Loss of an Adult Child

[daveydow1]

I JUST LOST MY COMPLETE POST........HATE WHEN THAT HAPPENS.

Jenni's mom-----I am so sorry for your loss of your dear daughter in that 

terrible accident.  My son, David, also died in a highway accident involving

a semi truck driver who fell asleep at the wheel.  What you are feeling is 

a part of the grieving process,....especially in the early times.  When my son died, 

I wanted to pretend that it didn't happen, and that if I did this....that everything would

be ok.  I guess that it is the mind's way of protecting us, in a way.......from the terrible

reality.  This is especially so in the early times of our loss.  Please come back to this

site, where everyone understands, firsthand, the sorrow and despair of losing a

beloved child who left this world too soon.   Peace to you.

 

WISHING    PEACE   AND   COMFORT   TO   ALL.

Davey&Lisasmom,.......sherry  

[NiquesMom]

So today is the anniversary of my mom's death. 21 years. And for some reason I am having such a hard time this year.  And it makes think of all the years ahead of me, missing my parents and daughter. Thoroughly depressed today.

[Mason’s Mom]

Virginia,  this year it seems that everything is so difficult.  It seems our world is in turmoil and less social activity gives us more time to think and grieve. I was just thinking that I have never spent so many hours alone as I have in the last few months.  Day after day working from home and little to do on the weekends. I wish we could reach out for a hug and good long cry. I think about you and the others alot and I wonder if we are all feeling the same feelings of isolation. I hope your days get brighter. 

Carol

[daveydow1]

 

 Virginia----I'm sorry that you are so sad. The anniversary of losing your dear mom 21 years ago,

   and your sweet Niquie is a heavy load to carry. I hope that you can find some solace in your memories of the

   two who you love so much....your mom, and dear Niquie.

 

Carol-----Yes...these are such stressful times, where we must keep distance from others,

and in that requirement, we are many times kept from those we love, and who could give

 us comfort, and support.  I hope Maddie is getting settled in at college.

 

Jenniesmom----Yes, I agree. Many times it is very difficult to get the explanations and

answers needed concerning an accident and the police investigations.  I had been

through that with my son's wreck. No one seemed to give any real answers, and sending

us to another office/agency to call etc.... Seemed to go on forever, but we finally did get

some explanations, and the police report.  I believe that you just

have to be very persistent.  Keep asking, and asking.  With luck and persistence we finally

got some answers.  All in all,....there are some questions that I don't believe we will ever

get the answers to.....not after all this time.  I wish you success.  Just keep asking the questions.

 

WISHING   PEACE   AND   TRANQUILITY   TO  ALL.

Davey&Lisasmom---sherry 

[Mason’s Mom]

Virginia,  this year it seems that everything is so difficult.  It seems our world is in turmoil and less social activity gives us more time to think and grieve. I was just thinking that I have never spent so many hours alone as I have in the last few months.  Day after day working from home and little to do on the weekends. I wish we could reach out for a hug and good long cry. I think about you and the others alot and I wonder if we are all feeling the same feelings of isolation. I hope your days get brighter. 

Sherry, Maddie will get to come home for a few hours next weekend. Her classes are going well,  she has always enjoyed learning and her grades have always been great.  She is really missing her dogs.  She can't wait to see them. 

Carol

[daveydow1]

HELLO  TO  EVERYONE.....

 

Carol-----That's good news that Maddie will get to come for a visit.  She will love seeing you &

the family-----( and the pups too) .  Glad that she is getting used to the college, classes etc.

She will do well, with the desire to learn and her grades will show it.  Have a nice visit.....

Mason will be right up there looking down and smiling.

 

WISHING   PEACE   AND   COMFORT  TO  ALL.

Davey&Lisasmom,   sherry

[Changed]

I don’t like the new format on here at all.   
It feels very public for some reason.
It is awful enough being here and sharing the horror of it all without parading ‘top posters ‘ and ‘popular posts’ along side our conversations.  It feels like an advertising scroll.

whoever thought that would be a good idea clearly isn’t living through the grief of losing their child.   
This no longer feels right.  

I’m probably overreacting 

Peace and kindness to you all.  Roz x

 

 

[My girl is in heaven]

You are definitely NOT overreacting Roz.  There used to be so many parents on here and a new person took over and started giving us rating numbers below our names, deciding that colours orange and green I think we’re more soothing to grieving parents and started selling merchandise, mugs, tshirts.etc.  A lot of us gave our feedback pointing out how disrespectful these changes were, but fell on deaf ears and obviously to someone with no compassion for or any idea what is and isn’t helpful to a grieving parent.  A lot of,people left over those changes, me included, and now there is only a trickle of people on here.  So I see they are at it again, slotting us into “popular” post, etc.  This is so very unnerving, like we are on display or someone’s homework.  Hope everyone is doing ok.  If anyone wants to email I don’t mind helping someone that way.  But this is an all time low here ...how is losing a child a popularity contest?  
 

Lu....Kira’s mama

[Changed]

On the ‘popular posts’ they feature Virginia and Carol and very moving moments in their lives with a dot dot dot to read more.   So wrong.

What was the thinking behind ‘popular day’ for goodness sake?  Best day ever for postings.?   Do they not understand what is behind each post?

I forgot that this is a business after all. 

[NiquesMom]

Wait, I think i missed something?  What "popular posts"?  I dont come in all the time, so I think changes happened I was not aware of

Oh, i just scrolled up, normally i just look at the last post on the page, honestly i only logged in because i couldn't read the message in its entirety in my email anymore

Perhaps I need to remove myself from this page, our pain does not make for a "popular post"

[Changed]

Virginia- I found it sickening and intrusive.    
Our posts are heartfelt conversations.    Sometimes , for example if we are particularly low, we share that  fact but don’t expect it, weeks later , to be dragged up again and flaunted.    
We are able to go back and read old posts and that can be very helpful but they are in chronological order and the moment has moved on,   They should have been left there.

Roz

[Kelly]

Everyone,

My first thought is WHAT THE HECK, why is that side bar showing up? We did an update to the software and thought it was turned OFF. Our INTENT was never to have it ON. We are figuring it out. Please remember we are all volunteers here. Plus this software does not come with an instruction manual. We will figure it out but it might take a few moments. Please, I sooo apologize. We never meant to have that type of system on our board.

Kelly

[Kelly]

It should be gone. If it is not, please let me know or post a message in the software update thread located at the top of the forums on the front page. We apologize again!

[Mason’s Mom]

Today is Mason's 24th birthday. I remember in the early days of grief I thought it will get easier.  Just make it through the first month, 6 months, a year. This year has been so hard,  I have cried since last week.  Today I just want to crawl in bed and see how long I could sleep. On Sunday we had a birthday celebration with about 30 people and I asked everyone to sign a balloon.  Today Tim and I took it and tied it to the vase on Mason's stone. I has messages and friends posted on social media about him and how he made a difference in their lives. It is good to see but takes me back to the same old question WHY?

I didn't see the ratings and the teasers of our posts. It looks like that has been fixed. Roz and Virginia I hope you don't leave this site. Both of you are so helpful and I would really miss you.

Today is Mason's 24th birthday. I remember in the early days of grief I thought it will get easier.  Just make it through the first month, 6 months, a year. This year has been so hard,  I have cried since last week.  Today I just want to crawl in bed and see how long I could sleep. On Sunday we had a birthday celebration with about 30 people and I asked everyone to sign a balloon.  Today Tim and I took it and tied it to the vase on Mason's stone. I has messages and friends posted on social media about him and how he made a difference in their lives. It is good to see but takes me back to the same old question WHY?

I didn't see the ratings and the teasers of our posts. It looks like that has been fixed. Roz and Virginia I hope you don't leave this site. Both of you are so helpful and I would really miss you.

[Changed]

Carol,    So difficult - anniversaries of everything have taken on an unwelcome reaction.   Of course you celebrate Mason’s birthday - it is a wonderful date - but I understand how it becomes a sharp focus that he is no longer physically here to celebrate with you.   This is something I will also face in the coming days as it will be David’s birthday also.

I’m pleased that the sidebar of ‘popularity’ has been removed but it has left me cautious.  I have deleted many of my more personal conversations and I do feel somewhat restrained in sharing too much here from now on.
 

peace and strength, Carol.

Roz

 

[daveydow1]

HELLO   TO  ALL.....

( I may not be on for awhile.....I have a new computer to get up and running.....the present

one has been giving me troubles, and is older, so I guess it needs replaced. The new one 

has Windows10, so is all new to me. Beside that, I expect I will have a good amount of

problems to work through....(wish I was a computer expert, but I'm not )

 

I guess I missed the changes, but I have been on for 17 yrs., and I do remember,

from time to time where others have left because of things they said they objected about

 the site. Other people may have not had any objections,....but just felt they wanted to discontinue.

Some objected to the lack of privacy concerning their posts.  I hope that it is

straightened out now.  Would miss those who have been here, as we have gotten

to know each other pretty well.  In the time since I first came on, there aren't any of

the ones (that were here at that time,) still here.  But that was a long time ago.

People come and go for whatever reason.  I still remember many of them, and their

stories.  I have never tried other sites. 

 

Carol-----So sorry you have been so sad with Mason's birthday.  Yes, it is so sad

to mark the day,.....and all the other days.  I hope you will feel a bit better soon.

We know our Angels would not want us to be sad,  but we can't help feeling that way

because we love them and miss them so much.  Take care.

 

Roz----I hope you will stay.  We would miss you if you left.

 

WISHING    PEACE   TO   ALL.

Davey&Lisasmom,   sherry    

[Leah2]

I have been so busy here, and not able to post.  We have had several quarantined with th kids in school.  When this happens, there goes my internet.  Three high school juniors, and they wear me out.  Thankfully they are all good kids.  My son just turned 17.  So hard to believe.  There is also another young man that I am guardian to who will be 18 in march.  The third youth is a young friend of the kids who is  17.  She stays here often, she doesn't get along with her stepfather.  It gives them a break from each other which has made her get along better with her family.  She is so respectful here.  The good Lord looks after us.

I hate October, JaBoa, my ten year old granddaughter passed away in a car accident on the 30th of October 14 years ago, but at times it feels like yesterday.  I miss her terribly.  So hard to think of her as 24..she is always my baby...so many feelings.  I raised her sister Sena, who has moved on and now is due with a child of her own.  That will make 6 greatgrand. children.  My life has been full but so empty without her.  

Life is such a rollercoaster of ups and downs.  I have learned to be giving, I know that is what JaBoa would want of me.  I have so much love to give.  My mother was in the accident with JaBoa,which resulted in me taking care of her for about 9 years.  It wore me out and almost did me in.  I guess it taught me that as you give to others..take care of you..it's what our angels want.  Sherry, thank you so much for being you!  You help more than you know.  God Bless.

[Mason’s Mom]

A song popped up in my mind a few weeks ago and I just can't get it out. The lyrics just keep coming back day after day. The song is titled "Hole in the world tonight " by the Eagles. The chorus is "There's a hole in the world tonight
There's a cloud of fear and sorrow
There's a hole in the world tonight
Don't let there be a hole in the world tomorrow." This sums up how I feel.  There is a hole in my world. A void that can't be filled. I try so hard to find comfort and peace. I truly hope WE can all find a way to get the peace we need. 

Carol

[Mason’s Mom]

Today was extremely emotional for me.  I finally removed Mason's cell phone from my plan. I had to call and explain why. It may seem silly for me to have waited so long. I would call his number from time to time just to hear him. It was so final today. 

[Changed]

Carol,    I’m sure it must have been so very painful  for you - not silly at all to have waited this long.    Did you feel the time was right ?    I still send emails to Dave’s address and I have recorded the answerphone messages he had left.   It is all horrible and wrong.   I was searching through some  old emails for some mundane information and stumbled across a message I had sent a friend to tell her that David had died and I was answering some questions that she asked - you know, I felt as if I’d been slammed against a wall reading it again.   I should have binned them right away - they were so distressing- I’ve left them there and I don’t know why as I don’t want to ever read them again.   

Is your song still on play in your head?  I have ‘Seabird ‘ on the go in mine by the Alessie(?) Brothers - I’m trying to desensitise from it as I hadn’t heard it for years and it upset me when I did  - now it’s just lodged in my noggin still giving me a ‘feeling’  but not making me cry.   Have a listen if you get the opportunity - it’s a pretty thing.

Take care,   Roz

[NiquesMom]

Carol,

Its not at all silly to have put that off.  In some ways we have come so far, and in others it is still so fresh and new. Its like when you meet someone new and have to eventually tell them, not always easy to say the words even though we know its true.

I had a breakdown at work. My coworker was telling me about his son's friend that died, and the circumstances were a little too close to my daughters circumstances. I told him I needed him to stop talking because it was making me cry.  Went outside and bawled like I haven't in a long time. Called my friend and told him I am just tired, tired of missing her, and the fact that this is forever is so depressing sometimes. 

I believe songs are messages, but I will tell you I have had the theme song to Caillou (its a preschool cartoon) running through my head for two weeks, so i would love to know the meaning behind that!  If its my daughter she is just being a brat!

Hang in there everyone, the holiday season is starting and that's always hard for me. I am trying to plaster my fake smile and take my son to do some fun activities. We decorated a Halloween tree and setup a Halloween village, he was all giggles.

 

[Mason’s Mom]

Roz, I listened to Seabird. Very pretty and I can understand the emotions it evokes. I recorded Mason's greeting and forwarded to my husband. I wanted to make sure someone else had it in case I lose it.  I warned him and told he didn't have to  listen just save it.  It was the first time he heard the message since we lost Mason and he cried as well. 

I can't begin to tell each of you how much I appreciate being able to express myself and know you will listen and not judge. 

[Mason’s Mom]

On 10/14/2020 at 2:48 PM, NiquesMom said:

Carol,

Its not at all silly to have put that off.  In some ways we have come so far, and in others it is still so fresh and new. Its like when you meet someone new and have to eventually tell them, not always easy to say the words even though we know its true.

I had a breakdown at work. My coworker was telling me about his son's friend that died, and the circumstances were a little too close to my daughters circumstances. I told him I needed him to stop talking because it was making me cry.  Went outside and bawled like I haven't in a long time. Called my friend and told him I am just tired, tired of missing her, and the fact that this is forever is so depressing sometimes. 

I believe songs are messages, but I will tell you I have had the theme song to Caillou (its a preschool cartoon) running through my head for two weeks, so i would love to know the meaning behind that!  If its my daughter she is just being a brat!

Hang in there everyone, the holiday season is starting and that's always hard for me. I am trying to plaster my fake smile and take my son to do some fun activities. We decorated a Halloween tree and setup a Halloween village, he was all giggles.

 

Virginia,  did you watch Cailou with Nique? Cute show, maybe just a reminder of simpler times. This time of year is difficult on top all the holidays all 3 of you kids were born in the fall. Both girls and my mom have birthdays in November. Doing my best to show them how much I love them.  Thanks for your encouragement.  

[NiquesMom]

So, feeling down. Went to the dermatologist yesterday, had a biopsy completed, waiting for the results. He thinks it is the start of skin cancer. Depending on the type dictates further action needed.  Made the statement to my husband that this will be the longest week waiting for results, and then paused, remembering how long my Nique has been gone.  Don't know if its progress or not, but it made me sad that I could use that phrase again, "longest week ever."

[Mason’s Mom]

Virginia, waiting is hard but most skin cancer can be easily removed.  Stay on top of it.  My husband has had several spots removed. The worst for him was a spot on his arm he wouldn't get checked.  That was the surgery he had 11 days before we lost Mason,  they took lymph nodes to see if it had spread. When Mason passed away we didn't have the results back.  I was terrified. Thank God it had not spread. Now he goes to dermatologist every 6 months. Take care of yourself,  you are a blessing to me.  Please keep us posted. 

Carol 

I haven't seen many posts recently. With covid 19 resurgence I hope everyone is well.  

[Changed]

Virginia- I hope it’s a simple fix for you at your doctor’s - whatever it is I’m sure you will get on with it in a matter of fact way.   Good luck, love.     I had a Basal cell carcinoma on my chin removed several years ago - sounded scary and I’d rather have not had the trouble of it but there you go.  Good that you are dealing with whatever it is. - too easy to let things slide these days.

Carol - We, in England, are back in lockdown.  Very few cases where I live so it is very hard to see local businesses have to close their doors.   I feel for them and their families, for all the teens and young adults getting off to such a crazy start.    We have to trust that  it will not last forever and the world will quickly recover and maybe even learn some lessons from it - but I won’t hold my breath for the last bit.

Feeling the heavy sadness of November already.  David died on the last day of this month four years ago.   My head is always full of him and I always have the undercurrent of sadness with me but  I’m finding it particularly hard.    I went for a walk this afternoon - the sea was wild - unusual here as I’m in a sheltered bay - but I stood and watched and thought of when I scattered David’s ashes to a rough sea on a similar day on the other side of the world.   It all seems so unreal and horrid.   I’m crying a lot again over all sorts of things.  

my mum died 6 years ago - she was fabulous- I am able to think of her with lots of really happy memories .  What  concerns me is that when I think of Dave  ( as in , always)  I don’t  centre on happy stuff or how wonderful he was - I just think sad and worrying thoughts focusing on his death .   That isn’t right as he was such a good , kind  lad that was full of adventure .  I’ll have to work on that but I’m not sure how exactly.   We did worry a lot about David as he was so adventurous and he had left home to travel and didn’t return so my mum instinct was to be concerned about what he was up to for years.   We saw lots of him when he was in Australia - we went for a holiday every year and I should be able to tap into those times for some joy but it’s not happening.   
 

So sad for all of you with your own grief - I know you will understand where I am at .    The lost me was so much more positive , funny and resilient - shame you didn’t know me then.
 

I hope everyone here is coping ok.    It is very quiet as far as posts go.   
 

Take care, Roz
 

 

[Mason’s Mom]

Oh Roz, I know exactly how you feel.  I can remember such good things about my dad. I miss him but like you I don't seem to Focus on his death.  I was with him when he passed and I got to tell him how much I loved him. He was ready to go.  But like you said why do get hung up on the death of our children. As Mom's we have that worry especially when our children are the adventurous type. I was the same with Mason,  I think I worry more about my daughters getting emotionally hurt.  Of course now I sometimes have a strong feeling of fear of losing them.

As you said you are on lockdown again and I feel that just adds to our emotional pain. I am glad to hear you are physically well. Keep reaching deep for those happy memories. You will find them a comfort. 

Carol

[Changed]

Carol,   You are a very kind , caring person and I see you reaching out to people who post on the main page.  I sometimes do too but I’m not sure how much help I am as I have nothing positive to offer for their future - just the desire to be there for them and say that we here understand.   It’s all I’ve got.
This month,  as I get closer to the four year mark of losing David,  is a very sad and distressing time for my husband, my daughter and myself.     I know that next month you will be in the same situation, as will Virginia, and that you have to ready yourselves for Christmas too.   I feel for you both.    Isn’t your Thanksgiving day soon too? 
I had a phone call last week to say someone I knew when I was an expat had cancer and had only weeks left to live .  She had met my David once when he was visiting me in Hong Kong and we bumped into her out shopping.    I had the strangest desire to ask her to look out for Dave for me and give him a hug.    How bizarre!   I will not be contacting her at all - we haven’t spoken in years and we were not close - but the fact that I imagined her passing over and actually being with my son quite surprised me.   My little head is making it’s own mind up as to what it is all about and hadn’t kept me informed.

Virginia, how did you go with your tests?   I hope that everything was fine for you - you have enough to be getting on with don’t you?

Everyone else - I hope that you are all keeping well - your heads and bodies- in these anxious, unusual times.    Postings are very low in numbers and that is understandable.    Thank you all so much for taking the time to help us with your wisdom and kind words of comfort.   Peace and gratitude to you all.  Roz 

 

 

 

[Mason’s Mom]

Roz, I understand your reaction to learning an acquaintance had just a short time left. Our minds work in a different way than in our previous world. Today is Maddie's 20th birthday and Thanksgiving is fast approaching.  It is a difficult time for sure. 

Virginia,  I too hope you got good news. 

 

Carol

[NiquesMom]

Hello all,

It is basal cell carcinoma, so if it has to be cancer its the best one to have.  They cannot get me in until December 30 for the surgery, so now we just wait. Most likely everything will be fine, but i know there can always be complications so hoping it just goes as planned (i tend to fall into the exception group, not the normal group  ).

Coming up on the 3 year mark, trying really hard to just make it a nice time for my son. His best friend moved away and he has started crying for his friend. I pray he makes a new friend, but best friends are hard to find. He is lonely and the holidays tend to make it more noticeable.

Carol and Roz, when I hear of someone being ill I tend to not feel too bad unless they are young, or having living parents still as I can understand that pain. It is not a good feeling, makes me think I am selfish or too damaged to care anymore.  We all know our parents will die, and I have lost both of mine already. I suppose I am just jaded, or because it is the holiday season I am having a harder time, but I understand not reaching out to that former friend.

We have to do what we need to, to keep moving forward and not lose our minds.  Think I have started rambling  

Anyways, hang on for this holiday season and we will be out of it soon. But you know it never really stops, no matter what the date is on the calendar.

 

[Changed]

Virginia- really good news on your BCC -  huge pile up of emotions for you through December but you will cope . Xx  Roz

[My girl is in heaven]

For US friends, I know today is your thanksgiving and wether it’s your first or 5th or 10th without your dear child, the holidays are difficult.  Whether you are remembering past holidays or thinking what could have been.  No the holidays won’t ever be the same, how could they be.  But you learn to be thankful for those you still have here with you and do what you can to let them feel the joy of the season.  The further you travel along your grief journey, you will be more open to receiving signs from your child, maybe that bird that swooped close to you, or a rainbow that came out suddenly, a feather at your feet, or any number of things, that you just know, you just look up in the sky and say thank you my child, I sure needed that today.  We can still find light, hope and happiness in our lives again as much as it doesn’t seem like it sometimes.  Hold on to the crumbs and slivers that life throws your way dear friends, hold on to them tight.     Hugs.

 

Lu......Kira’s mama

[Changed]

I hope you all managed to find some peace yesterday .
Lovely to see you here again Lu.

I was very down at the start of this month as I neared the date that David died four years ago.  It is not until the very end of this month but I find myself being calmer as it gets closer for some reason.   I’ve been rationalising the fact that each day takes me further away from his death , not closer.    

peace and sanity at this crazy time.    Roz 

 

 

[Mason’s Mom]

Roz, good that you are finding peace as the draws near.

Now that Thanksgiving is over the dreaded Christmas season is upon us. Trying to be strong and hold it together for my girls. Last night I cried until I felt I couldn't breathe.  3rd Thanksgiving without my boy.

Carol

[Mason’s Mom]

Roz, thinking about you and your David. Peace and good dear friend. 

Carol

[Changed]

Thank you Carol .   It was an awful day.  I woke about 5am distressed and restless.  I came downstairs , opened the curtains and lay on the sofa watching the sky.  It was still dark for ages and I just had a proper cry .  The whole day and our mood was dull.   I have said it before but I am still surprised that I can be shocked that he is really dead.   It knocks me sick sometimes as if i have just been told.  I reread some old emails from him and longed for him to have continued.   
I told my husband and daughter that  Dave hadn’t died TODAY- it was four years ago, not TODAY - it didn’t stop us reliving it ( as we do all the time) but it did ‘ shake us out of it ‘ to some extent - it was the same date but only that.     The month started with a heightened dread, then seemed to calm but it certainly ended in the most devastating realisation that this is what I have to accept as my life.    Maybe less so as time goes on .
Gentle days to you all.   Roz
 

[NiquesMom]

Roz, I am sorry I missed your angelversary. I know there are no words to make us feel better, but I like how you said he didnt die today. Prayers and hugs to you!

[Mason’s Mom]

The 17th is fast approaching for us. 3 years and Roz you are so right it still shock us to realize that are child is really GONE. Trying to stay busy and take one day at a time. 

[Changed]

Be strong , friends.   An exceptionally difficult time as we go through this month. Roz x

[daveydow1]

HELLO   TO  ALL......I'm back on here, .....after  many problems with new

computer,  stored passwords, transfer attempts,  etc.   So glad to be back on.

 

Leah----Sorry I was not here when you came on last in Oct.  As I have had a lot

of problems getting on, and learning to used the new computer.....some stuff

transferred from the old computer, but a lot of it did not.  Anyhow,  good to 

see you again, here. It is so surreal that dear little 10-year old JaBoa would

now be age 24.  Yes, as the time marches on,  the time warp can be baffling,

especially about ages of our Angels.  It sounds as if you have plenty to keep

you busy with the teens you are looking after.  You have always been a kind

person who helps everyone who is having family problems etc.  They say it

keeps us young....staying in the swing of things...but as you say....it can be

exhausting. ( We're not getting any younger....haha.)    This Covid is throwing

everyone, worldwide, into a confusing and scary mess.  Praying that the

vaccine will come soon, and that the day will come and the virus will be behind us.

Take care, my friend.

 

Virginia---Sending prayers for your upcoming surgery for skin cancer.

 

Roz---good to see your posts.....(it is I who has not been on here, though)  

I believe that the memories become more endearing as time goes by...but

as you say...they are painful in the earlier times.  Your Dave is always with you.

Carol-----Glad I'm back on here again, to see everyone's posts.  I guess we

all somehow coped with the Thanksgiving holiday......now the big hurdle...Christmas.

It certainly will be different, as we find ways to observe remotely.  Take care.

 

WISHING   PEACE   AND   COMFORT  TO  ALL.

Davey&Lisasmom,   sherry 

 

[Leah2]

It has been so hectic here.  Made it through October, JaBoas angelversary.  The 30, seems to bring my grandkids down.  I try to remind them that she wants them all happy.

it was a tough November.  I had permission from my ex to let my family come on the farm.  I was so happy, but they got hit with Covid so we didnt have a good get together, just the kids and I, but that was fine and a good time was had by all.  So we planned Christmas, but this time my household got Covid.  I had been babysitting for a little extra cash.  I got sick and thought it was a cold.  I always do after kids, but I found out the car had been sick, anyway I think I brought it home then the kids and my ex got it..there was no one to watch the ex so I cared for him because he has had a heart attack and diabetes.  He was the sickest, and gotten much better.  I was worried for a bit.  I am quarantined til the 28th.  So is my son, because even though he was sick it seems they lost his test.  No results, so he is quarantined with me.

An amazing thing happened, I found out through JaBoas sister Sena, that a stone was placed on her grave.  Nobody knows who did it.  All I could do was dry bittersweet tears.  I had wanted a marker for my baby for so long..and couldn't afford to.  God bless whoever did this!  For such a tough year, it's ending right.

Sherry, thanks so much for being here.  I hope your computer problems lessen.  I think of you always, you have been here foreverybody.

I want to wish you all peace these coming holidays.  We miss our angels and it still takes us time to figure out how to go on.  The missing is different as we go through the years.  It still has a sting to it..and the heart is still broken, but we go on to be what we can for our angels, for our families, for ourselves.  My heart hurts for us all, I don't think it ever really goes away.  We just learn to go on, each in our own way.  

[Changed]

So comforting and reassuring to see Sherry and Leah here.    Your words mean so much .   Roz x

[NiquesMom]

As i sit here, there are no words, no new words, for how I feel.  How will I ever fully enjoy the holidays when all it makes me do is think of her last with me? I know I am lucky to have had her for 18 years, there are those who did not get as long, but I am so down right now.  

We bought some lights for outside and decorated; have the tree up and gifts under it for Kyle; even sent a Christmas card to my brother (haven't sent any since Nique died). But the joy never reaches to my heart. I love to see Kyle happy, I want everyone in my life to know I appreciate them, but I just don't feel like I have the energy or desire to do anything. I just want this to pass quickly so I can just start counting down to the next year. 

Its like I am just marking time, and I don't want my son or husband to think they are not enough, but there is such a deep sadness in me, I just think I am too broken for this. 

[Mason’s Mom]

Today marks 3 years since I last hugged Mason.  The next day we were Christmas shopping for him. I have a hard time shopping for my girls now.  Morgan wanted a pair of boots,  my husband ordered them for her. I can't wrap them. It may seem ridiculous to some however I just keep thinking about the boots we bought Mason and had to unwrap to bury him in. Like Virginia said I want to feel excitement and let my family know how much I cherish them, but it is such a struggle.  Just 2 days until his angel date and the sadness just won't leave. It makes me sad to think the holidays especially Christmas will always be something I have to get through instead of celebrating. 

[daveydow1]

HELLO   TO   ALL

Leah----Oh, so sorry that the Covid has hit your family.  Sending prayers that each

and every one of you will recover.  So nice that some Good Samaritan put a stone

up on sweet little JaBoa's grave.  I know that must have warmed your heart with

gladness.  Peace to you, my friend.

 

Virginia----Sorry that you are in a dark place.  The holidays are especially difficult...

as are all days, really. Missing your Niquie is always with you, because she is in

your heart & soul.  We just keep on going somehow,  don't we?

 

Roz----thanks for your kind words.  How are you holding up? 

 

Carol----Missing your dear son, Mason,  as his Angel Day is near.  Yes, we always

seem to remember the painful  "last times"  as our hearts are heavy.  We ask ourselves

lots of questions....like the "whys",  and there seems to be no answer.  Someday we

will see our darlings again, and there will be no more questions to haunt us.  Take care.   

 

WISHING   PEACE   AND   COMFORT  TO  ALL.......

Davey&Lisasmom,     sherry

 

[NiquesMom]

3 years ago today was the last Christmas with Nique. We celebrated early because we were going to be out of town. I am grateful we celebrated early. I remember she and I bought the same candies for each other, and the same game system. After we were finished with gifts she went to lay down in my bedroom and i nuzzled her nose and gave her a hug, told her I loved her.  I honestly don't know if that was the last. That was a sunday and she died on thursday, I remember thursday morning I did not wake her up when we left because she hadnt felt well the day before and i wanted her to rest.

It feels harder this year.

I know we all hurt, and I hope we all find some peace.

[Changed]

Lots of love to you all.  I almost feel that I don’t  have to say anything because you will know that I am caring and thinking about you all.  

A really sad day for you,  Carol ,  we carry so much hurt we can almost drown in it.   Impossible to not relive every moment of this day three years ago but please keep reminding yourself that it isn’t happening again today - it’s not.     That sounds so lame but ,if I am anything to go by , I was reliving David’s death , four years on, in such an intense way that it frightened me - as if it really was happening again - like I’d literally been transported back to that nightmare-  I think you yourself likened our thoughts to PTSD.   It will always be the saddest of days forever, the day we lost our precious children , I ‘m holding your hand and understanding how you will be feeling.  Roz

[Changed]

Virginia,  that is a bitter sweet memory of you and your girl .   To try and make Christmas special for your little one must take so much effort when you would probably rather curl up in your bed until it is all over.    Thank goodness that you keep on going even if it is for everyone else’s sake.  
I’m sure the next days will be particularly sharp for you - the raw reality of it all.   Please take care of yourself   .  Roz

[NiquesMom]

Mason, send down all kinds of signs for your mama today; let her feel your love even though she cannot see you. 

I am thinking of you!

[Changed]

Thinking of you Carol x  Roz