Broken

[Broken1]

39 years ago, on Dec 19^th 1982 the love of my life passed away in a fatal car crash.  I was overseas at the time of the crash in the marine corps.  I was coming home within a few months as soon as I could get back to marry her knowing I wanted to spend forever with her.  I say she was the love of my life because when I looked into her eyes, when I saw her smile, her face, I saw and felt heaven feeling a love for her so deep in my soul I can’t put into words. The love I have for her has never dimmed in me and after all these years I know it will never change for eternity.  I have tried to live and listen as people always say time will heal, you’ll be okay, you’ll find love again.  I did marry and do try to provide a good home and have tried to bring myself to feel love over these years but I know in my heart and soul that 39 years ago my life died with her in that car; she was, she is now and she will always be my heart and soul. Now all that is left is standing broken, waiting to be with her again if she’ll have me.  She’s in my thoughts all the time and I find myself crying still to this day as I am now writing this.  I only have these two questions that I so long to know; does she know, feel the love I have for her still... and… will she wait for me so I can hold her and never look away from her eyes again.  When my time comes to finally end my life on this earth the only shred of hope I have to hold her in my arms… if it is not so and my brain simply shuts down and I fall to nothing, for the first time in so long I will no longer feel this pain so deep within me.    

[reader]

Dear Broken,

She sounds like an amazing person and I'm sorry for the deep pain and sorrow you feel still. 

Please try and talk to a grief counsellor or therapist about your feelings. I know you love her deeply but please don't do anything to hurt yourself.

I honestly don't know what happens in the afterlife. I wish I did. I am still horribly sad myself and have a hard time coming to terms with loss.

Take care and know we are here if you need to talk.