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Loss of an Adult Child


momofJustin

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peggy you will be ready for some answers when you are mentally ready to hear and process the information. I hope you get some answers it does help even if the information is not great to hear. Information seems to take a long time to come through but that is ok because you can only cope with a certain amount.

virginia go ahead and bawl your eyes out it does help a little. The reason we all grieve for life is because of love the love we had for our child that never stops even if they are gone. We show our love for them in different ways as we cannot physically hold them in a hug. Oh I know we all wish we could just one more day, one more time to hear their voice and laugh, one more hug, one more time to smell their smell, stroke their hair..... It is just one day at a time and trying to make progress with grieving so that it fits into our life and we can move beyond the devastation to a more gentle mourning.

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Mason’s Mom

After work today I walked out of a convience store and saw a you a young man pumping gas, at first glance my first thought was "there is Mason ". His build, hair and mannerisms looked so familiar. The pain was so intense I felt the breath had been knocked out of me.  Twice recently I smelled him. Do others experience these things?

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masonsmom yes I experienced that for a while. Once I was in the ER waiting room and saw a kid with red hair wearing the same kind of clothes as ny boy and I lost it big time sobbing. Another time I looked in my wing mirror and thought that was my Tommy riding in the front of a van but it was someone who resembled him. My nephew is 16 now and has the same bright orange hair and blue eyes and lanky build like my son. Whenever I see him from behind my heart leaps momentarily with joy and recognition then plummets to the sole of my boots as I realise it is not. However we will all see our child again in the afterlife no matter what religion or belief system you have and it will be very joful. Remember it is see you later.

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TearsInHeaven

Peggy, I used to post here and was active when you came on after losing your dear Ronnie.  I marked my calendar with his angel date and it came up this morning.  I want you to know there is someone out here also thinking of Ronnie today....as well as you as you hit this difficult date. Hoping that you continue to find your way on this difficult journey and that your son sends you a sign to let you know he is always with you.

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My girl is in heaven

Peggy...you’ve made it to the first year without your precious Ronnie.  What did you do today.  We all find our own little ways that give us a bit of comfort on- our child’s angel and birth days.  You have battled thru all the firsts, and that is no easy feat. I have seen you fall into the grief pit many times, but you have always climbed back out, each time a little stronger than the time before.  We will forever carry this sadness in our hearts, but over time it softenes somewhat, and we see little pinholes of light and hope along the way.  And we get to be more open to the signs that our angels sprinkle down on us.  They are always near by.  Take pride in how far you have come my friend and have faith in how far you will go.   Hugs.  Lu

 

Luanne..Kira’s mama

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My girl is in heaven

Masons mom...yes, I think we all experience that from time to time. I think we just want so bad to think our children are still out there somewhere, maybe just lost in a crowd. And it is a punch in the gut feeling. But our beautiful, precious babies were each one of a kind, there is no other like them...but take comfort that we will see them again someday.  Take care.  Lu

 

Luanne...Kira’s mama

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My girl is in heaven

Margee....how are you doing dear....I know your Jason’s angel date is in January, I’m sorry I don’t know the exact date.  Let the grief flow thru you anyway it needs to.  You will find your way of what you want,to do on your boys angel and birthday each year.  How is your health.  Do you ever get cold weather in Texas.  As I just said to Peggy....take pride in how far you have come and have faith in how far you will go. Let us know how things are going.  Hugs.  Lu

 

Luanne....Kira’s mama

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My girl is in heaven

Virginia.  Don’t let anyone tell you or make you feel you should be anywhere except exactly where you are in your grief.  We do always feel like we have one foot in heaven with our child there and one on earth with our children here...trying to startle two worlds.  You are marching thru the middle of grief....and that is good...and your tears are good..they cleanse some of the sadness that piles up inside of you.  Remember how happy you were when that frog jumped in your face....hold on to those moments....when your girl is right there...cheering her mom on.  Take care.   Lu

 

Luanne...Kira’s mama

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My girl is in heaven

Kristen.  So are you officially retired from Pilates.  I am actually glad I lost my job the way I did, there is just no going back to the same level of focus and concentration we had before.  Bitter cold here.  What kind of weather are you getting.  Have you to Nd other things to do to fill your time.  Tak care and keep warm.  Lu

 

Luanne....Kira’s mama

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Peggy, I am thinking of you on the angel date. I hope you felt a little peace today,  in any you could.  I am so sorry we are on this ride together,  but at least we can all lean on each other. 

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Luann,  thank you for your kind words.  I think I have been left here to help other parents that have children with same difficulties nique had.  It cannot be a coincidence that the two neighbor kids have such similar difficult personalities like my daughter did. Nique was on the autism spectrum,  she had the biggest heart but she was very stubborn and hard headed.  I wish she had been diagnosed earlier,  she was always so much work,  required a lot of patience.  I am trying to help my neighbors,  if they ask me for it.  The kids are sweet,  and I know they struggle with their peers. 

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peggy a sad mom

hi everyone thank you so much for thinking about me. i chose to go away for the weekend by myself. i really had a good weekend. i went sat night and drove from the hotel right to work today. i came home from work and went and sat in his room talking to him for a little while. yes the first are over thank god. i do not know how any of us made it. i so far get what everyone has been saying that it eases up but you never stop missing or loving your child no matter what. i miss him so much but i am going to try not to be depressed all the time if possible. thanks again for your kind words we all need them

talk soon

peggy

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My poor summer... London Ontario is freezing! She thought she was going to lose her fingers going to the post office!!! East coast so different from the west coast. I told her she will be okay but she has to wear gloves at -25 weather. Yeeesh! It’s 9 degree here.

i still teach.. I have too... it’s really all I have. If I didn’t have that honestly I wouldn’t be here. 

I still live every day one at a time... I do know I carry the grief for Dave and I .... he makes me feel like I am the crazy one... so he can feel like he is somewhat normal. 

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HAPPY   HEAVENLY   BIRTHDAY,......KIRA.....ANGEL IN HEAVEN.

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Peggy-----I'm sorry I missed your dear son's Angel Day.  May he smile down

on you all through the months and years, and bring warmth to your heart & sould.

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Masonsmom-----Yes,...I believe that seeing someone who looked or reminded us of our dear children

who left this world too soon,  has happened to many of us here.  My husband and I were traveling

and stopped to eat a light lunch at a restaurant.  Our waiter looked so much like our son, David, and like your

experience, there were other things also that resembled.  This waiter was so nice, and mild-mannered.

During his service to us, I asked him his name.........he said ....."David".  Of course, he would never know

what bittersweet feelings he brought to us.  We left him a large tip.  

 

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Mason’s Mom
21 hours ago, daveydow1 said:

Masonsmom-----Yes,...I believe that seeing someone who looked or reminded us of our dear children

who left this world too soon,  has happened to many of us here.  My husband and I were traveling

and stopped to eat a light lunch at a restaurant.  Our waiter looked so much like our son, David, and like your

experience, there were other things also that resembled.  This waiter was so nice, and mild-mannered.

During his service to us, I asked him his name.........he said ....."David".  Of course, he would never know

what bittersweet feelings he brought to us.  We left him a large tip.  

 

Thanks for sharing. Bittersweet is so accurate 

 Sweet are the memories those glimpses bring us. Bitterness for the days without them and the tomorrows we face as well without them.

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Good evening to everyone:   I have managed to continue to breath even as this one year anniversary is here.  But, I cannot think one rational thought for the past 2-3 days, just knowing that the anniversary is here.

Thinking of all of you....

xxoo margarett

 

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Mason’s Mom

Margarett, that was one piece of advice a friend gave me "remember to breathe" I never understood that until I lost my son and even though I made through the first year, only last month was the first anniversary I still have to remind myself to breathe. I took the entire week off from work as I too couldn't think rationally. You are not alone. 

 

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Hey everybody:   Cold, windy here in Dallas, but thankfully, no ice/snow to muck up the roads.  I've been watching LIVE PD. Somewhat mindless TV, but since my Mike was a police officer for over 40 years, he gives me believable commentary, and mostly it is just funny.  I have been on the very thin edge of a complete and total " losing my mind" the week, with one year passing..... oh so quickly.  And then I had a blessed revelation.....if time continues to pass this quickly, I should be able to gather enough sanity to remain in the human race.  

Thank you to all that have shared their personal experiences about cardiac ablations.  I am off cardiac and blood thinners until my 3 day hospital stay to change medications.  The side effects are so horrible that just getting a break from them makes me want to jump and dance.  BUT, my Alabama loss was still really hard to swallow.  And, I have follow the Saints because they are right here close to us. I realize that that was a completely screwed up sentence, but oh well.

i have a really funny political joke, but I will best filter my thoughts and politics is just being discussed too much already.

Gotta go and put my roast, onions, carrots in the crock pot for tomorrow.....having Jeremy, Natalie, Carson, and Ryder will be over for Sunday. 

I just love you all and wish we all lived close enough to see each other some. That would cause us some joy. 

Xxoo margarett

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Peg, I am holding your hand as you travel into this second year, and we know that none of it has come with ease, getting here from there has been a journey into the hardest terrain you'll ever walk. May this day find you feeling a bit less tense. May you dream of your Boy. Blessings.

Margee, I know that you just passed your Angel date as well, and so my wish for you is the same, that you feel him all around you, that you know that he loves you forever.And I hope that you dream of him tonight.

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Just wanted to stop by  to say hello to all the new members. I am so sorry for the reason to which each of you found this site. Just know that you are not alone and we all feel the same feelings. I joined her several years ago but at times it feels as if its only been hours. Im not one who has much to say or any good advice but do know that I know your pain. Its early morning hours but felt the need to stop by to welcome those that I  'have not met. As always it is good to get the email from those that I have  had contact with in the past and know they are still here to help uplift others. Im not sure where I would have ended up had not been for this outlet. Life has thrown me a curve ball so of course I signed in on this sight.  I have met some amazing people here who have helped me through a nightmare so I am hoping it does the same for you. Love to you all.
Lynn aka Kayla's mom

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I will be redirecting some new members to this thread who are all in need of the support this great group provides. Helping and answering others with your own story and helpful tips also helps you to heal your own hearts. We get it as no one else can because we have been there. bless you all

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Lynn, oh my goodness, it has been years since I have seen your Lovely Kayla's smiling face...how are you Dear? I only come here once a week or sometimes less as the site has changed much but I am so glad that I came on when you were here, what a treat. What is new in your world?

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Good morning Dee! Im not sure what actually directed me to come here in the early morning hours but the force was strong. Im doing well. My son (Travis) recently moved in with me. Apparently his wife decided she needed time to 'find' herself. Whatever that means. It's all good because now I have to opportunity to get to really know my son. Not just the person she portrayed him to be. I have lived alone for 6 years so its quite different but enjoyable. We are making it work. Hope you are staying warm during the frozen tundra!

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Lost Joseph in 2009, he was just 19  & been away from home only 16 months. Went to a "rave'' which was flat out wierd for him. Trying to fit in. Anyway, drowned in 4' of water! Hmm, why? He was an excellent swimmer. No drugs or alcohol in his system. Yet the Salt Lake County Sheriff's Office REFUSED to investigate his death and ruled it an accidental drowning. I vistied the spot where he drowned near this event center, in fact right off the parking lot of "the great Saltair" in Salt Lake City, UT. What a horrible place to die, trash everywhere, a building that looks spooky, evil in my mind. What a terrible spot to die! I had a tough time going there and it's taken almost ten years to do it. It made me angry, mad, sad and everything else you can't imagine. It will be ten years in June and though I've learned how to live with it, it's not easy. Someone, somewhere, a person or persons that were at that Rave KNOW what happened! I wished they'd come forward. :( 

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((Joseph'smom)))  You are not alone.  Please keep posting 

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Hello Betty. I wasnt sure which members are still here on the sight. Hope all is well with you.

Good evening josephsmom90. I am so sorry for your loss. We have the drowning connection between us. I do pray someone comes forward with some information. I know most details about Kayla's drowning and there will always be questions but nothing compared to what you have and will continue to endure. We hit the 10 yr mark last August. Some days it seems only hours ago and other days are like its been a lifetime ago. Yes the pain has eased but the ache will continue. Take care.

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I do not post often but to see the postings  so nice to hear from you  and remember Kayla I know Sherry and Dee post often 

 

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I think of you and your Stephen often

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Betty and Lynn, how cool to see you. I really don't post here much anymore, the site changed quite a bit a while back and soured me somewhat, so I don't come often but feel so lucky to have come at a time when you are both here.

Lynn, I am glad that your Son is living with you and the two of you are making it work. good for you both. I am especially glad that he has a place to land after a time of hardship...

Betty, so, what is new? Are you still walking through Central Park, having coffee and sharing treats with Stephen's squirrel?

 

Dee

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Yes Dee I am still walking the Park and feeding the squirrels.  .  Lynn, you and all the Indigos helped me  during the most difficult days of my life and  I will be forever grateful.   

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I lost my son Brian on 10/25/18. He was injured by prescription medication at age 23, that damaged his liver, his immune system and his digestive system. He never regained his health although he never gave up hope. He was brilliant and never got to realize his dreams. His day to day life was very difficult, and his mental and physical health continued to decline because he could not absorb his nutrients very well. I am so sad that I have lost him and I miss him so much. I also feel guilty for not being able to save him or help him more, as I am 72 yrs old with my own health issues. Brian was one of 4 sons.



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Hi Annie,

I am so sorry for your loss, I know it is still fresh and new.  I just passed the one year mark and I can remember the sharp and agonizing pain at the beginning.  Just breathe, one moment at a time if it is too much to think about a day, or a week, or a month from now.

I also feel guilty, my 18 year old daughter died 12/21/17, in front of the apartment complex where we lived, I was home and had no idea she was dying while I sat inside.  I know my being there would not have saved her, but it still hurts to know I was home and couldn't save her.

This is the hardest thing I have ever had to live with us, and yet I am still here, day in and day out. 

I am sorry for your loss, but I am glad you found this group. Everyone here can relate to the pain you feel, and they are all so kind.

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peggy a sad mom

thank you dee and davydow1 for remembering me and my son. i haven't been on in just a week and i see these names i never saw before. for those i don't my 44 year old son passed away 1/20/18 of coarse the worse day of my life. i miss him so much still like i have to tell any of you that. i have been getting better but i think it's because my depression lifted it took about 11 months. i can laugh talk joke around and still cry if i need to and i don't care who sees me. i started listening to music again yesterday it's been a year since i put a radio on. i cried most of the day because of it but i'm gonna keep trying. i too think of all of you all the time. we all do the best we can for sure

take care please

peggy

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Hi. Just popped on to say I received a letter from a recipient of one of Kiona's donations. Not a lot of personal information but it does make me feel good. I cried. It will be 2 years March 21st since I lost her. Still very vivid in my mind. I still have panic attacks when I think about it and don't push it back to the back of my mind.

I'm sorry to see new people on here. 

I know one cornea is in Honduras and one is in Egypt. Haven't heard anything from them but that's ok. I keep praying I will. 

Peace and love to all

Tina

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Hi Annie,
I am so sorry for your loss, I know it is still fresh and new.  I just passed the one year mark and I can remember the sharp and agonizing pain at the beginning.  Just breathe, one moment at a time if it is too much to think about a day, or a week, or a month from now.
I also feel guilty, my 18 year old daughter died 12/21/17, in front of the apartment complex where we lived, I was home and had no idea she was dying while I sat inside.  I know my being there would not have saved her, but it still hurts to know I was home and couldn't save her.
This is the hardest thing I have ever had to live with us, and yet I am still here, day in and day out. 
I am sorry for your loss, but I am glad you found this group. Everyone here can relate to the pain you feel, and they are all so kind.

Thank you Niques mom, for responding to me. I am so sorry for your loss as well. This is the most difficult loss for me as well, and I have been through many. Your advice to just breath is good. Sometimes, that is about all I can manage. I really appreciate your reaching out to me.

Annie


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Mason’s Mom
6 hours ago, peggy a sad mom said:

thank you dee and davydow1 for remembering me and my son. i haven't been on in just a week and i see these names i never saw before. for those i don't my 44 year old son passed away 1/20/18 of coarse the worse day of my life. i miss him so much still like i have to tell any of you that. i have been getting better but i think it's because my depression lifted it took about 11 months. i can laugh talk joke around and still cry if i need to and i don't care who sees me. i started listening to music again yesterday it's been a year since i put a radio on. i cried most of the day because of it but i'm gonna keep trying. i too think of all of you all the time. we all do the best we can for sure

take care please

peggy

I can relate to not listening to music.  It was months before I could as well and there are still songs and artists I avoid.  Masons birthday was in September,  the song "Wake me when September ends " hits way to close to home. We took a short vacation to the beach last summer with our youngest daughter.  She just needed to get away.  Twice in one day the song was playing in two different stores. Sometimes we just can't escape. Stay strong. 

Carol 

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I always always had music playing in my car on my ipod in the house and shared the love of some artists with my 4 older kids. Since my Tommy was killed in 2015 I rarely listen to any it just seems like a noise in my head. I cannot listen to my favourite band Linkin Park because the lyrics trigger me. The lead singer Chester also died last year and his lyrics on depression and anxiety touch a deep chord in me. I occasionally force myself to listen to some upbeat music absolutely cannot listen to sad stuff it triggers tears.

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Greetings to all my wonderful friends, that came to me because Jason died last January 23rd.  I was talking to one of my nursing supervisors.... she really helped.  So many do not feel comfortable talking to me....they don't seem to know what to say.   Have found one way to say to them..... when was the last time you saw Jason?  What were you doing?  Then I try to think of something humorous to break the ice.  This has helped those friends to start talking about Jason...

i just need to really, really try to get myself into some kind of routine.  I need that to help keep me more grounded.  There are days when I literally do nothing.

saw the cardiologist yesterday.... waiting now for the surgeon to call and we are going to do the ablation.  Fun.  I am a nurse and iHATE hospitals.  

More later....please know that you all have a very special place in my heart.

xxoo margarett 

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I am exhausted.  Last night,  laying down with Kyle (he has separation issues and sleeps with us), and he asked me to sing a song I have sung to him since he was a baby.  "good night sweetheart,  well it's time to go,  I hate to leave you but i really can't stay, good night sweetheart, good night". He bursts into tears because it made him sad and he bawled for a half hour missing his sister.  All I could do was hold him,  I know there was nothing I could say to make him feel better.  

Reminds me I need to keep going for him.  Most days he is "OK" but he is still a little boy who cannot understand why she is not here anymore.  He can say the words that she is in heaven but all he knows is she is not here.  And I can't fix it.  

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that is so tough Virginia just hold him close and tell him you miss her too

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Nope, we can't fix that Virginia, and I so wish that we could. It might be nice if you and he made a list of the very best things about Sissy. You write exactly what he dictates. Then you can ask him where we can keep this list so that once in a while when we need to read it, we can go right to it...maybe a special box or shelf...Sometimes that kind of short activity allows little ones, (and us too) the freedom of release while also honoring her spirit.

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Hi. I don't listen to music very often. Hardly ever really. I used to blast the stuff. It made my kids happy. Kiona would tell me to play it loud when I picked them up from school. Her friends thought it was cool. That might be why my son is going into music production. It hasny gotten any easy for me. I'm having attacks again. It might be because her agelversary is coming up. Her birthday first. Same month. Same dreadful time. I'm lost. I'm broken. I breathe every day. I keep going for my son. I keep going for her. I keep going for me. I just keep going. I want to start packing for the move but August is a ly a ways for that but then again, it will be upon me before I know it. 

Work is ok. I just keep going. I don't want to do anything but my son keeps me going. I don't know if any of this makes sense. I'll be speaking at the honor our heroes luncheon this year. 

This thing about that is...I asked the lady at the eye institute to remind me of where her cornea's went because I just had a feeling that where she told me shortly after kiona donated that that wasn't really true. She told me then that one was in Honduras and one was in Egypt. Now she tell me one, a lady on Maine. And the a lady in Florida. I asked her about it and she hasn't responded. It might not make a difference to some but it makes a difference to me. 

I still have a year to file a wrongful death suit. I doubt I will though. Seems everyone has moved one and doesn't care but me. So hard in the state I live in to prove otherwise. I want to scream, my daughter didn't put herself that way. That boy did and then made fun of her on a snap chat video. Did anyone investigating this even really watch it. It wasn't your child so I guess not. I am still angry. But nothing I can do. 

A friend that lost his son a couple months after me told me to move. Not that it won't folly me wherever I go, it definitely will but I won't have to see the people she grew up around know our family all the time. The population where I live is small. I work with some of her friends. 

I don't know where all this is going. Guess I just need to throw this jibberish out there..

Love and peace to all

Hate my life

Tina

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Betty  and  Lynn-----So good to see you here.  I haven't been on for awhile, so just 

catching up.   Peace and good health to you both.

 

Anniewho6------I am sorry for your loss of your dear son, Brian.  I welcome you to

this site,......although it is a site we all wish that we had never had a reason to come to.

Please come back.....you are among friends who understand the terrible loss of a child/children.

 

Masonsmon,......Lesley......and Tinay------I, so, understand the pain of hearing music, and 

how it brings on the tears,  and a  pain in the heart for our lost darlings.  I can listen to music

now, since it has been these long 15 years,  but certain musics does cause tears to flow, 

especially if it catches me off guard.....such as in a store. 

 

Margeetx-----Sending prayers for your heart procedure.  I was a nurse, and I, too, hate

hospitals.  I never watch any of the medical series on t.v., such as 911, and others......too 

painful, so I have never watched them.

 

Virginia-----So sorry for little Kyle's sadness .   Yes,  I agree-----there's not much that can be said

to soothe his little heart.   But,  just being with him, and holding him with so much love helps.

 

WISHING   PEACE    AND   COMFORT   TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,......sherry  

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peggy a sad mom

hi everyone went to my meeting last night i'm am usually great afterwards but last night there was two new members. the woman her son passed dec 20th exactly 11 months to day from my son. now i remember what i looked like then and how i would just scream and yell and cry no matter who was around. as i held her i cried as hard as she was but i explained there is nothing in this world i wouldn't do to have him back but i also now know we live on. we learn to i think just try to get involved with anything you can just to try not to think of them every minute. i still can cry an entire day but usually when i'm alone. there is always something. the other new member his son committed suicide it was the worse story i have heard for a suicide so i wouldn't even burden you guys with it. i'm a little better today i'm gonna go to the movies by myself

thanks for listening

sherry i have missed you

i miss everyone that hasn't been on they all helped me so much

peggy

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Mason’s Mom

The last few weeks have been very emotional for me. My youngest daughter has played on the high school golf team  (3 year state champion team) basketball and softball.  Last Tuesday was the Senior night to honor the graduating athletes.  I am not sure what my husband and I will do with the extra time. She is such an amazing young lady and got accepted to the College the Ozarks a private college.The vision of College of the Ozarks is to develop citizens of Christ-like character who are well-educated, hard-working, and patriotic. So I very proud of her but I want to see her every day.  Our oldest daughter is getting married in October,  I work with her so I see her more often which makes it a little easier. 

 It will be 14 months on the 17th since we lost our son and I still have a hard time when our girls are away. I have to work hard to give them space. 

I miss Mason so much and every milestone is a reminder that he isn't here with us.

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