6 Years - 8 month

[terryd]

Deep love and understanding to all....

My Name is Terry and it has been awhile since I have been on this board. First and foremost.... Please to all who have joined this club,( not willingly) my arms and a nod for I do understand. My beginnings, my months, my story, my loss are in the archives of beyond indigo, as then and still now when I enter another phase of understanding and sometimes the lack of, the only place I can now go with acceptance knowing I will be understood or accepted is here.

I am a very strong lady surrounded by the spirit of a very strong little boy, his love and my only way to join him is to move on. This sounds easy, sometimes absurd ...but as time goes on it is that what is expected.

Love is the most amazing addiction in the world. Surpasses drugs, nicotine, alcohol. Love however is not anything ever to get over. Even greater is the love we have for our children. I can assure you, you will not forget but you learn to celebrate.

You do have those moments where somethings triggers and you find yourself in a place where nothing seems clear, you float through, you go through life's mechanics ( because you have to) and find yourself somewhere that's okay... you get through.

Yes I am here, this is so much a surprise to me after this amount of time but once again, this loneliness, the ache, the air that we breath sometimes just does not go deep enough... it is then our children give us a gift.

My wonderful story... New Years we went to chicago, my dearest best friend found her self in a vulnerable helpless situation where her son was working, tired and in her fear started to panic. As she had time to prevent her son from having an accident, falling a sleep behind a wheel like my Michael.

She did, her son is fine but it brought me into a phase of grieving I was never before. I never had the chance to try to fix it.... Living her step by step motion was all that I would ever expect her or I to do, but I never had the chance.

My tear ducts opened, in a way I do not feel they ever really opened before.

Last week I attended a week long convention in Atlanta. Many miles from home and several weeks since the New Years. My "new" husband ( some good things do happen) and I decided not to sit through an awards ceremony and hang back, when this absolutely beautiful older woman, in a gorgeous velvet gown ask if she could sit with me.

Almost instantly... she started telling me about her grandmother in Turkey and as a young girl, when she was upset, her grand mother would have her sit in front of a window, looking at the water and this little girl would settle down as if she was looking at a movie. Her grand mother knew and told her parents watch her, as she is a gifted child.

She then told me about her mom, going into an operation and she never left her side and saw everything but also knew her mom was going to be fine. In actual time, this daughter was sitting in the waiting room with her father, but yet never left her mother.

She knew my Michael... she knew my mom who I lost a year and a half ago, and knew when my mom passed that Michael came for her. This was unbelievable as I was with my mom when she sat up in her bed ( now my mom was so ill she could not move) bent down grabbed someone's hand leaned forward, gently kissed the hand with her eyes wide open and a smile that would light the world.

Our children do not leave us.... especially when we least expect it, they give us what we need.

She told me My Michael keeps leading me where I need to go and what was especially sweet... she is a Catholic yet a psychic. This made it very personal.

I am so sorry this is long... my greatest message is breath... Our babies never leave us. I am a Mommy who has to have faith... and my Michael pops in once in awhile to remind me.

Love Terry

[mamabets]

For terryd~ An amazing story joined by an amazing photo... Some are connected forever, some beyond all of eternity...

You and your dear Michael??? For both~

I can so relate to everything you have said here. My Danny, 25 years beautiful, departed this world in June of 2004...I am mamabets over on Loss of an Adult Child... So many similarities.

We have so many family members in Chicago....

Please, when you have a free moment or two, travel my Danny's website. Be sure to look at all of the AMAZING miracle pictures in "full screen slide show" that I have been able to capture since his passing. They join all of the other pictures, along with his life's story... Our story of a once upon a time and our story that remains remarkably magical, still...

LOVE

mamabets

http://daniel-pallick.memory-of.com

xoxo