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A feel bad, feel good event


foreverhis

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11 hours ago, foreverhis said:

I was humbled that so many people who have never met me and have no idea who I am would pitch in

Annie, I am crying now after reading this, so much emotion!  How I felt when seven people showed up to help shovel snow, PLUS the three (two the same) that shoveled my roof off the week before, I felt much the same as you, VERY humbled and touched, felt cared about, in this small wonderful community that I live in.  One of the reasons I'm still here.

Everything I felt and MORE you felt because this was something so precious to you!  No words to describe the ring we placed on their finger all those years ago, but I remember the very moment, the relief I felt that we were at last husband and wife!  Because it meant so much to us, I think we were afraid something would stop it, that it was too good to be true, we'd never had anything like that before!  We both breathed immense sigh of relief that moment.  Nothing could unjoin us.  I know the law says "until death do you part."  But even death has not severed what we felt for each other, I know that.  The IRS may not classify us as "married" but they can't see inside our hearts and souls...

I rejoice WITH you!!!  God bless that gentleman with the metal detector!

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Roseapple

Thank you for sharing, sometimes it all feels just too dark out there, a little light is always welcome.

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her_chrissy

A beautiful resolution to a story for which I felt genuinely nervous and at the edge of my seat. I don't know if I could trust myself wearing my wife's rings around my neck. Before I lost her, our relationship was struggling somewhat and we had agreed to put our rings away until we could make some necessary resolutions. She died before she could tell me where she hid them, and I tore my home apart looking for them immediately after. Didn't find them. I returned more calmly and open to listening to her a few days later. She guided me to my ring within only a few minutes that day. I'm never taking it off again, as she'll always be my wife, no matter what else changes. Thank you for sharing this. 

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I am so glad you found it!  Mine doesn't fit right now and am too scared to lose it (I paid $275 to have it resized and THEN I lost weight two years ago so now it's too big).  I can wear it on my right finger as a dog bit me four times on the ring finger so it has a lot of scar tissue causing it to be at least a size larger.

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foreverhis
10 hours ago, her_chrissy said:

She guided me to my ring within only a few minutes that day. I'm never taking it off again, as she'll always be my wife, no matter what else changes. Thank you for sharing this. 

That is such a sad, yet loving, story.  I believe and have absolute faith that our loves are sometimes able to "reach through" whatever it is exactly that separates them from us still here on earth.  For me, it's been times of extreme pain (both emotional and physical) and I haven't had any signs recently.  The signs I've had were very clear to me.  My heart knew it was him.

I've promised my friends and the FB community to get a safety chain put on so that if it unlatches again, it will simply be loose and not fall open.  I'm also going to take it to a local jeweler I spoke with shortly after John died.  He fixed John's favorite watch for me when I was sure no one could.  I talked to the jeweler about options at the time, but wasn't ready.

One of my mom's friends had her husband's wedding ring converted into a pendant by having the back shank cut off, the edges of the center rounded/softened, and then having a bale attached at one end.  I think I'm going to do that with John's.  Our rings are simple softened flat gold bands with black hills gold as the center overlay.  I think it would look really nice to have that as a curved pendant.

What's interesting, to me at least, is that John's ring is fairly heavy on the chain, but I do not feel the weight of it.  That's why I didn't notice it immediately.  I wear it all the time, even to bed, except showers, yard/house work, and during yoga (I did once and it smacked me in the nose during downward facing dog:biggrin:).  I'm not sure if that's why I don't feel the weight or if it's because John's so much a part of me that my mind thinks it's totally normal to have it over my heart.

I did wonder to a few friends who wouldn't think it's too "woo-woo" if maybe having his ring fall off like that was a sign from John that wearing it all time for 4 years was long enough and it's time to spend the money to make it a pendant, which would be lighter and very pretty.  I had started wearing it when he was in the hospital and rehab, along with the "fight for love against cancer" split necklace (1/2 for each person) I got for me and our daughter. 

It's funny that I seemed to find faith immediately that somehow his ring would return to me.  What I didn't expect was an outpouring of support and comfort from, at current count, 450 people--440 of whom don't even know me.  I'll be honest; our community is split politically somewhat, though it's about a 65%/35% split.  The thing is that I noticed a good 18 months ago that next door neighbors could have opposing signs up in their yard, but manage to be civil and helpful to each other.  So much more the way it was when I was growing up and my dad and his friends would discuss/debate their differences, while still understanding that everyone truly wanted what was best, but didn't always agree on how to get there.  I miss that so much and seeing that civil behavior in my own community has been a reminder that we can still be that way.

2 hours ago, KayC said:

Mine doesn't fit right now and am too scared to lose it (I paid $275 to have it resized and THEN I lost weight two years ago so now it's too big). 

Oh Kay, that's a shame.  OTOH, I'd expect that's likely the only real "down side" to losing weight and getting so much healthier.  That it fits your right hand only because of the dog bites and permanent injuries is strangely ironic.

I had to have mine resized several years back because I injured my ring finger and was dealing with new auto-immune joint damage and swelling.   My right hand is still the same size, but my left has taken the brunt of the auto-immune issues.  I've got the same problems in both hands and wrists, but the left has changed more.  OTOH, I'm very left dominant (as they say now).  The only thing I routinely do rightie is using a computer touchpad, trackball, or mouse.  I started that in the '80s when I kept getting sent to different programs in the company to solve document problems, etc.  It was just too darn much work to move a mouse or trackball to the other side and reconfigure the buttons every time I had to move my office.  With my work, we couldn't take our computers with us, so I had to use whatever kind the specific program had.  Plus, John and I shared a computer at home during that time and he was a rightie.  Definitely too much of a PITA for either of us to constantly shift it back and forth.

In any case, I've started checking the current clasp carefully every day and no longer wear it when I go walking, especially with Raleigh because she's only 12 lb and I often need to pick her up if large dogs are coming toward us.  She gets intimidated sometimes, which I realized makes perfect sense. I know I'd be intimidated if a human five or six times my size came running at me.:lol:

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Since that is what you were considering I'd take it as a sign that it's okay to do!  I wouldn't want to alter George's, it's not something I'd consider but I don't wear it either.  I'm not fond of wearing necklaces except when I dress up, same with bracelets, they just feel in the way of doing things.

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fh, that is one of the best, coolest stories I have heard in some time. We can forget that on occasion, things do work out, and not everyone out there is a self-serving jerkface, despite how it feels that way sometimes. So glad for you! 

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3 hours ago, widower2 said:

fh, that is one of the best, coolest stories I have heard in some time. We can forget that on occasion, things do work out, and not everyone out there is a self-serving jerkface, despite how it feels that way sometimes. So glad for you! 

Thanks.  I can't figure out why I somehow just knew John's ring would come back to me.  Two years ago, I would have been a wreck; now, I was upset, of course, but didn't collapse.  I looked at sweet Raleigh, who had so patiently retraced our entire route instead of us continuing on and out to the residential streets nearby, and thought, "I want my play and snuggle time with this sweet girl more than I want to go back out there today."  My time with her is so precious to me.  Honestly, during the first 12 months of COVID, I don't know what I would have done without her.  Her mom decided I needed more time with her then, but now we're back to a slightly more normal schedule, so when she is with me, she is the focus of my time, energy, and love.  I am fully a member of her pack and she loves nothing more than the rare occasions we can all be together.

It was simply amazing to me how many community members stepped up with support, suggestions, and outright, "We're on it!"  When we got back from our walk, I texted my local friends and neighbors.  Immediately, I got responses of, "You stay with Raleigh.  We're going out now to look for it."  But having total strangers who had no earthly reason to help me except that we live in the same community also step up like that reminded me that not only are their good people out there, but some are willing to set aside their differences for the good of the whole. 

John's ring has become something of a talisman for people here too.  I was at lunch a couple of days ago with a friend and our server commented about what a nice ring I had on my necklace.  I said thanks and told him it was my husband's.  He said he was sorry and looked chagrined.  I said I'm sorry too, but he shouldn't feel bad about mentioning it.  Then my friend pipes up with, "Hey, there's a really great local story about that ring.  Want to hear it?"  He did and smiled, smiled, and smiled some more.  He finally responded with, "I'm not surprised.  We are so lucky to live where we do."  Then today, I was talking to a newer neighbor who I had forgotten to tell about it being found.  She noticed it and said, "You got John's ring back?"  I apologized for forgetting to tell her and then said how it all happened.  She too smiled and said she was so glad she moved here from our local "large" city (45,000).  That too is a wonderful place to live, just busier.

It's good to be reminded that we are all just human beings when it comes right down to it.

 

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Annie, that is how my neighborhood community is also.  It is so rare and precious, one of the reasons I stay here, besides the memories, and beauty of nature and wildlife.

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