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lost my baby boy loss of a son


horizonsmom

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Hi my name is maryann and I'm from the poconos in PA. On july 14th of this year I lost my infant son. What makes it worst for me is that I was in a coma throught this chaos. I was taken out of the coma and introduced to my dead son. I held him for a good five minutes and kissed him. I wanted more time but I was just so weak. I have a whole bunch of baby stuff that awaited my little one and I find myself going through his stuff every so often. I know some of you had older children but I think we all share the same pain. Does it ever subside? How do you melt frozen tears and get back to normal?

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Dear Maryann,

I'm so sorry to hear about the death of your precious baby boy. I lost my daughter, at birth, in 1994. I understand what you're going through.

Yes, it will get easier. No, you'll never, EVER get over it.

I wish there was something I could tell you that would help ease your pain. There is no magic formula. There were a couple of things that helped me. It helped to talk to other people who had lost a baby too. It helped to journal all my crazy feelings every day. It helped to read all that I could about my loss.

At first, I pushed myself into doing "baby" things....whether it was going to see my friend's new baby, a baby shower, christening, or a lst birthday party. Those things would leave me a total wreck. It wasn't long before I realized that I needed to allow myself a "free pass" from those things, for a little while. I needed to give myself some time to heal emotionally before I was ready for it. I might have hurt a few people's feelings....but it was better than a nervous breakdown.

My heart goes out to you. I can't even imagine waking up from a coma and meeting your son who had already passed. If you feel comfortable, please tell me more about your son.

With BIG Hugs and Understanding,

Emm

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Thank you, I was praying that I wasn't going crazy. Horizon was a feisty little boy but he was a fighter till the very end. although I was in a life or death situation, I always wonder what if he was here? what would he be like today. I have a photoalbum and I sleep wth his blanket. I thout I was loosing it. My friends tell me to forget but how? mom  says forget the past, but how can you forget the future? I'm sorry about your child. I can only imagine she was beautiful. I hope she has my horizon by the hand and that they are watching over us.please keep in touch, you made me realize my pain is not craziness. God bless......maryann

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Take it from me...you ar NOT crazy...you are a grieving mother. I've found that people tell you to "move on" and "get over it" and "look towards the future" because it's very hard for them to see you so upset. My sister told me that she grieved for the loss of her "laid back sister" (me) after my daughter died....because I just wasn't that person anymore. Please don't listen to any of those words that people say to you. You NEED to grieve and you need to do it anyway that you can....and it's just TOO BAD for those around you who have to watch. They love you, they want what's best for you....but it isn't THEIR child who has died....so they just understand how pointless and hurtful their words can be.

"Normal" will come again....but it will be a different kind of "normal." I almost thought of it like life began again when my daughter died. The first year....I was like a baby....helpless, clueless, learning how to do everything for the lst time all over again.....and then by year two....you've mastered the basics....walking, talking....but there's more to learn again...and here I am on year 14....and I'm a cocky teen-ager :)

Hang in there!!!!!!

Hugs,

Emm

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LOL......I guess, I'm so glad you replied. Not many peple think that loosing a baby is importnt or worth grieving over. People think "Oh it was just a baby that you didn't even know", I think my whole disgust came from my mom telling me to forget the past. I wanted to strangle her...LOL. I guess time heals all wounds and my biggest supporter rght now is my seven year old daughter. She's my rock right now as well as u. Pease don't think that I am a crazy person but i've been bottle up for so long and grieving by myself that I really thought I was going nuts. Until you replied, thank you so much. By the way I thought your last sentence on your last reply was hilarious, LOL, hugs back at you.

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