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Little triggers


Roseapple

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Roseapple

I just had a nice evening, one of my best friends came over after work. We watched Netflix, watched a movie. The movie ends and I just feel a wave crashing down on me. 
I wanted to talk with him about the movie, my head starts spinning, he will never watch a movie again, I will never talk to him again. It hurts. 
Next week is my birthday. The day after me and my friends will stay in an Airbnb for the weekend. The day after my birthday is the day I talked to him the last time 2 month ago. In 3 days he is gone since a month. 
It feels like sitting in an airplane without wings. 

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I've never heard that analogy before but it so fits.  Those waves crashing are so hard, they can come out of the blue at any moment, no matter where we are at.  When you connect with your person and then are forced to continue life without them it can feel like the worst torture in the world!  And we're supposed to get used to this?!  Somehow we do, I don't know how, it's beyond my brain to absorb that and yet here I am, doing just that, all these years later.  I never would have believed I'd have survived this long without him beside me.

At first I counted by weeks, then months, then years.  I wonder if it will ever blur together, so far it has not.  Everything distinct and fully remembered...

You will be in our thoughts as your birthday time comes...I'm glad you have plans and won't be alone.

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