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I’ve said it all before


Quinn T.

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I haven’t felt like writing or talking.  What could I possibly say?  I’ve said it all already.  I hate my life.  I hate how much I miss my husband.  I don’t want this.  I don’t want this to be my life.  I want the world to stop moving around me because mine came to an abrupt halt.  I want people to stop saying stupid insensitive things.  I want it all to go away and for my soulmate and my life and future to come back.  I don’t know who I am anymore.  I no longer have purpose.  I feel insanely lonely.  I wish I could stop reliving the accident.  I wish everything wasn’t triggering.  I have never been more miserable in my life.  I don’t think I’ve ever felt despair before, at least nothing comparable to how I feel now.  I wish I could sleep without having nightmares.  I wish I could go home, but I can’t get myself to do it.  

I hate how angry and bitter I feel at the universe.  I just want to hold him in my arms again.  I just want to feel his warmth.  I feel hopeless, helpless, angry and confused.  I hate everything.  This isn’t how my life was supposed to go.  Why would this happen to me, to him, to us?  What could I have possibly done to deserve this? Haven’t I been through enough torture and pain in my life already!?!  I just can’t accept that this is real! I just can’t! I want him back!!!!! 

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2 hours ago, Quinn T. said:

I hate how angry and bitter I feel at the universe.

Quinn T.:   I feel that way off and on too. I get angry at my husband for leaving and I get angry at the world for all the dumb nonsense that is going on. I especially feel angry when I hear another couple arguing. Makes me want to tell them that whatever they are fighting about it isn't worth it and that they should consider themselves fortunate to have each other. Well, anyways, I do feel angry at times. You aren't alone with your feelings. The anger will come and go, depending on how the day is going or what needs to be done. We just have to roll with it for a while I guess. Sorry you are having those nitemares. I don't know what we are to do when we have them. When I can't sleep I get back up for a little while, even just a few minutes seems to break the cycle. It's hard though. Real hard. Wish none of us here were going through this.    

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You may have said it all before but it helps to get it out, believe it or not, I think we'd implode if we didn't.  So keep coming here, we're listening, we care...:wub2:  It's part of our grief processing to give voice to what we're feeling...

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We all have felt or feel like this.  So many emotions and questions with no answers.  It gets so overwhelming at times  I feel like my brain is going to explode.  I don't know how long my mind and body can deal with all this.  Half of us is already gone.  Will the other half just go crazy?  I'm so scared of what's to come. We all understand what your going through! 

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On 1/8/2022 at 5:52 PM, Jen H said:

I don't know how long my mind and body can deal with all this.

Jen H:  I keep going and hanging on to the hope that I will be able to move forward but honestly, at times I feel like one wrong move and I will shatter into a million pieces.   

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@Quinn T.I feel your pain. It seems it is getting even more difficult as time goes by. I too want to hold my husband in my arms again. I cannot accept his absence in my life, either.

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