Loss of an Adult Child

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Hi Sherry, so lovely to see you posting - I don’t think that you can know how comforting it is .

Thank you ,  Roz

[Michael Rodriguez]

 i did not know i had been going back and forth. i just like to hear from all of you guys . i guess a page of a lost child suits me the same as brian was still my baby boy. that baby boy that i still cherish and miss so much. as im writting im staring at one of hus pictures with that huge smile of his. i so much miss a hug from him right now!!!!

[Danielle Masata]

To Roz:...

Re: loss of child thread vs loss of adult son?  I feel a bit overwhelmed when I see a thread is 1312 pages.  Yikes!  I like to start at the beginning of many new "members" so I can get the background of their chill/adult son.  It's hard to do that with so many posts, so many names, and so many stories.  

Many years ago, I was in another social media site for students and their parents as they learned about college.  From there, I became friendly with parents of students in my son/daughter's graduating class.  We became a really close bunch and would often meet up when someone traveled.  Eventually about 35 of us formed a private group on FaceBook and we have kept this group together for 11 years.  In that time, we've had "reunions" where we'd enjoy of while weekend together.  Whenever we meet up, we describe it as "meeting a close friend I've never met".  The take away to my writing now: it's not the title of the thread that holds folks together and wanting to come back.  It's the people.  It's also being with someone who is experiencing something quire similar.  I think that the intense grief one experienced a year ago or 5 years ago or 20 years ago must feel quite different than when coping with the loss that's much more recent.

[Michael Rodriguez]

10 hours ago, Danielle Masata said:

To Roz:...

Re: loss of child thread vs loss of adult son?  I feel a bit overwhelmed when I see a thread is 1312 pages.  Yikes!  I like to start at the beginning of many new "members" so I can get the background of their chill/adult son.  It's hard to do that with so many posts, so many names, and so many stories.  

Many years ago, I was in another social media site for students and their parents as they learned about college.  From there, I became friendly with parents of students in my son/daughter's graduating class.  We became a really close bunch and would often meet up when someone traveled.  Eventually about 35 of us formed a private group on FaceBook and we have kept this group together for 11 years.  In that time, we've had "reunions" where we'd enjoy of while weekend together.  Whenever we meet up, we describe it as "meeting a close friend I've never met".  The take away to my writing now: it's not the title of the thread that holds folks together and wanting to come back.  It's the people.  It's also being with someone who is experiencing something quire similar.  I think that the intense grief one experienced a year ago or 5 years ago or 20 years ago must feel quite different than when coping with the loss that's much more recent.

i could not agree more ....and really ours are adult son ....very specific.....grown man that went before there time but to all of us, at least myself, he was still my babby boy

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Danielle and Michael,  I’m glad that you found your way over to this group - you can , of course, continue to post where you have been doing so if that feels more manageable and familiar.   Although the page numbers look overwhelming here many of the parents have moved on but their past posts can still be read and , I have found, give insight and encouragement.   

This is such a painful time for us all and our thoughts go around in circles - it is exhausting.   
When  David died all I could think of was  ‘well where is he?’ it was unimaginable that he wasn’t where he should be -  the shock and disbelief was so overpowering.  I think I pretended that he was still alive over in Australia- it was the only relief I could get.  It was easy for me to do as he lived so far away and we only went over to Australia once a year to see him -  I soon stopped doing that and had to face the horrible nightmarish truth but my body as well as my mind struggled.  Until recently I would be knocked sick as the reality of it all seemed to surprise me still , again and again.    

Your losses are so sad and I send my kindest thoughts to you all.   It can feel unbearable but try to  take care of yourselves whilst you travel down this rocky emotional road.  You are not alone and we can help each other along the way.

Peace , Roz
 

 

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Danielle, I think you were asking if anyone else had sprinkled their child’s ashes.  Yes, we did.  We flew to Australia and as the small family we now are we took David’s ashes from the urn and cast them out  into the ocean .   Dave loved to swim and dive and enjoyed nature and to be free to roam so it seemed right for him.  We sent him on his way - it was a windy and wild day , the type of day he’d be happiest with.  Surprisingly, I don’t remember that day as one of the harder days because it was the way and day he would have chosen.  Everyone is different in what they think is appropriate- we were fortunate that we all agreed and there was no conflict.

I recall some earlier posts here (when I was only reading and unable to string together a post) where parents had some ideas for keeping the ashes and were making keepsakes using them. Artwork and such.   It gave them comfort to keep them.  Others who had a grave to visit felt closer to their child there.

 I’m closer to my son when I watch the sky , clouds or stars, I can talk and feel a connection strongest then.  I miss him so much.

take care , Roz

 

[Mason’s Mom]

I am now a Grandma. It was not as smooth as I wanted and ended in a c-section and Magnolia has some bruising on her head from the use of vacuum suction.  She is healing and is otherwise healthy.  My daughter is extremely sore and in pain.  With Covid restrictions I was unable to be with her and 48 hours of labor were very hard on me. Just not knowing and seeing her. Her husband tried to provide updates but as a first time dad he didn't understand everything and I had lots of unanswered questions. I know Mason would have been been a fun and very protective uncle. 

[Michael Rodriguez]

congratulations to the new grandma and my best regards to the new mom!!!! im sure both will be just fine. these freakin covid restrictions.....here in tegus is a nightmare leaving in the morning with all the centers that they have , so traffic is terrible.......beautiful name , Magnolia

[Michael Rodriguez]

13 minutes ago, Michael Rodriguez said:

congratulations to the new grandma and my best regards to the new mom!!!! im sure both will be just fine. these freakin covid restrictions.....here in tegus is a nightmare leaving in the morning with all the centers that they have , so traffic is terrible.......beautiful name , Magnolia

vaccination centers.....we are breaking records. 

[Changed]

Carol, I’m so happy for you all,  heartfelt congratulations.

 Magnolia is such a beautiful name - You must be so proud.   I bet you were a bag of nerves waiting for updates. I can picture it .

It all sounds very painful but with such an amazing prize at the end it will have been worth it.

I’m thinking of how you will be yearning for Mason to have been with you and how amazing an uncle he would have been - that is not forgotten.   Over the years you will be able to tell Magnolia all about her lovely uncle and enjoy those shared moments.

Rest up and recover .  Roz 

[Danielle Masata]

Congratulations about the baby!  That was something my youngest son during Patrick's eulogy: how sad he was that his brother wouldn't be around when he has a young child.  He knew how much Patrick loved young children, as he acted like one himself. He was sad that his (not yet born) children would never know their uncle and how great a person Patrick was.  It was a really touching moment. I try not to think of the future that will never be.  Too painful.

 

Michael, I'm happy to hear people are getting vaccinated.  That's the only way to beat Covid, a virus that that wrecked many families, including ours.

[NiquesMom]

I love the name Magnolia, congrats!!

Kyle started third grade yesterday, and I was remembering Nique at that age.  Last night I spent a long time talking to her and God and all my angels.  

Haven't been on this site for a while as I feel like I am stuck in a loop.  SEDD (Same emotions, different day).  Not sure I am following all the conversation threads but I see some new names, so as always, I am sorry you are here but glad you found us.  I am not very good at commenting on specific posts, can't remember that well anymore. 

We have a new girl on our team, and I do not want to tell her about Nique. I suppose it will come up eventually, but I hate the sad face.

Interesting thing that did happen. On vacation, chatting with a woman at the pool with a newborn son, she has a daughter 14 years older. Same age difference as my kids. She asked if Kyle was my only and I replied "he is my only one at home".  As she is talking, Kyle tells me to tell her he too has a sister.  So I explained everything, and she was really nice, we ended up chatting almost 2 hours.  Surprised me that Kyle wanted me to tell her about Nique.

[Danielle Masata]

Hi Niquesmom.  I love that Kyle wanted you to also talk about Nique.  

It's hard, isn't it to find the right balance.  My son died earlier this year, and most people I speak with know all about Patrick and give me a hug of support.  In other words, I haven't had to tell many people the news unless they already knew.  For others who are acquaintances, I get the long faces.  I suppose in this grieving process, that seems to be what I'm getting.  Since I have a ton of those laminated cards that the funeral home made for us, I hand that out to explain a little about my son, which helps to deflect the emotions.  But I rarely shy away from talking about him. I suspect Patrick's younger brothers do not share the news as I do, but I wish they did.  Their older brother is a huge part of who they are and the choices they've made.  (Nique's mom, Patrick had addiction challenges which is a major reason why one of his brothers refuses to drink any alcoholic beverage at all.)

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Hi Virginia,  That’s very positive that Kyle is coping so well , wanting to include Nique in the conversation with that woman is a good sign.  

I understand that you wouldn’t tell the new girl about Nique for no reason - either the time would come or someone else will mention it to her.   I don’t go out to work anymore  so I don’t have that situation .  Did you once say a couple of the others at work have also lost their children?   Does that help?
I’d made a new friend the year before David died and her son had sadly committed suicide- she told me about it quite freely and often mentioned him in our talks.  When I lost my own son she stopped phoning me and was always in a hurry if I rang her - I didn’t understand at the time but it must have been too hard to cope with my pain.    
 I have an old aunt who is getting a bit forgetful- we have talked regularly on the phone during the pandemic and she remembers about David and asks me if he is dead , every time.   You know , I’ve actually got used to it now and I just say “yes , it’s very sad” and we move on.  I guess I’m prepared and know it passes quickly.

I seem to function on two levels- one is superficial and the other is deep , painful and real.  It’s self survival I think.

Peace to you,  Roz

[Mason’s Mom]

Virginia,  thanks I love her name too. I am glad to see you posting again.  Kyle sounds like such a loving brother. School will give him some normalcy. I understand having new people join your work group.  I train new hires an as I introduce myself and mention my 3 children and mention I lost Mason I make it brief and don't go into any details. 

Roz, I wonder if when get older and closer to the end of my life if I will forget he is gone.  Sometimes I hope that is the case. 

Peace and comfort to all.

Carol

[Michael Rodriguez]

i never want to forget Brian, i wan  to make sure he is as clear in my mind as ever so i can reach out to him in heaven 

[Mason’s Mom]

4 hours ago, Michael Rodriguez said:

i never want to forget Brian, i wan  to make sure he is as clear in my mind as ever so i can reach out to him in heaven 

I don't want to forget him, I want to forget he is gone.

 

[Michael Rodriguez]

sorry, miss understood ....i would like that today. think that he is just out with friends or in a trip or wherever

[Mason’s Mom]

About a year ago I went to the dentist and needed some work.  The dental assistant gave me some novocaine to numb my mouth.  It was one of those really bad days for me and I told her I wish she could give me a shot to help my heart to be numb.  I wasn't asking for her sympathy it just popped out before I could stop myself.  She asked why I would want that and of course I broke down and explained that I had lost my son and some days I just wanted to be numb. 

Covid has been hard for mourning parents.  So many restrictions and not being able to meet with groups of family and friends is difficult. 

Peace and comfort to all.

Carol

[Danielle Masata]

5 hours ago, Michael Rodriguez said:

sorry, miss understood ....i would like that today. think that he is just out with friends or in a trip or wherever

There are times I forget that Patrick isn't just "stepped out" and ooo, it hurts to remember that his absence isn't temporary.  He always used to slip off to Walgreens or the local gas station to get something like an energy drink and forget to tell us he was going. I remember how I'd tell him he needed to tell he was leaving or tell us when he came home to be polite. Other times, if someone was talking to him and the topic didn't interest him, he'd just walk away.  (not uncommon autistic behavior) Drove me crazy!  But now when I forget why he's not here, I just get sad.  At one point today, when I drove into the driveway and didn't see his car (forgetting we sold it), I had a moment or two wondering if he was still at work.

Carol, you're so right.  Covid has made this grieving process so much harder. It scares me that there are so many aspects of Patrick that I'll forget. Mostly, I don't want others to forget him either. I spoke about that at his memorial service, but life goes on and we all encounter daily crisis that it's inevitable.  But to me, it'll just feel like he slipped out to get an energy drink at Walgreen's and he's on his way back.

[Michael Rodriguez]

i have some vivid memories of brian ....one that will hunt me forever was when he was about 4 yrs old , one of the maids, for some reason put a big pan hot steaming water on the floor ....brian was on his way to pre kinder and he was only wearing his white tube socks and he put his little foot into the steaming water and i heard him scream ....ran over to him and pulled the sock off and some of his skin was peeling off .....i swear it hurt me more than it did him .....i steel have nightmares about it....7 months , he had pneumonia .....alll filled with tubes and oxygen at the hospital. he was there for about 3 days ...his mom and i taking 12 hour shifts , because nikki was 4 only ....and so many other things.....than i have some really nice and happy memories ......first time in NY ,disneyworld ....snow !!!! 

[Danielle Masata]

Michael, How scary -- the hot water and the pneumonia, but happy memories too.  Are you writing these stories down?  Keep them coming!  There are times I get overwhelmed with them all too.  I was just now compiling the photos I used when I created a Power Point collection for Patrick's memorial celebration.  That really helped me in this process.  How are you gathering these all these memories, ideas and visuals?  I need to figure out a good place for them all so we aren't overrun with them everywhere.  

In my shifting through everything just now, I also found many photos of him that shows how he struggled from the time he was little.  Naturally I didn't include those in the Ppt. collection: hiding behind me, needing to be held for security, sucking his thumb, holding the teachers' hand, etc.  Awful as it is, I'm also thinking of combining those photos into one album too that conveyed Patrick's weaknesses, (my eyes only) so that I can reassure myself that he is at last in peace. 

[Michael Rodriguez]

how do you post a picture?

[Michael Rodriguez]

 

56 minutes ago, Danielle Masata said:

Michael, How scary -- the hot water and the pneumonia, but happy memories too.  Are you writing these stories down?  Keep them coming!  There are times I get overwhelmed with them all too.  I was just now compiling the photos I used when I created a Power Point collection for Patrick's memorial celebration.  That really helped me in this process.  How are you gathering these all these memories, ideas and visuals?  I need to figure out a good place for them all so we aren't overrun with them everywhere.  

In my shifting through everything just now, I also found many photos of him that shows how he struggled from the time he was little.  Naturally I didn't include those in the Ppt. collection: hiding behind me, needing to be held for security, sucking his thumb, holding the teachers' hand, etc.  Awful as it is, I'm also thinking of combining those photos into one album too that conveyed Patrick's weaknesses, (my eyes only) so that I can reassure myself that he is at last in peace. 

we made some small blocks out of mahogany that hold 6 or 7 pictures ....i have one on my desk and i flip pictures of brian everyday. and of course i write to him almost everyday . sometimes i tell him what we are doing but most of the time is how much i love him and miss him

[Changed]

Hello Michael,  This is the way I add photos……

When you are composing a message.    Go to the paper clip and ‘Add Files’ bar (at the side of the paper clip).  The bar lights up.

You will be asked to choose from a list of where you have the photo stored or if you wish to take a photo or video to use.

On my devise , once I have chosen the pic , I click ‘Use’ (above pic)   -  then ‘Upload’  (top right). It will be added once you submit or send.  
Sorry,  if you know all this already or your device differs or it’s something more specific you are asking .    Roz
 

 

 

[Changed]

Carol,   The idea of living life believing all our children are where they should be , alive and well, sounds very appealing.  The joy of thinking about them without the sobering grief.  I just hope , if my mind was going, that nobody would feel the need to remind me of the horrid truth   Roz

[Changed]

Just to explain to the newer people here - I know that I don’t share a lot of information about my son’s death.  When I first starting posting here I was a lot more forthcoming but his wife wasn’t happy for me to do that.  There was nothing sinister about it or anything to hide but I appreciate that he was her husband , they have a young son and she preferred me not to share David’s death on a forum.  I am, however, free to talk about my own grief and speak of David in happier days without upsetting her . I hope you understand.  Roz

 

[Danielle Masata]

13 minutes ago, Changed said:

Just to explain to the newer people here - I know that I don’t share a lot of information about my son’s death.  When I first starting posting here I was a lot more forthcoming but his wife wasn’t happy for me to do that.  There was nothing sinister about it or anything to hide but I appreciate that he was her husband , they have a young son and she preferred me not to share David’s death on a forum.  I am, however, free to talk about my own grief and speak of David in happier days without upsetting her . I hope you understand.  Roz

 

Roz, I get that.  Share whatever is comfortable.  In so many ways social media can be awful, especially sites like FB or group texts where everyone tends to post only happy moments and/or successful accomplishments.  There are times I'm even reluctant to share with my own family since most are very successful -- doctors, lawyers, financial gurus and have grandchildren, kids buying expensive homes, high earning careers, etc.  I call them great cheerleaders, but I hate reading about all their good news when it seems all I have to write about is deep sadness.  I feel less reluctant to be so contrite here since, surprise surprise, no one else I know has recently lost a child, a sibling, a parent, or a spouse.  That is, no one is coming on this site to read what I'm writing.  But I started because I felt so very lonely to not find others who are experiencing what I'm going through.  In fact, even though I went to a local bereavement class through my church to meet others like me, those members spoke about losing someone 20-30 years earlier! Aside from losing my mom at age 96 eight years ago (and she was so ready to say good-bye), my sister had a severely disabled child who died when he was 2-3 months old.  Of course it was traumatic, but this was 36 years ago!  So here I am.  Thank you for lending me your ear and providing me guidance as I travel this road. I trust, as they say about Las Vegas: what is done there stays here.

Michael, I'll try to post a photo of Patrick. I have so many and can tell you exactly what's happening and why I took the photo. What a beautiful boy and unlike his brothers, always knew to look directly at the camera and smile.

[Michael Rodriguez]

same reason i come here. we all have our hearts broken in pieces. none would like to be here , but we find comfort within each of us as we carry the same pain

[Mason’s Mom]

Roz mentioned that she doesn't share details of her son's death and I understand. To my way of thinking we all grieve the loss of our children with deep sorrow and the pain is what we all have in common.  I think we all have some regrets and the what ifs. I remember when we arrived at the place of Mason's death the paramedic tried to talk to me and explain everything they did to try and save him. The told us right away that it was his heart.  I specifically remember telling him, "none of that matters,he is gone and nothing will bring him back." I didn't want an autopsy because it didn't matter to me. Of course I didn't have a choice and we did have our daughters go through a complete cardiology exam and test. I know his cause of death and I read the autopsy results. It still haunts me.

[Michael Rodriguez]

for legal and all kinds of matters , we have several copies of B's death certificate.....(  BTW  we used to call him B ) .....ive never have had the guts to open one of them and read it ,,,,i know what he died off ......i just can not open and read it.

[daveydow1]

Hello,.....Roz and Carol...thanks for your kind words. I see there are quite a lot of

new parents here at this site, and I am so very sorry for all your loss and pain.

I haven't been on here for awhile....I have a rather difficult time trying to find this

thread.....seems I always end up somewhere else.  I last posted a message to a

dear friend, Leah,  who used to be on the BI site, but have not seen any reply

from her.  Maybe she doesn't participate on this site. ( I have been on this site 18 yrs.)

  Anyhow,  to each and every parent suffering the loss of a dear child,  

Carol,  Congratulations on your new little granddaughter.  

WISHING   PEACE   AND  COMFORT  TO  ALL.

[Mason’s Mom]

Tomorrow is the last day of August, so as September approaches I struggle to not let myself slip into darkness.  Mason's Birthday is such a hard day and the whole month just brings pain. We didn't get to have the golf tournament this year to fund his memorial Scholarship so instead we having a  fishing tournament on the 25th, just 4 days before his birthday. After the tournament our family will gather for his birthday. I want to continue the scholarship because I hope each recipient will tell their children and grandchildren about Mason. His giving will continue to make a difference,  but it is also draining and I find it hard to promote it.  It is a reminder that he is gone,  even though I never need a reminder it is with me all the time. If you could send some comfort my way I would appreciate it. 

Carol

[Michael Rodriguez]

good morning Carol. how long have you had the golf tournament for? sounds like a great way of remembering Mason, and i am sure that the fishing tournament will be a lot of fun , you will be so busy that , the month will just fly thru ....... think of all the benefits that the scholarship will bring ...not only remembering Mason , but the future for the recipients!!! 

Carol is a very good deed what you are doing , and regardless of the day, the month and i guess the year , we will awake every morning  with that empty feeling inside of us and realize that here we go again , with all the pain in the heart, and trying to put our best face forward to the world.

 

[Mason’s Mom]

Michael,  we had the golf tournament in 2018 and 2019. We have given 4 scholarships ranging from $1500 to $2500. These were awarded to students nominated by the school,  the basis for qualifying is a student with the same attributes as Mason. 

[Danielle Masata]

Hugs to you Carol.  I'm sorry September brings such sadness.  Your scholarship is similar to what we did for Patrick: our high school gave out scholarships at the end of the school year.  The attributes we asked the school to use when choosing a candidate matched Patrick (male, had been in special education, post-high school he would be attending a 4 year college.)  The school was thrilled.  They had never been asked to select a student who had been in special education before. Surprisingly, they selected a student who is deaf. Of all things, Patrick's girlfriend is also deaf. Wild, isn't it?!! I know this couldn't just be a coincidence.

Today was really hard.  As usual, my dog and I visited the Maternity Dept as a dog-therapy team at our local hospital.  The patient was a new mom who really benefited from our visit.  She struggles with panic attacks and earlier that day had her baby.  As she slept, with my dog resting gently on her, her husband wanted to tell me about his other two children.  When I said I had 3 too, he wanted to hear all about my kids - their ages and where they lived.  Naturally I couldn't be honest and explain my reality with this dad, so I just said Patrick's 34 years old (as he would be) and lives at home. When I said that, I envisioned the beautiful walnut box with Patrick's ashes up in his room. It was the first time I ever did that and so yearned to go back in time and fix what really happened in January. How could Patrick have made such a stupid mistake? I know he didn't want to leave us.  He should be upstairs in his room, alive, just as I described him to be!  The reality, the pain has made me so, so, so low ever since I left the hospital. The harsh lesson is that I should simply not share anything personal and I realize this will take time for me to learn.  Meanwhile, I have been so unhappy with the world, with my youngest son about something so unimportant, and with my husband. My mood is never good with sunset now starting so early and a chill in the air.  Oh I'm so sorry to be so down, but thank you for letting me share what happened today.

[NiquesMom]

I need prayers. My husband is in the hospital. Covid, pneumonia, blood clots in his lungs. They have him on a bipap machine and he is alert, which is good. I cant talk to him because of the bipap machine. Needless to say, I am beside myself. I couldnt save nique, and I know I have no control.

My SIL has abilities and told me nique and Chris father (who passed 21 yrs ago) are with him and doing all they can.

He is my balance, and as much as he drives me nuts, I need him here. He got me through the loss of nique, and i dont want to do this without him.

I read everyones posts but cant even remember what I read. I'm sorry we are all here and our kiddos aren't. Life sucks a lot of the time. Too much of my time is spent with a fake smile. 

[Mason’s Mom]

Virginia praying for you and your husband. 

[Michael Rodriguez]

Also prayng for you .........

[Danielle Masata]

Niques mom, I'm praying for you, your whole family who are physically nearby and those who are on your shoulder in spirit, and for your husband as he fights through this horrible virus.  I'm so very sorry to see where you live, knowing that Florida has been so hard hit.  We are here for you.

[Mason’s Mom]

Virginia,  thoughts and prayers for you and your husband. 

[Danielle Masata]

Virginia, Thinking of you.  

[Changed]

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband ,  Virginia .

It must be such a shock to be dealing with this - I hope that you can find the strength from somewhere.  
Exceptionally hard for Kyle too with his daddy unwell in hospital.

Our resilience is not what it once was so I hope you get to see some improvement in your husband’s health very soon and are able to feel less troubled .

Peace and strength to you,   Roz

[Changed]

Hi Carol,  I’ve just written a message to you and managed to lose it.  I’ll give it another go.

I’m sure Mason’s fishing tournament will be a success but it shouldn’t be underestimated how much effort it takes to promote it and the toll it takes on you.    It is such a lovely thing to do in his name and Mason will be so proud.  When you are at the scholarship giving stage it will all be worth it - a bit like childbirth.

I consciously try very hard to remember that the day my David was born  was a wonderful day and every birthday he had was worthwhile - I keep trying to refuse to  dread the month or date - but on his birthday I will privately wish him happy birthday, message my daughter and grandson , have a cry then get on with the day.    I do know that you feel the same about Mason being born and his life but the sadness of it not continuing is depressing.   Try to work on that , Carol , and free yourself from some of the misery.     The date of our son or daughter’s death is another thing entirely- it looms dark and depressing - there seems to be nothing we can do as it is so real and unavoidable.   We both know people here who cannot separate the two dates as their child died on their own birthday- another layer of pain and all we can do for them is to offer our support.

You know , the normal emotions of the arrival of the new baby are exhausting .  It is all very highly charged - the concerns , the relief and the joy.    Carol we carry a lot, we think a lot and we worry a lot.  There has been quite a lot going on in your life of late and you now need to deal with the tough part of your year,  I hope that you don’t wear yourself out - not so much physically but the mental effort of it all .   I’m facing the same - I cannot get to see my grandson , David’s son, in Australia because of the pandemic- that is two years lost already.  I loathe November because that is when David died .  It is his birthday in October but ,as I said , I’m ok with that until the actual day .   We are always grieving and it is depressing that we will live out our lives like that even if it will be softer as the years pass.  Life cannot be as it once was and that is a sobering realisation.  Thank goodness for the messages from Sherry to give us some hope that maybe we will recover some more of ourselves and not always be faking our brightness for the sake of others.

I think my first AWOL message was more coherent but this is what you  are getting.    Thinking of you,  Roz

 

 

 

[Changed]

Hello Sherry,

 I think it was a few months since Leah was on here.  
Occasionally someone back from when it was a very active thread pops on .  Each change that the site makes seems to lose more posters.  People get comfortable with the familiar and need that continuity to feel it’s a safe place to share their grief .     
I hope that the parents who stop posting have done so because they are more steady these days.
People join in terrible pain - for some it will be helpful for others it will not.   
 

I read posts but don’t always have a lot to say.    Always lovely to see your David’s smiling face though.  Roz
 

 

 

[Mason’s Mom]

Roz, I am so sorry that you have missed the time with your Grandson.  I think this pandemic is wearing us all down physically and emotionally.  I have often wondered what it would be like if Mason had a child, a little part of him.  I hope you get to talk to your grandson via Zoom or some type of video so you can see his growth.  Fall and winter have always been difficult for me as I love the spring and summer. The new life, sun and warmth.  We have gone through these difficult times and know what lies ahead,  I find hope in Sherry's words as well.  I just kept telling myself that as each, week, month and year passed would have less pain.  I don't cry in front of others as often and having sweet Magnolia has been a blessing.  I talk to her about her uncle and sometimes I see a bit of him in her.  I think she may have his hair color, which is strange, I have naturally dark hair and olive skin tone.  Mason was a blond haired blue eyed child.  Morgan, Magnolia's Mom has very dark hair as well it will be interesting to see. 

Peace and comfort to all.

Virginia still thinking about you often and praying.

Carol

[Danielle Masata]

Niques Mom, Virginia.  I hope all is okay and you're finding strength and comfort during this time of so much emotion.  I taught 3rd grade and loved that year; I'm sure Kyle is trying to help, even though it's already a lot to deal with.  He sounds like such a dear son. I'm sending you my cyber best wishes.  -- Danielle

[NiquesMom]

Carol, I also wonder what it would have been like if Nique had a child. I found out after she died that she had kept a bunch of clothes I was getting rid of (had lost a bunch of weight) to wear when she was pregnant. I will never get to see that, and it makes me incredibly sad.

Danielle, Kyle has been a huge help. He has taken good care of me as I recover, helping with the groceries and the dog, helping with laundry and cleaning. I bought him 2 new video games as a thank you.

Roz, hopefully you can travel soon but this covid is nothing to mess around with. Better to video them then take chances, even though I know its not the same. I got sick 3 weeks ago, and still cannot talk without stuttering, and become exhausted just going to the grocery store.

Chris is on day 7 in the hospital. He is off the bipap machine and on the nose cannula, which is good. White blood cells good, oxygen requirements coming down. They have him working to sit up, maybe try standing soon. All signs moving in the right direction but they dont know when he will be released, another week or another month? I miss him, but at least can talk to him on the phone for a few moments at a time, hear his voice.

I have been with him almost as long as Nique was with me. We have been together 15 years, and I had Nique for 18 years.

[Danielle Masata]

Virginia, what GREAT news about Chris!  I'm so, so, so very relieved he has turned the corner.  This dreadful virus is so scary.  Made worse when you can't see them when sick, hold their hand.  Since I read your post, I have been checking this site constantly.  Thanks for the update.

[Mason’s Mom]

Virginia so glad to hear from you. Sounds like you and Chris are on the mend. Will continue to pray. Kyle is an amazing young man, such a kind heart.