I asked God for reconciliation with my family and my dad passed right after

[Sydney12]

Hi all, 

My dad suddenly passed away two weeks ago and I had not spoken to any of my immediate family members in 6 years. My dad was the greatest, wisest and kindest man you could ever meet. There were issues with my mom which kept escalating to the point where I had to cut all contact for 6 years. He died and I never got to say goodbye. 

A few days before my dad's passing, I sensed something was off. I would frantically Google his name every single hour of the day because I sensed something was off (we still weren't in touch at that point and I had no idea on how he was doing). I could not sleep for days because out of the blue, all the memories of my dad from when I was young all the way up to my adulthood kept haunting me every night. I kept replaying my entire life from scratch and prayed for reconciliation with both my dad and siblings. I was obsessed with the idea that my dad could be dying and my heart was heavy. Again, I had no idea on how he was doing because he's always enjoyed great health and he was 64 when he died suddenly, so it's not like he was 80+ and death could happen at any point. 

Things moved fast because roughly 4/5 days later, because I got an email from a friend of my brother who told me something bad had happened and I needed to speak to my brother. I knew right then and there my dad had passed without even speaking to my brother. Then my mom told me the news and I was both in shock and not surprised because I had an inner feeling he was about to pass. 

Now, I am absolutely mad and baffled. I asked God to reconcile me with my dad and siblings and he took my dad to orchestrate a reconciliation with my siblings. It makes no sense at all. Why? Why did I pray for a positive thing to happen and God threw this heartbreaking event for it happen? My dad was my mentor and the one person I loved the most in my family. It's not fair. 

[widower2]

I'm very sorry for your loss. Unfortunately, things often don't happen the way we want. Life isn't fair to say the least. I think everyone on this site, in fact everyone on the planet, can relate to that. There are people literally starving to death in third-world counties, people living in war zones, children with terminal illnesses, the list goes on. All we can do is deal with the setbacks life throws us as best we can and hope for better times, in this life and the next. 

I remember on the TV sitcom All in the Family, when Edith was asked "if there is a God, why is there so much suffering in the world?" she said "maybe so when we get to Heaven we'll notice the difference."  I hope so. Best to you 

 

[Sydney12]

Thinking about people starving in 3rd world countries or people living in war zones isn't going to make me feel better about what happened. I don't think I can compare the two. It equals saying: "Why are you hurting over their death, there are worse things happening in life". It's a bit of an insensitive comment if I'm very honest and it seems to minimize one's grief when it's so fresh. That's the type of thing people say when someone is still grieving after a couple of years, but not when the wound is fresh. Not sure I really appreciate this comment. I thought it was a forum where people had empathy, but I guess I'm wrong.

 

[reader]

Dear Sydney,

Deeply sorry for your loss. Please know we mean well and try to help each other. The very last thing any of us want to be  is insensitive. I know for myself that I was raw and I cried an ocean of tears for my dad. Nothing made sense to me.  You are right and it's not fair. I wish so much we could all go back in time and make different choices. 

During this painful time, I hope you can find the support and love and comfort you need.

[Luminescense]

I'm sorry to hear about the loss you have suffered.

That "off" feeling a horrible feeling to have. I get it, I've had it. It's not fun. The "impending sense of doom" feeling is a phenomenon that I don't think is all that uncommon.

It's normal to feel angry in your grief. Grief is difficult and it's an emotional roller coaster. It takes time before it all settles back into some form of normalcy.

While sometimes we may pray to God for something, there are times when God's answer is, "No." This doesn't mean we did anything wrong by praying or asking for something. I can't say that God's solution was to get your dad out of the picture or if it was simply his time. Death can happen to anyone at any time.

In this life, there will be things we can't quite understand, explain, or justify. A lot of times life feels unfair because more often than not it is and sadly, that is how life can be. All the suffering around us is clear evidence of a fallen creation. In the beginning, there was no illness, suffering, or death. We weren't designed to die or to have to work hard, but Adam and Eve didn't listen and ate from the tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil that brought death and suffering onto each of our plates.

It's never easy to lose a loved one, not for anyone. Do give yourself time to grieve, time to think, time to feel, and give yourself plenty of self-care as you take each day a step at a time.