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I've Lost Someone...

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losthope

I just lost an older person who has taken care of me in the past for three years. I didn't know how I felt about him but now I feel like it was my fault since I caused so much stress and pain in the past and I am not sure if I can ever forgive myself. I just wish I could go back in time and fix what I did but I can't and I am not sure why I cry. I was told crying was a weakness. Is that true?

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mundaquance

LostHope: crying aint a weakness, i really think of crying as a way to express ourselves, some sad some happy... so if we cry cause we're happy doesnt mean we're at fault...

and we always cause some stress and pain in someones life. but doesnt mean they stop loving us, or caring for us... or ever forgive us.

i got the chance to tell my grandma i was sorry before she passed away. and she was inna coma but i had this rush telling me she forgave me. because i knew deep down she loved me with all her heart and never gave up on me. thats all that person was telling you!... that they love you! and forgive you for all your faults and mistakes. because your in there lives cheer up hun! things will be ok

God Bless

Mundaquance = Pretty Girl (Native American)

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kazena

HELLO I THINK THAT IS COOL THAT YOU ARE A NATIVE AMERICAN I AM TOO I AM A HIDATSA FROM NORTH DAKOTA I LOST MY LITTLE BROTHER ON SEPT 12 2004 HE WAS 13 GONNA BE 14 ON THAT FRIDAY HE WAS IN A CAR WRECK I JUST THOUGHT I WOULD WRITE TO YOU AND SAY HELLO...AND SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS..

`THOMAS'SISTER`

LostHope: crying aint a weakness, i really think of crying as a way to express ourselves, some sad some happy... so if we cry cause we're happy doesnt mean we're at fault...

and we always cause some stress and pain in someones life. but doesnt mean they stop loving us, or caring for us... or ever forgive us.

i got the chance to tell my grandma i was sorry before she passed away. and she was inna coma but i had this rush telling me she forgave me. because i knew deep down she loved me with all her heart and never gave up on me. thats all that person was telling you!... that they love you! and forgive you for all your faults and mistakes. because your in there lives cheer up hun! things will be ok

God Bless

Mundaquance = Pretty Girl (Native American)

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BIJulie

Beyond Indigo Is Looking for Message Board Monitors

Interested in volunteering a few hours each week to monitor a message board and interact daily with the Beyond Indigo community? We're looking for monitors to share their experience, strength and hope. If you are interested, contact Julie at julie@beyondindigo.com for more information.

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BIJulie

Hi all –

I’m sure you’ve noticed that the message boards seem a little different. We’ve streamlined the message boards. We’ve unified the forum and thread names and tried to make things less confusing. I hope that it has made things easier for you.

We are considering adding new threads to the topics and would love to hear what you would like to be added. You can write me at julie@beyondindigo.com to share your thoughts and suggestions. I would love to hear from you.

I am also still looking for message board monitors. If you are interested, please let me know!

Take care,

Julie

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mindy32

Hi all,

I'm not sure if this is really the right place for me, as I don't pretend to know what you are all going through. My story might be a little hard to understand, especially to understand why I feel so upset, when you are all going through so much worse, but here goes. Almost five years ago now my stepmum was pregnant. I was so excited, we knew it was going to be a girl, so for the first time I was going to have a little sister. We went clothes shopping for her, did up the nursery, and picked out names, among other things, in preparation for her birth. Two weeks before she was due, my stepmum went to have her final ultrasound while I was at school. I'll never forget that day. When I got home I was told my sister had died. She never got to see us, or know how much we all loved her. People think that beacuse she was stillborn and we didn't know her, we can't miss her. But she was alive for us for nine months, and we loved her. I was thriteen at the time, and can't believe that it will be five years since that day in just a few weeks. I think about Zoe all the time, but have noone to talk to about it because it's too painful for all my family to think about her, and we have no real memories to talk about. I wish I'd gotten to know her, but I at least know that I will never forget her.

My heart goes out to you all,

know that I'm thinking of each and every one of you.

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BIJulie

Mindy,

I am so sorry for your loss. You are definitely in the right place. What you have gone through is very painful. I completely understand where you are coming from. My best friend lost her child in a similar way very close to the due date. It was hard on me just as a close friend.

I hope you will continue to come and share with us. It really does help.

Take Care,

Julie

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chris4ever21

I have been with Chris since I was 17 years old, I'm now 21. We had shared the best and worst of times, but we always made it through. We knew we were perfect for each other, we were inseparable from day one.

We had been talking about moving in together, getting married and starting a family later down the road. All of our friends already knew we would be the couple to be together forever. On December 14th after months of searching and applying for an apartment, we found one in a perfect golf course community only minutes from either parents' home. The next day we faxed in the application and by December 17th it was ours. We slept the first night on the floor, no tv just a radio and pillows and blankets. It was ours we finally made it!

December 21st we both had the day off work. We had to go Christmas shopping for each other so we woke up and that afternoon went our separate ways. All day long we talked. That night I made it home before he did. I curled up on the couch and watched TV. He called me around 10 to say the mall was closing and he would be home shortly and he had some gifts he couldn't wait to give me.

I fell asleep on the couch and when I woke up it was 1:30 a.m. and Chris wasn't home yet. I panicked, and called his cell phone crying and asking him to please come home. I knew something was wrong -- no matter what he would always answer his phone.

I got in my car to start driving to see if he was broke down somewhere and that's when I got the call. Chris and his friend had been in a terrible car accident. I rushed to the hospital and waited and prayed for 18 hours hoping he would come out of the coma, but he didn't. The impact from the tree hit on his side and his brain had swollen. It got to the point medications and tubes were not helping.

The love of my life was gone. I later found out he had put a deposit down on an engagement ring that night and was going to return to pick it up on Christmas Eve.

I will love Chris forever.

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slowlyhealing

chris4ever21, I am so very sorry about your loss. I have not yet had the joy of finding my first love, or the love of my life. I have no clue what your going through, I just wanted you to know that your in my thoughts and prayers. Continue sharing with others how you feel, cause it does help, even when it doesn't feel like it, in the long run I promise you it will help.

May God hold you in his loving arms and get you though this

Nicole

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BIJulie

Chris4ever,

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine what you must be going through. I do hope that you will continue to share with us and let us help you through your rough times.

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chris4ever21

thank you all so very much. I am no longer myself. I was once a fun loving girl with a smile permanently on my face but now I feel there is nothing to smile about. There are so many things that rush through my mind, why couldn't I have been in the car with him. Why couldn't we have been shopping together, why god why. I will never get the answers I want until I am one day with him. It does help to get my feelings out and realize there are other people out there who care and some who know just what I am going through. Thank You

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slowlyhealing

chris4ever21

I know that the pain is still so real. Loosing my father, and soon to loose my mother. I find it so hard to smile somedays. There are days where I don't want to get up, and I don't want to live anymore. What is there left to live for? I don't have a boyfriend... I don't know if I'll ever get one. The family I have now... theyre vanishing from me, and soon I will be alone, more alone than that feeling of standing in a crowded room yet you are the only one there. I don't understand somethings especially with death and sorrow, and pain... but I know friends and family help each other, or at least should... I know how it feels to ask billions of questions and yet they seem to go unanswered. Why God? Why are you letting this happen to me? I won't have a life after... I won't... I feel as though I'm dying. Oh God Why?

It took me so long, and it still takes me some time to realize that this is not His doing, yes God is in control, and yes He is there with me as I weep, but the world is a wicked place, full of hurts and pains, but God gives us things to bring to life our hopes and dreams.

For some reason I know its going to be another rough night, but I have hope of a brighter tomorrow, even if it means moms not there, my dads not there, or my friend.

I can't promise you that the pain will go away tomorrow, but I promise you that if you look God is there holding you and showing you a way through. You never have to forget the ones you love. Remember the happy moments. Remember the laughs and the kisses. In time the pain will heal. It takes time... and it takes God's loving strength to move on.

I'm still learning, and I'm still here

Nicole

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BIJulie

Hi everyone --

Did you know if you click on the quote button on the bottom right corner of a member's post, you can add what they said into your post and comment on it?

Take Care,

Julie

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philmarusa
chris4ever21

I know that the pain is still so real. Loosing my father, and soon to loose my mother. I find it so hard to smile somedays. There are days where I don't want to get up, and I don't want to live anymore. What is there left to live for? I don't have a boyfriend... I don't know if I'll ever get one. The family I have now... theyre vanishing from me, and soon I will be alone, more alone than that feeling of standing in a crowded room yet you are the only one there. I don't understand somethings especially with death and sorrow, and pain... but I know friends and family help each other, or at least should... I know how it feels to ask billions of questions and yet they seem to go unanswered. Why God? Why are you letting this happen to me? I won't have a life after... I won't... I feel as though I'm dying. Oh God Why?

It took me so long, and it still takes me some time to realize that this is not His doing, yes God is in control, and yes He is there with me as I weep, but the world is a wicked place, full of hurts and pains, but God gives us things to bring to life our hopes and dreams.

For some reason I know its going to be another rough night, but I have hope of a brighter tomorrow, even if it means moms not there, my dads not there, or my friend.

I can't promise you that the pain will go away tomorrow, but I promise you that if you look God is there holding you and showing you a way through. You never have to forget the ones you love. Remember the happy moments. Remember the laughs and the kisses. In time the pain will heal. It takes time... and it takes God's loving strength to move on.

I'm still learning, and I'm still here

Nicole

My heart is with you right now. There is nothing I can say that will make it better now, but I know everytime I ask for help upstairs it comes. Remember it doesn't always come right away but when you you are ready for it it is dropped on your lap. Even for a brief second it will give you exacly what you need for that second. Just ask! I am not a bible thumper but I believe someone is always watching out for you and you will find piece.

Don't stop holding on. You see that you will have been glad you didn't give up.

Sometimes helping someone else will give back to you.

Kindest Regards,

Phil

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slowlyhealing

Philmarusa,

Thanks for your comforting words. You are right when you ask God for help. He'll send you some, even if it comes in a different form than you asked it for, and it doesn't always come right away. God also tests us in ways I can't truly explain, but when He knows that the load we are bearing is getting to be to much he always sends help.

I am scared, but I know God is here. I don't know what the future brings for me or any of you... but I know God has a plan. Even though the pain is so very real, and even though there are days where I don't want to go on, God still has a plan, and he still loves, and he still comforts, and HE is still GOD.

I don't have to hold on to the past and the pain of the loss and neither do any of you. Letting go is one of the hardest things a human being has to do. You don't have to forget the person. You never have to forget them. But let go of the pain that holds so tightly to your heart. Friends and family though they may seem few they are still there, and God is always there.

The future may look grim, but I try to focus on today, even though the tomorrows are fast approaching. If I worry so much about the tomorrows, I know for a fact I would worry my self to death. So I don't know where I'm going to live after mom dies. I haven't been able to get a good paying job yet, cause I need to be with her, and I only have one more semester after this college and then I have to be transfered, Where in the world am I going to go to be close when my mom lets go.

The questions are knocking on my door, and I have prayed. My dad gone, and my mom will soon join the angels and God in heaven. I at least know one thing. She won't suffer anymore. There will be no more pain, and no more being trapped in that this body of hers.

Yes they'll be pain, but a part of me rejoices, and maybe one day I'll move past the pain and truly rejoice.

Until that day, I pray, and I hope that my story can touchs others. Hold on to what you have, but for those who also lost someone. Remember the good, not the bad. Remember the times you shared, and think about how that loved one would want you to live on.

Thanks again Phil your words helped more than you'll know.

Nicole

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biadmin

Light A Candle for Pope John Paul II

Pope John Paul II has touched the hearts of many as he has traveled the world with his message of peace, hope and harmony. He is a man loved by many and has been the beacon of light for the followers of the Catholic Faith. Even non-Catholics have appreciated the deepness of his devotion. We note his passing in sadness and invite people of all faiths to Light A Candle to carry on his message of peace, hope and harmony.

http://www.beyondindigo.com/beyondtalk/lightacandle.php

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write365

I'm new here, and I'm 14. My great-uncle was a Catholic priest for over twenty years. He and I were very close since my mom and dad are divorced and my maternal grandfather was dead. I used to love to go to his masses. He'd always pick on people in the congregation. Last June, he was diagnosed with a terminal form of brain cancer after growing disorientated and weak during Mass. He went to Mayo Clinic, in the company of his long-time friend, Sister Sandy DeGidio. They told him he would have six months to live, but possibly longer if he were to join an experimental treament. Having nothing to lose he joined, and underwent combos of chemotherapy and radiation, with Sister Sandy at his side. They were very close; if they had not taken vows of chastity I think they would have married.

The treatments took a toll on his body--mind you, he was 72--and he lost all his hair, and grew weaker by the day. For a while, we began to think it was working. He had surgery to remove the tumor, but they had to take out part of his brain. But after several months of treatment he began to develop intracranial swelling. Five months after being diagnosed, he was put in a nursing home with hospice. Sandy slept in a chair beside his bed. After living a month past his life expectancy, he fell into a coma. My mother, and Sandy stayed up with him all night for a couple weeks. Family and his parish continued to rally around him as they had for nearly a year now. But still, he died.

When the pope died, I had a meltdown. I still don't know if I was crying for me uncle, or for the holy father. The world has lost its grandfather. And yes, Biadmin, I lit a candle for him.

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BIJulie

Write365, I am so sorry for the loss of your grandfather. He sounds like a wonderful man. I hope you will continue to share with us. Talking about your feelings really helps.

Take Care,

Julie

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write365

He was actually my uncle; he couldn't have been my grandfather because he was a Catholic priest and they cannot marry. But you're partially right--he really was like my grandfather. I'm a writer, and he always supported me in that endeavor. An essay I wrote was published last month--two months after Leo's death--and I kept thinking how happy he would have been. Like I said, after the Pope died I had a meltdown. Not a psychotic meltdown, just crying for about a week. Then Sister Sandy, who lives in Milwaukee with the rest of her convent, came to town to meet the priest that was going to "replace" my uncle. She took me out on the porch and said, "Look, I know Leo was more than your uncle..." and her eyes filled up with tears. I'm the type of chick that no one cries alone in my presence, so we stood out on the porch crying. But I'm doing better, and intend to become a regular on this site. If anyone, anyone needs to talk, I have e-mail and MSN messenger. you can find me at history_buff_90@hotmail.com.

Everybody, you can call me Ashley. I just didn't want my name right out there..and I admit it, I love pen names!

Ashley

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BIJulie

Ashley,

Sorry about that, I am not sure why I typed grandfather. I hope you are doing ok.

Take care,

Julie

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write365

Guys, you know how my uncle died of brain cancer? We just found out that my first cousin twice removed--who we're very close to--has blood cancer. Myeloma.

There was a picture that was passed around at my uncle's funeral of Leo, Cousin Margaret, the one with cancer, and my late great-grandmother. Margaret is the only one in the picture alive. but how long will that last?

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write365

Why is this such a slow-moving forum? I don't understand--there must be a ton of people out there like me who have lost someone, yet here's a place where we can get and give support, and no one replies. I just don't get it.

ashley

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tinasdad

Sometimes, we have so many people to talk to and so many options in here, we kinda miss out on getting everywhere. My apologies for the delays. If you like, look at the dates to see the most active boards here, and just write. There are many people here, and so caring. I hang out here just for that reason. Keep stopping in, and I will make a point to find your post.

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tdubslilsis14

Hi I'm Alexis, my mom just told me about this website bc she has been using it 4 a while, and thought it might help me. I just turned 14 a couple weeks ago. My older brother died from a car accident caused by a drunk driver, it took away his and his good friend Kristins life. This happened about 5 months ago. They were only 16 years old and Juniors in high school. Kristin passed away at the scene of the accident, which was Nov. 13, 2004. Travis (my brother) passed away 5 days later at a Methodist Hospital in Gary, Indiana on the 18th. Kristin would have been 17 last Dec, and Travis would have been 17 this May. Its hard without them, my parents and 9 year old lil brother just aren't the same anymore....and i don't think i really am either. My parents have been trying 2 get me into to counciling, but they never ended up wrking out....i don't like to talk about it to someone who knows completely nothing about me, except what they read in the paper they get. I think its better to talk to my friends about it.

travis- www.traviswoerner.com

kristin- www.kristinmarierice.com

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