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fly565

Hi. I am a new member to this site. I've been looking on the internet for a while, looking for a site like this. My husband committed sucicide Oct. 23. I am still in shock and so numb. Does anyone else feel like they are living a stranger's life (silly question, right?)? I hate feeling so numb. I have my moments where I sob and it may sound strange, but it feels good to cry -- just to be able to feel my sadness. Sometimes, out of the blue, I will cry. Yet at other times, I can talk about it and be (and feel) so disconnected.

My husband was diagnosed with cancer 4 years ago. He had surgery to remove the tumor and it was successful. This past spring, he started to feel sick again, however, he would not go to the doctor. As the summer went on, he continued to get worse. He was so sick, it scared me. I tried everything I could to get him to go to the doctor, but he wouldn't go. On Oct. 23, I came home from work and found him. I re-live that time over and over again. It's horrible. I miss him so much. I loved him more than anything. I am comforted by the fact that he knew how much I loved him and I know how much he loved me. He was such an unbelievable person, that touched so many people's lives. How is it, that somebody who helped so many others and made everyone he met feel good, would take their own life? I know him--he would never have wanted to die of cancer--the helpness of it. He saw my mother and a good friend of his die of cancer. He was the type of person that helped everyone else, but couldn't let anyone help him.

Has anyone ever heard of or read The Final Exit? I believe that my husband used that book/website to help him. He used helium. It is supposed to be a very quick and painless death. It kills me to think of his last moments. Was he scared? Did he have second thoughts? I am so sad for him and for me. I have to remember he was so sick. I would never have wanted him to suffer and die of cancer. I want to believe he died peacefully.

When does your mind let you understand what happened? Thanks for listening.

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deejay

Hi,

I too am dealing with the loss of my husband.  My husband died back in October of 07.  I totally understand how sometimes it is OK to talk about, and others leave the heavy feeling sitting right on top of your chest...it is those times that I just still can't believe this is happening.  My husband went out and never came home.  I looked for him with the help of the police for 25 hours.  When they found him he was dead in our car and it looked as if he had a heroin overdose.  I knew nothing about the drugs.  I feel like at times I lead a double life.  Always aware of the company I'm in...don't want to "freak" people out with the truth surrounding his death.  I recently found a support group for young widows/widowers.  I'm hoping to meet others, perhaps with young children.  I am comforted around people like us.  I don't think I will ever come to acceptance...tolerance is the word I identify with.

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sheela

i lost my mom the love of my whole life last year, and so yes i too feel like i am living a strangers life .... i go thru the motions but am left lost and very confused to what it all means ....

i guess it means that i am now left all alone with out her in my life as she WAS my family

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