Jump to content

Find out how to register Here!!

Check out how to register on the site!.

Share Your Loved One's Pictures

In our beautiful Gallery

Grief Support Marketplace

Check Our New Products In The Marketplace

Take Grieving.com on the Go!

Buy on Apple and Google Play
New Members - Check Your Spam/Junk Folder for Confirmation Email ×
momofJustin

Loss of an Adult Child

Recommended Posts

Changed

Hi Lu - we were both writing at the same time -  I’m fine.   Thanks ,  Roz

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
NiquesMom

Thank you for asking, you all are so better than I am at remembering to ask. Two and a half years in and my memory is still full of hole, swiss cheese brain i think. Used to be able to remember everything and now, i forget it as soon as i think of it.

Yes, I only moved about 5 minutes away from where we were. I like the house and the neighborhood.  I am working from home and my husband lost his job. So the 3 of us have been in the house for 3 months (today actually...3/18/2020 was my first day working at home).  

Trying to keep a sense of normalcy. We had a trip planned since last year, decided its been paid for so we are going. Spending a week in SC.  Trying not to worry too much, just going to try and be careful (masks, hand washing, social distancing). Lots of going to the beach and pool. Makes me nervous to be in a hotel though. Have never been a germaphobe or anything, but I worry about my husband and son getting sick (not me, not too worried about me). And trying to make a 7 year old understand how important it is to wash his hands?  But, we can't live in a shell either. 

I hope you are all holding it together, the angel days coming up I pray fr peace for you. They are missed and loved everyday.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mason’s Mom

Virginia it is strange the same day I started working from home was the 18th of March as well. Things are becoming routine and we haven't been given a return to office date.  I train agents all over the world including India and the Philippines and have daily video calls with other team members.  I stay very busy during business hours but the evenings are the struggle. Still can't sleep well. 

I find myself turning away from news and while its even more isolating, I can't take the sadness of everything. We just discussed what we will do for our vacation time this year. Such a strange time,  we won't travel far but will try to take a few days together away from work and home.  

Peace and hope to each of you.

Carol 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
My girl is in heaven

Thanks Roz, yes today, June 19th, is Kira’s angel date and yes one of the last things my girl and I did together was to get an ice cream cone, so I started this tradition to go get a Kira Kone on her angel date.  So anybody that feels so inclined to do so, have a Kira Kone today for my girl.

How is everyone doing?  Covid, all the racial issues, just listening to the news is so depressing especially for those of us who already suffer from tragedy.  We are all in this together .  I’m holding everyone’s hand.  Hugs.
 

lu...Kira’s mama

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mason’s Mom

Lu, thinking of you today. Enjoy that Kira cone.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
peggy a sad mom

lu i wrote a somewhat long note and it didnt go in. i cant find it. all is well i will get back to you soon

thanks

peggy

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
My girl is in heaven

Oh Peggy...so nice to see you are still here.  I would love to hear how you are doing.  I remember that January a few years ago you came here in search of some comfort for your aching heart.  I hope you have found some.  
 

Virginia, Carol, Roz, Kristen,  ....everyone else who is Reading here, how are you all doing.  No matter how far you are along this sad path, give yourself credit for how far you have come and have faith in how far you will go.  I am nine years in and never thought i would survive after leaving the cemetery.  I spent many years in the bottom of the grief pit, still am sometimes, but mostly I have climbed out into the light of life again.  You guys can and will too.  Wishing you all a good weekend,     
 

Lu.....Kira’s mama

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mason’s Mom

Lu, just got home from the cemetery where I had a good cry. Like you I didn't know how I would survive.  We have a lot of family traditions and every 4th of July we spend it with another family.  My kids can't remember an Independence Day without Tommy and Michelle.  No matter what has gone on for the last 25 years we celebrate with them. Even though Mason's teens he was there,. This will be our 3rd year without him and it is still very painful. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
NiquesMom

Most days I am ok. Just came back from a week at the beach with my husband and son. There was one moment that was hard. We went into a Christmas store and we were buying personalized ornaments. So hard not to get one for my daughter. Just made me miss her more. She wouldn't have been on the trip with us, but I always got her something. Even though we talk about her all the time, it made me feel like I was leaving her behind.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
peggy a sad mom

oh lu thanks so much for being great! my heart still hearts as you and everyone else knows we have our good days and bad. my bad days are really bad. i just want to be with him. my younger brother my son's best friend passed on april 2nd now we are all dealing with that too. i find a little peace with them being together but i wish they were together like old times.

i will be back soon hope everyone is somewhat ok

peggy

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mason’s Mom

Virginia,  we stopped putting up our personalized ornaments and the ornaments the kids got each year.  Just too painful, you aren't leaving Nique out.  She is with you always. 

Peggy so sorry for your recent loss. Our hearts are so much stronger than any of us believed it could be.

I keep wondering when those steps of grief will start that I hear so much about.  I think I got stuck in the first step,  why ,why, why. The pain still so strong. I have learned to mask it well.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Changed

Some weeks can be so tough.   So many triggers - a song , a clip on the tv , just about anything is shocking me to the point I could vomit.   To feel this misery to the end of my days feels like it could be a reality - how bleak.

Everyone here understands - I know.      I hope that you are all safe and finding your way through these crazy times with our hurt hearts.   I ache for my boy today and always.   Love Roz

  • Hugs 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mason’s Mom

Roz, sure do understand.  I am seeing things in the news and hearing conversations that that upset me.  So many people are reacting to situations and so much turmoil.  I wish everyone could just realize how precious lives are and work to make things better rather than tearing apart.  That's one thing I think I have gained from losing Mason. Life is too short to be filled with bitterness. My heart's always sad and I will always carry the pain but his life mattered and I will always be the keeper of his memories and make sure he is not forgotten. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Changed

Carol, you are doing a good job on Mason’s behalf- so much so that although I have never met him his memory was present in a little store in England .  Let me explain-  before lockdown I was shopping in a home store and I came across slices on beautifully grained wood  they were selling for kitchen heat mats - immediately I remembered a photograph you had posted and  I was so moved at the thought of Mason.    Peace to you.   Roz

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mason’s Mom

The memorial tournament was supposed to be held today,  we had to cancel this year's event due Covid 19. Instead the high school graduation was held today, we could not attend due to crowd restrictions.  They did live stream so I did get to watch as The Mason "Big Country " Memorial Scholarship was awarded.  We weren't able to give as much this year without the tournament for funding.  I cried as I heard him described, his smile and his love of life, the way he was there to lend a hand when needed.  It makes it so hard to understand why him.  I know I will never have that answer as long as I live, however it doesn't stop me from wondering. I can't stop crying today,  I miss him so very much. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Changed

Carol, I’m so sorry that the day was as it was but still important and positive nonetheless.   This pain we are all living with is too cruel and now seems deep within us -   in years to come I cannot see us feeling any different  - it has been such a monumental change to everything we had, we were and what we thought was ahead .    I try to trust what the others  who lost their precious children a longer time ago say - that we will be able to weave our loss into our new lives and find joy again - that the devastating times will become less frequent and when they do visit that we will be able to recover .  
   
My son is on my mind so much and I am still shocked that he is not alive - I know I am repeating myself but that shock and disbelief was something I thought I would have come to terms with.    I know he is dead but it just doesn’t seem possible - it is too final and hopeless.    I don’t have anything new to say -  I’m not interested in anything much and I don’t seem to be living really .    That is not altogether true - on Friday it was a beautiful early evening and my husband and I went for a walk along the sea front and decided to gat a Thai meal to take home - we sat watching the small boats in the port whilst our meals were cooked - I could appreciate how pleasant everything was so I guess that is something -  even though David was in my thoughts it was more about things connected to what we were seeing - not in a sad way exactly,  more wistful.  

I hope that you are feeling a little recovered now - the big cry could have been therapeutic for you - did you share it with your family or keep it to yourself?                
 My brother phoned the other night - once again no mention of my grandchild , Dave’s son, all the way over in Australia  or any interest in how I’m coping.     I’m not even sure that it’s because he is awkward or too uncomfortable to ask -  he really seems to have forgotten .     
Well that is another day done for me - 1.30 am  -  I’m going to my bed.    Take care everyone, peace to you all,    Roz

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mason’s Mom

When Maddie returns to college next month,  the will be quarantined for the first 30 days and then they will reevaluate the situation to see if they will be able to leave campus. She is worried and is struggling with this as she only spent 3 months on  campus before being sent home to finish on-line. I am trying so hard to be encouraging as I want her to finish her education however not knowing how long it will be without seeing her is tearing me apart. After Mason's death I feel a need to see my girls and be with them as much as possible. For those of you that pray sure could use some extra prayers right now. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Tom K

I lost my 24 year old son Justin on 2/21/20 due to a drug overdose, it was his third and final one. Sometimes the pain in unbearable there's not an hour that goes by that I don't think about him. I keep trying to figure out where things went wrong and I blame myself for failing as a father. We were not talking at the time of his death, because I kept calling him out on his drug use.He was such a good kid and very intelligent. When I think of him now I only picture him as small boy, he was sensitive and had a good heart. I was fearful that someday I was going to get that call and and on 2/21/20 it happened, I will never be the same. I still have my daughter and am thankful for that.I've never posted  before, I hope this helps. My heart goes out to all that have lost a child, it's not the natural circle of life, and the only ones that can understand the pain are the ones that are going through it

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mason’s Mom

Tom, I hope you find talking helpful. We all understand the pain and struggle of losing a child. No matter the circumstances of their death I think we all feel guilt and wonder what we have done differently. I lost my 21 year old son on December 17th,  2017 to a rare heart disease.  We had no idea he had it and it was a huge shock,  I always thought if anything happened to him it would be a car accident,  he loved to drive fast. Like your son, my Mason was a good kid and was well known for his acts of kindness and willingness to help others. When he graduated high school and left home he made decisions and did things his Dad and I didn't agree with. It had been pretty rocky for a few years, however we had made up our minds to love him and stop the constant battles. There are so many things I would like to change but we can't turn back time. Try to concentrate on the the positive. Maybe over time you can find a way to honor him,  helping others. As for myself I feel thE need to honor him. The first Birthday after his death,  we had a birthday dinner for him. My husband,  daughters,  grandparents,  aunts, uncles and all his cousins.  I asked each of them to do something for someone in his honor no matter how big or Small. It didn't matter if they told the person why they helped,  that was up to them.  I continue to do this,  depending upon the situation I may or may not say anything. It is strange how we picture them.  I often think of Mason when he was 15 or 16, he seemed to have found his place and seemed happy. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
NiquesMom

Masons mom: I pray your daughter feels safe and happy in returning to campus.  I work at a College and I know bringing the students back is a huge concern.  We are only having 25% of classes on campus, the rest will be online.  My son starts 2nd grade, and we are sending him back but I worry if its the right choice.  We need both incomes to survive, so distance learning would be very hard for us.  There are no easy decisions in all of this, and we know too well how easily things can change.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Tom K

Carol  Thank you for your kind words. I like the idea of celebrating his birthday, I think next year we will try that . It was to soon and painful this year, his birthday is 7/3 and his sister's is 7/1. It's been a bad year , the loss of my son, the pandemic and recently my wife, (Justin's step mom) had a large blood clot in her leg so we've been dealing with that. But she's on the mend, so something positive. I have to say that the pandemic kept my mind active , the company I work for makes one of the test kits for COVID so we were running 24/7.So i've been spending a lot of time on my job. Justin's head stone is ordered but it's on a list waiting for the company to reopen. I'm hoping that we will see it this year. Justin liked music and played multiple instruments, on his birthday I did get him a card and placed it on his guitar that we have in our room.Funny how you  mentioned that you think of your son when he was younger as well, maybe that was a better time at least that's how it is with me. I think talking about this is helpful , especially with others that have lost a child.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
NiquesMom

Tom: I wish I had magic words to say to make the pain and the "what ifs" stop.  My daughter died 12/21/2017 (even typing that now I tear up). You will eventually get to a point where it doesnt hurt all day. Where you can think back on the time with them and sometimes smile instead of crying.  I do a whole lot better now, but I still have days where I just want to scream at everyone.

 

I read a lot, dont always post. It helps to know others are hurting like we are (as weird as that sounds)

 

Keep coming back, keep breathing, take one minute at a time if thats all you can do.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Jacquiet
6 hours ago, Tom K said:

I lost my 24 year old son Justin on 2/21/20 due to a drug overdose, it was his third and final one. Sometimes the pain in unbearable there's not an hour that goes by that I don't think about him. I keep trying to figure out where things went wrong and I blame myself for failing as a father. We were not talking at the time of his death, because I kept calling him out on his drug use.He was such a good kid and very intelligent. When I think of him now I only picture him as small boy, he was sensitive and had a good heart. I was fearful that someday I was going to get that call and and on 2/21/20 it happened, I will never be the same. I still have my daughter and am thankful for that.I've never posted  before, I hope this helps. My heart goes out to all that have lost a child, it's not the natural circle of life, and the only ones that can understand the pain are the ones that are going through it

Tom:

I lost my daughter July 10, 2020 due to a drug overdose so my heart goes out to you--it is heartbreaking to lose a child period but when drugs are involved--parents blame themselves. I know I do--I did all I could to be the best mother I could and I worked hard to give my children a life of love, security, etc. My daughter was 40 and battled bipolar disorder. I had no knowlege of her ever using cocaine--I was shocked when I was told she tested positive for the drug. She was with her 22 and 18 year old daughers. Died in her sleep. We were estranged up until 8 months ago and I believed she was finally on the right track and had turned her life around. These last 8 months were wonderful and we texted weekly. I know you mentioned that you and your son weren't talking but I would like to share what my daughter once told me--she said that somewhere deep she always felt my love--even when we weren't on speaking terms. She knew despite everything, I had her back. I believe your son most likely felt this way about you. Bevin is my firstborn and there is a permanent hole in my heart and my soul. I pray for your comfort and your peace. 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
daveydow1

HELLO  TO  ALL---

TomK-----I am so very sorry for your loss of your dear son, Justin.  Such a heartbreaking

tragedy.  I hope you will continue to come here to this site.  Everyone understands the

pain, loss, and sorrow of losing a beloved child.. While I haven't been on here

as often, I came to this site 17 years ago, and have found it to be a lifeline. I think that it helps

to be with those who truly understand. Please come back.                      sherry

 

Jacquiet----So sorry for your loss of Bevin, your sweet daughter, so recently. There are

no words that could bring you much comfort at this early time, but we, who have lost

our children....no matter what point on the timeline we may be,  truly understand the

shock and sorrow.  I hope you will continue to come and read/post as you feel you

want to.  There are no real "rules" on the site about when and how often a person

posts.  Everyone must grieve in their own way, and in their own time.

 

Carol---Sorry that the tournament had to be cancelled. This Covid19 is indeed scary.

  Also, I hope that Maddie is doing well at college.  Peace to you.

 

Virginia----I do hope that you and your family enjoyed your vacation.  Yes, ....it is

so understandable that shopping at the Christmas store would bring back the

sadness and longing that is felt for the child that left this world too soon.

 

Peggy----Good to see you.  Oh, I know how that is....good days, and bad days.

they are all part of the life we have on this long hard road. I guess we just have

to take it one day at a time. Wishing you comfort.

 

Roz-----Yes,....it is so much a part of our lives to have the departed child on the mind...

your dear David.  (my son's name was David, too).  I'm sorry that you don't have

a better connection with your brother in Australia, and more word on  David's

child.  Stressful, for sure. I hope that the communication will improve soon.

 

WISHING   PEACE  AND   COMFORT  FOR  ALL

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    sherry  

 

 

 

 

  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mason’s Mom
9 hours ago, NiquesMom said:

Masons mom: I pray your daughter feels safe and happy in returning to campus.  I work at a College and I know bringing the students back is a huge concern.  We are only having 25% of classes on campus, the rest will be online.  My son starts 2nd grade, and we are sending him back but I worry if its the right choice.  We need both incomes to survive, so distance learning would be very hard for us.  There are no easy decisions in all of this, and we know too well how easily things can change.

Thanks so much and I pray your son is safe as well. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.