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Goodbye forever Nan xx


meath1

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Hi guys, im completely new to to this kind of thing, i dnt think i have ever felt so alone in my entire life. I lost my nanny to cancer 21.01.2008 in what was the most painful experience of my life

Nan was an angel, an amazing and beautiful woman in her prime - someone i could always run to in time of need, someone i told everything to and i miss her terribly. My uncle got married in Philadelphia in september, our whole family from Ireland flew over to celebrate and a month to the day later nan was diagnosed with liver cancer, what was worse the hospital messed up her operation and she wasnt expected to pull through. Nan being nan though did but i just fell so angry because of that operation i lost out in the last couple of months of my nannys life

she was always so independant, still working, still driving, foreign holidays every year, she wasnt old and didnt deserve to die. im 21 and i thank god that i have had 21 fantastic years and so many memories of such a wonderful person, i just feel so lost. people expect when they hear of a grandmother that they were old etc they dont understand that nanny was the centre of my life and how much of an impact she made on my life - i loved her so very much, i cant cry, i cant do anything anymore, i sit in my room and think and keep nannys stuff around me so i dnt have to let her go. is this normal or am i being strange?

my mum is devastated as we all are, i know people cope in different ways but i dnt know what to say or do to make her pain any easier

i am glad that i got to say goodbye to nan, to tell her how much she meant to me and what an impact she had on my life. people keep saying, at least she isnt suffering anymore, but that doesnt make it any easier. i really dnt know what to do. i think ive blocked the whole pain out, im back at work behaving like nothing has happened and i know that it will hit me eventually

it so so hard to lose someone you love, a part of me died with nan i just dont know how life can go on without her

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Meath1 - I'm so very sorry that you have to go on this journey now without your beloved Nan - she sounds like she was one terrific person.  Keeping her stuff around you to me is just fine and you don't have to ever let go of her as she will be a part of you as long as you live....share all her love with each person you encounter.  It appears you are aware that you are probably blocking out a lot of emotions just to make an attempt to get thru a day but unfortunatly you are right, they will hit you eventually.  But for now, if sitting in your room hugging the things close brings you comfort, then do it as often as possible and the love from you Nan will flow from those objects out to you and give you strength to keep on.  Please take care of yourself as you travel this pathway.

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I know what it's like to lose a loved one. My great-grandmother, I called her grandma, was a loving, wonderful person. She was never sad eccept for when me and my family members had to go back home from a visit. I feel like I took advantage of time, looking back. She was loving, beautiful, strong and stubborn, she also had a strong will to live and a love of life. Anyways on December 20, 2006 it was a day like any normal day. For other people. That day, my great grandmother was coming home from the hospital, we knew she was dying. I was took home from school that day because it turned out that she was running out of time, faster than we thought. That afternoon, she died. I've had a hard time coping, a year and some odd months later. I often cut myself because the pain gets so unbareable and I've thought about doing suicide frequently, but have only cut myself with scissors or my nails. I do it because it feels like the only way to feel better. Please reply, because I really feel bad and really need help.

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