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I've Lost Someone...


Kelly

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xxordinaryxxgirlxx

Jamiedawnsmom-

My Thanksgiving was okay. It was quite sad thought how it seemed like everyone was afraid to say anything at all. They were all afraid of 'hurting' me. I was a little upset. Do you ever feel like you have to 'shelter' Kari from anything? Even though she is older? I fell that's what my family is trying to do with me...But everything was okay, we celebrated my birthday, since it was the 22nd. I had a nice time visiting with family...

...But it just wasn't the same without them.

I take my road test today for my license. Things like this just feel like things my mom and sister should be here for. I feel really angry with them, and i know i shouldn't. *sigh*

Thanks for listening....

XOXO

Kaley

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jamiedawnsmom

Hi Kaley, sometimes it hurts more when people don't mention our loved ones. As a family we talk about Kim and Jamie all the time but others are uncomfortable with that. I'm sure your family thinks they are doing the right thing. Kari is pretty sensitive but some things you just can't shelter them from.

Good luck on your driving test - please be careful though - it's a big responsibility.

Kari emailed you this weekend so I hope you received it. If not, let me know and I'll send you her email address.

Take Care!

Renee

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i just started this last week....its been 3 months on the 14th that the love of my life my everything, killed himself...it was so unexpected, out of the blue i call him the day after his birthday to hear he shot himself in the head...i screamed louder than i possibly could, my hands went numb..i was in a car, i got out and i fell..my body was trembling...i was on stones in the pouring rain...my world went crashing down at that moment..my heart stop, i felt like most of my heart went with him...i dont know how he could of done it...he was so strong, so much stronger than me.. i thought to myself how am i going to make it if he couldnt...its been 3 months and i still think about him every min of the day..theres not a min i dont think about him or something reminds me of him..i knew him 4 years before i fell in love with him...i gave everything to him, everything i had to offer someone..i just dont know how to say goodbye..i dont even know if i want to...i just want to hold him one more time and to kiss him goodbye, tell him how much i loved him and how he full filled my life in every way..he was young..only 25..he killed himself 2 hours after his birthday ended....i just cant imagine the pain he was in and how alone he must of felt..they found him dead 10 hours after he died...what hurts is that no one even checked on him....they left him alone on his birthday...he went to a bar and got drunk on his birthday and told people he was going to kill himself and one girl said "good go blow your head off" she drove him home that night and didnt tell his father he wanted to kill himself...he got into a fight with his father..his father told him to get the hell out and hit him...and left him there by himself... i called a half an hour before he got home if i just of called back maybe he would be here....he was suppose to spend him birthday with me, i told him the day before his birthday and he agreed to it...i also told him that if anything happened to him or he killed himself, because someone that matterd to him told him that they wish he was dead and for him to kill himself..thats why i told him not to, and thats the last thing we spoke about and i wish i could go back in time and change it...i want him back...i cant sleep at night i lie awake at night and cry and wish how i could tell him i loved him...i have nightmares of holding him dead in my arms, dreams that he is still alive and then i wake and it was just a dream......all of this feels like a big dream

logan

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hello, my ex-boyfriend,was killed in a car wreak 3 months after we broke up. we had broken up in August and we were still kind of talking.we had or would of been together two years last 11/16/2006. the reason we broke up is cloudy now. My love, Vincent, had a drug and drinking problem. he chose his drugs over me and that was it. my heart had been broken to many times, i was over it! Vincent was killed in a one car crash, on 10/14/06. i had not idea of what was goin on till my cousin came over and told me. it was like my heart stopped beating and all i could say was no,no its not him.the thing that hurts the most is the last time i saw his face he was crying because he wanted me back. Vincent was tough guy and tough guys don\'t cry.the last time i heard his voice he was crying and begging me.still today that bearks my heart. i\'ll live with that gulit for the rest of my life.everywhere i go i see things that remind me of him everything i do reminds me of him, sometimes i even think i see him.

on 10/3/2006 i had a bad dream and it was about vincent. in the dream he had an car accident, but he was alive he was ok, he was alive and breathing. the next day i called vince and we talked i ask how he was and what he was in to. i told him about my dream and know i wish i would of never called him.because 13 days later he was gone and my dream came true.

I loved Vincent with all my heart and still do,he took a piece of my heart with him to his grave and now i wonder if i truly love someone else. i'm trying to pick up my life, and yes i still have my bad sad days.but i keep the good memories of Vincent close to me and play our song," big brass bed" it was his favorite song and he would play it look at my and i was his.

HE WAS MY LOVE!

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guest,

i got a very same dream a week before Vic killed himself...i had a dream that i was a mess and found out vic was dead..even during the day it bothered me and the last conversation the day before he died was not to kill himself. i told him i would loose it...he didnt say anything back i should of known...he told a few people he was going to do it and all they said was you dont have the balls to kill yourself...well he did and now he is no longer here...he was the love of my life..our song is Just You And Me, by Rie Sinclair...His favorite song was stand by me...sad part is no one did...i understand what your going through..vic was a drinker and drug user, but that didnt matter to me..all the great things about him over ruled the flaws...we were still together..trying to hold on strong, no one wanted us to be together...hr died 9/14/06 a month before your Vincent got in a car crash....i am truly sorry

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xxordinaryxxgirlxx

Yes, I got the e-mail Renee. So far it has been wonderful tlaking with her. Thank you so much, and I just wanted to let you both know that I'm so thankful to have met you both.

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xxordinaryxxgirlxx

Guest, I just wanted to ask, did your mom pass away?

If she did, I'm really sorry to hear about your loss. My mom passed away when I was 14, and I'm only 17 now. My sister just passed away in july of this year. I know what you're feeling. Sometimes it feels like it wasn't their time to go, either they were to young, or, you're to young to have to live the rest of your life without your mom. I'm so worried that I didn't spend enough time with her, becasue sometimes, I feel like I'm going to forget her. The little things, like the sound of her voice, or her laugh. I get so scared. It's amazing how you're reaching out for help though, because if you didn't it only gets worse. I lost my mom nearly 3 years ago, and I am JUST NOW begining to realize that it will get better. With my sisters death, it's taking more time, she was only 24. She has 2 amazing kids and she was way to young. It just feels like a dream. I'm glad that you are seeking help. The BI family is all here for you. I've had ntohing but good experinces' so far.

Just remember that you still do have time with her. She's in your heart hunnie.

..and she always will be.

Love and Prayers...

XOXO

Kaley

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jamiedawnsmom

Guest, I'm sorry for your loss. Jamie was only 14 when her dad died so I know what heartache you are facing. Just keep the faith and know that your mom is always with you - just look into your heart.

Take Care.

Renee

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I wish she was here. She died about 2 and a half months ago. Then on october 20th my grandmother died. So I've been goin through some tough times. I would probably go insane if my sister died. LITERALLY. My sister and borther mean alot to me. My dad is amazing I love him.

xox love and prayers

jasmine

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xxordinaryxxgirlxx

Renee, I don't know if I got to tell you about my sisters kids, about how I haven't seen them since she passed away. Well, yesterday I got to see my neiece. It was hard, but I made it through. My neiece had to to have surgery because she had a double hernia, well when the doctors got in there, they realized that her intestines were upside down. So, she was in the OR for 5 hours. But when she came out I was afarid to see her, becasue i would have felt stupid if she didnt know who i was. well when i went in there when she woke up, she looked at me and said..."Hi Aunt Kay-Kay" And i felt like my sister was there. it was the most amazing feeling EVER. of course since my sisters husband was a complete jerk before and even after my sisters death he didnt want the rest of her family to see the kids. but we got to see them and thats all that matters.

i just thought i would share my wonderful experience with you.

xoxo kaley

Feel free to share it with Kari.

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jamiedawnsmom

Hi Kaley, I'm glad you got to see your niece although I wish it were under better circumstances. I hope she is doing well. I hope their father lets you see them more - it'd be great if you can be a part of their lives.

I'm going to give you Jamie's web page. You can check it out and see pictures of Jamie and of Kari. If you need to talk feel free to email anytime. If you go to the web site you can just click on contact Renee Grinolds or you can get my email address in my profile.

http://jamie-dawn-grinolds.memory-of.com

Take care of yourself. You are in my thoughts often.

Renee

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Hello all,

Thank you for being members of our message boards. In March I am going and speaking to a group of funeral directors who really want to learn how to help their families they serve better. The discussion is to help the funeral directors think about what death means to them (including their own) so that they treat people with more companission. I could really use your help by answering this short survey. The results will be shared with this group of funeral directors but not your name. Please copy and cut this link into a new browser to take the survey http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.asp?u=816323037425 .

Thanks!

Kelly Baltzell

President

Beyond Indigo

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do you still hurt and cry for him? is all this suppose to feel like a dream? I cry almost every night and I'm trying to move on with a new relationship.The guy's name is Jorge and he is an awesome guy. He was their for me during the whole thing. He never left me side. but now trying to love someone else is so hard. i feel so bad like I am cheating on Vincent. how do you move on and think and think of him and not cry? lastlove19

guest,

i got a very same dream a week before Vic killed himself...i had a dream that i was a mess and found out vic was dead..even during the day it bothered me and the last conversation the day before he died was not to kill himself. i told him i would loose it...he didnt say anything back i should of known...he told a few people he was going to do it and all they said was you dont have the balls to kill yourself...well he did and now he is no longer here...he was the love of my life..our song is Just You And Me, by Rie Sinclair...His favorite song was stand by me...sad part is no one did...i understand what your going through..vic was a drinker and drug user, but that didnt matter to me..all the great things about him over ruled the flaws...we were still together..trying to hold on strong, no one wanted us to be together...hr died 9/14/06 a month before your Vincent got in a car crash....i am truly sorry

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xxordinaryxxgirlxx

Wow, it seems as though I've been on here for a while now, and nothing is getting better. I would never doubt this system. It has brought nothing but wonderful people into my life. But things keep happening.

On Febuary 6th, 2007, I lost a friend of mine.

His name was Kevin and he was going to be 18 on the 19th of Febuary. It hurts so bad. I've dealt with so many loses it feels like I'm starting to go numb. Numb to everything. And I don't like it. I want to deal with it the way I should, but my sister just got diagnosed with cancer, and everyone keeps telling me to be strong for her. But really, the question I have, is how do I be strong for her when I'm dealing with this loss? I know that he was a friend and she is a sister, but I still am dealing whit his loss. I have to go to school everyday, facing the fact that he's not there. And never will be. I'm lost.

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You not lost, just wandering around in a little haze. But get busy helping others, older folks, or children. Do some volunteer work asap so you can feel better.

My daughter just lost her boyfriend and she's having good days and bad days...but I'm trying to keep her busy.

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hey..i'm new to this site. reading everyone's stories nearly made me cry, you're all so brave. but also they made me realise that i'm not alone. my mum is really ill. she was diagnosised with IPF (idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis) a few years ago. this is when the inside of the lungs become scar tissue meaning that oxygen can't be transferred into the blood. it makes breathing really difficut. there is no cure for this disease, only drugs to try and slow down the progression of it. the only cure would be a lung transplant, which i had put all my hopes on, but when she had the tests done to see if she was eligable, they found that the oesteoporosis in her spine was too bad to risk it. my mum is taking loads of steriods && other tablets, and is on oxygen cylinders the whole time. because the disease is rare and progresses at different speeds in different people, it's not possible to predict how long she's got left, but at her last appointment she was told that in a best case scenario she has a year left && that isn't likely, and in a worst case sscenario she's got til easter. i'm 19 and i'm stuggling to cope with this, i used to cut myself but my boyfriend has helped me to stop. he is a great support to me, but now i seem to be crying loads && it gets to him because he doesn't know what to say. it upsets him to see me cry, he says he doesn't know what to say, he just wants to make it better but he can't, so i'm trying not to cry in front of him because i don't want to upset him. i have no one else to talk to and i don't feel that anyone understands what i'm going through. i've got so used to pretending i'm ok, i can be smiling and laughing but inside i'm crying. none of my friends know about this because i don't think they'd understand. i have a little brother who is 16, && i'd love to talk to him about this because he's the one person who would totally understand how i feel..but he refuses to talk about it and just shouts if anyone tries to talk to him about it and then leaves the room. i know he's struggling to cope with it too, we are both very scared, and i am very worried about him because i am the oldest i feel i have to be strong for him and for my mum. i feel like i'm all alone because of this, i have no contact with my dad..my parents divorced when i was 7. i also don't have any other family i'm close to, apart from my grandma who passed away last may..i feel like i'm losing everyonw i care about, i worry everytime someone i love goes somewhere in case they don't come back. i live away from home because i'm at uni..sometimes i feel guilty about it, i see my mum as much as possible but i feel like i should be there the whole time spending as much time with her as possible, but my mum wouldn't let me quit uni and mess up my future....when i first found out about this i blamed myself, i don't even know why and i think that's why i used to cut myself to cope with everything..i feel like it's so unfair, why does it have to be her, no one knows why she got this disease, she never smoked or anything, there is just no reason and now i just feel angry like everyone has just given up on her, and like no doctors care or why don't they do something else. but i guess deep down i know they have done their best and i just don't want to accept what is happening and that there is nothing more anyone can do. i'm really scared of losing her, of what will happen after she's gone, where my little brother will end up living. i don't know how i will be able to live without her, we are very close as she is the only parent i have had since i was 7, what scares me the most is thinking about all the things she'll miss..how she won't be at my wedding or meet her grandchildren..all things i just took for granted would happen. what if i don't ask her something really important and then i want to ask her and it's too late. all these things are killing me, i just start crying for no reason. sometimes i just wish i was dead, because there is no point living without her. i'm scared that i'll forget important things..i'm already struggling to remember how she was like before she got ill && breathless all the time. it cuts me up inside to listen to my mum struggling to breathe or see her with oxygen tubes coming out of her nose, she's losing all her independance when she was so independant before, she's the strongest person i know, i love her so much and i don't know what i'm going to do. i know she's getting worse every day and i know deep down she'll never get better but i'm finding it hard to accept it, i know that she's dying right in front of my eyes and it hurts so much.

thanks for reading <3

..sorry it got so long. x x

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4everjoeysmom

Dear Minnababy, I am so sorry for your pain and all the unanswered questions that run frantically in your mind and heart. I know there is probably nothing I can say that would ease the pain or bring comfort. But I am praying for you and your little brother. I am praying that the love your mum has for you will carry you in your pain and grief. And I am praying that whenever it is in your life that you need to ask your mum a question, through that beautiful love she will answer in your heart and you will know without a doubt that she is with you and will always be with you. God bless you dear one... Love, Claudia

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4everjoeysmom..thank you so much for your words of support. i am just hoping that it's true..that in the future i will know her answers even without her being there. i find it difficult to imagine how life will be without her, espcially as there isn't really any accurate estimate at how long she's got left. but all i know is that she's getting worse, i can see it. && it hurts so much, just thinking about things like how she won't be at my wedding makes me cry so much && hurts so much inside. i'd give up absolutley everything for her could get better but i am starting to understand that it's never going to happen. even writing about this hurts..somehow it makes it all seem so much more real..keeping it in my head means i could kid myself it's not real, but it is. again, thank you for your kind words. and i hope you are doing ok. x x minna x x

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Hey everyone,

I found this site on my schools website because we recently (actually almost a month ago) lost a student at my school. So I decided I would leave something on here not because I was very close to this student (although my older brother was), but because this is not the first loss I've experienced. When I was in 8th grade my mother was diagnosed with a rare form of Lymphoma called Natural Killer Lymphoma. It took the doctors many weeks to figure out that this was what she had and by the time they did, the only way to save her life was to move her to a bigger hospital. Well even the bigger hospital didn't help that much because she died in May (after only getting diagnosed in March). It was one of the most tragic times in my life (obviously), but it was unusually easy to keep up with my life, I have an amazing family and the greatest teacher support I could have asked for. High school was an entirely different story though. This past October one of my stepsisters (my dad remarried in March...a woman who I've actually known for a while and her kids) past away from organ failure. All of my stepsisters live in California so I wasn't allowed to miss school to go to the service and such. The teachers I had at the time in high school were significantly less supportive than those in middle school. And yet I got through it. Then about a month ago, this student at my school died in a car accident and everything began to fall apart in my life so it seems. I'm 16 and learning to drive and my dad is...putting it kindly not the most patient person in the world, so when I got to the point where I was driving a lot and I made a mistake he flipped out. And I'm really frustrated by the situation because I know that if my mom were here today, she'd be teaching me to drive and I wouldn't have any problems. And sometimes I just wish I could be with my mom, but I know that it isn't really possible. Anyway your site seemed to have a lot of support and I just thought maybe it was time (three years after my moms death), to get some more support from people who can understand me the most.

dancingirl

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Dear Dancingirl.

I am very sorry for the loss of your mom. I would actually like for you to talk to my niece. She is 17 and she just lost her whole family. Her mother, father and brother were all killed in a car accident just 2 short months ago. Like you, she has done a wonderful job getting back to her life and even made high honor roll in school this marking period even after missing 2 weeks of school. If you would be interested I could give you her email or her instant messanger on aol if you think you would like to talk to her. My niece Sam is also learning how to drive and though her dad started teaching her, it is now up to me to make sure she is safe. After losing her family in a car accident, she isn't doing too bad but still needs alot of practice. I'll post my email here and if you would like to talk to Sami (Samantha) I'll give you her info. Please keep your chin up. And even though your dad flips out, he only does so because he is afraid for you. I'm the same way with Sam. I keep it inside when I drive with her but there are times I just want to yell and its only because I don't want her to get into an accident.

My email is tracymed123@yahoo.com Take Care

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Guest Guest

Young E-Published writer who has lost her mother, father, pets, friends, babies and many significant others is putting the finishing touches on a table book which captures the humorous and sometimes inappropriate remarks that children and adults make when choosing what to say to someone who has suffered the loss of a Parent, Spouse, Lover, Friendship, Pet, Child or Business Partnership is seeking your contribution today.

These stories are not exclusive to death as loss can include those who have moved away from us either physically or emotionally. We are NOT seeking stories relating to the loss of jobs, homes or other personal property.

Painful memories when shared in a safe environment can often be soul healers so we hope you'll take the time to share with our understanding group.

When replying, please include your first name, age and the subject of the loss on the subject line:

i.e. LOSS OF PARENT or LOSS OF CHILD, etc.

Please fill out a survey here:

http://www.zoomerang.com/survey.zgi?p=WEB226E49J9JZG

-OR-

Send your responses to:

tablebook2007@yahoo.com

-OR-

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tablebook2007/

Many thanks,

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Hi tracym I'm sorry I didn't check the site sooner, I didn't realize you replied to the post. I would love to talk to your niece. That must have been very tragic for your whole family and I send my sympathies to all of you. Please let her know that my email is iluvdance61590@aol.com and she can email me if she ever wants to talk.

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my mum died on 3rd july && i just feel so empty. i know it sounds stupid, but even though almost 3 weeks have passed, i'm still finding it really hard to believe that she's gone. although she had been really ill, no-one expected her to die so suddenly - she had seemed okay the day before, i was looking after her at home, && she was talking about things that i needed to do the next day etc, then the next morning when i went into her room, she was breathing terribly, her lips were blue && she was kicking her arms around && stuff, me && my brother were so scared (i'm 19, he's 17) we called a friend && they called an ambulance, the ambulance men wouldn't let us go in the ambulance with our mum, so her friend took us to the hospital && when we got there they told us she had died in the ambulance, i never even got to say goodbye, i honestly thought i'd see her again at the hospital. the only thing i can keep remembering is that while i was trying to keep the oxygen mask on ehr face at home because she was moving around so much, she squeezed my hand, she knew i was there but that's the only comfort i have, i didn't even get to tell her how much i loved her. i can't get the images out of myhead of how she looked that morning. it wasn't meant to happen like that, she wanted to be in hospice when she died so that our hosue wouldn't have bad memories, now whenver i go into her room i get goosebumps and a weird cold tingling in my neck. at first i cried loads, but after that i've found it hard to even cry, i feel so guilty. deep down i know she's gone, but it's like my head won't let me believe it or think about it, i thought it'd hit me at the funeral && at the time it did, i cried so much, but i couldn't believe it was my mummy inside that box, but now i feel like she's gone away for a bit && is going to come back && it makes me feel so guilty, i just miss her so much, even though i've got my brother & friends & boyfriend & all his family to support me, i have never felt so alone, there are so many things i want to talk to her about, and it feels like most people think i should be feeling a bit better by now, but to be honest, i don't think it's even hit me properly yet, i just can't believe my mum is gone, i miss her so much, and don't know how i'm going to live the rest of my life without her, my 20th birthday was 2 days ago && it just felt so weird her not being her, not getting a card from her, i hated it. the house feels so empty. sometimes i feel so angry that i've lost out on the rest of my life with my mum, i just don't see any point in anything any more, i jsut feel like i'm doing things-sortting things out etc without even thinking and just because i have to. my mum was so brave, she had been so independant before her illness and i hate to see how IPF stole that from her, and so at least she isn't suffering anymore, but what hurts so much is that she died so unexpectedly all alone in an ambulance, i wish i could have been there i feel so guilty and i just miss her so much. i'd do anything to talk to her again. and why do i feel like this isn't real - i want it to feel real so i can be upset etc but i just feel stuck.

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I need someone's help. I can't stand this anymore....My mom died eight years ago, and now I'm fifteen. I have a wonderful boyfriend, and this is where I reach a problem. I love him so much, but I always have this constant nagging fear of losing him. Could this be because I lost my mom, and I don't want to lose someone else too?

And it's not just him either. It's anyone close to him, or me. I'm sick of being paranoid about this all the time, because I just want to be a normal fifteen year old girl. Can anyone help me?

I hope you can help me.

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I cant say I know exactly how you feel but I do understand your fear. My mom died 3 years ago and for a while it was me and my brother and my dad. I honestly felt a little bit of how you felt for a while. Every time my dad would go away for work (which was evey week) or my brother would be out driving in bad weather I would worry about them and their safety and what might happen to them. I personally think that it is probably because of the loss that we have experienced and the fact that the idea of losing anyone else is tragic to us. I don't know if it will ever go away, I know for me it has definitely lessened. My dad got remarried and I worry a lot less about everyone but it always stays in the back of my mind. I think it is because since your family shrunk you probably realize how important the people who are close to you are and you don't want to lose anyone else. I don't know if that made any sense or if it helped you any but I hope I may have lessened your worry of this emotion! Let me know if I can do anything for you.

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I know exactly how you feel! My dad died when i was in highschool i was 15 at the time. I always had this constint fear that i would loose someone else and my fear came true. My boyfriend passed away in a car accident in May. With 2 deaths in my past I'm finding it harder and harder to trust life and im constantly worrying that i will loose someone else in the future be it another boyfriend, family member or child.

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Hi, I just need help. I've been having a hard time dealing with the loss of my great-grandmother(or as I called her grandma). She was a loving and caring person, never sad except for when we had to leave to go back home.  December 20, 2006 was a day like any normal day. For other people. That day, my great grandmother was coming home from the hospital, we knew she was dying. I was took home from school that day because it turned out that she was running out of time, faster than we thought. That afternoon, she died. I've had a hard time coping, a year and some odd months later. I often cut myself because the pain gets so unbareable and I've thought about doing suicide frequently, but have only cut myself with scissors or my nails. I don't know any other way to cope and I have thought about doing suicide seriously. PLease reply.

 

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Hi, my name is Meg and I'm 16.  3 years ago on December 8th one of my best friends, Nora, died from complications of leukemia.  We were friends for as long as I can remember.  Our moms met when we were two and our families were always friends.  She went to a different school so we didn't have any "friends in common".  Even though our friendship began through our families, we sustained it on our own.  When we couldn't see each other, we had long phone conversations.  We spent our summers together at various day camps from ages 4 until we were 12.  She was the only friend I had that liked all the same things as I did when I was younger-- we traded books, obsessed about horses, wrote plays and invented "recipes" that we made our families eat.  Even though its been 3 years since she died I'm just beginning to deal with it.  So many memories or painful things surrounding her death are coming back to me and at random times during the day I feel like crying or like I want to kick something.  It so unfair!  I don't understand why she got sick and I don't understand why she died.  Since we went to different schools, I was left out of a lot of things that her school friends did for her after she died and I don't have anybody to talk to about her.  My friends try to understand but they can't because they didn't know Nora and they haven't experienced someone so close to them die.  I don't have anybody to talk to!  I'm still in touch with her family but its a weird relationship. I  know its hard for them to see me because I remind them so much of her and how she would be growing up and all the things she would be doing, and its also hard for me to see them and see her little sister growing up.  At the same time though, I feel like they're the only ones who understand how much I miss her.  Her mom says she loves to see me but she never initiates anything because it IS really painful, so its kind of up to me.  At what point am I intruding on their lives?  Do you think it would be weird if I called her sometime and asked to meet her?  Her little sister is the most adorable, precocious 10 year old and she's so friendly and I would love to get to know her more, but its such a delicate situation. 

I'm seeing a therapist because I've been having a LOT of trouble sleeping the past few months (it all started with the anniversary of her death in December), but I just can't seem to open up to her. I really have trouble talking to people about how I feel, which, I guess, is why I'm here.

Any advice on how to approach my relationship with Nora's family would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you!

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I feel the same way. My great-grandmother(she was my grandma to me though) died in December 2006. I've had a hard time coping. I often think about killing myself. I used to be a loving, fun, carefree girl but that is all gone replaced with a dark, empty void. I find it hard to go on. She died from heart problems, I feel like it was my fault because when we went back that summer I noticed she looked way older but I thought I was just imagining things. Then a few days after thanksgiving we got a call from my aunt telling us that my great grandma had a heart attack and was in the hospital. Things deteriorated from there and then December 20, she died. Somebody please reply because I need help and want to find a way to go on but I just don't know how.

Amy

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Amy, please tell me you have found someone to talk to! Otherwise, please message me here on this site, and I will return your message right away. Just let me know you are ok. You are NOT alone. There are others here who are also struggling, but many who will lend an ear and give some good advice for the bad days.

Love Lisa

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traumaqueen12908

Hey all,

My name is Kim. I'm sorry to each and every one of you for the loss or losses you have suffered. I myself am suffering 11 so far this year, and it is not easy AT ALL. We all know that. I guess I just wanted to say that I'm really glad this site is here, because it can only help. I've read through the posts for months, and I know it has helped me. Thank you all for sharing the things you have. I have taken a bit from each of you. This is a great tool for healing.

[align=center]Thank you again[/align]

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My name is Jessica Im new to this site. Im 19. When I was 17 I lost my cousin/best friend in a car accident she was only 18 and had a 2 month old beautiful babygirl. I miss her so much. My friend told me that this site will help me deal with my pain. Because there are people here who really know what I am going through.

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Heyy everyone  i am Kaitlyn i am 15 and  i would just like to say im so sorry for all of you  i understand the pain that comes with loss i have lossed my father 23 days ago and the pain is never ending it's very hard to keep going on with life without him  im sorry to all of you stay strong

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Hi Kaitlyn, I have just joined here after being recommended by a friend who had lost her young son. I read your post and it pierced my heart. I'm wondering how you are doing now and if you have any words of advice to another teen (my son) who lost his dad only 2 days ago.

My son says he has to keep busy or else he goes into a "dark place." I'm not him and not in his head, so I don't really know what that means. Just know it sounds scary.

I hope you are healing. The only thing I know about grief is that it does fade -- with time. Lots and lots of time. I also know it helps to talk about it. So that's what I'm doing and hoping my son will, also. MM

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Hello MM, I am a facillator for teens in grief. I can give you some helpful information in dealing with your son. first of all, you too are grieving and must take care of YOU. Also, most teens, especially boys, want you to think they are handling their grief ok, since they do not want to cause YOU more grief....so they tend to hide feelings. but you can help by asking them direct questions.....instead of asking questions that require a yes or no answer, be specific....ask if they are having any dreams, what are they about? how is your appetite? if they say you don't understand how it is for them, be honest and agree, you don't. But you care about him and want to keep the doors open so you both can talk. Kids just want to feel normal again and will do anything to escape the pain. Watch for trouble red flag alerts....falling grades, not coming home, hanging out with different friends, not sleeping and being sick more then usual. There are many places you can get free counseling for both of you....try local hospice and see if they have any TAG (teenage grief) groups. I wish you well. Don't expect too much from either of you for awhile. Feel your pain and talk to anyone who will listen. And best of all for you, join a group...you will find others in your situation and it helps to talk.....jane

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Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.- Facebook and Twitter Integration- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it. - Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible. 

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other. 

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA

CEO/President

Beyond Indigo Family

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