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onerugrat

new to site Husband comitted suicide

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onerugrat

Hi

I am new here so here is my story. My husband shot himself at home and our 18 year old son found him. It was not a pleasant sight. We are now without him. Myself, son and 16 year old daughter. This was last August so it seems I should be moving on now but those emotions just seem to have a life of their own. Today is my daughters birthday and her comment was that Dad was not here for her birthday. That was very painful to hear. I feel sometimes guilty that I have let the kids down because they should not have had to dealt with such a horrible thing. I moved to a new state and started a new job. My son chose to stay behind. I feel now as though I have lost a son and a husband. The feeling of being alone can be overwhelming at times. Well I guess I should end this or it will be a book

Linda

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sidvis

Dear Linda, I am so sorry for what you are going through.  This is a good place to release  all the feelings you have, good, bad, ugly, hateful, whatever.  Everyone who posts here knows what it is like.  My husband shot himself 2  1/2 years ago.  My sons were 16 and 12 at the time.  Such a nightmare that won't let up!  I am so sorry your son was the one to find your husband.  At least mine did it away from us, and I had immediate cremation, so we never had to see the damage he did to himself.  The last image my sons have of their father is of him kissing them good-bye for school, as he always did.  Wow, I haven't thought of that in a long time, the routine we had in the mornings.  Keep posting and reading.  There will always be someone to respond to you.  We can't take away any of the pain, but at least you will know you are not the only one. 

Peace

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carolee

Hi Linda,

Its been a while since I have been on this site, and I found it was so vital and beneficial in my working through things.  But I've come back(why? - kept crying when I saw unfinished garden work that was a project of my husbands)  and I read your text - for me it has been 7 1/2 years since my husband killed himself.  And the similarity - my 16yr old found him - and pulled him out of garage where he had gassed himself on car fumes. So have I got over it - yes and no, I'm afraid is the answer.  I really wish I could be so much more encouraging to you, but the suicide of a husband is a really tough thing.  I've remarried to a wonderful man and I am really happy now, but because we have not yet been able to sell the house in which my husband died and which my ex- husband had spent 20yr in doing various projects - starting from scratch as a new house - there are and probably always will be the times when I cry re my ex - it's unfinished business.  Please share - I may be able to help. 

regards

Carole

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onerugrat

I am sorry abour your loss as well. I can understand how hard it must be to be at the same house. That is why I had the need to leave mine and start fresh. In some ways it is harder because I have had to take care of things myself. Before we would have done all this stuff together. I will hear a song on the radio and just start to cry as I remember a time spent together. I will fine a belonging or just anything that reminds me of him. It is also very difficult to see my kids and their struggle. I just want to take their hurt away and I know that is not possible. I feel horrible that they will spend their whole lives with this memory in their childhood. I feel this should be a time of happiness and being carefree without the responsibilty that they must now bear. My daughter has turned to God which is helping her some but I still see see the struggle. Thank for talking to me. I hope it will get easier as time goes on. It just seems a lonely world for me at the moment.

 

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onerugrat

Thank you for the kind words. I guess it is comforting to know that I am not alone. I would heve never dreamed I would be where I am today but I cannot change things, I just want to go on and live life without the constant struggle that I sometimes feel.

 

 

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