Loss of an Adult Child

[Michael Rodriguez]

2 hours ago, Mason’s Mom said:

Lisa, it doesn't sound strange.  We all share a bond and I don't feel like we are strangers.

Danielle, you are right sometimes it seems harder.  The distance seems to be growing and as time moves along I don't want to feel distant from him.

Roz, Virginia and Michael hope all is well with each of you.

 

Peace and comfort to all.

 

Carol

 

thanks carol and i agree , we are not strangers .....we might not physically know each other .....but we have this huge bond that tight us all together which is the love for our kids and none of us will ever stop loving them ....they are our children and they will always be .....that huge piece of my heart that belongs to B ...will always be his .....and i am sure you all feel the same way and that is the bond that holds this bunch of strangers who, in a certain way, have become a family .....of grief , but a family !!!!

[NiquesMom]

Hi guys,

Rough morning at work. Sitting in my office I overhear a conversation. The woman is telling the other her attention getter: she is in college and I think she was practicing her presentation. Anyways, she starts talking about what if your child is walking, gets hit by a car and dies? I had to get up, close my door and just bawl my eyes out. It is too similar to niques death, and I was just unprepared to overhear that and it knocked me completely sideways.

At Christopher hospital, they have started dialysis. I learned this does not mean his kidneys will never recover or forever on dialysis.

Not looking forward for Christmas, but trying to put on my happy face. Read an article the other day that basically said "you are not alone, more than 50% of people struggle with happiness at the holidays." Made me feel a little better.

I don't think its weird to care about each other. I can't remember everyone names or stories, but I know we are all hurting.

Hang on, is going to be a bumpy ride!!

[NiquesMom]

I think I hate this christmas more. Having a hard time caring. And I know I should feel grateful, but I am struggling.

For some stupid reason I felt the need to google my daughters name this morning. Started reading the news articles from her death. What is wrong with me? It doesnt help me, so why??

[Mason’s Mom]

Virginia, I understand.  It is so hard to watch other people appear to be so happy and on the inside we are having a meltdown.  I recently saw Mason's obituary and like you I read it.  Why, who knows.  We put up on Christmas tree yesterday and I made it through without tears and showing the pain.  Having Magnolia helped because I kept telling myself that she would love the lights and sparkling coloring and she did.  I just didn't look a the kids ornaments we had collected over the years, those stay packed away until I can deal with Mason's.  The thought of his ornaments sends a sharp pain through my heart.  I had planned to pass these down to his children.

I hope Kyle is doing well and remember we are here for you.

 

Roz, I hope you are okay.

[Lisa M.]

This is my first Christmas without Don.  I am not putting up a tree. Just don't have the holiday spirit.   I too don't want to see the hand-made ornaments. People keep asking how I'm doing..  I'm afraid the last person who asked got a snarky answer.   I just asked..do you want the truth or what I'm telling everyone.   I immediately apologized but honestly,  that is what I feel everytime some one asks.    I don't have to read Don's obituary, because...I  wrote it.   That was one of the worst things I ever had to do.   I am sending hugs to each and every one of you. Thank you for being here. 

[Changed]

Carol, an extra tough week for you.   Do you have anything planned for the 17th or will you just get through it?  There is still a feeling of disbelief isn’t there?
I have been very quiet - licking my wounds I think.  David is never out of my head and those thoughts are still sad ones, in the main . If it is a nice memory then that is even sadder somehow.    
My grief has changed - I don’t have the need to voice it out loud - there doesn’t seem to be any point .    I’m not fearing Christmas  but not at all excited - the only Christmassy thing about my house  are some cards to put up - I have kept all the ones Dave sent over the years that  he lived abroad and from his travels - I know all his messages off by heart and I’m ok to have them about.  
The 5th anniversary of losing David , a couple of weeks ago, was so sad and ,as much as I understand that it was not actually  happening again,  it was still true agony.   I know how you will be feeling .

Well done getting that tree up - I’m sure that little granddaughter of yours is going to help you heaps over the years.  Take care.  Roz
 

Virginia,  how Is everything going?   This is a very odd Christmas for you - as if it wasn’t bad enough.  I do hope that you and Kyle can have some switch off time from reality and find some fun and joy - I know you will do your best but I haven’t got a clue how I’d cope.

Reading the obituary must have hurt - the other week I read an email I’d sent to a friend in New Zealand ( we were friends when we had our children together  there and had kept in touch but only messaging once a year)  - she knew David was ill and she had sent over some info for him - sadly Dave had died and I had to send her a message to let her know.  It was doubly hard as one of her twin daughters had died a few years before - our messages were very honest and real.  She messaged every day in those dark days - not saying that much just being there for me and really understanding.  
I know that it will be 4 years since you lost Nique next week. -  it won’t be easy , especially without Christopher home to look out for you, but keep going .  Roz

Lisa,   Nothing feels the same as it once did, the last thing I’m interested in doing is decorating and I used to really enjoy it  - After Christmas I’d pack everything away wondering what the next year would bring and I’d reflect on that as I unpacked the following year.     2016 ended all of that and I’ve not touched them since - I would if I had children here though.   My daughter put up her tree this year  - first time since her brother died so that is a healthy sign.

When people ask you how you are you can be honest with them if you feel like it - if they are sincere then they will cope -   In my experience the interest in me fell away quite quickly even with what I thought of as quite close friends .  The people who still remember and care are those who have had losses of their own children.  Empathy you see.  I can’t tell you how hurtful some people have been - obviously totally forgetting what has happened to my family even though they appeared devastated along with me at the time.

Getting through the days is an awful way to live but it’s what has to be done - i know you will feel as if you are going out of your mind with grief  right now - I wish you some  peace and strength.  Roz

 

 

 

[Mason’s Mom]

R9z, I won't be working on Friday. If I can I am going to meet Maddie when she finishes the semester and we will do some shopping. I will go to the cemetery weather permitting.  There are storms in the forecast.  Today is a hard one as well it was 4 years ago when we last saw Mason. 

I know what you mean about the good memories sometimes make it even harder. Knowing they are really gone and there will be no more chances for creating happy memories is very hard to swallow. 

Trying to stay busy and keep my emotions under control. 

Peace and comfort to All.

Carol 

[Changed]

Carol,  You, Mason and all your family will be in my thoughts tomorrow. Roz

 

[NiquesMom]

Carol, I hope yesterday was a bit more peaceful for you.

Roz, we are hanging in here. It is different this year, I am so focused on Christopher and kyle I am not thinking as much of the days coming. Dont get me wrong, i know everyday the anniversary is coming but i am not thinking about it all day like the last few years. The new hurdle is that if drs decide he is medically stable they will have to move him out of state to continue his rehab. Praying he stays here where we can visit him everyday.

Niques friend is coming to visit after Christmas. He is going to watch kyle while I go to the hospital. 

I am trying to remember that i am lucky to be able to visit with Christopher, but some days are harder than others.

[Mason’s Mom]

Roz, yesterday was not easy. It rained most of the day so my visit to the cemetery was short.  I spent the afternoon with Maddie,  she is such a sweet soul and she tries to lift me up. Went into a local store and saw a few people I know.  One young lady that married one of Mason's best friends is expecting a baby and she told me if it is a boy he will be named Mason. This is such an honor,  of course the tears were streaming. My sister-in-law posted a picture of Mason and his girlfriend made a comment that upset all of us. She never talks to us and never mentions him. So her comment was particularly hurtful. 

Virginia,  some days it is hard to feel lucky about anything I completely understand. I am sure Christopher appreciates the visits

[Changed]

Virginia,    Each day will bring what it brings and I’m sure you will deal with it all as needs be.     We don’t like not having control of our lives but what can we do ? - just the best we can with what we are given.
It’s lovely that Nique’s friend will be with you after Christmas - nice for Kyle too.

(That was odd - my font changed mid message - all on it’s own)

I’m geared up for Christmas with just a perishables shop to do on the 23rd - looking forward to seeing my daughter but not keen on all the cooking and looking after everyone ( there will be me, my husband, daughter plus her husband and my brother staying for 5 days). I’m out of practice of having company and I hope I can escape when I feel the need to without anyone coming looking for me .  I bought a shop made fruit cake and ‘fed’ it. - rather too much alcohol and now needing to dry it out before they arrive at the end of the week.  I’m not really interested to be honest.  
It’s all very weird  and there is the chance that Boris will lock us down and we will have to cancel anyway.  Going with the flow in a half baked kind of way.

Roz

 

[Changed]

Carol,  Isn’t that a beautiful thing that Mason’s friends would name their baby after him - shows how lovely they knew Mason to be and for you to meet them and be told their intentions on Mason’s birthday too. So sweet.

Why would your S-I-L post anything about Mason without checking it out with the family first?  Unnecessary upset is just not on. I’m sorry that she did that to you.

A friend phoned to send Christmas wishes - she sounded flat and when I asked if there was something wrong she said that a few months ago her married daughter’s mother in law had died . Her daughter’s husband gave his mum’s eulogy and then died himself.   My friend was tying to help her daughter cope - she is left with two really young children and lives a couple of hours drive away from my friend.   It is terrible for my friend’s daughter - must be  such a truly awful shock.    It sounds really bad of me but my constant thoughts are with the poor man who has lost his wife and only son within days of each other.  He must be out of his mind with sadness.    Life can be magical but also so very cruel at times.  Enough of that.

I’m well jel (jealous) of you having a little one about over Christmas- what a pure joy that will be.   Roz

 

[Changed]

Virginia,  thinking of you on this day,  Roz x

[Mason’s Mom]

Virginia sending hugs your way.

[NiquesMom]

Tuesday was hard. I had convinced myself that Christopher was going to die that day because Monday was a rough day for him and it seemed like that would just be the way the universe would work. I had a few friends remember but most forgot. Ugly cried in the morning but made it through. I know her death is not what I should focus on, but seems harder this year.

[Changed]

Virginia,  it’s understandable that you feel as you do.   As the years pass our grief does not - there is so much sadness that we hold inside and when another incredibly stressful period develops it can just be too much.   
Your thought that her death is not what you should focus on is one I share about losing my David.  I try to shift my thoughts to his life not his death but I fail.  I remember his mishaps, accidents and normal events that can happen to anyone and find myself worrying about them instead of his happy travelling and the fun in his life.  I don’t know why I go there, I try not to.    
Their loss is so monumental and has totally changed us and it will take time to fully adjust to living with ourselves and our thoughts.      Of course, we will never forget nor would we want to and some times will be harder to manage than others - you are living through such a time.   

My warmest thoughts to you, Christopher and kyle -  I hope you can find some peace over the next few days , you have been on high alert for a long time now.    Love ,  Roz

[Michael Rodriguez]

virginia , right now i feel so selfish for feeling sorry for myself for B's loss after reading what you have been going thru ......im afraid of asking how christopher is doing and i feel so bad for kyle ......personally dont know you but i honestly feel for you , i feel for all of you guys ......you all are like an extended family

[NiquesMom]

Roz, I worry about everything now. So stressed something will happen to me while chris is in the hospital and leave Kyle alone.

Michael, please dont feel selfish. Everyone has struggles, and all of our feelings are valid.

Chris has good days and rough days. They still dont know if he will come off the vent but we continue to try. But I am very lucky to be able to visit him every day. Now they are talking potentially moving him out of state to continue rehab and that will be tough if it happens.

At least nothing is left unsaid. Niques death was unexpected and there are so many things I wish I had said.

[Lisa M.]

My thoughts and prayers to all of you. Thank you all for being here. 

[Changed]

Thinking of you all and hoping you are doing ok today.  Roz x
 

[Michael Rodriguez]

good morning, i hope everybody made it thru christmas !!!???

[Danielle Masata]

I thought I was doing okay.  Staying busy, getting over major headaches like losing my wallet and (hopefully) the computer hacking.  Fixed other annoyances like getting my meds straightened out, or contact lens ordered.  Only shopping was at my favorite "store: Amazon.  I'd just click away.  Loved getting everything the next day and prices were reasonable.  And then my other kids came home.  ....  Reality hit.

Couldn't decorate the tree at all, but son Daniel and his gf did that.  And then.... Christmas morning and I got busy with breakfast (quiche and cinnamon streusel).  I was in-and-out of the kitchen and ended up missing almost all the unwrapping or opening presents. I was beyond furious.  My point was that it's not the final gift that's fun to share, but the build up, the stories, and the wrapping.  The photos.  And that's one more thing about Patrick that I loved: how he thoroughly enjoyed all the gift opening. He'd never rush any of it. But this year, it barely happened.  I mean, I had to ask my son's gf if she got this or that, because I never saw it. The following day (today), I just cried and cried, so sad that we don't have stories to remember about this Christmas.  All that time and energy and money shopping and wrapping getting just the right gifts, and whoosh... over in 15-20 minutes (or so it seemed).

We are still hosting my sons and their girlfriends.  Patrick's one year angel date is coming up soon.. On top if it all, we have too many well-meaning friends who send me a sweet note, text, and I'm just saying the same thing over and over.Ugh! All I want to do is hibernate until spring.  

[Mason’s Mom]

Another Christmas has come and gone. New Years eve just days away and it seems so many people reflect on their lives and make plans for improvement. It is hard to make resolutions for the new year whenthere are days I just want to not have a break down and would love to just go to bed with peace in my heart and no pain. Hibernation does sound appealing. I work hard to be present for my family and having sweet Magnolia does help.

Carol 

[CamsMom]

Hello All, 

I am new here, I hope I am welcome. My name is Brittany, I am from Texas and my beautiful 19 year old son passed away almost 4 months ago from Fentanyl. Have no clue how I've made it this long but I guess the calendar doesn't lie. It's really tough lately, feel stuck in my grief and just spiraling further downward. Any advice? 

[Changed]

Hello CamsMom,  you are very welcome here .  You may like to post on the loss of an adult son page where you will find that everyone there has lost their child in the last year or so - some very recently , like yourself.   I am so sorry that you lost your son and  that you are in so much pain - a pain and hurt that you would have never believed possible.   We all understand  - we feel the same - it is agonising and totally devastating .

My name is Roz and I live in the uk.     I lost my son , David, five years ago - he was married with a son and he lived in Australia .  It has been so difficult .  
We all struggle but there is a degree of comfort in speaking with others who truly know each other’s desperation.

please take care of yourself - it is important to keep hydrated and take in nutrition when the last thing we care about is ourselves -  grieving is exhausting .  Roz 

[Michael Rodriguez]

hello Cam'smom , my name is michael and i live in honduras ,,,,,i lost my son Brian ( B ) almost 9 months ago.....it was a complication after surgery and i lost the person that i love and have loved the most in my life, my best friend and my right hand at our business.....we all know your pain and you are welcome to express yourself.....you might also want to join us at "lost of an adult son" just as Roz said .......danielle , breakfast sounded exquisite ....i wish i could have had a piece of botyh ....was the quiche lorraine??? 

[Changed]

Carol,  Magnolia must have made such a difference to the day - she will become more and more entertaining as she starts to speak and gets walking and I hope you can feel a happiness you probably thought impossible after the overwhelming sadness of losing Mason.

The thought of escape into hibernation does sound appealing if only to switch off from our heavy emotional load .

My New Year’s Eve will be a non event.  We will be alone with no celebrations to speak of - suits me.  Roz

[Changed]

Danielle, I’m sorry that the unwrapping went awry and it sounds so different to how you normally manage your day.   It was always going to be difficult and very different without Patrick making everything so magical .    How are you feeling now?
We still have our family visiting - I’ve tried my best to not be a wet blanket but , to be honest, it is an effort .   I’ve made such a dog’s dinner of a lot of my usually easy meals  too - I’m out of practice and my heart’s not really in it.

This is my fifth Christmas without David and each one has been totally different  but all of them with their own longing for what once was.  Roz

[NiquesMom]

This was a very different christmas, with Christopher in the hospital. I told kyle how we used to open gifts with nique on christmas eve so she would have more time to play and asked if he wanted to do that since it was just us two. He said it soubded good and had fun, but the unwrapping was done in 15 minutes! I took videos to show Christopher. We spent christmas day at the hospital. A few people texted but for the most part we were alone. At was very hard and I find myself missing Nique more with christopher sick. I have yet to fibd a holiday in look forward to and I am 4 years in. I hope I dont always feel this fake on the outside and sad inside.

[Changed]

Virginia, That was good that Kyle enjoyed himself.  
The faking it is the norm for me too but I trust what the parents who have been here longer than us say - that we will weave our grief into our lives and live like that.    Doesn’t  sound that promising if I may say so.   
You have a visitor coming soon and I hope that helps you some. 
Roz

 

[Michael Rodriguez]

29 minutes ago, NiquesMom said:

This was a very different christmas, with Christopher in the hospital. I told kyle how we used to open gifts with nique on christmas eve so she would have more time to play and asked if he wanted to do that since it was just us two. He said it soubded good and had fun, but the unwrapping was done in 15 minutes! I took videos to show Christopher. We spent christmas day at the hospital. A few people texted but for the most part we were alone. At was very hard and I find myself missing Nique more with christopher sick. I have yet to fibd a holiday in look forward to and I am 4 years in. I hope I dont always feel this fake on the outside and sad inside.

i think we all feel the same.....completely empty. ive been comin to the cemetery every day since last friday. listening to B's music alone just wondering if i could have done anything different. i miss him so much....and i had somebody give me one of those stupid comments....that we all know to well

[Changed]

Micheal ,  so many thoughts go around in a loop in our heads - reliving moments, doubting ourselves, worrying away at us.   I hope that you find some comfort being by B’s grave listening to his music .  

Now we are in winter here so when I go walking I put on a pair of David’s gloves that he left when he went off travelling - they are huge and I feel a sense of closeness to him , as if I’m holding his hand .  My husband puts on a thermal scarf  of Dave’s and another pair of his gloves and he has the same feeling.     I wouldn’t say that to other people I know but the friends here will get it - that it’s not strange, odd or unhealthy - just a simple, personal , harmless comfort.

Peace to you,  Roz

 

 

[Danielle Masata]

Lisa, I got that book you have often shared here (The boy, the mole, the fox, and the horse).  What a great, inspiring story.  I had my middle son read it.  He really needs to live by those words, as he has always struggled with many issues raised in this simple story.  (i.e. comparing as a measure of success, having too-high expectations, etc.)  If only he could see it for himself.  Thx for rec.

Roz, I was SO terribly unhappy the day after Christmas, but maybe I would have been that way regardless of how Christmas progressed.  These days, I have just tried to keep my eye out for moments that I can feel Patrick's presence.  For example, I found myself drawn to our Christmas tree at one point today and I looked out over all the ornaments.  So many were purchased when my kids were so very young ( I can remember each one.) As a whole, they really represent the magic of Christmas and that's what I concluded today.  That that's why Patrick loved Christmas so much: the magic.  the joy.  the happiness.  the togetherness.  He was such a young soul and in all these years, he never, ever lost that feeling that Christmas brings.  No getting gifts, just how special it feels to give a gift ---> the happiness of picking out something special to everyone and seeing a smile in return.  That's the thought I had, and then I looked down and saw an ornament that must have fallen from the tree: a beautiful white goose ceramic piece.  I picked it up, let the dog sniff it and said, "Double Goose!"  (which is what Patrick squealed to our dog when he came home) and hung it back on the tree. I couldn't help but wonder why *that* ornament had fallen. Thank goodness, not broken.

[NiquesMom]

I have to share since you call have been on this covid rollerncoaster ride with me: christopher is off the vent and on the trach collar! Tomorrow they are giving him a smaller trach and a speaking valve. He passed the basic swallow test, next week they will do an in depth test to see where food goes and see if they can get him eating again!

[Changed]

Virginia , thank you for the update and that Christopher is going in a positive direction - he is showing his strength and determination.  You call it right when you say rollercoaster ride, it certainly has been for you all.    Getting him off the ventilator is a big deal - maybe you can sleep a bit easier tonight.  Roz

 

[Michael Rodriguez]

virginia what a great news , lets us all hope that the roller coaster starts slowing down for you and you get to have something positive to wish for on 2022......my best regards and wishes to all

[Changed]

Everyone has left after Christmas now and there is that feeling of anticlimax.   I put the house back in order and I don’t have anything else that needs doing after the flurry of getting ready for the family to arrive - the five days went in a flash.   I found myself functioning as if I’m playing two tracks at the same time - one is being present with everyone else , cooking , talking, normal stuff but at the same time there is this parallel me - worrying and thinking about my son , David, constantly    I have all this sadness going on inside me that I try not to show - it is strange living like this.   Roz

[Danielle Masata]

Wonderful news Virginia!!!!  What an ordeal you have gone through.  But it finally sounds like the road to recovery is on the horizon.  At last.

Roz, I feel exactly as you do: split in two.  But it's still ongoing.  My son Daniel is here still, along with his girlfriend.  Nothing is getting done.  I am cleaning constantly. Or cooking and then cleaning.  I hate both of those activities.  UGH!  And if I'm not already bothered by that mundane-but-time-consuming stuff, I'm dealing with my health insurance.  I call and get some guy telling me one thing.  Send in corrected claims.., and then find out I should have done that plus something else.  Get this: then the agent added that actually none of it will get approved because the sessions are longer, an hour, rather than the 45-minute time limit.  Then I check with my meds to figure out where are they?  They should have sent the "auto-refill" a week ago.  But actually they aren't doing that until I call and ask for the meds.  The agent tried to justify this practice (I should have used up on 80% and they don't want me to have wasted medication.  I explained we're talking insulin here, not a bunch of pills. She just spouts the company policy of not sending and delay, delay, delay....it's just one more hassle!)  I am so tired of these constant road blocks.

[Changed]

Danielle,  that is so urgent and serious when it comes to your insulin and medical supplies - it burns up such a lot of energy dealing with it all - I hope that it gets sorted quickly and you have one less hassle.  Roz

 

[Danielle Masata]

Thanks Roz.  Dealing with my medical needs was just one more hassle, added to everything else I've had to deal with this past month (lost wallet, computer hacking, viruses on my computer, Covid scares, visitors (still here), Christmas, contact lens reorder glitch, insurance's denied claims for my grief therapist, incorrect CGM that helps my diabetes control, etc).  I think it's just about figured out, but how could an insurance company state it would be refilled by one day and wait another ten days (and a phone call) to finally send it out?  Oh how I look forward to a more peaceful year, 2022.  Well, maybe.  Coming up to Patrick's one year anniversary and his dealer's day in court on that same day.

[Changed]

Danielle, that is a lot .   Some of it you will conquer - even if it drives you bats in the process - but some of what is ahead will have to be endured.    The anniversary of our child’s death is the bleakest of dates.   I’m sorry that the court date is the same date - will you have anything to do with the case?   It’s tough.   We will all be here for you.  Roz
 

[Danielle Masata]

Thx Roz.  Fortunately we have not been involved at all in the arrest of the dealer.  I suppose we were, somewhat, since the police asked for his phone and then his clothes so they could trace his whereabouts, but their case is actually much more than just having to do with Patrick. It's a federal case, not civic which results in prison time and not any form of renumeration for us.  

[Changed]

It is so sad to hear all the pain in the posts on Loss of Adult Son page.   So many new , raw parents crawling along this rotten road.    They are helping each other so much being there in that same boat.      We all know that it will be tough to get through the early days of grief and then to face the horror of living on without  your child.     I feel so much for them - I’ve not added my voice there as they are already being very supportive and no one is being left unanswered.  

Some of these parents will stay over the coming  years, as many here did,  and form friendships that will help them through particularly difficult times.   I’m grateful they have found each other but sorry that they are suffering .

As we start another year we plod on .   I know that we are not posting daily any more and we are certainly very altered but I thank everyone who helped me negotiate the shock and dismay that became my life.    Who have given me their time and care even though I was unable to share all the details around my son’s death.  Thank you all x   Roz

I know happiness carries it’s share of guilt these days but I’d like to share with you how proud l was that my daughter was honoured on the Queen’s New Year’s Honours list this week - it was for pioneering work on mental health .  She said she will take me with her to the queen’s garden party at Buckingham palace later this year.  She has been before and her husband went with her then so it’s mum’s turn.  David would be so proud of his sister - he loved her so much.  Life is bittersweet. Roz.

[Mason’s Mom]

Roz, what an honor for your daughter.  You have been such a blessing to me and I am sure others feel the same. I read the post on the loss 9f adult son and try to provide some support as well.  I don't post as often because I feel like a broken record, same pain different day.

[NiquesMom]

Roz, that is wonderful news! Celebrate the happiness!

I only post here since it was my daughter, didnt know there was another page for specific genders. Since she was barely 18 i sometimes feel like I dont belong anywhere: she was barely an adult but not a young child either, she was just my child

Good news for our family: christopher will be moving to rehab this week! He is off the vent and trach, and will be able to stay in town. Hopefully he will be home in 4-6 weeks. I know our life will look different, depending on his mobility, but at least he will be back home.

I know God and Nique were, and are, by his side.  My faith was strengthened after Nique death, and I have found renewed strength going through this with Chris. I cannot wait to see my daughter again but I know Christopher and kyle still need me so i will continue to be the best person I can and honor my daughters memory.

[Michael Rodriguez]

29 minutes ago, NiquesMom said:

Roz, that is wonderful news! Celebrate the happiness!

I only post here since it was my daughter, didnt know there was another page for specific genders. Since she was barely 18 i sometimes feel like I dont belong anywhere: she was barely an adult but not a young child either, she was just my child

Good news for our family: christopher will be moving to rehab this week! He is off the vent and trach, and will be able to stay in town. Hopefully he will be home in 4-6 weeks. I know our life will look different, depending on his mobility, but at least he will be back home.

I know God and Nique were, and are, by his side.  My faith was strengthened after Nique death, and I have found renewed strength going through this with Chris. I cannot wait to see my daughter again but I know Christopher and kyle still need me so i will continue to be the best person I can and honor my daughters memory.

virginia so good to hear that christopher is starting to move forward and on his way to rehab.....but foremost , this is one of the nicest writings i have read 

[Changed]

Virginia,  it says a lot that your post about Christopher brought me such relief.   We all care about each other so much and I’m very happy for you all.

Yes , there is another page that started earlier this year - although it’s named adult son I’m sure they would welcome and care for anybody’s loss , as we do.   
I remember when you and Carol joined here - I’d lost David a year before but found it impossible to write - others came and went then one day I took the plunge .  I would have not read or posted on the Loss of a Child page where the parents of babies, toddlers or really young children would be.   Although, we had a few people who had lost toddlers join us here for a while , if you remember, then they stopped posting - I hope that they are getting comfort elsewhere.  

I lost my dad when I was in my 20s and my grief was quickly absorbed into my life - I had children , a marriage and my mother who I had to help through her grief.  Many years later I lost my mum - that was harder but I was able to talk about my grief and manage it .  She had led a full , long life and I find it easy to remember lovely, funny things about her but losing my son has literally blown me away.   I don’t recognise myself as if I disappeared with him.  I know I cope with my grief better now than I did over the first few years - changing without my hardly noticing  really - but it’s still huge and heavy.   I think I will always be sad even when I’m happy I miss him so much.   I worried about him when he went exploring and off to live his life abroad but I’m aware that your Nique didn’t get the chance to do that.  She was so young, I’m sorry Virginia.

Anyway, thanks for keeping us up to date- especially as it is good news.     It will have taken a lot to get to this stage.  Roz 
 

 

[Mason’s Mom]

Virginia so relieved to hear the good news. 

Roz, I remember when I first joined and other parents who no longer post I hope that means that have found peace. 

I think of each person who posts here and loss of adult son. I agree I think we will carry the sadness for the rest of our lives. It is like an undercurrent that sometimes pulls us under and it takes time to resurface. 

Danielle and Michael I know you post on both pages, I have found the wisdom of those who have been on this journey longer have helped me and give support that why I encourage others to join us.

Peace and comfort to all.

Carol 

[Michael Rodriguez]

morning carol , sometimes i think of those who went thru this experienece many years ago and have grown used to it.......and i am afraid that if i lose the pain i will lose the love i have for my son ......i rather live in pain for the rest of my life but making sure my love for B is well embedded in my heart

[Changed]

We all love our children with all of our hearts, forever.   There is no danger of losing that love no matter how many years go by.  They will never be forgotten or lessened in our emotions .  We love them always, think of them always and will long for them until the day we die.