loss of my son

[dgoldhiggs]

On August 23rd 2007 my son Lynn turned 23.  On Tuesday Sept. 4th 2007 He was involved in an automobile accident in which both him and the driver died.  They were best friends.  I did not get to talk to him between his birthday and the day he died. I miss him so much.  I feel so guilty that I didn't talk to him,  but I can't go back and change it. He left behind 2 wonderful children though,  Alex,who is 3 1/2 and Ansley who is 1 1/2.  I know in my heart that he would not want me to stop living my life but some days it is sooooo hard just to get up out of bed.  I have great support all around me,  but sometimes I just want to start screaming and never shut up.  that would not be a good thing though.  I also have a 21 year old son to be there for.  He is having as hard a time as I am, although he will not show it. I am trying to encourage him to talk but he just clams up.  He was one of the first people to come upon the accident,  my ex father in law was also one. I would appreciate anyone who is willing to talk to me.

[mikesmum]

[user=19206]dgoldhiggs[/user] - I am so sorry to here of your loss. While this is a place none of us ever dreamed of coming to, we are all in our own ways glad to have found this light in the dark. 

My son Mike died just over a year ago.  He was 31.  He has a daughter now 2, brother Steve 29 and sister Melissa 31. 

Believe me when I tell you, you are not alone.  At any time of the day or night come here, read the stories and if you want or need let it out here.  Screaming, asking why, crying, sharing are all part of this journey. 

Here you can do all this and know more than one of us gets you.

All I can offer is take care of you the best way you can for now. That may be to sleep for a while, not answer phones, wander in a park or just plan be. 

Take care - Trudi 

[4everjoeysmom]

I'm so sorry for your loss of your dear son, Lynn.  What a great photo of him.  I know your devastation, and som eof the guilt you harbor for the "woulda, shoulda, coulda's".  I think we all go through that as a normal part of our coming to terms with our loss.  We're never ready to say goodbye, and we always wish we could have had just that one more time or chance to say more of what we feel in our hearts.  The reality is that our kids know how we feel, even for what we don;t say.  I'm sure there are many feelings our kids have that they don't necessarily express in words to us as well.  But there's this unspoken bond and love between parent and child that even words can never fully capture, because it's our whole heart's worth and words cannot always express what our hearts contain.  Please don't beat yourself up for not seeing Lynn during the time after his birthday.  If you got to express your love and joy of having him for a son during the celbration of the anniversary in which he arrived in this world, in your life, then I am sure he felt it beyond measure and one more day could not have expressed it better.  Although, any one of us, what we wouldn't give for one more day...

You are in my thoughts and prayers.  I hope that you can find a connection here at BI with others that will help to soften the sharp edges and grand waves of your journey of loss and grief.  Keep coming back and visiting this and other child loss threads to meet other parents who can identify with you and whom you also can identify with, because this grief journey can be very lonely, leaving us to feel very alone, isolated, and misunderstood.  There are those here who will walk alongside you and enocurage you with love and compassion.  Bless your broken heart and know how very much we care.

Hugs, Claudia (4everjoeysmom)