Jump to content

CHAT NOW!

Take advantage of our chat service today.

Share Your Loved One's Pictures

In our beautiful Gallery

Grief Support Marketplace

Check Our New Products In The Marketplace

Take Grieving.com on the Go!

Buy on Apple and Google Play
Kelly

I've Lost Someone...

Recommended Posts

tinasdad

Tdubslilsis14, hi and welcome. There are so many people here who care so much. It may seem strange to talk about what you're going through with people you don't know, but together we try to heal from our painful losses.

I am so sorry about your losses. I lost three cousins a few years ago by street violence, and my older brother died shortly after I was born, so I never met him. I can only imagine the pain and anguish you feel losing your brother after knowing him for so long. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Please feel free to visit and talk anytime. Mark

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
write365

T.....14 I'm sorry for your losses. Everyone here has lost someone, and we're always here to help. You can come here to grieve, give support, or just gripe! We're all grieving, but helping others and talking about it does help. and if you need me, you can find me at history_buff_90@hotmail.com.

ashley

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
biadmin

Your grief is your story. Talking and sharing your grief can be healing. Reading about other people's journey through the grief process can help you realize you are not alone. People want to read other people's stories. Do you want to share yours? Share yours at Beyond Story.

http://www.beyondindigo.com/stories/index.php

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
tdubslilsis14

Its now been about 6 months since my older bro and Kristin passed away. Travis (my bro) would have turned 17 May 12th. My brothers best friend Chrissy has ben have a really hard time w/ all of this also. She won't even talk 2 us or come 2 visit. She says were remind her too much of Travis. Like my 9 year year old lil bro is pretty much a spitting image of my older bro. And they say i look a lot like him 2....especially my eyes...all 3 of us have the big crystal baby blue colored eyes...I wanna try 2 help chrissy but she won't even talk 2 me or look at me bc she doesn't want 2 cry infront of me. I'm not sure what I should do. We r both really upset about all thats happened. During last week we got news that a new graduate from our school died while fighting in Iraq. She new him pretty well and so did my dad. I miss Kristin and Travis sooo much....its hard w/ out them...

Lexie

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
write365

I'm very sorry about the graduate who died. you might try telling Chrissy that's it okay to cry in front of you. Try to get her by herself. She needs to talk, and to cry, and so do you. A blubberfest--chocolate included--can do wonders.

ashley

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
tdubslilsis14
I'm very sorry about the graduate who died. you might try telling Chrissy that's it okay to cry in front of you. Try to get her by herself. She needs to talk, and to cry, and so do you. A blubberfest--chocolate included--can do wonders.

ashley

Hi its Tdublilsis14,

Chrissy finally came 2 visit the other day. We have this thing we do where every other week we give each other little gifts. Its pretty fun. Besides losing my brother my mom is in the hospital not doing so well. She's sick w/ something called Pancreatitis. Its really scary 2 see her like that bc it reminds me of when i had to see my 16 year old brother hooked up 2 all the machines barely alive. And it also scares me bc my best friends mom died from what my mom has. My dad trys so hard 2 get my little bro and i to our practices, games, comepetitions....etc. My brother plays basketball, baseball, lacrosse, golf and im alwayz competeting 4 all-star cheer like practically every weekend plus all of our pracitces and traveling to different states. I know its really hard on him...well i better get goin...thnx 4 responding...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
write365

Last summer my mom had the same thing your mom has. i had to call the ambulance for her. the day before, my great-uncle, whom I was very close to, was diagnosed with brain cancer. He died in January. I hope your mom will be all right.

ashley

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
marksmom

Hi Everyone,

My name is Jordan I lost my brother at 16 in a quad accident. It was very sudden me and my brother did alot of things together. We used to quad, snowboard, waterwakeboarding and pretty much everything else. Thats all for now,bye Jordan.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
maariet

Hello everyone. I'm new to this site. When I was in the 4th grade I lost a cousin of mine to suicide. I never really knew him so it wasn't too hard on me. But when I lost my babysitter and piano teacher (same guy) it was hard. I was still young, in elementary school. I wasn't exactly sure what they meant when they said he killed himself. He OD on his insilin i believe. I remember his funeral, sitting there not knowing what was going on around me. I took a rose petal, i thought it would die the next day. I always said that is how I would remember Phillip. It lived for months. Just a single rose petal..In 6th grade my mom lost her best friend from breast cancer. That too was hard on me, I knew the family well. She had 3 little girls, the youngest wont remember her. In 7th grade I became depressed and started cutting. It went on for awhile but in 8th great it came on heavy. And on the 26th of March hearing that my friend tried to take his life...that tore me apart. I literally fell to pieces after that. It's been 2 years 4 months and 10 days since hes been gone. I got to say goodbye to him, but he was in the hospital brain dead. I never saw it coming with MG, he was the happiest person I knew. He was always around, always there to talk, to lend a hand, lend a dollar to. But sooner or later he ended up feeling like a pig. He felt worthless. After that I felt worthless. I thought it was all my fault. To this day I am depressed, yeah I cut myself. I drink, alcohol numbs the pain. I take pills a lot, its fun to see what they will do. One of these days, I'm gunna see him again. He'll meet me at the pearly gates. I'm really depressed right now. I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried everything..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
tinasdad

Maariet, it's painful to lose someone, especially someone you really like or love. When I was a teenager, I drank so much and took so many things, my high school permanent record had "drug addict and alcoholic" written in red ink at the top, above my name. The pain you want to be free from won't go away by using alcohol or drugs. The only way to be freed from grief and it's pain is by going straight through it. Please go to a counselor as soon as you can, so the counselor can work with you to get through this pain. Do something special that you like, just so you can feel good about yourself. Go to a movie, or do your nails, just to be special. It will help you. Please write again, as much as you want to.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
maariet

Tinasdad- I have tried counselling. In 8th grade after MG killed himself they had a group for people who still needed help getting through it. The teachers thought it was a good idea and so my parents agreed and I had no choice. The problem is I am afraid to let everything out. In fact I hate it. I could have the perfect opportunity, and yet no words will be said. People will ask me, and just to drop it I will play it off that I'm fine. When it gets brought up, it's like this wall closes up around me and I don't even know the code. I want to get better, but I am sick of feeling like crap all the time. I have worked so hard just to not kill myself, and nothing has paid off. I have gotten no where. What more is there to do?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
tinasdad

maariet, you just took a giant step toward getting better. While you hate to let it all out, you just let a little bit out here. You should be proud of this. I get the feeling that you're a bit like me, that you don't want to let the feelings out because once they're out, we think the painful stuff is going to run all over. It really doesn't, and once you open up and start talking about one little thing at a time, it all starts getting easier for you. I've been down this road. My 21 year old daughter was killed by someone, and you're welcome to read about it on this website, but reading it can be disturbing, especially to teenagers. Please keep writing, and I'll stay here to listen. We'll do all we can to help you. You're not alone now.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
lanacalonico

Hello everyone!

My name is Lana. I'm 17 and a brand new member of Beyond Indigo.

A brief overview about me...at age 13, I graduated high school after 3 years of homeschooling by my mom. I began showing and training American Quarter Horses with sights of becoming a professional horse trainer. At age 14, I enrolled in UC Berkeley Online and completed English Composition 101 by age 14. At age 15, I met my friend Gina and began working for her as her sales associate. I also started my own rhinestone clothing line. Below, the rest of my story is unfolded and revealed...

MY LOSS:

On December 5th, 2003, a phone call changed my life forever when my dear friend and "2nd mom" Gina was diagnosed with Meningococcal Meningitis, a rare bacterial infection known to be fatal. Only 3,000 US citizens become ill with Menigitis each year. I couldn't believe the fate I was faced.

For nearly six weeks, Gina was bedridden, comatose and on full life support in a San Francisco hospital where she underwent multiple surgeries (including leg and finger amputations) in simple attempts to save her life.

Throughout the hoilday season, I stood by her bedside faithfully for countless hours, praying for a miracle I knew only God Himself could create.

On January 13, 2004, at age fifty-one, Gina’s suffering ended and a major chapter in my life closed. I was there when Gina died, touching her neck...able to feel her very last pulse...

After Gina died, I lived several weeks of complete shock, denial, anger and depression. At the six month period, I noticed a change in myself which I thought was healthy. I felt as if I was moving on...until recently.

Today, now 19 months later, I realize I'm beginning to go through another emotionally deep, highly intense stage of grieving. Probably the roughest yet. I have been reading about the adolescent grieving process and feel I'm completely normal. However, lately I have been suffering with physical symptoms including...stiff/sore neck, back and shoulders, slight chest pain, fatigue, unable to concentrate, anxiety and nevervousness.

Though all the articles I've read state this is also very normal, I can't help but to be concerned. To simply state it...I honestly feel like I've forgotten how to just live life care free, cut lose, have fun, be me and not drag all my mental upset into my future plans.

My mom has been incredible through this process, always offering to take me somewhere or talk to help ease the pain. Though my mom has given me all she was capable of and more, she herself has never been through such a tramatic death experience. So, it's basically impossible for her to understand fully how my emotions and thought process is affected.

Anyhow, I have so much more to express, but I think I'm end on this note.

To whoever created this website...it's AWESOME! A wonderful supportive network... :-)

God Bless,

Lana

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
cursedlove114

ok, well this is my first time on this site.. my parents said i should try it out, so here goes...

First a little bit about me. my name is Kristin. I am 18 years old and live in good ole new jersey. i'm a student at my local community college.

Ok.. so about my loss...

Almost 2 months ago (august 7th 2005) i lost my older brother.

His name was Matthew. He was 24 years old.

i'll tell the whole story...

my parents had just gone on vacation. they left saturday morning to go to gettysburg. they wanted to stay the night there then drive down to south carolina the next day. so of course once they leave, our furnace breaks so we have no hot water, so we can't shower. so my parents called the oil company to come fix our furnace. so i of course being the most responsible out of my two brothers, Scott 22 and Matthew 24, had to wake up early to talk to the oil guy and let him in the house and so on. my parents put me in charge of the house. my brother matthew had always had anxiety problems and depression, so my mom before she left said to me "kristin, you are in charge of the house. but most importantly you are in charge of matthew." and those few words, changed my life forever.. along with his depression and anxiety the previous couple of days before my parents left he was complaining about horrible stomach pains. my mom figured he had a stomach virus so he told him to sjust stay home and relax. so now it's saturday night i don't wanna stay home i wanna go out and do stuff, ya kno i'm 18. but i was in charge of the house so i had to make sure it was still standing by the time my parents got home. so i had to take care of my dog, and well my brother. that night matthew came home completely out of it, work had sent him home early because he was in so much pain and he was having an anxiety attack, so i told him to relax, i told him to calm down take deep breaths, take his xanax and lie down on the couch to relax and calm down. so he did and he fell asleep while watching tv. later on my brother scott came home with his friend tristan so the 3 of us hung out that night. i woke up really early sunday morning (august 7th) to wait for the oil guy. i went down to our living room which we call.. used to call our green room. *long story short, green couches, green shades, equals green room* and i noticed matthew was still sleeping on the couch so i quickly glanced at him and noticed he wasn't moving. i was making so much noise cause i didn't know he was still sleeping so i was wondering how he didn't wake up from it. so i walked over to him. he was lying on the couch with his sweat pants and no shirt on. as i was looking at him it looked like he wasn't breathing, so i went to shake him awake and once i put my hand on his bare back i quickly pulled away in shock. his skin was ice cold. i looked at his face and his face was so pale and his lips were so dark. i started freaking out. i ran to scott's room crying yelling at him to help me. and thank god he stayed home that night, if he wasn't there i don't know what i would have done. so we both ran over to him scott got a wet paper towel and put it on his forehead he started shaking matthew, but we both knew there was nothing we could do. so we ran out of the house. scott was in complete shock, he kind of walked away from the whole situation, leaving me with the weights on my shoulders. i called 911. and the police and ambulances were there within 10 minutes. the medical examiner walked in the room, and within like 30 seconds walked right back out into the kitchen, whee scott and i were. and told us "i'm sorry there's nothing we can do.. he's gone" i didn't know what to do i just sat there crying and crying. the police officer stayed with me almost the entire time, every 5 seconds he would be like "do you need anything? are you alright? do you wanna talk? can i do anything?" and then he asked one question that i was dreading to answer "do your parents know about this yet?" i looked at him and started balling saying i can't call them i can't do it! but i knew i had to.. so somehow i worked up the courage to call my dad's cell phone. my mom picked up the phone all happy and giggling, and i quickly asked mom, where are you? and she said well.. we're on a road.. in west virginia, why? i said mom, you need to turn around and come back home. she already knew it was about matthew, she started freaking out is he ok? is he in the hospital? and i just started crying and i don't know how the words came out of my mouth but somehow i got up the nerves to say "mom, matthew passed away in his sleep last night" she quickly said ok we'll be home in 5 hours, we're turning around, and quickly hung up on me. i think she was in shock, and didn't want to become hysterical on the phone with me. so eventually they came home and the 4 of us just cried together for hours. the medical examiner called us later on telling us that he had technically passed away at about 10:00 - 11:00 saturday night, and the reason he passed away was that night he took his xanax *anxiety medicine*, and apparently took a little too much of it, and he also took muscle relaxants *where he got them.. we don't know* but the combination of the 2 had been so much with his weak body that it just shut down his entire body. and he was lying on the couch until 7:30 the next morning. no one even noticed.

my entire family has felt a tremendous amount of guilt because of this. but i feel absolutely horrible about it. i have so much guilt. my mom put me in charge of my brother. and i failed her. i failed him. maybe if only i had done something. if i had talked to him later on saturday night and took him to the hospital he could have gotten his stomach pumped. if i had done something.. anything. but no i didn't want to deal with his anxiety that night and i went and hung out with scott and tristan. if i had paid a little more attention to him that night.. would he still be with us??

that's a question that i'm going to have to live with the rest of my life..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
ashleysmom

Kristen,

I am so sorry for the loss of your brother. My heart just aches for you. You are not responsible for what happened to your brother. I can completely understand what it felt like to just want to hang out with your brother and his friend, you're 18! That's what 18yr olds do. You have enough hurt without having to feel guilty. This is going to be a really rough road for you and your family, so go easy on yourself. May you find peace,

Dottie

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
lauraa

Kristin,

I am so sorry for your loss. It wasn't your fault! I can totally understand the guilt you are feeling. I had a tragic death in my family growing up where my younger brother died in a house fire....I blamed myself and carried tremendous guilt for 35 years. I think no-matter what happened you/we could always find reasons why we didn't save them....the truth is we feel so bad they had to go that we take on the burdon of carrying guilt. It took me so long to be able to really examine the truth of all the circumstances of that tragic day to really understand and see it really wasn't my fault. I know if you could of saved him you would of....ask yourself that....the answer will be yes. Please be gentle with yourself as you have been thru such a tragic experience.....God bless!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
cursedlove114

Ashleysmom and Lauraa,

i would like to thank you both for the sympathy that you showed me. it's been very hard for me. especially since i'm the kind of person who doesn't share their feelings well. i usually just bottle up my emotions.. and that's very unhealthy. that's why i was told to use this site. i was told to express myself, and not have to worry about anyone judging me, just helping me, because everyone on this site has been through pretty much the same thing.. whether it be a loved one or a friend.. it's all the same pain. the depression and the guilt is going to be with me for a long time.. and i know that. this whole thing has changed my life so dramatically already.. it will always be with me. one thing that helps is to hear people tell me that it's ok and that i did everything i could. my friends don't like to talk to me about it, i guess they feel like they'll just upset me. but i wish they would just talk to me. i don't want to be the one burdening others about this whole thing. it's been 2 months.. and i'm just nervous if i try to talk to anyone about it, they'll just think to themselves 'oh god this again'.. that is one of the reasons i don't talk to anyone about it. i don't want people to get tired of me talking about it.

people always say 'don't blame yourself' in these kinds of situations. and before this happened i was one of those people. but once you go through the pain of it all. it changes your entire outlook on everything. you can tell yourself over and over again that it wasn't your fault, there's nothing you could have done, but none of it helps. guilt is just one of those natural feelings that you feel when you lose someone. it helps more to talk to people who have already been through this, it kind of makes you see, well all of these people went through the same thing i'm going through and they made it out ok, so i guess i can do it too.. everything works out in the end. it's just going to take me a long time to get over this..

thank you so much for the posts!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
jbeachyk

Hello. I'm Jessie. This is my first time here, my dad told me that these web sites can really help. He sent me this link and I thought I would try it. I'm 21 years old and from Missouri.

My loss:

On September 30, 2004 I lost my brother Brian(24) in a motorcycle accident. He had left early for work that morning to see his 6 year old daughter before she went to school. Later the day I found out that he was riding his motorcycle to work and was in an accident. He had collided with tractor trailer. They say that he was killed instantly. The night before him and I hung out at my friends house. The last thing I told him was "Good night, I Love you Brian." I had to tell all of his friends, my mom, my brother. I don't see how I did it. For a 20 years old that's a lot of stuff. My family and I went to see him at the hospital. That was the hardest thing. I walked into that room and started sreaming. See my brother there so still. So cold. I just wanted him to wake up. I sat there and held his hand talking to him asking him to wake up. I remember a talk that Brian and I had. I had just moved back home last summer. We were sitting outside on the trucks tailgate...he put his arm around me and gave me this little grin.."I'm so happy you are home." He told me how worried he was for me and how he prayed for me every night. I looked at him and as he was telling me this I saw a tear roll down his cheek. "I love you, Jessie. I'm so happy you are home." I realized how much he cared about and loved me. I just wish I could have told him how much that conversation meant to me. I will remember that for the rest of my life. I just have so many questions. I was the first one to find out about him, I was the last one to actually hang out with him and I was the last one to see him go.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
alwaysmyjennifer

Jbeachyk, I'm sorry your brother is no longer with you. This grief feels like it can eat us alive, but believe me, we get through it - somehow. Talking about it helps a lot. Cherish the moments you had with him. Some people use a journal to remember these things. My thoughts and prayers are with you for peace.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
tdubslilsis14

Hi, I'm Alexis. I am 14 years old and I lost my older brother who was only 16 years old. He was killed in an accident caused by a drunk driver in November of 2004. I now have to live everyday with the pain and the memories flashing in my mind every second. It was the scariest thing in the world to see your older brother in the intensive care unit hooked up to life support, cuts on his face, a cast on his right arm, his whole body swollen, his clothes covered in blood, barely breathing and in a coma. My 10 year old brother and I will never get that picture out of our minds. It scares us to think that our older brother is dead because of someone elses bad decisions. I was only 13 and my little brother was only 9 at the time of the accident.

Everyday I think about how bad I want him back. Sometimes I'll sit in my room and cry and ask the why questions over and over and over again. It just doesn't make any sense at all. He never did anything wrong. He was the funniest person you could ever meet. His favorite thing to do to cheer someone up was stick quarters up his nose. And trust me, I have no clue how he did it...his nose wasn't very big. He never cared what people thought of him, he was always his self no matter what. Mud wrestling with a group of girls after tipping their boat over while canoing. Him and a group of his friends putting their clothes on backwards and inside out after weight lifting during school, he was the only one who kept it that way the whole rest of the day. Everyone said he had the best eyes. They were crystal baby blue and he had goofy big ears that made him even cuter (his friends said). Not like very many guys, he would actually listen to his best friends boy drama just because he cared about her so much. You could tell him anything he would always be there to listen. He was very athletic and played football, basketball, and baseball. I was so proud to have him as my brother. He impacted so many lives and everyone was torn apart when he passed away. Nobody will even be the same. I just wish I had one more chance to say "I love you" and have him say it back.

Since he died, I've been speaking infront of so many crowds telling my story. I speak at schools and the forums in memory of the 8 teens that died between August 2004-June 2005 all because of reckless driving. I try to get across that drinking and driving can kill u or someone else at an instant. It doesn't matter whose driving. I don't want anyone else to go through what I have. I've been on the news and in the paper and anounced to many different schools. People say I'm inspiring because I'm one of the shyest people you could ever meet but I have the strength to get up there and speak. Its changed my life forever.

www.Traviswoerner.com - 5/12/88-11/18/04

www.kristinmarierice.com - 12/13/87- 11/13/04

www.whenyoudrive.com - in memory of the 8 Hamilton county teens

Angels Just 16

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
alwaysmyjennifer

hey Alexis. I'm sorry you saw all that, and lost your brother. The why's are things we may never know, even though we ask them all the time. Take time for yourself, so you can reflect on his life and love for you and your family. Speaking about the dangers involved in drinking and driving is such a noble thing. This can also be healing for your heart. If coping with the images is difficult, ask to see a counselor. It's okay to do this, and will be helpful. Take care, and I'll pray for your peace. Mark

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
ribitsmom

Alexis: It sounds as though your brother was a great guy and what a awful loss for you. I am so sorry. I agree with Mark/Alwaysmyjennifer, what a noble thing you are doing. Not just noble though, I think it is brave, even heroic. I also agree that this will help you through your grieving, what I found to help me after the loss of my daughter was to talk about her and people seem to be afraid to talk about those that have been lost...it is healing for us. Keep up the good work, I know that you are saving lives by what you are doing, very commendable.

Hugs, Denise

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
tdubslilsis14

Hey,

Thanks for responding back. I'm sorry for the loss of your daughter. I also forgot to mention that my brother wasn't the only one who was killed. Another 16 year old named Kristin died at the scene. Since I've been around her parents a lot, I kind of know what its like for you. And my parents are going through what you are too. my mom showed me this website and it seems to help a little. Not very many message boards have people actually respond back directly. Thanks again.

Love Always,

Lexie

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
alwaysmyjennifer

Alexis, this is a great place to be for our journey of healing. It's not easy for anyone in a family. For parents, it's a nightmare. We raise our babies, and are so attached. Losing them is like someone tearing out our hearts. Thanks for your kindness. What you are doing for Kristin's family by your presence can never be put into words. I'll keep praying for you and your family; their families, through this. Mark

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.