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I've Lost Someone...

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minnababy

my mum died on 3rd july && i just feel so empty. i know it sounds stupid, but even though almost 3 weeks have passed, i'm still finding it really hard to believe that she's gone. although she had been really ill, no-one expected her to die so suddenly - she had seemed okay the day before, i was looking after her at home, && she was talking about things that i needed to do the next day etc, then the next morning when i went into her room, she was breathing terribly, her lips were blue && she was kicking her arms around && stuff, me && my brother were so scared (i'm 19, he's 17) we called a friend && they called an ambulance, the ambulance men wouldn't let us go in the ambulance with our mum, so her friend took us to the hospital && when we got there they told us she had died in the ambulance, i never even got to say goodbye, i honestly thought i'd see her again at the hospital. the only thing i can keep remembering is that while i was trying to keep the oxygen mask on ehr face at home because she was moving around so much, she squeezed my hand, she knew i was there but that's the only comfort i have, i didn't even get to tell her how much i loved her. i can't get the images out of myhead of how she looked that morning. it wasn't meant to happen like that, she wanted to be in hospice when she died so that our hosue wouldn't have bad memories, now whenver i go into her room i get goosebumps and a weird cold tingling in my neck. at first i cried loads, but after that i've found it hard to even cry, i feel so guilty. deep down i know she's gone, but it's like my head won't let me believe it or think about it, i thought it'd hit me at the funeral && at the time it did, i cried so much, but i couldn't believe it was my mummy inside that box, but now i feel like she's gone away for a bit && is going to come back && it makes me feel so guilty, i just miss her so much, even though i've got my brother & friends & boyfriend & all his family to support me, i have never felt so alone, there are so many things i want to talk to her about, and it feels like most people think i should be feeling a bit better by now, but to be honest, i don't think it's even hit me properly yet, i just can't believe my mum is gone, i miss her so much, and don't know how i'm going to live the rest of my life without her, my 20th birthday was 2 days ago && it just felt so weird her not being her, not getting a card from her, i hated it. the house feels so empty. sometimes i feel so angry that i've lost out on the rest of my life with my mum, i just don't see any point in anything any more, i jsut feel like i'm doing things-sortting things out etc without even thinking and just because i have to. my mum was so brave, she had been so independant before her illness and i hate to see how IPF stole that from her, and so at least she isn't suffering anymore, but what hurts so much is that she died so unexpectedly all alone in an ambulance, i wish i could have been there i feel so guilty and i just miss her so much. i'd do anything to talk to her again. and why do i feel like this isn't real - i want it to feel real so i can be upset etc but i just feel stuck.

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Guest Guest

I need someone's help. I can't stand this anymore....My mom died eight years ago, and now I'm fifteen. I have a wonderful boyfriend, and this is where I reach a problem. I love him so much, but I always have this constant nagging fear of losing him. Could this be because I lost my mom, and I don't want to lose someone else too?

And it's not just him either. It's anyone close to him, or me. I'm sick of being paranoid about this all the time, because I just want to be a normal fifteen year old girl. Can anyone help me?

I hope you can help me.

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dancingirl

I cant say I know exactly how you feel but I do understand your fear. My mom died 3 years ago and for a while it was me and my brother and my dad. I honestly felt a little bit of how you felt for a while. Every time my dad would go away for work (which was evey week) or my brother would be out driving in bad weather I would worry about them and their safety and what might happen to them. I personally think that it is probably because of the loss that we have experienced and the fact that the idea of losing anyone else is tragic to us. I don't know if it will ever go away, I know for me it has definitely lessened. My dad got remarried and I worry a lot less about everyone but it always stays in the back of my mind. I think it is because since your family shrunk you probably realize how important the people who are close to you are and you don't want to lose anyone else. I don't know if that made any sense or if it helped you any but I hope I may have lessened your worry of this emotion! Let me know if I can do anything for you.

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missque

I know exactly how you feel! My dad died when i was in highschool i was 15 at the time. I always had this constint fear that i would loose someone else and my fear came true. My boyfriend passed away in a car accident in May. With 2 deaths in my past I'm finding it harder and harder to trust life and im constantly worrying that i will loose someone else in the future be it another boyfriend, family member or child.

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leruinsa

Hi, I just need help. I've been having a hard time dealing with the loss of my great-grandmother(or as I called her grandma). She was a loving and caring person, never sad except for when we had to leave to go back home.  December 20, 2006 was a day like any normal day. For other people. That day, my great grandmother was coming home from the hospital, we knew she was dying. I was took home from school that day because it turned out that she was running out of time, faster than we thought. That afternoon, she died. I've had a hard time coping, a year and some odd months later. I often cut myself because the pain gets so unbareable and I've thought about doing suicide frequently, but have only cut myself with scissors or my nails. I don't know any other way to cope and I have thought about doing suicide seriously. PLease reply.

 

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marzipan5491

Hi, my name is Meg and I'm 16.  3 years ago on December 8th one of my best friends, Nora, died from complications of leukemia.  We were friends for as long as I can remember.  Our moms met when we were two and our families were always friends.  She went to a different school so we didn't have any "friends in common".  Even though our friendship began through our families, we sustained it on our own.  When we couldn't see each other, we had long phone conversations.  We spent our summers together at various day camps from ages 4 until we were 12.  She was the only friend I had that liked all the same things as I did when I was younger-- we traded books, obsessed about horses, wrote plays and invented "recipes" that we made our families eat.  Even though its been 3 years since she died I'm just beginning to deal with it.  So many memories or painful things surrounding her death are coming back to me and at random times during the day I feel like crying or like I want to kick something.  It so unfair!  I don't understand why she got sick and I don't understand why she died.  Since we went to different schools, I was left out of a lot of things that her school friends did for her after she died and I don't have anybody to talk to about her.  My friends try to understand but they can't because they didn't know Nora and they haven't experienced someone so close to them die.  I don't have anybody to talk to!  I'm still in touch with her family but its a weird relationship. I  know its hard for them to see me because I remind them so much of her and how she would be growing up and all the things she would be doing, and its also hard for me to see them and see her little sister growing up.  At the same time though, I feel like they're the only ones who understand how much I miss her.  Her mom says she loves to see me but she never initiates anything because it IS really painful, so its kind of up to me.  At what point am I intruding on their lives?  Do you think it would be weird if I called her sometime and asked to meet her?  Her little sister is the most adorable, precocious 10 year old and she's so friendly and I would love to get to know her more, but its such a delicate situation. 

I'm seeing a therapist because I've been having a LOT of trouble sleeping the past few months (it all started with the anniversary of her death in December), but I just can't seem to open up to her. I really have trouble talking to people about how I feel, which, I guess, is why I'm here.

Any advice on how to approach my relationship with Nora's family would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you!

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leruinsa

I feel the same way. My great-grandmother(she was my grandma to me though) died in December 2006. I've had a hard time coping. I often think about killing myself. I used to be a loving, fun, carefree girl but that is all gone replaced with a dark, empty void. I find it hard to go on. She died from heart problems, I feel like it was my fault because when we went back that summer I noticed she looked way older but I thought I was just imagining things. Then a few days after thanksgiving we got a call from my aunt telling us that my great grandma had a heart attack and was in the hospital. Things deteriorated from there and then December 20, she died. Somebody please reply because I need help and want to find a way to go on but I just don't know how.

Amy

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davidsmom

Amy, please tell me you have found someone to talk to! Otherwise, please message me here on this site, and I will return your message right away. Just let me know you are ok. You are NOT alone. There are others here who are also struggling, but many who will lend an ear and give some good advice for the bad days.

Love Lisa

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traumaqueen12908

Hey all,

My name is Kim. I'm sorry to each and every one of you for the loss or losses you have suffered. I myself am suffering 11 so far this year, and it is not easy AT ALL. We all know that. I guess I just wanted to say that I'm really glad this site is here, because it can only help. I've read through the posts for months, and I know it has helped me. Thank you all for sharing the things you have. I have taken a bit from each of you. This is a great tool for healing.

[align=center]Thank you again[/align]

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imissutabby

My name is Jessica Im new to this site. Im 19. When I was 17 I lost my cousin/best friend in a car accident she was only 18 and had a 2 month old beautiful babygirl. I miss her so much. My friend told me that this site will help me deal with my pain. Because there are people here who really know what I am going through.

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iluxox

Heyy everyone  i am Kaitlyn i am 15 and  i would just like to say im so sorry for all of you  i understand the pain that comes with loss i have lossed my father 23 days ago and the pain is never ending it's very hard to keep going on with life without him  im sorry to all of you stay strong

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mightymom

Hi Kaitlyn, I have just joined here after being recommended by a friend who had lost her young son. I read your post and it pierced my heart. I'm wondering how you are doing now and if you have any words of advice to another teen (my son) who lost his dad only 2 days ago.

My son says he has to keep busy or else he goes into a "dark place." I'm not him and not in his head, so I don't really know what that means. Just know it sounds scary.

I hope you are healing. The only thing I know about grief is that it does fade -- with time. Lots and lots of time. I also know it helps to talk about it. So that's what I'm doing and hoping my son will, also. MM

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janes10606

Hello MM, I am a facillator for teens in grief. I can give you some helpful information in dealing with your son. first of all, you too are grieving and must take care of YOU. Also, most teens, especially boys, want you to think they are handling their grief ok, since they do not want to cause YOU more grief....so they tend to hide feelings. but you can help by asking them direct questions.....instead of asking questions that require a yes or no answer, be specific....ask if they are having any dreams, what are they about? how is your appetite? if they say you don't understand how it is for them, be honest and agree, you don't. But you care about him and want to keep the doors open so you both can talk. Kids just want to feel normal again and will do anything to escape the pain. Watch for trouble red flag alerts....falling grades, not coming home, hanging out with different friends, not sleeping and being sick more then usual. There are many places you can get free counseling for both of you....try local hospice and see if they have any TAG (teenage grief) groups. I wish you well. Don't expect too much from either of you for awhile. Feel your pain and talk to anyone who will listen. And best of all for you, join a group...you will find others in your situation and it helps to talk.....jane

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Kelly

Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.- Facebook and Twitter Integration- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it. - Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible. 

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other. 

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA

CEO/President

Beyond Indigo Family

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