stop thinking of him,i just want to hug him and hold him and make everything better and i can't this time.I'm dreading Mothers Day i just want to dig a big giant hole and climb in it for the day.Ialso agree with the fact that i feel like i try to live my life honest and good and just keep getting kicked down.Ifind myself watching other people with their kids,and ask WHY why was i choosen to lose my son.Ido thank god that i did have a really good relationship with nathan,and i think all the time,about what the minister said during Nathans service"Would you trade more time and less love".For the short time we had Nathan we at lease had a very close ,open relationship,he knew we loved him,and we know he loved us.And Artina reading your message gives me hope that someday maybe i will have dreams again ,because right now all i feel is broken and lost. TAKE CARE

[briansdad]

The thing I hate the most is the fact that I can never lay down in bed and say to myself ALL IS WELL .You know that feeling you get when you know all the kids are home safe and sound in bed.I'll never hear Brian's loud car pull in the driveway or hear the door to his bedroom close ever again.No matter how good a day I have I can never laydown with a feeling of contentment.That is the hardest part.

[Michaelsmom]

My heart aches for all of you. Why did this happen to us we keep asking. I keep asking why did I lose 2 children. I see others with children and they're lousy parents or their kids are horrible and I wish it were them. How terrible is that? When Michael died I figured whatever horrible deed I did in my lifetime he had to pay for it - I was just getting able to get on with life after 2 1/2 years. I was able to cope I had my family. My daughter Carolyn was my best friend. We did everything together. She was a stay at home Mom so we enjoyed many things. She died exactly one month after her diagnosis of colon cancer. She wasn't tested because she was only 40! I cry most of the day - I drink way too much - I don't care - even my grandchildren aren't a comfort. They're young and have their whole lives ahead of them. My husband and I grieve so much we can't help each other. I don't socialize anymore just stay at home. I feel like the rest of you - what's the purpose of going on? I am going to try counseling as my other daughter strongly suggests it. She's in therapy and it's helping. I don't know what else to do. All I can say is I hope you find peace somehow, someway. I don't know the answer.

Michael and Carolyn's Mom

[julsmom]

Michael and Carolyn's mother - may you find peace. I hope that counseling will help you. I live in fear something will happen to my surviving son. The pain of losing one child is so great, I cannot image the pain of losing two. None of us have done anything so terrible as to suffer this pain nor did our children. I would like to sleep through Mother's day, but it is not possible. I had hoped my son would come home, but he cannot. I had surgery 2 1/2 weeks ago and have too much time on my hands and think way too much and becoming further depressed. Peace Lynda

[brin3d]

I know with Mother's Day just around the corner it is going to be very rough for the parents here. Especially the mothers. I have been reading through the recent posts and my heart breaks for each and every one of you. A piece of our heart is missing and can never be replaced. I feel very grateful to be at a place in my life that I can find happiness again much of the time in the small every day simple things....the yellow tulips beginning to bloom, my grandchild's laughter, my son's upcoming graduation day...I know in my heart that Darcia is laughing with her daughter, not in the way she ever imagined she would be but laughing nevertheless. She will be with my son on graduation day and he will know that she is proud of him. I am making it because of her and the wonderful memories we were able to make in her short life. I am where I am today because of the love we shared as mother and daughter. Yes it was short, yes I miss her terribly each and every second of every day, yes my heart is broken because I have lost my best friend, but she is still with me for eternity in some way. I hope that you each find your own peace within yourself and live your life once again for life is the most precious gift and isn't promised to any of us. Our children would be devastated to think that they had somehow caused us to grieve so much. I cannot let my daughter's death be in vain. I have to keep my head above water and return my life to the best that I can. For her!!!

[Artina]

Julsmom,

Whenever I have time to just sit and be still, I too find myself sinking. Time helps and time hurts. Time creates space from the fresh pain of our loss and it also creates distance from our child. It's amazing to me that my son has been gone for over three years... I still feel my love for him as strong as it was the day he was born. I feel close to him... it's my mind that creates the reality. That seems so crazy! I don't like to sit and think... I like to sit and talk or journal.

Peace to you and I hope you get back on your feet and back to a normal schedule soon.

Tina

[Artina]

Michaelsmom,

I can't imagine what you are going through. I know I would become pretty darn bitter to have this painful experience twice. Who wouldn't??? There isn't anything I can say to you that you don't already know. I guess I just want you to know that I care and I hurt for you. I believe that any step you take to voice your pain, sadness, anger, or fear will be the right step. We are here for you and each other.

Peace to you, Tina

[Artina]

Brin3d,

You are right... I know that my son wants me to do the best that I can to get through this.

Peace to you, Tina

[jscmom]

Brian dad that is a great gift for your wife, how thoughtful and loving.

I don't Sunday to come either. How can we celebrate this day when our son's (children) aren't here. How in the hell are we supposed to be happy much less pretend happiness.

This new life we are forced to live in why??? Why our children. I am so unhappy around whole family's I stay away. I say let me crawl in that hole and cover it up. No one understands how we feel unless they are living it. As far as dying I KNOW I am dying at a faster pace everyday because no one can hurt like this for such a long time with the huge hole in our hearts that will never close.

I wake up everyday with the same thought I am one day closer to being with my son again. There are many sleepless nights. I keep hoping to have my son come to me in dreams but he hasn't. This world sucks. I pray his world is so much better.

I am in counseling trying to cope guess it may be working who knows. All I do know is it flippen hurts to your soul and I miss John so much, I just can't take much more of anything.

I don't know what to do to feel better so far nothing has worked. Many suggestions from ex family members who lost their son's too what worked for them hasn't for me. 3 brothers losing 3 sons....2 of them were their only son's and my John was #3. Why?????????????????????? He did not want to leave this world he was going to be married, give me grandchildren he was so happy the day of the accident. Yeah life sucks

I bought my wife a crystal angel to give to her on mothers day from Brian.Guys I don't know what's going on but I'm finding myself thinking about dying, you know not wanting to put up with this pain.I f*#%n hate waking up in the morning.I'm so angry at how the Highway Patrol wrote off my son because he was a young guy on a sportbike.Nothing has gone right I'm my life for some time now.I just don't get it I play by the rules,pay my taxes,never tried to hurt anyone and all I get is bullshit back.Where the hell is the you reap what you sow stuff from the bible?I talk to lawyers about Brian's accident and because it's not a slam dunk case they say sorry.HOW IN THE HELL CAN THEY SAY SORRY-THEIR TALKING ABOUT MY SON!My business is going in the tank because I can't concentrate on my work.GOD I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!I'm really afraid I'm gonna snap.I know you might say seek professional help but #1 I will not talk to anyone who hasn't been through what I've been through.#2 I can't afford health insurance.I pray for help all the time but I don't seem to get it.I look in the mirror and say who the hell are you?I think I've aged years in 7 months.I really think I feel myself dying a little more each day.

[jscmom]

I too have my son John's voice on my cell phone, my computer, and a stuffed animal. In the beginning I could not listen to it and now I do every day. Guess it helps me. Hell I don't reall know. But the first time I heard it I did the same thing you did. Guess no one can take all that I have left of him.... his voice saying "I love you I miss you call me back".

As I read these posts my heart hurts even more never thought it could hurt anymore than it does. God what a way to meet new friends without ever seeing them. Hope we have some peace tonight

dear Artina,Rhonda68,Briansdad,reading all your messages sounds just like whats going on in my head,it's been 3 months since my son Nathan passed and today i broke down.I been using his cell phone and today my older son called and got the voicemail with Nathans voice on it.when he told me about it i had to call and listen.OMG when i heard his voice i just loss it.I can't stop thinking of him,i just want to hug him and hold him and make everything better and i can't this time.I'm dreading Mothers Day i just want to dig a big giant hole and climb in it for the day.Ialso agree with the fact that i feel like i try to live my life honest and good and just keep getting kicked down.Ifind myself watching other people with their kids,and ask WHY why was i choosen to lose my son.Ido thank god that i did have a really good relationship with nathan,and i think all the time,about what the minister said during Nathans service"Would you trade more time and less love".For the short time we had Nathan we at lease had a very close ,open relationship,he knew we loved him,and we know he loved us.And Artina reading your message gives me hope that someday maybe i will have dreams again ,because right now all i feel is broken and lost. TAKE CARE

[heartbrokendad]

Michaelsmom,

As a parent who also lost two children, CarrieAnn and my son Matthew, less than 8 months apart, I must tell you that therapy does help, I'm still here, so that should tell you something.

Go see a therapist, maybe one who specializes in grief counseling. It will help.

One thing I have learned through all of this hell, we have no control over what happens in our lives. We may think we do, but trust me, we dont.

The other thing that I've learned is I wont ever see them again in this life.

My daughter CarrieAnn died from a drug overdose, and Matthew was also into drugs, and I believe that thats what contributed to his death.

I am going to start speaking to parents, and their children about drug abuse, at least what I know of it, and what it did to my children, and to myself. Loseing them is the worst thing that has ever happend to me, but I wont say its the worst thing that can happen, as thats what I said after CarrieAnn died.

Peace to you, and if it would help, my email address is swalton@mah.harvard.edu

Stu

Carrie and Matthews dad

[julsmom]

Stu - what wonderful words for Michael's mom. I think it's great that you can begin to speak of the effects of drugs on children and on their parents. I hope that you will help to change lives because of your testimony. Peace to you as you continue your travel down this long road. Lynda

[julsmom]

Tina thank you for your kinds words. I can't seem to journal, it has never been something I have been able to do, even though that was the focus of the bereavement group I attended twice. I received a lot of get well cards from people I know. In one signed by several members of a church I used to attend was the program from the "Mother/Daughter Banquet". I thought this was insensative because of my loss, but also because when I was a member there I was not in favor of the name of this dinner (Julie was still living) since I knew there were many women who didn't have daughters (or children), whose mothers had passed, or for whatever reason would not find any comfort in a dinner celebrating this relationship. I would have preferred a spring luncheon opening the event to all. I am sorry if somewhere in this rant I have offended someone. Those who follow my postings know that is not my intent, that I believe we all come to this board from very different backgrounds and that every one has a right to express a need to help in the grief process. Peace to all. Lynda

[jscmom]

To Heartbrokendad,

I too know that my son's life style here in California made him leave this state. He was also into drugs and left to get away from it and all the trouble that went with it.

I know he did succeed in getting off the drugs like he planned, there were no drugs in his system when he was taken to the hospital, however his drinking was the other problem that level was 2.0 way above the legal limit.

He was not driving at the time but may have been as he had done so many times before.

I have tried talking to his friends about what this hell is but I am talking to walls.

Grief counseling is what I am doing also. I admire you and your courage to speak to other parents about your losses. God... I just can't even begin to know what you and Michealsmom must be going through........

May you and all who post here find what we need.

[ashleysmom]

May we all have some peace tomorrow. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you. Dottie

[Mazey2]

I am not sure I can put this into the right words, but I want to share something with you other Mom's. WE are in such pain on this Eve of Mother's Day. My only living child, my daughter, is within a month of delivering her first child. We were sitting today talking about Mom's carrying a child, she said to me.....I feel so close to this baby and already love it so much and have such a connection to it-even before it is here and I can hold it, look at it, and love it in person. THAT FEELING NEVER EVER LEAVES US.....during the time we have them here to touch, look at and love in person is one dimension of our lives, and NEVER should we have to have the place where we have to "remember" that presence. But, that "connection" we had with our unborn babies was a little bit a spiritual feeling.....and we will ALWAYS have a connection with our child, even if they have passed. I don't know, I guess I just want to say that that love for our child is always as deep....and they are with us in a spiritual way. Our lives are never the same, and their death has given us pain and loss that will never pass. But, that indescribable love a Mother has from before birth lasting for an eternity is such a blessed gift.

Hopefully, the unique and oh, so special experience of our Motherhood will bring us some joy on the day of Celebrating Motherhood. I am so sorry for our losses.......and so sad.....Sharing with you. Linda

[rhonda68]

Hello everyone thinking of everybody tommorrow. I have been feeling terrible these last couple of days. I have bought my mother a heart locket necklace it says #1 Grandma on it with my sons picture and a peice of his hair. I am going to visit my mom for mothers day and then I am going out to the grave just for a visit with my son. Take Care and Love to all!

[Artina]

Julsmom,

I too believe it is insensitive to label any event as relationship specific. I remember when I was about twelve years of age and my school had a mother-daughter tea… I remember waiting and watching for my mother to attend. The fear and anxiety that she may not show up brought an awareness to my surroundings, which led to watching other girls waiting for their mother. Once my fear was relieved, I continued to focus on the other girls in the gym, who’s fears were not relieved. I don’t understand why the school administration didn’t call this event a “tea”, because it would have spared a lot of unnecessary childhood trauma. Not all girls had a mom show up, for whatever reason, and I felt their disappointment. I never want to be part of something that doesn’t present itself as universal. One would think that a church group would be a little more sensitive to this notion.

Also, I wanted to tell you that I don’t journal all the time- it can become one more thing that “I have” to do. Thus, I just post a thought or two. Journal sounds so “thought” out. My goal is to relieve a thought, a memory, or to record a plateau in my life. Sometimes I find myself writing a letter to my son and sometimes I find myself recording life events. I don’t have a special format… I just do it because I need something written that records my memories of both the past and the present.

Peace to you, Tina

[Artina]

Mazey2,

Well put. I feel that invisible (silver cord) tie to my son. There are no words to describe my connection to him. Yes I hurt, and I question, and I cry to the universe, but I feel that I will see him again- I feel him around me.

Peace to you, Tina

[ashleysmom]

The walk-a-thon for Ashleys scholarship was yesterday in the pouring rain. It was cold and windy, yet many people turned out to walk. We all had teeshirts with her name and we all carried balloons. We went to the cemetary and we all let our balloons go at the same time. It was beautiful. There must have been at least fifty people there. It was a great success! Makes Mother's day a little more bearable for me. Just sharing. Peace to all today and always, Dottie

[julsmom]

Tina - thank you for your words. Sometimes I think I should just jot down thoughts, but some times that seems overwhelming.

To all moms - May we all find peace this day.

Lynda

[Artina]

Julsmom,

I understand. We just have to do what works for each one us. We shouldn't do anything that causes us stress.

Peace to all of us today!

Tina