Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

I Believe There Isn't a God...


Kelly

Recommended Posts

  • Guests
Guest Guest

Dear Everlasting,

Hi, I'm also not religious, and I'm not embarassed about it, because I'm true to myself, I'd rather be alone and stand alone, then to be lost with the crowd.

To say that this place is only to talk about loss and not my belief, just doesn't make sense, why? because my belief is that I will never see my loved ones again, in other words my belief is very much connected to the way I feel about what happens to the loss of my loved ones. Whereas some people's belief is they will see their loved ones again, and yours and my belief, is we will not see our loved ones again, it works both ways, belief is just another word that means, my feelings, what I think, what I believe. I can feel, believe , think what I want, especially if the topic of discussion is "I Believe There Isn't a God. I don't think there is a problem with that, unless people make it a problem.

MariaRosa

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 163
  • Created
  • Last Reply
  • Members
griffinsmom

Guest-

Share your loss, share how your beliefs aid you in your grief- but dont justify your beliefs...its not necessary in this forum. The problem is when people feel this is the place to tell others about their belief system, and why they are right, and others are wrong. Go back and read this entire forum, and the problem with elgs will be obvious- as will missing posts from someone called "anonymous". I can only guess who that was...

Thats the point. Your loss, and how your belief system helps you. Maybe that can help others.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
evrlastinggodstopper

Since everyone is so curious as to what loss I have suffered, I'll explain. A few years ago, my mother was shockingly diagnosed with cancer and died. No mother and son could possibly be any closer or loved each other more. We were everything to each other. When I lost her, it toally devastated me and broke my heart. There are no words that I could say that could possibly describe how much I love and miss my mom. Even though it's been a few years now, that pain is still there. I talk to a therapist each week and I take anti-depressant medication to keep my emotions under control. I have a brother but we are not that close. The rest of my relatives behave as though I'm not alive and don't care at all. So, since I lost my mom I'm very much alone in the world without any close family. I just try as best I can to survive day-to-day because I know that is what my mom would want me to do. So, there you have it. A short summary of my heartbreaking, devastating loss.

Now, for the beliefs part. While I was raised Jewish, I never really believed or bought into the religious dogma that was preached. It never added up or made any sense to me. I always felt that with death, disease, pain, sorrow, destruction, etc, that either God does not exist or, if he did, that he would definitely be evil and not fit for worship. Those beliefs that I had only intensified and strenghthened after I lost my mom. This is how I apply my beliefs to my loss: If God exists (which there is no proof of), then he either caused my mother to have cancer or saw her with cancer and did nothing to cure, save, and prevent her from dying (in my book, that would make him evil). So, I have my choice: Either I believe that a God doesn't exist (which would mean that all of the pain and suffering in the world just happens) or believe that a God either causes it or does nothing to prevent it (which would make God evil, deservedly hated, and not fit for worship). I asked myself which belief is the most rational, logical, and emotionally and mentally healthy. My answer is since there is no proof or evidence anywhere that a being called God exists that my best choice is to totally reject faith and existence of God. Because of my decided beliefs that there is no God, it helps me cope with the painful realities of life and it provides me comfort knowing that things just happen and there is no supernatural being responsible for cruelly taking loved ones away. I feel I'm a better, mentally healthier person because of it. It bothers me very much when people try to proselytize me and make religious comments that only make feel very sad. That's why I came to this specific board in order to get away from that in hoping to find atheists or agnostics who have suffered a loss and feel the same way I do.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Everlasting...I am truly sorry that you lost your mother. I know the stigma is that men are supposed to be strong. They are supposed to be able to get over a loss quickly. Most people probably don't realize that mothers and sons can have a strong bond...because men tend to distance themselves from emotion. I'm sorry that you don't have the support from your family to help you through this. Understand that what you wrote is what people want to see on this forum. It's trying to help someone with a loss. I would like to think that I can support you during this time even though I don't have the answers that you need. I hope you find the help and answers you need on this particular forum but understand that we would all like to help support you in the loss of your mother.

Maskott

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
evrlastinggodstopper

Maskott

Thank you for those kind words and sentiments. I guess it was appropriate for me to express my painful loss in more detail considering what day it is today. March 27 happens to be my birthday. While there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about how much I miss my mom, there are certain days on the calendar where it hurts even more. Today, my birthday, is one of those days. She never forgot my birthday and always made a big deal out of it. She would always take me out to dinner for a special birthday celebration. Since my mom's death, fortunately, my birthday came on a day of the week where I was at work so I was able to just stay very busy. Unfortunately, today, not by my choosing, I was given off. So I'm just at home alone trying to just stay as busy as I can so I can keep the extreme pain of this very difficult day under control. As I said previously, what at least has helped me some is my belief that there is no God who took my mom away because he doesn't exist. If I were to give in to irrational and illogical faith (believing something with absolutely no proof or evidence to make it undeniably true) then I would be consumed with extreme hatred and anger for a supernatural being called God. I would never be able to comfortably live with such a belief and be true and honest with myself. Living and believing as an atheist is what provides me some comfort, to cope, live, and stay honest with myself. And that is exactly what I will always try to accomplish when facing the cruel tragedies that I have faced.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Dear Evr....

Some days are, indeed, tougher than others. I hope you were able to get through the day okay, and I appreciate you sharing with us. I'm sure you have a lot of happy, loving memories of times you spent with your mom. I've found that memories can get us through a lot. You take care and let us know how you're doing.

DeeAnn

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Everlasting...Happy birthday. I'm sorry I didn't get back onto this site last night (which I usually do) or I would have wished you a happy birthday then. Yesterday was a bad day for me. Sunday was my son's birthday-he died in Aug. We had a big party for him with all of his friends coming by. The day was great. However, yesterday, reality slapped me in the face and I was so depressed that I never went back onto the computer. I just dozed on the couch until it was time for bed. I know these special days are hard. My son died during the night between Saturday and Sunday. It's still hard for me on the weekends because I'm home...nothing to distract me. I certainly understand your pain. I wish there was a magic word to say to ease all of the pain that we are in. You just have to take one minute of each day and if you can push the pain away for even one minute...you've made some progress. Your birthday is over for this year. Maybe what you should consider is going away for your birthday next year(if you can get away this time of year) I know everyone told me I should go away for Christmas. Do something different. I couldn't do that but I know it does help some people. Sometimes it's so hard not to feel sorry for yourself though. I'm sorry...sometimes I just start to ramble. I hope today is a better day.

BettyAnn

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
evrlastinggodstopper

A few weeks ago, I had to deal with another extremely difficultly, painful day on the calendar, Mother's Day. As I said previously, I lost my mother to cancer a few years ago. Me and my mother were everything to each other. No mother and son could possibly be any closer or love each other as much as me and her did. I have been very much alone in the world ever since she died. I've had a lot of bad things and devastating losses occur in my life. What helps me tremendously is my atheism. As long as I firmly reject in believing superstitious nonsense (a God or Gods), and believe that whatever happens happens and their is no evil monster named God who causes diseases, deaths, steals away loved ones, etc, because he does not exist, I can go on with my life and try my best to survive in a very lonely world without my mother. I am grateful and glad that I have no religious beliefs at all and I will continue to be committed to my logically comforting lack of faith. If I was to believe there is a God, I would be consumed with tremendous anger. If he did exist, there is no doubt in my mind that he would be completely unworthy of being loved, worshipped or followed. If God did exist, he would be described as the ultimate, evil, war criminal. In our legal system, he would be up on millions of charges of murder, abuse, and kidnapping. If I were to believe that God exists, then the conclusion I would come to is that he either caused my mother to get cancer and die or saw it happen and did nothing to stop it. If I believed that, I would be filled with so much anger and I would have even a harder time functioning daily than I do now. Fortunately, since there is absolutely no scientific evidence or proof anywhere that God exists and it is completely illogical to believe in such a diety, I can take tremendous comfort and intelligently concluding that there is no God. I will always be an atheist and completely discard and reject anybody's religious proselytizing which I 100% believe are nothing but lies. The very thought of a God existing, nauseates and sickens me. My atheism helps me and comforts me so much and no religious person will ever succeed in taking that away. I am completely satisfied and content to always life out my life as an atheist.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
evrlastinggodstopper

What I find inappropriate is your consistently insensitive, judgemental, confrontational posts you have deliberately made to me on a consistent basis. Unfortunately, this was no exception to your previous behavior towards me. Like most others, I use these boards to pour out my thoughts and feelings in regards to my loss and beliefs. I certainly do not want or need your seal of approval for expressing it. Your opinion of what is and isn't appropriate relating to the content of my posts has no authority here since you are not in charge of this site nor a board moderator. That judgement statement is one of arrogance and invites hostility. When you post specifically to me in that manner, you should not be surprised when my response is of anger.

Also, the part you highlighted from my post is called a "rant". It was directed at nobody. It was just about very emotional subject matter that is personal. Many people come to these boards to "rant" and do so. That does not, in any way mean, that you have the insight to that individual to wrongfully take upon yourself to accuse or suggest to them anger counseling. That was another extremely inappropriate and offensive statement you made to me. If you desire to have any civil discourse with me, I would strongly encourage you to cease making offensive, judgemental, insensitive comments to upset me. Otherwise, you should instead consider not responding to any of my posts. Think about it.

Now, I will address the content of the rest of your post. Throughout most of my life, I have always had serious doubts to the existence of a God. I always had a major problem with people worshipping, praying to, and praising a God when there is absolutely no evidence nor proof of his existence. Also, I especially had a problem with it based on the state of the world: disease, hunger, death, depression natural disasters, catastrophes, etc. The idea of a God who caused or let happen such events would be completely undeserving of any kind of love or adoration. I always leaned to that conclusion. I've had a lot of loss, tragedy, heartaches and heartbreaks take place during much of my life. But, by far, the worst of them of all, to me personally, was losing my mother. She was everything to me and I miss her more than any words could possibly express. Since then, I've been very much alone in the world, on my own, without anybody. It is a hard struggle every day but I do the best I can given the painful circumstances. Her loss touched me so personally that it made me re-examine my beliefs. Before, I wasn't a declared atheist but leaned in that direction. Now, after witnessing the suffering my mom went through and helplessly watching her die (which completely devastated me and broke my heart), I no longer just lean toward thinking there is no God, I now 100% know it in my heart and my mind. I also no longer just lean towards thinking that if the unlikelihood of God existing he would be a sadistic, cruel, evil monster, I now 100% know that to be true in my mind and my heart as well. That is what I consider the effects of my mom's death has had on my beliefs. Unlike before, now I am confidently certain and 100% sure. I am a totally honest person and I cannot and will not live what I would consider to be a lie. The God-belief that others participate in and live by, I personally have no doubt as being a 100% lie that I completely reject. If others want to live worshipping and believing in a God that either doesn't exist or is evil, that is their freedom of choice. What I have a major problem with is when they try to argue with me, coerce me, and proselytize me. I get extremely angry when these God-believers behave this way because my rejection of God-belief is very important to me in staying honest and accepting the truth. At the same time, I am immune to any of their dishonest deconversion attempts on me. Like I said before, I refuse to live a lie. And, to me, the biggest lie of them all is what the God-believers preach and believe which I want no part of. Atheism represents the rationality, logic, and rejection of the supernatural which is vital to the truthful existence I wish to live and I am fully committed to embrace it. Atheism satisfies and comforts me knowing that I'm being honest with what I perceive to be a reasonably true,logical explanation to life's questions rather than the false explanations of god-belief that comes to the entirely wrong conclusions.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
evrlastinggodstopper

People who post on message boards such as this are obviously in pain. When you decide to address and specifically post to someone, it should be done with respect and sensitivity out of proper manners and courtesy. You have a responsibility to choose your words very carefully in order not to upset that individual or make them feel worse. Sadly, you have failed miserably in that regard. The attitute you have displayed towards me has been the complete opposite. Someone, such as yourself, who attepts to talk down to people and acts superior is the very last type of person that I would want to converse with or enter into any kind of dialogue. Your recklessly obnoxious behavior towards me is very inappropriate and completely uncalled for. Unfortunately, your latest response demonstrates those facts.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
evrlastinggodstopper

You're the one who fits that obnoxiously arrogant decription I just gave. How about you learning not to post specifically to an individual who you have done nothing but bother and antagonize? If you looked in a mirror at all your posts directed at me and were honest, all you could see is someone who deliberately asked for anger and hostility. If you didn't want those type of responses, you should have decided instead to be more civil which appears to be out of your capacity. The only nonsense here is your consistently provoking comments which draws nothing positive. Well, by coming onto a grief support message board and targeting others by hurting them even more is a truly disgusting way to live your life. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
evrlastinggodstopper

It's good that you admitted your mistake. There's just one major problem with your statement. Prayer is worthless and accomplishes nothing since there is no existence of any God or Gods. So, there is no supernatural being out there to forgive. Also, if a God existed, the state of the world makes it impossible for him to be described as perfect and would be totally unworthy of being addressed as Lord. However, since the likelihood of a God existing is so slim, prayer and using names like Lord is completely out-of-touch with reality. You came here expressing you were an atheist. I suspected by your confrontational behavior towards me that you were being dishonest about your beliefs. Your theistic language just proves my suspicions were correct. The name of this specific forum reads "I believe there isn't a God." It was created for those who reject the existence of any god or supernatural being. Your last post indicates that you have been posting on the wrong forum.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Administrators

Evrlastingodstopper & Gonedog,

Please stop your current debate between each other and take it into email. This type of discussion doesn't add to the board. If you continue I will delete posts.

Thanks!

Kelly

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
nicolebrooke

Hi all,

I am not part of any organized religion and so I have had to search for my own answers about why my brother killed himself - well I know why but all the bad things in his life that lead up to it - and where he is now.

I know I don't believe in Hell. And I am sure I have felt him around me since he died. So I do believe his soul/spirit is close by and involved. And I know that he is happy now and free, I get that feeling from him.

But from there I don't know where to go.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Nicole,

I am so sorry about the death of your brother by suicide. For more information on your troubling questions concerning suicide, the "afterlife" and whether there is a heaven or hell please read, "WALKING IN THE GARDEN OF SOULS" by George Anderson. I believe a great many of your questions will not only be answered but your heart will be soothed and comforted, as well.

Always a friend,

Steve D.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
evrlastinggodstopper

Here are some of my favorite books that are the 100% truth and appropriate for this particular forum ("I believe there isn't a god" forum. Some people need to realize where they're posting and what is acceptable material.) These books should provide great comfort for those intelligent people who want to live by logic, reason, and reality, instead of brainwashed, delusional, god-belief, after-life fantasy. I highly recommend each of these books as they reveal the absolute truth about the falseness of christianity and all religions and exposes everything regardng the supernatural as blatant lies and puts everything into the proper context and perspective that everyone should realize in order to stay mentally healthy and sane.

Atheism: The Case Against God

By George H. Smith

The Christ Conspiracy: The Greatest Story Ever Sold

By Acharya S.

Losing Faith in Faith: From Preacher to Atheist

By Dan Barker

Why I am not a Christian: And other Essays on Religion and Related Subjects

By Bertrand Russell

Atheist Universe: Why God didn't have a thing to do with it

By David Mills

The Born Again Skeptics Guide to the Bible

By Ruth Hurmence Green

The Book Your Church doesn't want you to Read

By Tim C. Leedom

The Impossibility of God

By Michael Martin

God's Defender's: What they Believe and why they are Wrong

By S.T. Joshi

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
nicolebrooke

sdimarzo - Steve D,

I thank you for your suggestion. I was not offended. I have a very open mind and as I wrote I am still searching for answers.

evrlastinggodstopper,

Thank you as well for the books you recommended. I came to this site to deal with the loss of a loved one who commited suicide and I am still trying to understand it. The why´s and what if´s. Also, I really need to believe he is happy somewhere.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Surviving a Heart Attack (just read)

This one is definitely worth your minute: I suffered a heart attack recently and I did one thing that brought almost immediate relief.

With all my strength I tried to stretch my body and overcome the bending position one is forced to when suffering a heart attack.

I put myself in supine position, put my STRETCHED ARMS TO THE SIDES at slightly greater tha right angle and stopped tossing and turning and moving my fingers, which I thought was the best way to REDUCE ADRENALINE – the main culprit of a HA. I felt almost immediate improvement in the depth of my breath, the pain the muscle cramp started receding. After 15 minutes I was able to stand up.

Putting arms to the sides looks to make the chest and muscles inside it expand and that streches the cramped heart muscle (like soccer players stretch their cramped calf by bending the foot to the maximum, just raise your arms above the head level and you can see it does make the chest expand). Staying totally motionless seems to induce a state of maximum relaxation of the body (which reduces adrenaline.) and muscles (including the heart muscle).

Please try using this technique when facing death. It can really help you and your relatives survive a heart attack.

Greetings

Peter

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I don't believe there is a connection between the love of a God, and the pain and suffering, and death of this world. Why must I believe it because the bible says it, that sin entered the world, I don't believe it, I don't believe everything I hear and read.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
evrlastinggodstopper

It's good to see there are some new people on this forum who do not believe in the existence of God. Welcome to both MariaCeleste and Mariposa. Since I came to this site, this forum has been a pleasant surprise and discovery. There is no other grief support site that specifically has a forum for people who have suffered a devastating loss that are either atheist or agnostic and that are able to post freely without fear of attempted proselytization and religious coercion from those who do believe. I give the owners and moderators of this site tremendous credit for creating this forum which satisfies the needs of people like me. It fufils a great service to atheists and agnostics who had no other alternative. I have expressed in depth both my devastating loss of my mother and my non-belief in the existence of any God. I hope that both of you, MariaCeleste and Mariposa, share similar views, thoughts and feelings as me, so we can exchange good conversations from our experiences where each of us would feel more comfortable and benefit in knowing we're not alone in our beliefs. I look forward to hearing from you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
mariaceleste

Thank you Everlasting, and Mariposa for your comments.

Besides what I said about not believing what the bible says, another simple example, is what I read here earlier about, this place was to talk about your loss and not your belief. Because for me what you believe and your loss are connected, I wrote this before, that your belief and your loss are connected.

But then some people's interpretation is the religious belief, you see,

but I'm not talking about one's religious belief. I'm not religious, so that word is not in my vocabulary. Because religion is connected to God and I don't believe in God. Belief meaning your opinion, thoughts, and feeling, that meaning of the word belief for me. How is my belief connected to loss, I have to have an opinion about my loss, a feeling about my loss. Words are really important to me, and I will decide how I want to interpret them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi Everlasting,

I understand this place is to talk about loss, but when I started reading, people's reaction, towards people with different beliefs/opinions, I didn't feel it would be a good idea to talk about loss, because if people didn't care about your beliefs/opinions then they wouldn't care about your loss.

I've been to other sites before and the same thing happened there, too. When I started reading how cruel people can be, because not all people share the same beliefs. I decided not to talk about loss. To tell you the truth what drew me to this site was reading your beliefs.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
evrlastinggodstopper

GoneDog: it should not make you feel good that you are using this forum as a means to engage in nasty sarcasm and harassing behavior to those who have suffered loss.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
evrlastinggodstopper

Hi Maria Celeste, I want to offer you a very warm welcome to this forum. This forum is unique because it specifically fulfills the needs of those who have suffered a loss that are non-religious and don't believe in existence of a god or gods. I have searched the internet and have not found a another grief support site that offers this specific service. It's wonderful that the owners and moderators of this site created it for atheist/agnostic grief-stricken people. I commend them for it. Unfortunately, since its creation, other than myself, there really haven't been any atheist/agnostics here who have suffered a devastating loss while sharing similar beliefs. I have been waiting for more atheists/agnostics to find this site and forum so we can have comforting discussions to help each other and making us realize we're not alone in how we feel. I am so glad you found this forum and I have the opportunity to talk to you. I understand what you're saying. I usually don't provide details of the devastating loss I suffered because those who have different beliefs have tried to proselytize and judge me instead of offering the compassion and understanding of a friend. That is why up until now I haven't really felt comfortable in discussiing my loss. Yes, religious believers can be very cruel to people like you and me. Like you, I have experienced the same kind of cruel behavior from religous believers on other sites. That is why this forum is so critical. At last, we have a place specifically for people meeting others that can truly relate and understand without encountering unpleasant religious baggage and attitudes. I hope you visit this site often knowing there isn't anything to be uncomfortable about or be afraid of here. Maria, you can confide in me whatever loss you've suffered and I will treat you as a friend, offering you compassion and understanding. By reading your few posts, we have a lot in common. I am also honored and flattered that you decided to become a member of this forum after reading my posts. I am always very honest with my thoughts and feelings and am dedicated to being truthful with everything I write. I'm glad you recognize this fact and I appreciate the compliments. That means a lot to me. I will look forward to having excellent discusions with you in the near future. Thanks again for finding this forum, being honest, plus displaying such understaning, intelligence, and kind words.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
evrlastinggodstopper

Tomorrow is going to be a doubly painful day for me. Those who live in the United States know that tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day. For me, personally, it has more painful significance. It is also November 23. That is my mother's birthday. For those who have read my story know that a few years ago I lost my mother to terminal cancer. It was so heartbreaking and devastating. No mother and son could possibly be closer or love each other more. While throughout the calendar year, me and my mother would always go places and do things together, certain dates of the year had even more special meaning and significance. Thanksgiving Day was one of those special dates. My mom's birthday always came right around Thanksgiving (usually days before). In those years, I would seperately take the day off from work to celebrate my mom's birthday, and then, a few days later would also celebrate Thanksgiving Day with her. When her birthday and Thanksgiving Day wound up on the identical day, we combined a birthday celebration for her and Thanksgiving. It was always a very special time of year for us. While there isn't a day that goes by that I don't feel the pain of how much I miss her, this week is where that pain really hits home even more and is more intense. Especially with my mom's birthday and Thanksgiving Day on the same day this year. My mom was everything to me. Since my mom died, I have been very much alone in the world. I live with my brother but we don't have a real closeness and he's always busy and usually has very litlle time for me. I have no close relatives or friends. What keeps me going is my work schedule and constantly staying busy so I don't have the time to dwell on how lonely I am without my mom. Thursday is one of those days my strategy for coping is even more important. Knowing the double-meaning thursday has is extremely painful without my mom being here. A plus that does help me is my belief system. I know that it is illogical to believe in the existence of god. I know there is no proof, evidence or reason, to suggest that there is any possibility of a god's existence. Therefore, my comforting conclusion is that there was no cruel, sadistic, hateful, murdeous god who caused my mom to have terminal cancer or just sat by and let it happen while letting her die. Also, there is no criminally abusive god who stole my mom away from me totally breaking my heart. Knowing this, you can't hold someone or something responsible for such heinous acts and hating it when it doesn't and never existed in the first place. Because of these honest conclusions, it gives me such tremendous comfort and peace of mind. It is far better (besides being more logical and rational) in believing that a god doesn't exist because the alternative belief is far more destructive. Because of my 100% atheist commitment, I have a much better mental outlook than I would have otherwise. While it is impossible to take away the pain of me being without my mother, my lack of beliefs in the existence of any god gives me the comfort and peace of mind that no other beliefs could possibly achieve.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Evrlastinggodstopper.......I read about your feelings of not having your dear mother. I am deeply sorry for your loss. When we go thru our grief these anniversaries seem to hit us hard. I am truely sorry that you have to feel this pain. I know the lonliness you speak of. I lost both my parents and husband within a 6 month period.....there are so many dates and anniversaries to get thru we all know but I find it is also the everyday stuff that hurts. I know what you mean even when you talk about your brother not being as close to your mom because I was "daddy's little girl" and my siblings are all boys (9 brothers)....so there is no way they could possibly know how I feel. I will keep you in my thoughts.

Peace.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Dear Everlasting,

Thank you for the welcome. I'm sorry about your mother, Everlasting. I know with time it gets a little better, but it still hurts. Loss is a feeling, and a belief is a feeling. This is what this place is for, to talk about your feelings. You've done that very well.

My brother died 5 years ago of respiratory failure, he was 40.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
4everjoeysmom

Dear Guest-- this is not a good place to scream out your opposition to others' beliefs. This particular thread is for people who don't believe...and that is their choosing and their right. There are other more appropriate threads for you to share... Being 14 and going through what you are is devastating and difficult. You will find better assistance and compassion in the appropriate places. Blessings, dear one. -Claudia

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
evrlastinggodstopper

Guest,

You are obviously a newcomer to this site. I will explain to you how it's set up. Everybody who comes here is grieving over the loss of a loved one. They have divided each forum into categories so posters can find the most comforing discussions to fill their needs. There are many different types of beliefs. Often, heated arguments and disagreements can surface over beliefs which would ultimately make the grieving individual feel worse. Beyond Indigo has wisely separated beliefs into specific forums (those who believe there is a God and those who believe there isn't a God)in order to avoid this problem. That way, posters know they are among people who share like-minded beliefs in coping with their loss so no hostile interactions would occur causing any more mental and emotional pain. Now, I could very easily go to the "I believe there isn't a God" forum and post the opposite of what you posted here, saying "There is no God. Even If a God did exist, he is definitely a horrible monster and helps nobody." Have I ever done that? No. Would I ever do that? No. Why? Because on this "I believe there isn't a God forum" it specifically satisfies my posting needs according to my beliefs and situation. Also, I wouldn't do it out of respect for others and because it would cause trouble, resentment and animosity. And that would destroy the purpose of this site for being a comforting, friendly, grief-support community. You should give us on this forum the same respect and courtesy. So, guest, in the future, go to the "I believe there is a God" forum which suits your needs instead of coming on to this forum trying to argue and lashing out at those whose beliefs are completely different than yours.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
evrlastinggodstopper

Dear Maria Celeste,

I appreciate your comforting thoughts and words. The pain does lessen over time in it's intensity. But, it's still a pain that will always be with you for the rest of your life. There is like a hole, an empty space in your heart, a void that can never be filled. Me and my mother were as close and loved each other as much as any two people possibly could. She was the only real love in my life who truly cared about me. After she died, I cried several times a day and went into a deep depression. Then, I went to see a psychiatrist who diagnosed me as suffering from deep depression and highly recommended that I desperately needed to be put on anti-depressant medication. For the last few years, I take an anti-depressant once every day. It has helped me cope and function during the day. Without it, I would be in much more extreme pain and would be unable to function. The anti-depression medication dosen't take away your emotions (no drug can do that). What it does is even out the emotions so they're not so intense and helps me cope and function daily. Also, I see a therapist/social worker once a week. Since I am very much alone in the world, it gives me my only opportunity during the week to sit down and talk to someone while sharing all of my thoughts and feelings. Also, I go on atheist websites regularly and read. The writings on those sites has given me a great comfort and understanding. I am convinced that in all likelihood, since there is absolutley no proof or evidence, that no such thing as God exists. Believing that, I can't be angry at an evil God who either caused my mom to have cancer or let it happen taking her away from me and torturously having to live the rest of my life without her. Why? Because he doesn't exist so this ultimate heartbreak just happened with nobody to blame. Anyway, thank you for telling me what devastating loss brought you to this forum. I am very sorry for the loss of your brother. My heart goes out to you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
4everjoeysmom

Giving a little benefit of the doubt with a compassionate but firm correction on the use of the forum would most likely make the point sufficiently to "help" a grieving 14 year old child rather than following it up with a harsh and sarcastic scolding... just my opinion... There was obviously a maturity factor involved.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
evrlastinggodstopper

I could try to understand guest's behavior if there was only one belief forum. However, that is not the case. Beyond Indigo has multiple beliefs and religions forums. The entrance to this specific one reads as follows:

I Believe There Isn't A God

A place for those grieving to share their feelings about non-God religions and death.

That description is self-explanatory ensuring that there won't be any honest mistakes in posting on the wrong forum. Even at 14, what guest did could not be considered accidental. The point needed to be made to avoid such situations in the future.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
4everjoeysmom

It's just too bad that your desire to defend your religion of non-religion outweights your sense of compassion and support, regardless of error, which seems to me is what any forum on BI is essentially purposed to provide. Who are you? I mean, I'm sure you have pain too, but you're so relentlessly bitter and attacking when someone doesn't adhere to "your" forum. This is "your forum", right?

It's stuff like this that just baffles me about human behavior, religion or not...

To whomever is the moderator of this forum, SHAME ON YOU for allowing this kind of behavior for so long... It's really disappointing and discouraging!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
evrlastinggodstopper

I never said it was my forum. I had tried to post on other grief support sites expressing my loss. Unfortunately, on those sites I was verbally attacked for my non-beliefs by others and constantly subjected to attempted religious coercion and proselytizing. That treatment added significantly to my painful loss. After that, I vigorously searched the internet for a specific site which had a forum specifically for non-believers suffering a loss. For a while, my search was unsuccessful. Finally, I found this site which had exactly what I was looking for. A place to not only discuss my loss but with people who shared my like-minded non-beliefs. Others like Maria Celeste I'm sure have experienced the same thing. That's why she felt so uncomfortable on other sites talking about her loss, too. I was so glad when she finally felt comfortable and secure to talk about what heartbreaking loss brought her here. People who are believers shouldn't post here because they'll only cause more unnecessary pain to myself, Maria Celeste, and others who specifically wanted desperately to communicate with others who reject beliefs in any God. That's why we post here. It provides us with a special feature we can't find anywhere else. It would be shameful if someone came along and ruined it. Maria Celeste and I have become friends and have bonded because not only of our loss but also non-belief. For everything I've been through, that means so much to me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
4everjoeysmom

Dear E: I am truly very, very sorry for your loss and pain. I've read your posts and how special your relationship was with your mother. My heart really goes out to you. I'm sure there is a huge empty hole in you rlife, just as there is for me since my son died. I agree that there are appropriate forums for all types of specific needs. And this one, I am very happy to hear, suits your needs. It's just really disheartening sometimes to see insensitive remarks toward someone that is crying out for help, even if they stumble into the wrong forum. Yes! The child's post was inappropriately placed. There is no question. But I think, religious or not, we all go through phases of anger in our grief stages, and this little 14 year old is no different. I did feel a sense of immaturity come from her post, which just made me feel even more compassion and sadness for her. Lashing out is one of her ways of coping, and it's so unfortunate and sad. I had hoped that I responded quickly enough, with gentleness and respect, to let her know she made a mistake in posting what she did here. It was never my intention to upset you or anyone else here. We all need support, compassion and understanding in a way that helps us to heal through our grief. We would not be on boards like this if it were not so. I'm sorry for putting you on the defensive like that. Please accept my apology. I am truly sorry for your loss. My deepest condolences to you...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Gear Guest:

Come on over to, I BELIEVE THERE IS A GOD" site.....This is where you belong and I promise all of us there will support you in all you are feeling. We are a family. You are not alone and hopefully with our support you will gain strength with each new day.

To everyone else here...This is in no way meant to insult anyone here. I am just wanting to reach out to a 14 year old who is hurting from the bottom of her soul.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Dear Everlasting, Hi,

If you and I come to these forums is because we know we need each other for comfort, we won't, can't get that from a God. I don't understand why people feel they have to argue with people.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
evrlastinggodstopper

Dear Maria, I agree with you. We come to these forums hoping to receive comfort and understanding from a friend. Since this specific forum is titled, "I believe there isn't a God", religious believers should know that we reject belief in the existence of any God so comments of that nature won't provide us comfort. It's a shame that some believers (not all) disrespect the purpose of this forum by posting here in trying to argue and proselytize. I don't understand why they make such attempts. They should know those behaviors only create a hostile environment for non-believers and cause unnecessary pain and resentment. That type of unpleasantness is what I want avoided. I highly value this forum. It is the only one on the entire internet that specifically suits my needs. Finally, I have found a place where I can express my loss and explain how I cope regarding my non-belief in any God in peace. I just hope there will be no more future incidents, like guest's recent actions, to ruin, disrupt and disturb what should be a safe, internet community. I'm just going to try and forget about what happened (move on) and hope something similar doesn't occur ever again on this forum. I very much want my positive posting experience on this forum to continue (I'm sure other non-believing posters, like yourself, feel the same way).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Dear Everlasting,

If I'm not a God person I have no interest in entering a Believe in God topic, I would just stick to my interest of non-god topic. I don't care what people believe or don't believe in. If I don't care what people believe in, I'm not going to get into an arguement about it. I'ts very simple you agree fine, you don't agree, just leave it. As long as people don't harm one another. I see argument as a form of hatred.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
4everjoeysmom

Hi All, I post on many different grief and loss boards, so I'm not surfing to pick on anyone or debate, or what have you. I am so sorry for everyone here that is going through a painful loss. I was looking back on posts to see who you lost, Mariaceleste, and I couldn't find anywhere. Everlasting, I know you miss your mom. Have either of you felt any different with the New Year? My son died in July, and it seems like since 2007 arrived my grief has really taken a nosedive; maybe because from 2007 on Joey isn't here anymore. I was just wondering how you are coping. I know work keeps you busy, E. I just can't seem to find anything that keeps me busy enough... if that makes sense. Anyway, to you, maria, and everyone here, I just stopped in to say that I hope this new year brings some comfort somewhere along the way...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

If one does not believe in God or "afterlife" then how is it that we get through this? I lost my father 5 months ago and I'm so devestated. He had terminal cancer. I do not believe that there is an afterlife but everyone around me does except for my significant other. So I see all the people around me that miss my dad and they deal with their grief by having "faith" or knowing they will see him "one day" but me I dont believe those things so everything is so final for me and I really do not know how to deal with it. I find myself pushing it aside. Pushing the pain aside just to get through my days and to go on with life but I miss my dad so much and I'm left with horrible memories of watching him suffer for years and watching him suffer until his last breath. How does a person with my belief system get through this? I dont tell anyone how I feel because people do not understand. It's been embedded in them to have a religion. It was also embedded in me but as long as I could remember I've always been one to question things. Once I really found myself I realized life was a whole lot better. I dont know if I'm making sense. I guess I'm just searching for someone that has a similar way of thinking and I'm wondering how you've gotten through a situation like this? How have you dealt with such a tremendous loss? You see I dont think my dad went up to heaven. I think he is all around me and not in the form of the way I knew him. I hope this makes sense to someone out there. Here is a poem that brings me comfort and explains how I feel.

Do not stand at my grave and weep

I am not there; I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow,

I am the sun on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

I am in the flowers that bloom;

I am in a quiet room.

I am in the birds that sing;

I am in each lovely thing.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there; I did not die.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Mariposa, There are many ways to think about what comes after death. All I can tell you is what I have experienced since the death of my husband. It was sudden, and I think for that reason I was very open to any \"cosmic\" messages or feelings that were out there. I have received great comfort from some spiritual connection with the universe or God or whatever you want to call it. I truly believe there is something, some force that rules the universe. I believe when we die our essence is released into the universe. I don\'t know what form or anything, but our energy is still there. I have such strong feelings somtimes that my husband is with me still. My desire to connect with him makes it so. I have read so many posts from other spouses who have had virtually the same feelings and experienced the exact dreams and connections that I have to make me believe there is something that comes after. How else do you explain how we all have so much in common when it comes to these similar experiences? Be open to the universe, it is so vast that anything is possible. Peace

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Sidvis, Thanks so much for your input. It makes sense what youre saying. I guess I'm kind of confused. I was actually thinking about the last post I left. I was thinking about it this morning and my thoughts were that there has to be something after. Maybe it's not exactly the way the majority talk about it as in "heaven" and "God" and all that. I was thinking though that I've come across some experiences to cause me to believe there is something after. I think I'm trying to make sense of all this because like I said I dont believe it the way the people around me do. I dont "think" about it how they do but anyway I'm just rambling on. Thanks again for responding. I'm pretty confused though lol I guess I'm just searching for my own answers rather than to have people bombard me with their religious beliefs. I grew up like that. People always telling me what to believe but I've always questioned it. I guess I'm just trying to find my own answers and this felt like the perfect place to post. I'm sorry about your husband. How long ago did he pass away? I worry about my mom. She's a widow at 53.

Mariposa, There are many ways to think about what comes after death. All I can tell you is what I have experienced since the death of my husband. It was sudden, and I think for that reason I was very open to any "cosmic" messages or feelings that were out there. I have received great comfort from some spiritual connection with the universe or God or whatever you want to call it. I truly believe there is something, some force that rules the universe. I believe when we die our essence is released into the universe. I don't know what form or anything, but our energy is still there. I have such strong feelings somtimes that my husband is with me still. My desire to connect with him makes it so. I have read so many posts from other spouses who have had virtually the same feelings and experienced the exact dreams and connections that I have to make me believe there is something that comes after. How else do you explain how we all have so much in common when it comes to these similar experiences? Be open to the universe, it is so vast that anything is possible. Peace
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Mariposa, the poem you mentioned has also brought me great comfort. It was on a sympathy card from a good friend and I keep it with things I treasure. I think we are all entitled to our beliefs or non-beliefs and as long as we all respect that, we can comfort each other without forcing anything upon another person. I am 56 and my husband died in July. It's a really tough time for your mom. Be there when she needs you, give her space when she needs that. My daughter has done that for me. Mary Jo

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Mariposa, I really like your name, butterfly, right? I am 49. My husband died 16 months ago. My sister is 53 like your mom and her husband died after a long battle with colon cancer. It was ten years that he fought. He died at home with all of us around him. He died about 7 weeks before my husband did. Grieving is a way of life for us right now. The "inner strength" that my sister and I have tapped into gets us through. You have that too, I can tell by the way you write. Any time you can express your thoughts so clearly I believe you are on the right course of understanding. Just keep posting and journaling and talking to your significant other. All these things will get you through. Tell your mom about all these ways to cope. I know this site is really a healing site. Just look at the forum "I miss him so"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.


×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.