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2 months of The Deepest Pain


mrsduc

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Two months today I found out that my son, Robert was found died and had been dead for atleast 2 weeks. That just is reaping me apart today. I have not been able to control my tears or anything. I know that it is what I am suppose to be going thru, but I do not like this and hate it that me or anyone has to go threw this kind of pain. I can't seem to even try to focus on anything today but the lose of Robert and knowing he laid there for 2 weeks and not one person seemed to notice that he did not go out to walk his dogs, like he always did alot of times a day. He took his dogs with him almost everywhere he went, because where he lived in CA dogs were allowed in almost ever store and other places. They were kind of like his children. I have been to his apartment and it was once I believe a motel that they made into small apartments. So it was not like it was a big complex that he could get lost in the place and be forgotten. It just makes me sick knowning that not one person even thought to check on him sooner. I just thank God that the dogs survived and that is a miracle in itself, for how they found food and water is beyond me. But I am in a pretty bad place today and I am trying to figure out how to get out of it but I know that today I am not strong and all I can think about is this stupid anniversary of knowing that my life and my heart and my being changed for the worse 2 months ago. I will never be the same and I do not even know how to even be at this point. I am just here breathing all the time. The only reason I know I am alive is that I hurt so deep inside and that I cry so hard and so much you would think that there would be no more tears, but they keep coming. I know you all know how I am feeling and I know that alot have been on this journey of a life change that we never wanted or asked for the journey to learn to be without a child that we loved more than ourself. Atleast that is how I feel. I would die this minute if it meant that Robert could come back and not have the pain and torment that he had all his life. But I know that can not be so I try to have comfort that he is no longer in pain. But now I carry the pain that is so deep that I feel like my insides will exploded. Thanks for listening

post-298113-0-96070400-1332084606_thumb. This and post-298113-0-28164500-1332084637_thumb. this and post-298113-0-83464000-1332084663_thumb. this is all I have left of my son. Plus this

post-298113-0-16331000-1332084702_thumb.I hate this piece of paper. It makes it so final.

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Tweetymm125@aol.com

I am so sorry for your pain. It would have been my Roberts Birthday March 20th. I have the same exact inscription on my son Roberts grave Forever in Our Hearts

Hugs and Prayers

Robs Mom

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I am so sorry for your pain. I can't imagine the thought of 2 weeks. Today is 15 weeks for my son Jared. He was 24 and died instantly. The instantly at least gives me a small amount of piece. My heart breaks for you and your thoughts. I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts and hope that you have some peace soon.

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davincidanes

((((Hugs)))) Linda. I hope you can find some peace.

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Robert's Mom - I am so sorry for the pain that you are experiencing. I cannot imagine your torment at knowing you son was 2 weeks before being found. Wish there were some words I could communicate that would ease your pain and bring you some small measure of comfort, but I am at a loss. All I can think of to say is that he is now safe and surrounded by the same love and peace that all our angels now share, and I believe that they are still with us in spirit form, loving us and feeling our love for them. Prayers for you tonight.

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Robert's mom, I just had the need today to let you know you are doing great. I know it may not seem that way at times, but I've read your posts from the begining and even though you're still hurting so very much, as we all are, I have seen some amazing healing in you. We all have our good and bad days but I have noticed a bit more strenght in you. Funny as it may sound, I'M PROUD OF YOU!!! I also know the pain you must feel thinking about the last 2 weeks when no one had found Robert. I think we all go through pain in thinking about the last moments of our childs lives. I know when the thought of Kevin's last moments come to mind I have to force myself to bury them. I don't think that's the best way to handle it but it's to painful for me to think about. I'm just so thankful I didn't find him, but I cry for his best friend who did. Anyway, I just wanted you to know even on one of your bad days you are surviving and that sais alot about you. Hugs and prayers Vivian-Kevin's Mom

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I am new here. It sounds like we lost our sons on the same day! My beautiful 28-year-old only child, Colin, died on the bathroom floor of my home on January 4, 2012. I never knew what the word "despair" meant before now. He had a heart attack, we think. The coroner saw no reason to do a full autopsy. He may as well have committed suicide, he just did it very slowly by not taking care of himself. High blood pressure, no health insurance, overweight, etc. I just don't know what to do with myself some days. It's been 12 weeks and I am still all over the map with my feelings from one week to the next. This has been a tough week. I did not realize that his life motivated me in a way that I don't feel so motivated about right now. I just think, "what's the point?" on a lot of days. My condolences to you.

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1333031979' post='85973']

I am new here. It sounds like we lost our sons on the same day! My beautiful 28-year-old only child, Colin, died on the bathroom floor of my home on January 4, 2012. I never knew what the word "despair" meant before now. He had a heart attack, we think. The coroner saw no reason to do a full autopsy. He may as well have committed suicide, he just did it very slowly by not taking care of himself. High blood pressure, no health insurance, overweight, etc. I just don't know what to do with myself some days. It's been 12 weeks and I am still all over the map with my feelings from one week to the next. This has been a tough week. I did not realize that his life motivated me in a way that I don't feel so motivated about right now. I just think, "what's the point?" on a lot of days. My condolences to you.

Mary,I am so sorry for the loss of your precious son. So sorry for the hurt and pain you are going through. You are not alone. All of us have experienced the heart wrenching loss of our children. We understand what you are going through and we know your pain. You have experienced tremendous shock and it is going to take you some time to recover. In the beginning we seem to function in a fog. My daughter died 4 years ago. Our family had endured Hurricane Katrina, relocated to Texas, spent a year in a hotel, and were finally moving forward after these tragedies when she unexpectedly died. We think it was drug related, but the autopsy was inconclusive. When I look back, I do not remember much about the beginning after her loss. I just kept putting one foot in front of the other as I attempted to move forward. This site is a place you can come and find support. We are here to listen and will not judge. You can rant, cry, scream, or whatever you need to do to express the pain of your loss. We are here for you and we care. On the thread "loss of Adult Child," is where most people post. Click on it and then click "reply" at the top right to post. You will find a wide range of parents who are recovering from loss such as you are. Please come back often and post and tell us about your son, yourself, your journey. We hurt with you, we care, and we know your pain.Love,MADDY

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