Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

Sudden or Violent Death of Partner


lala1627

Recommended Posts

  • Members

thank you all for your replys its nice to know im not alone and there is a light at the end of a tunnel mark im sorry if i come across as if my son had died he did not it was my fiancee my son is alive and well 11 months old now hes 1st birthday is next month its going to be hard as hes daddy was really looking forward to hes first birthday im going to make it real special for him and pray he will be watching over on that day x.x.x many thanx and hug for the replys again. god bless

sarah xxxxx

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 136
  • Created
  • Last Reply
  • Members
alwaysmyjennifer

Sarah20, hold onto today, to this very moment. His first birthday is still mommy and daddy's dream, so dream. If you want to throw a birthday party, it's perfectly okay. My prayers are with you. Mark

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

thank you and im sorry for all of your sad losses also i no im not alone but it doesnt make you feel any better but to talk to others who have felt or are feeling the same way is a grate help to know im not the only one to feel this pain

god has taken a true angel to heaven

R.I.P my love

steven

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
alwaysmyjennifer

Sarah20, to turn our sadness to joys, my children and I celebrate Christmas and Jenni's birthday by giving Jenni gifts of donations to a European orphanage. Jenni's sister was born in Monaco, and raised in Spain. This is why we help the European orphanage. It's our way of turning a pain into a joy. My wife is near to being placed permanently in a nursing home, so I'm also planning to move closer to my daughter and grandchildren, to help with their care and to give my daughter a break by babysitting when she needs my help. Again, I'm trying to turn painful into happiness. Do take care of yourself. This time is completely about you. You can't get over this quickly. No matter what friends or family may try to convince you, you can't "get over it" in a few weeks or months. Go at your own time and pace. Do this your own way. This will be best for you. My "salient wisdom" for today. Write as much as you can, anytime you can. Mark

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Guests

I lost my husband of 19 years last Sunday to an overdose of cocaine (we were deeply in love -- he had battled the drug for a couple of decades, I thought he was out of the woods and am in complete shock that he did it again...Now, on top of my utter devastation at the loss of the love of my life, I have to deal with intense anger that he would do this to me and his children---to make matters even worse, there was no life insurance and I\'m left with nearly $200,000 in debt..he was a very good provider and we lived well .. my salary won\'t cover the monthly outgo). We have two teenage children 19 and 16...his death happened while he was out of town attending a ballgame with 3 fraternity brothers. The 19 year old was home when I got the awful call, so I told him the full story without even thinking. The 16 year old was out of the country and I had to break the news to her over the phone. My 19 year old and I discussed it and decided that we wouldn't tell her about the overdose part-- we said it was a heart attack (which technically it was, just cocaine induced) Now I feel a barrier between the versions of our grief and am wondering when she should be told the whole truth...she was very close to her dad they look exactly alike. My 19 year old and I plan to tell her everything eventually -- it's just hard to know when we should.

Feeling like this is pure hell..my husband didn't even want to go on the weekend trip--I talked him into it--I told him that he works very hard and should go and have fun with his friends. I realize feeling guilty for wanting my to make my husband happy is irrational. Right now, I'm sure that I would join him in death were it not for our children. This man and I loved each other to the depths of our beings,, our love was growing with each moment that passed. I feel so cheated for my self and for our children...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

my husband shot himself three months ago and I found the body. I think I am going off my mind and cannot believe my body's physical reaction to this. I cannot stop crying and keep on thinking why WHY?? I have these long conversations with him as if he is there and if other people could see me at night, I'm sure they would have me committed. After 3 months surely I must be getting better and not worse. Is this normal and how do one get over it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Administrators

Hello all,

Thank you for being members of our message boards. In March I am going and speaking to a group of funeral directors who really want to learn how to help their families they serve better. The discussion is to help the funeral directors think about what death means to them (including their own) so that they treat people with more companission. I could really use your help by answering this short survey. The results will be shared with this group of funeral directors but not your name. Please copy and cut this link into a new browser to take the survey http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.asp?u=816323037425 .

Thanks!

Kelly Baltzell

President

Beyond Indigo

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Altabeket - I just found noticed noone had responded to you post. I normally read on another forum, but I wanted to let you know that what you are feeling isn't something you will necessarily "get over" but you will somehow,someway, learn to live with it. I can't even begine to imagine what you have been thru. Having conversations seems perfectly normal to me...I talk to my mom (who passed away Sept 05) all the time. And for you it's only been 3 months...there is no way you should be concerned about getting better or worse, you simply need to try to figure out how to cope with each day as it arrives...somedays will be better then some will be worse, kindof like everyone elses days are good or bad. Please don't be so hard on yourself. Try to find a place that offers support for people who have had to deal with what you are dealing with, and if this site is the only place may it provide you with some comfort that here you can say whatever you feel and noone will judge you as we are all traveling this awful road of grief at our own pace. May God hold you in his hands as you look for a more peaceful time. Take Care.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Guests

My husband shot himself in the head as I slept next to him in bed on December 11. He lingered for 4 days before dying on December 14th. We had been best friends since 3rd grade but had only been married for 4 1/2 years. We were happy but he was so depressed about other issues in his life. I keep waiting for the real grief to hit but it's not happening. I don't know what's wrong with me. He was my soulmate. The love of my life. I do hurt and I do have my moments but it's not as bad as I feel it should be. What's wrong with me??? It's like my heart died with him that night. Can anyone relate to this????

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Guest-You are in my thoughts and prayers as you go through this difficult time. I lost my boyfriend very suddenly in November. I was the only one with him when he passed. I think we all grieve in our own ways. I have not had anyone this close to me die before so I didn't know what to expect or what is normal to feel. This site has been very helpful. I would also recommend reading and posting on the I miss him so much tab also. I feel very empty inside most of the time. I don't always cry alot. I think the grieving process takes time and we go through all kinds of emotions. I still am in shock even though I witnessed everything. Please keep coming back to this site. Everyone here is great and it gives you insight on what to expect. Take care. Brandi

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Guests

Hi, my name on here is just broken.

I lost my husband on jan 1st. It was self inflicted. He left me and my 2 children 15 and 7, whom he so adored. We are so heart broken, he was a great person and a great dad....

Reading some of these posts i see Im not alone...

it hurts so bad.

Susan

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Administrators

We just got back in our popular Remember Pins. Show that you are remembering a loved one by wearing these pins. The proceeds cover the cost of the pins and help support Beyond Indigo. Too see the pins and wristbands as well as place an order copy and paste this link into a new broswer window.

http://www.beyondindigo.com/sunshop/index.php?action=category&id=2

Kelly

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I was so sorry to read about what you are all going through. I lost my husband on halloween of 2006. I can relate to what "Guest" posted about her husband being happy with her and their two children but being depressed over other things in his life. The police found my husband's car at a cliff on the coast. The inside had a knife and blood in it but they were unable to recover his remains. There were really bad storms so their opinion is that his body went out in the ocean. I never got to say goodbye. I never knew he was depressed and that he had attempted suicide before. All this I found out about while the police were looking for him. He is currently considered missing since his remains are missing. He was truly the love of my life and I miss him so much. I cry all the time and Monday is our 13th anniversary.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Altabeket:

I just began seeking out support groups and just joined. I was so very sorry to hear about your loss. I have conversations with my husband also. I lost him on halloween of last year. I, like you, keep thinking it should get better, but something is always a reminder and all I do is cry and miss him. I see your posting is from a while ago and wish I would have joined sooner. I want to ask you how you are but I don't want to intrude.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Guests

mariemikey,

Im so sorry for your loss. I feel for you in not recovering the body. That must be hard. Its a horrible pain to go through the loss of our husbands....to a depression. Its a horrible killer.

So many emotions... If you want to talk, Id be happy to. As it seems we share the same grief. Do you have children?

Take care

Sue

(justbroken)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Sue:

While I am so sorry to hear about your loss, I was so glad to here from you. I would love to talk to each other. Today is our anniversary...a very hard day. I am completely devistated by losing him. I even have an appointment with my therapist today because of it being a special day.

Today would have been our 13th year of marriage. We don't have any children.

How are you feeling today? Do you work? Does your family help you get through this?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Guests

Hi Marie, I just posted to you on another board. Happy Anniversary, I know its not the same, but I felt I wanted to say it. When did your husband pass? For me Valentines is a hard one, We loved this holiday with all our little special things we did for eachother. I see a red heart and just cry. But I bought him a card and I will give it to him, along with a couple little things. Thats good you have a therapist to talk to specially on the not so good days. I have a support group once a week, I only went once. I dont know, I feel like I rather talk to someone who knows my pain.

How am I feeling today? Todays a rocky day. been crying on and off. I went to the doctors I talked wiht him also. I do work but I havent went back since this tragedy...and Im not sure when Ill be ready to go back yet. And yes I have great family and friends. My sister denise has been my rock, her husband is like a father figure to my kids. and my parents are sickly but still right here for us.

I do have support but I still worry about my kids, and nothing anyone can say or do to being him back, and thats all I want, is to have Bill back.

I hope you find some peace in your day today, you know he is right there with you. I beleive that!

take care

Sue

(justbroken)

where in NJ are you?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Sue:

Sorry it took me a while to get back to you. My husband went missing on Halloween, but from what the police uncovered and what I was told by family, depression ran in the family and he had attempted suicide before. The police found his car two days later and while he is listed as missing since they were unable to find his body, the assumption is that he cut himself in the car and then jumped off a cliff into the ocean.

I am truly devisistated and while some days are better than others in the way that I feel stronger, I just can't believe this has happened. I want my life with him back so bad.

I wasn't able to find any support groups in the Old Bridge area so I just have a therapist which is a good thing. It makes me feel better.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Sue & Marie... Just wanted to let you know I've been thinking about you. The first few months are especially hard. My 13th weeding anniversary was 23 days after Rod passed away (July 7, 2006)and it was a rough one. Valentines was worse for me than Christmas. I understand Sue's feelings about red hearts. Hang in there... can't say it gets better ALL the time but you will have some easier moments. Mary Jo

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Guests

i lost my boyfriend a few days before haloween last year. depression runs in his family and he had been struggling with it for about six months prior to his death. on the day he died we got in a huge fight about his depression and whether or not i could stick around through it. i told him i didnt love him. he left and later that night was killed in a car accident. i hate myself for that whole day. i love him more than anything i was angry and saying things i didnt mean. the police found a suicide note, but when they analyzed the crash site they said that it was definitly an accident. i miss him so much i dont know what to do with myself. i feel like im getting worse, not better. i think of all the things i could have done differently, how i could have been more supportive, how he wouldnt have been driving around upset if i wasn't being so unreasonable. none of my friends have been through anything like this so it has been hard on everyone. everyone thinks they know best and its hard not to get angry at people trying to help, even when i know they dont know anybetter. i was referred to this site though a grief counseling center im in contact with. i guess im hoping that connecting with people who have been through this will help. but at this point im scared nothing will ever help

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Error username not found

i dont know what the hell is going on with this website. i posted something on feb.11th and ive been checkin back and nothing...then i figured nobody is writing back to me so i deleted it..and when i deleted it i just checked it now and there have been posts going on since feb.12th???? but i didnt see them on my computer and i wonder if any of u saw my post.... but anyway..

Guest.. i know how you feel. im 19 and in september of 2006 my fiance died in an accident too. i got into a fight with him earlier that day too and i didnt kiss him bye and to be honest i felt like ****. that was the last chance i ever had and i fucked it up. i miss him SOOOOOOOOOOO much and i just want him to come home. we have a son together and he looks just like him and its sad for me and its hard because he loved our son and he always wanted a baby and he finally had one and he doesnt get to see him grow up. honestly.. i dont know what to say to you because everyone is different. for me some days are good and some days are reaally really bad.

-BACAFLY.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

bacafly-

im so sorry about for your loss :-( i cant imagine how i would feel if we had a child together. right after he died, i thought i was pregnant. i went to the doctors and i still dont know if im relieved or sad that i wasnt. it sounds so cheesy but i feel like time has stopped since he died. i feel like im getting worse instead of better. i dont know if thats normal or not. anyways, thanks for writing back. i dont know why i'm coming up as guest but my name is steph. and stay strong, i believe he's still going to see him grow up

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Error username not found

..i feel like that too. im stuck in september..and whenever i realize how much time has gone by i kinda get mad because it could have been that much longer we were together.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Guests
Guest Guest

hello everyone i am new at this and i have lost my new boy friend and i fell in love madly . It was sudden tragic accident and on his way to come see me after i had told him to go the day before and the circumstances are complicated because he was only me that pushed him to go there and it was against his will . Now i am in a total depression and it has been just a pure night mare . I really don't know how i am going through this because the pain is just agonizing . I am so angry at myself and others . I don't belive in this is what god wanted and it makes me so angry .

there is no sign that there is a life after death and i am really sad that this it . I miss that personn like i have never missed anyone in my life and it hurts really bad . what should i do ? i tried a lot and nothing is taking the pain away . I am so resentful of what happened and i think everyone is runing away from me . please help ! i just need somoeone i can share my anger and pain with . Thanks a lot .

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Guest:

I just read your posting and I am so sorry to hear about your loss and the pain you are going through. I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you what advice I have gotten from others on this board and the "I miss him so..." board. Take one day at a time and when a day is feeling unbearable break it down into taking an hour at a time. I know this doesn't sound helpful, but it does help me. I lost my husband four months and I have never felt such pain in my life. I can relate to a lot of what you wrote. Please join us on the "I miss him so..." board. There are so many wonderful people posting to all the message boards as well. Do you have a support system like family or close friends? I know it soon, but are you seeing a therapist or considering seeing one?

I understand when you say it is like everyone is running from you. I lost my family support and was devistated by that at first, but I have friends and a therapist and I have just come to the conclusion that they helped me as much as they could even though I felt abandoned when they first pulled their support away. I am trying to just feel like they are looking out for themselvs and gave all they could, which I am o.k. with, but I don't plan on welcoming them back in my life when they bailed on me when I needed them the most.

Please post often. I try to check several times a day.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Guests
Guest Guest

Hello, I really dont know how this site works. Maybe someone will respond. I am 26 years old and am still grieving the loss of my boyfriend who also proposed to me at age 13. After my 14 birthday he was killed after leaving my house. I know I was young and he was only 16 himself but the pain never leaves my hart. It was so devastating for me. I was put in a hospital because of feared suicide wich probably saved my life.We were only together 4 months but I know we would have married. I am broken! My husband doesnt understand why I cant let go and even after therapy nothing seems to work. One of the most traumatizing things iv ever expierienced is the fact that they promised if I went to the hospital willingly then I could go to the funeral.That funeral was so very important to me. To be able to hold him in my arms was so impotant. My DR. came into my room and said I will not be going and my hart broke all over again. I need advice maybe from someone who had a simialar situation. Thanks, Nichole

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Guests
Guest Guest

Your partner was doing what was most important to him. stop being so jeylous and accept the fact that drugs can be better friends than spouses. My wife of 27 years will be dead of cancer within a few months and I am torn between 'serves you right, bitch' and poor me. She broke my heart several times throughout our reLATIONSHIP AND I WAS NEVER GOOD W\ENOUGH FOR HER.

I trust that the few years I have left will be spent with anyone who is not into suffering needlessly. Hell, I may even be able to buy a motorhome (even though I have nobody to share it with).

Stop slobbering and find something good to think about. Sel

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Guests
Guest Guest

Im new to all this. Iv been looking for a support group and just joind this one. My boyfriend passed away on 1-26-07 in a freak ATV accedint. We both knew we were soul mates. We told eachother we didnt know how we lived without one another and didnt know what we would do without one another. I know we were not together for very long but it seemed like longer. We woul have been together for four months the day of his wake. I have a two year old daughter that Matt adored and she adored him. When she sees pictues of Matt she says his name and kisses the picture. We had just moved intogether three weeks bofore his accedint. Matt went up noth for a fishing trip with his friends and called me shortly after arriving. We talked for almost an hour then he was going to go four wheeling. It was kinda late so i went to bed. As i layed asleep one of Matts friends got into an accedint and was unconsiuse. He was not wearing a helmet. Matt and another friend went to go to the cabin to get a truck and Matt some how went into the ditch. You could tell he was going to come out and he would have if there was not a hiden post in cattails. He hit that and rolled. Matt was wearing a helmet. And he was gone there. His friend with no helmet got 7 stapples in his head. this hole thing has been so hard on me. I cant belive he is gone. I still catch myself doing something and think I have to call Matt and tell him. Then my heart sinks. Matts family has been so good to me and my daughter and im graetfull for that. I feel like whatever I do is pointless. It hurts so much and I dont know what to. I know with out my daughter I would have gone completly crazy. Everyone tells me how well im doing but if they could only see me from the inside they wouldnt think so.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Guests

I am new to the concept of the message board and to this website. I found it by fluke but felt it might help. My boyfriend died on May 16 2007 in a car accident with one of his best friends. It was at about 6am on the high way no one - not even the cops- know exactly what happened or what made them go into the ditch. He had gone out that night to the bar with his friends but it was established that booze was no effect of the accident which is one thing that makes me feel better. Jeremy and I got in a fight the night that he left for the bar. The car was so totaled that the cops said it was impossible to tell if they were wearing their seat belts or not. When I saw him at the funeral and wake he looked completely fine you would have never been able to tell he was in an accident not a single scratch or bruise on his face. Its so hard to not have him here, I ended up moving out of our apartment a few months after because I did not want to be living there without him. Its still so hard to deal with everything.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Guest who lost her boyfriend in an ATV accident... I know exactly how you feel I'm 'guest' who lost her boyfriend in a car accident. For some reason it didnt post with my screen name. Jeremy and I were soul mates we knew that from the moment we met eachother and wanted to be together forever. He was incredible i cant even put how i feel about him and how he felt about me in words. I just wish he was here I dont know how to move on without him. I'm dreading the fact that I know one day I will have to date again. I know Jeremy would want me to be happy but how can I be happy with someone else?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
feelingconfused

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my boyfriend a year and a half ago. I met him when i was eight. He lived four hours away when we were little and he was my summer love every year when he would visit. At 21 he moved here to be with me and i thought my dream had come true. No one can say that love can not be powerful at a young age. I had necklaces and even a bouncy ball that he gave me when i was 10. He got involved in drugs or something and I know that he was murdered. He was found on a mountain road. Someone left him there to die. We were living together but had broken up 2 months before he was found. I had left him because he was acting like a completely different person. I was blind to the fact that he was doing drugs. I met someone about a week before he died. After I grieved for a while I started dating this other person. I have tried to move on. It is very very hard. I had guilt and sadness and I felt like there was no way that I could love again. When I realized that this new relationship was creating more happiness for me than i had ever experienced before i was lost. It has been very hard to admit that i am happy. I just cant believe that I am in love again, but I really am. This weekend we had a huge fight because he discovered that the cross in my room held some of his ashes. He wants to be the only man in my life, but I need more time. He doesnt understand and i dont know how to tell him that i can love two people at the same time in different ways. How does your new relationship work with the old? 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I lost my boyfriend on 3rd November 2007 4 weeks after he was hit by a car who never stopped. I can't believe he's gone all my hopes, dreams and life have died with him and I feel I'm just existing. I am so lonely and alone even with my friends and family around me I just don't know how I'm gonna get through this xx

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I am so sorry for your loss.  It is a horrible experience and I am trying to figure out why it happens and why we have to suffer so much?

I know how you feel, I lost my fiance on October 5, 2007 and I do not know what I am going to do.  I found in on our couch and he was gone.  He was my life and I do not want to be here.  I am in bed everyday and do not want to go anywhere or be with anyone and at the same time I know this is not good for me.  But what else do you do?  I cry alot and I am tired of all the hurt.

Michelle

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I have never been on this website before but it was recommended by a friend.  I lost my partner in a car accident in the beginning of December.  One minute things were great and the next minute I got the call that she was gone.  I have many friends and family around but still feel very lost and disoriented.  I know that I need support from people who have been through something like this and I heard this website is a great place. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I'm so sorry for your loss. This is a great site...where people understand and you can talk about your feelings. It has helped me tremendously. My loss was not a sudden one as my husband died after a long illness but several years ago my dad died suddenly and I know what my mom went through. Both ways have their own trials but end the same...in grief and tears. You're in a good place. Mary Jo

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Lost my mother more than 12 years ago. Got first taste of what broken heart meant. A man who almost never had tears had uncontrollable tears for two weeks. After one month, sincerely wished mother happy in after life. As she had 70 happy life, my pain began to subside.
 
Lost my better half of 25 years of marriage and 30 years of deep love to car accident 454 days ago. It was like thousand knives stabbing me every day ever since. Began to really realize what extreme pain means. Candle begins to burn until I am completely burnt off. 
 
"Let me not die while I am still alive." Easier said than done. But, does anyone have any other sensible choice? 
 
Life is a struggle to some. Such some just have to live with constant pain ever after.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.


×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.