Members amberlea Posted February 5, 2008 Members Report Share Posted February 5, 2008 My husband is in ICU and he is loseing his battle. The doctor is saying he will be able to come home with hospice care. This has been coming I have watched this mow us down at a really fast pace. He is awake and alert and worries about me. All I can do is cry and last night I screamed and cried until I just could not do it anymore. This is grief now I wonder If I will survive what is to come. I know I must get it together as I am his caregiver. I want that role as a wife of 48 years that is what I do best. But sometimes the pain is beyond what I think I can bear. I was looking for others who have had this pain and found your group. I am grateful to have a place I can let it out. No one can understand who has not walked in these painful shoes. Thanks for reading this and I remain Amberlea lover,wife,friend of Norman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members qubert Posted February 5, 2008 Members Report Share Posted February 5, 2008 Amberlea,I am so sorry you are going through this. I don't know which is worse I lost my husband 5 weeks ago to a heart attack. He was gone within 5 mins and never new what hit him I was with him, but it happen so fast I did not get to say goodby. So spend the time taking care of him holding & loving him. I wish I could have had even a few mins to say I love you and thanks for the best 21 years of marrage that a woman could have. On the other hand when I go I hope that it is fast so that my family and myself won't have to go through the pain that you are going through. Your love for you husband will get you through this and remember we are all here to lend an ear. I will pray for you and your husband. Hold on tight this is a hard ride. God be with youSusan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rodless Posted February 5, 2008 Members Report Share Posted February 5, 2008 Amberlea,I watched my husband go downhill for 5 years. The last 7 weeks of his life Rod was flat on his back in a hospital bed (2 weeks in ICU) and came home to die under hospice care. I totally understand what you are going through. I have no great words of advice or consolation because it is basically a battle you fight alone. I know I was glad I was there for Rod, that he knew beyond a doubt that I loved him and would have done anything possible to make him feel cherished and comfortable. It's a hard road and you will get through it even though you don't think so now if for no other reason than you want to do the best you can for Norman and need to stay strong for him.I did a lot of screaming in my car..great echo chamber. Let it out when you're alone and you'll do better going back into that ICU unit. Keep posting here and we'll help as best we can.Mary Jo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members laquinn Posted February 6, 2008 Members Report Share Posted February 6, 2008 amberleaI also watched my husband go through the same road you are. We were married 26 years but together for 27 years 2 months and 11 days. I just went through the first annisavary of the day we found out he was sick and that was so hard that day wich was this past Saturday all I could do was cry and so far everyday sicnce. He spent the last 2 weeks of his life in the hospital and then I had him home with hospic care for 1 week before he pasted. I stayed by his side all the time never left. Even slept on the couch by his bed at night durning the day I layed by him and played the music that he so much loved I tried to talk to him about what was happening to him he did not want to talk about it. So we talked about other things. I would not have changed a thing about that last week. I did get to tell him I loved him. Just spend as much time with him that you can it will mean alot later. It has been 17 weeks and 5 days since he passed and I am having trouble ajusting to all the new things that I need to do somedays I miss him so much that I want him back. Come back and talk to us I am sorry that you are having to deal with this. I have a very good friend at work that always seems to know when I am getting over whelmed with all of this and he just keeps telling ONE DAY AT A TIME and right now that is all you can do.Just be there for Norman let him know how much he means to you. And please come back and talk to us as often as you can. This place has been such a great help to me if I didn't have this I am not sure where I would be right now.Lela Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members kathy714 Posted February 6, 2008 Members Report Share Posted February 6, 2008 Hi Amberlea,i just loss my husband John Jan9th,he battled cancer for 5 years ,and was doing fairly well .He threw me a 50th b'day party in July.then right after that the cancer spread to brain and then bones.I went out of work on leave and took care of him at home,24/7 ,we had visiting nurses then,finally the last week hospic,but i did everything,and i am so glad i was able to spend all that time with him.John was alert and oriented right till the end.I also tried to talk about his dying but he did not want to talk about it but we did talk about many other things,and as sick as he was he would make me laugh right till the end.Even the last night ,we had ton's of people in my house to visit with him,so i said to John "there's a lot of people here,",and he looked at me and said,"yea,this can't be good",meaning he knew .Then he asked "Is it ok if i go home,and i said ,yea honey ,I's ok and i knew just what he meant.Then he waited until everyone left ,and my son stayed that night,but went to bed,i sat on the bed with John,i kept hugging him and ikept saying i am right here honey,i love you,and within minutes he passed [of course i also did a lot of crying during those 4 months]But i wouldn't of done anything different..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members kathy714 Posted February 6, 2008 Members Report Share Posted February 6, 2008 Hi Laquinn,i am so sorry for the loss of your husband,so many things that you wrote in your post,just hit home with me ,i too slept next to my husband,he was in a hospital bed in my living room,and i still won't sleep in my bed,i was married 27 years.I have not gone back to work yet,part of me wants to but i work in a emergency room ,and it is very busy and stressful,and after the last 5 very stressful months taking care of John,i just feel iif i go back to soon ,i might lose it,i really don't know what to do....How are you doing at work,was it hard to get back into it....T/C you are in my prayers...Kathy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members laquinn Posted February 6, 2008 Members Report Share Posted February 6, 2008 Kathy When all of this happened I was not working had not the past 2 years. But then some friends open a bar and grill and they needed a licened cook and they asked me to help out so I thought about it and decided I would . I don't need to work but they said I needed to get out of the house and they have been the best help to me. They know when I am having a bad day and they just let me be till I get through it. It really has helped not sitting around here and thinking all the what ifs all the time. Like I said before all I can do is one day at a time and sometimes it one minute at a time but I am doing ok for now.Only you can know when you are ready to go back to work. Take as much time as you need and when you are ready you will know.Lela Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members amberlea Posted February 27, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted February 27, 2008 Hello again. Well the weeks have passed and the worst has happened. My wonderful husband of 48 years passed on Feb 18th with me and his children at his bedside. He did not want the breathing tube again so we held him and put him on a morphine drip and in a few short hours he was gone on his way with all the love we could send with him. Today the children and I are going to pick up his ashes and place them where he requested. I thought I was doing ok with all this but ended up in the hospital with a irregular heart rate. I am back to normal now and only spent overnight in the ICU. It is true about heart break because mine is broken. I know I will go on for the children but this truly is the hardest thing I have ever done. I remain Normans Loving Widow Arlene aka Amberlea Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members misshimstill Posted February 27, 2008 Members Report Share Posted February 27, 2008 Hello, Arlene/Amberlea. I'm so sorry to read your post. I know the devastation you are feeling and will continue to feel for probably a long time yet. It's so hard to watch someone you love die, so hard to watch them suffer. I heard a song once that spoke what I've felt - that a million miracles won't put my broken heart back together. I have felt that. Yes, it is horribly hard to part with your husband, the one you believed you would grow old with. Stay with us and pour out what's left of your broken heart. I think it will help, as it has all of us. Again, my hearftelf sympathy to your and your children. ~Oneta Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rodless Posted February 27, 2008 Members Report Share Posted February 27, 2008 I am so sorry Arlene. All I can offer is words and I wish I could do so much more. I know how long and lonely the road ahead looks for you and I know how much a broken heart hurts. Those of us here can understand each and every part of what you are feeling. Again, I am so sorry. Mary Jo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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