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Recent Loss


pandorra

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I can relate to each and everyone of you. I lost my husband July 2007, Next week would have been our 1st anniversary. We were together for 9 years but just got married last Sept. I feel so cheated, he was only 51, within a few months of being sick he died. Cancer got him in the end. Cancer we did not know he had. The constant crying, wondering how to accept the death. I still am struggling with the acceptance that he will not be calling me, or walking through the door, sending me an email. Gone... gone takes on a whole new meaning when you lose someone you love. I know I will never feel his arms around me again, or hear his sweet sexy voice again, but my heart can't accept it. How do you learn to accept it? Time... someone said they can't stand to hear that word again... me too, I don't think that word has anything to do with it. Acceptance... that would work.. but how do you learn to accept something your heart is not ready to. Some days I feel like just running away.. like I can run from all the pain and hurt I feel. I know it would not work but you rack your brain trying to figure out how to take the pain away. tylenol just won't do it for this kind of hurt. I have found some comfort in this website. I am thankful for each of you sharing yourself and your pain it helps to see I am not alone even for a for minutes.

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Oh my! reading all your notes is unbelievable. Especially 'CrushedHeart' and 'Guest'. You must be talking about my life. Its unreal how so many of our feelings are the same! And how we are hit emotionally, physically and spiritually. AND, the times I go to call my Tim, or know the noise I just heard is him coming home, or that cough in a group that must be him.........its just second nature to expect he is still here with me. He truly was my other 1/2. And, I live on like a 1/2 person........without much in my life to look forward to.

Thank God! for my Grandkids, they have so gotten me through these months.

I am new to this site and hoping I will gain healing and a few buddy's

Indeed,

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Dear Grizzly; there is no answer to your coping question accept, give yourself space, don't expect too much from yourself right now,take it slow, sometimes it is one minute at a time if even that much, be very very easy/good to yourself, let others care and pamper you. The pain is so excruciating as you know!

It was about 6-8wks after my Tim's death that I think I came out of the shock and was really hit by the trauma of it all again. I need him, I want just to cuddle with him, to share some of the things he has missed since he left, etc.

Here I am now 14 months later, life is bareable-and then like a wet blanket being dropped over me the feelings of grief are so heavy and horrible - I just burst into a grief burst. That's why I am hoping to receive support and buddys' from this site, becuz so many of my loving family and friends want to help, want to support, but until someone is in our shoes they don't have a clue (as we didn't either) until it happened. I can sit in a chair and just stare for long, long periods of time. I let myself, becuz at that time there is no energy of any kind to make me do anything. I've tried hard recently to pray when the hard times come - asking my Lord to help me, take some of this pain, give me wisdom to go on and maybe some type of a life that I can be someone; becuz I truly am not the person I once was. In the lack of one breath I AM forever changed~~not by my choice, but I will never be the same. And my life long love and soulmate will not be here for me ever again. Let's be honest this truly "SUCKS". I have a friend who's husband died 4 months before mine did and we have adopted the slogan, "Today Sucked, Tomorrow is Going to, too" People tell us its a very bad attitude, but its the truth for now! And, we need to state it!

Sincerely

grannyc

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I lost my best friend, my love, my children's father, my soulmate, my husband...my sweet, handsome Leonard on Aug 26th, 2007. He was only 37. This wasn't supposed to happen to us. I am alone. He was my self esteem, my security, my savior and I don't know what to do. I hear, all the time, about how strong I must be and I am the weakest woman on earth. He took care of us, not the other way around. The pain doubles by the day. Every breath is a memory, every night a torture.

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crushedheart

Oh My ..reading all of your posts on this forum..my heart breaks for each and everyone of you ..this is the first time I've kicked this forum on ..I usually post on I Miss Him So..I still have a lot of trouble talking about my Beloved Love of my Life...other then to say He passed away July 26th ..Tears come so freely ..then I just have to stop talking ..my heart pounds so hard..I've cried so much I think my eyes are very upset with me...Life for me as I knew it forever changed...and this new Life if you can call it Life... does indeed SUCK

I've left my email address on the info part here...if I can be of help to anyone of you ...feel free to email me...we'll cry and scream together...this board has been a really big help for me..altho I know it's not a place anyone of us wants to be at...hugssssssss you all

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I just lost my husband on June 14th 2006, a day before our 7 year olds birthday, and 1 week before our 3 year olds birthday. I am unsure if I believe that he is gone yet, I keep telling myself that he is "just out of town for awhile". My husband was killed at work, he was suffocated by tons of grain in a grain silo that he was working in. I used to strongly believe that everything happened for a reason, now I don't know. Why would God take him from me and our two boys at such a young age? Scott was 36, and I am 27. I shouldn't be a widow at the age of 27! As I set here and type this, I am mad, so mad! All I want is for him to come home. I pray every night that God will bring him back to me. I am finding things in my life becoming harder than easier. I want this all to be a bad dream!! I just finished cleaning out our home that we shared together, I can't take our kids back there, and I don't think I could live there without him, closing the door for the last time was one of the hardest things I has done in the last month. I felt like I was leaving him behind. Not an hour goes by that I don't think of him, or something we used to do together. I just went back to work last week, that too was hard, no one knows what to say to me, they look at me like I am a stranger. Everyday that I work, I have to see where he was killed everytime I get to town and leave town. He was my best friend and I miss him soooo much. Thanks for listening. Meghann
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I found this site by accident today, I'm so glad to know that I'm not the only one who feels so empty and alone in this world. My husband died tragically on 5 August 2007 in the Matroosberg mountains (Cape Town) at the age of 31, I am 24, too young to be a widow. It was the first time we were all going to see the snow. Him and a friend decided to go a bit further up the mountain, probably for the beautiful view, while my sister and I played with my son. Being as clumsy as he always was, coming down he lost him footing, slipped all the way down and off a cliff, landing about 150 meters down in the gorge. He couldn't be seen or reached at all. The helicopter took what seemed like hours to arrive and upon spotting his position were unable to retrieve his body until 4 days ago (13 October 2007), due to heavy snow and the dangerous terrain. His cremation will be on friday and I still can't believe all this is real. I met Andrew 3 years ago and I loved him from that very moment. We married this year on 2 June. That was the best day of my life, but I can't bear to look at the beautiful photos. He became a father to my son who is now 6 years old and he loved him as if he were his own. What makes things even harder is that a month after the accident I found out I'm pregnant. He was my best friend and he meant more than the world to me. I'm heartbroken that he wont be here to share this child with me. It's just not right. I don't know how to cope, I just want to cry all the time. All that goes through my head is that I hope he didn't suffer and I wish with all my heart I could have him back. I will never love anyone the way I love Andrew and I miss him more than words can say. He was honestly the kindest, gentlest and most loving person I've ever know. He took my heart with him on that horrifying day. Life will never be the same.

Where to now?

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I am so sorry to see your posts here. There are no words that can truly comfort you, but just know that the others here reaaly care and understand. Mary Jo

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