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sweetjane89

Very upsetting Dream about my mothers pregnancy Loss

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sweetjane89

I am 22 years old now, and recently enaged to a wonderful man. We have been thinking a lot about how are future is going to pan out including children. We are especially excited about this. But I have been having vivid dreams about making nurseries picking baby bedding, etc, and my mom not being happy within these dreams. When I was a senior in highschool my mom lost her pregnancy after 3 months. I know now that she didn't get the support that she needed, because of her reactions to talk about myslef having babies in the future. I feel very sorry for her and what happened. I know she didn't get much of a sense of closure-at least not as much as what was probably possible. Once in a while she will bring up how insensitive some of our friends and family members were to her loss because she wasn't far along, and because she was older during the pregnancy (40) with 2 teenagers and a college-age son. I feel for her but at the time I had no idea how to help comfort her, and I think she felt pretty alone. I had a dream about this last night in which I asked her if she and my dad ever got the chance to name the baby and she broke down sobbing, then I woke up. I feel sorry that the baby's life did not get more recognition, just because it was not close to full term, or a death after birth. I would not bring it up, becuase obviously I do not want to salt a wound, but if she does bring it up again, what can I do to help her heal? I know the topic will come up again soon, if not by the time I am pregnant. How can I help she and my father gain closure, and show how sorry I am for my lack of support as a teen? I feel like I am the only one who sees that she is often still in pain. She hasn't been the same person since then, really. I have been plagued by very vivid nightmares lately but this one really resonated with me. I feel the need to talk to her about it, beause I also was in grieving, but felt like I couldn't because it wasn't my baby or my pregnancy.

Any suggestions would be appreciated. :(

Peace and love to everyone suffering from hardships <3

-Jane

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Maddy6
1326178096' post='82609']

I am 22 years old now, and recently enaged to a wonderful man. We have been thinking a lot about how are future is going to pan out including children. We are especially excited about this. But I have been having vivid dreams about making nurseries picking baby bedding, etc, and my mom not being happy within these dreams. When I was a senior in highschool my mom lost her pregnancy after 3 months. I know now that she didn't get the support that she needed, because of her reactions to talk about myslef having babies in the future. I feel very sorry for her and what happened. I know she didn't get much of a sense of closure-at least not as much as what was probably possible. Once in a while she will bring up how insensitive some of our friends and family members were to her loss because she wasn't far along, and because she was older during the pregnancy (40) with 2 teenagers and a college-age son. I feel for her but at the time I had no idea how to help comfort her, and I think she felt pretty alone. I had a dream about this last night in which I asked her if she and my dad ever got the chance to name the baby and she broke down sobbing, then I woke up. I feel sorry that the baby's life did not get more recognition, just because it was not close to full term, or a death after birth. I would not bring it up, becuase obviously I do not want to salt a wound, but if she does bring it up again, what can I do to help her heal? I know the topic will come up again soon, if not by the time I am pregnant. How can I help she and my father gain closure, and show how sorry I am for my lack of support as a teen? I feel like I am the only one who sees that she is often still in pain. She hasn't been the same person since then, really. I have been plagued by very vivid nightmares lately but this one really resonated with me. I feel the need to talk to her about it, beause I also was in grieving, but felt like I couldn't because it wasn't my baby or my pregnancy.

Any suggestions would be appreciated. :(

Peace and love to everyone suffering from hardships <3

-Jane

Jane,I am a mom of 6, the oldest daughter 30 and my youngest son is 14. I am on the grief site because my 22 year old daughter died 4 years ago. That being said I feel like I can offer you advise. You must be a wonderful daughter to be concerned about your mom and what she has gone through. Also, you realize she is a person with struggles outside of the mom role, ver insightful. I wanted to tell you to tell her what you have just told us. If she has never had anyone give full recognition to her loss because friends and family trivialized it, she has never had anyone validate her feelings. As her daughter, you are close and love her, and by acknowledging to her the pain she experienced, it may help her to heal. I love the idea of asking her about naming the baby. If she has not done so, it is a good idea. It will help her to accept the loss. She then may refer to the miscarriage, baby, by its name. This will validate and acknowledge her loss of a child and help her to heal. You are a special daughter and I would go to your mom privately and talk to her, tell her about how you realize now that she did to get the support she needed etc. I think this will really emotionally help your mom tremendously. Good luck, Maddy

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