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Some days are harder than others


Forever17

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I’m struggling harder than I have recently.  I lost my beautiful 17 year old son May14, 2018.  He had just graduated high school the day before. It was a senseless car accident with an animal.  He was killed on impact.  For some reason, this holiday season has been the worst yet.  The first one I was so numb that I don’t even remember any of it.  I guess what I’m trying to figure out is if this is normal this far out.  I just miss him. I miss his energy and his light.  I miss his smile.  

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Dear Forever17,

Always know your feelings are valid and real and deserve to be expressed. There is no right way or wrong way to grieve. It take 1 year or 10 years or longer. Everyone's journey is so different.

Thinking of you. Please know we are here. x 

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Sorry you have been going through such a hard time.  Please know grief really never ends and comes in waves.  We never move on, we just learn to live with it.  I don't know what it feels like to lose a child but I've had many losses throughout the years.  You will never forget him and will always love and miss him.  Especially the holidays it is completely normal.  If you are living your life the best you can then you are doing just fine.  Find joy in everyday even if it is just remembering the good times with him.  Hope the coming days will be better for you.

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On 12/20/2021 at 12:43 PM, Forever17 said:

I’m struggling harder than I have recently.  I lost my beautiful 17 year old son May14, 2018.  He had just graduated high school the day before. It was a senseless car accident with an animal.  He was killed on impact.  For some reason, this holiday season has been the worst yet.  The first one I was so numb that I don’t even remember any of it.  I guess what I’m trying to figure out is if this is normal this far out.  I just miss him. I miss his energy and his light.  I miss his smile.  

 

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I just lost my son this past May. Very unexpectedly. He is my only child. Some days I just want to take a deep breath and never let it out again. Other days my life is so foreign to me. Never in a million years would I believe this is how my life would go. My grief counselor said the firsts are always the hardest. That I don’t believe. Christmas I was so numb. Just like the day of his funeral. I feel I build this wall to keep my pain at bay. Like you Forever 17 I miss his smile. I miss his sense of humor the way he could make me laugh. Right now it feels like it’ll never get easier.

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yostkimberly23

I am so very sorry for your loss..I lost my sweet daughter to domestic violence on Christmas Eve 2021..I certainly don't hold out much hope of ever enjoying the holidays again unfortunately. I am going to try to honor her next Christmas by doing something to help someone that has been abused and seeks a way out.. perhaps you could invent a way to memorialize your son during the holidays despite the actual date of his death

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On 1/1/2022 at 7:07 PM, May never come said:

I just lost my son this past May. Very unexpectedly. He is my only child. Some days I just want to take a deep breath and never let it out again. Other days my life is so foreign to me. Never in a million years would I believe this is how my life would go. My grief counselor said the firsts are always the hardest. That I don’t believe. Christmas I was so numb. Just like the day of his funeral. I feel I build this wall to keep my pain at bay. Like you Forever 17 I miss his smile. I miss his sense of humor the way he could make me laugh. Right now it feels like it’ll never get easier.

I lost my only child and son in 12/08/2021 as well, it's been a little over a year and I'm only feeling worse. I find it difficult to even get out of bed. I can't look at his pictures because it makes me miss him so much. I pity myself because this is truly the worst thing anyone can ever experience. I only had  one child and he was special needs, I don't understand why life is so unfair and I just don't understand it. I'm so sorry that we are here..How are you doing lately? 

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I am so sorry you lost your son and agree with you that we shouldn’t be here mourning our only son’s. I can’t wrap my head around the loss of my son and long for him every day. Our society we live in I find it difficult because you’ll meet people and of course they’ll ask. Do you have kids? Yes I have a son. ( oh what does he do or how old is he?) I’ll say, he’s 19. He passed away almost two years ago. Then it’s like they can’t get away from you fast enough. Then people you do know don’t want to mention him for fear it’ll be uncomfortable. But to me I don’t ever want him to be forgotten. I want to remember him. I want to talk about him. He was in my eyes an amazing human with a big bright beautiful smile💜 Our grieving and how much we are hurting is because of how much we love our son’s. I don’t ever imagine it getting easier. I miss him now as much as I did the day he passed. I have to tell myself every day he would want me to go on and some days are definitely rougher than others and I think about him all the time. I definitely know how you feel and the pain of what you are feeling. If you’d like to write back please do. I’ve joined Compassionate Friends. They meet once a month and it’s for parents that have lost their child. I’ve found it has helped some. Because we are able to talk openly about our child and not feel awkward. We are able to be with people who truly understand our loss and who truly get our pain. 

 

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4 hours ago, MistyN said:

I lost my only child and son in 12/08/2021 as well, it's been a little over a year and I'm only feeling worse. I find it difficult to even get out of bed. I can't look at his pictures because it makes me miss him so much. I pity myself because this is truly the worst thing anyone can ever experience. I only had  one child and he was special needs, I don't understand why life is so unfair and I just don't understand it. I'm so sorry that we are here..How are you doing lately? 

I am so sorry you lost your son and agree with you that we shouldn’t be here mourning our only son’s. I can’t wrap my head around the loss of my son and long for him every day. Our society we live in I find it difficult because you’ll meet people and of course they’ll ask. Do you have kids? Yes I have a son. ( oh what does he do or how old is he?) I’ll say, he’s 19. He passed away almost two years ago. Then it’s like they can’t get away from you fast enough. Then people you do know don’t want to mention him for fear it’ll be uncomfortable. But to me I don’t ever want him to be forgotten. I want to remember him. I want to talk about him. He was in my eyes an amazing human with a big bright beautiful smile💜 Our grieving and how much we are hurting is because of how much we love our son’s. I don’t ever imagine it getting easier. I miss him now as much as I did the day he passed. I have to tell myself every day he would want me to go on and some days are definitely rougher than others and I think about him all the time. I definitely know how you feel and the pain of what you are feeling. If you’d like to write back please do. I’ve joined Compassionate Friends. They meet once a month and it’s for parents that have lost their child. I’ve found it has helped some. Because we are able to talk openly about our child and not feel awkward. We are able to be with people who truly understand our loss and who truly get our pain. 

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On 3/1/2023 at 9:54 PM, May never come said:

I am so sorry you lost your son and agree with you that we shouldn’t be here mourning our only son’s. I can’t wrap my head around the loss of my son and long for him every day. Our society we live in I find it difficult because you’ll meet people and of course they’ll ask. Do you have kids? Yes I have a son. ( oh what does he do or how old is he?) I’ll say, he’s 19. He passed away almost two years ago. Then it’s like they can’t get away from you fast enough. Then people you do know don’t want to mention him for fear it’ll be uncomfortable. But to me I don’t ever want him to be forgotten. I want to remember him. I want to talk about him. He was in my eyes an amazing human with a big bright beautiful smile💜 Our grieving and how much we are hurting is because of how much we love our son’s. I don’t ever imagine it getting easier. I miss him now as much as I did the day he passed. I have to tell myself every day he would want me to go on and some days are definitely rougher than others and I think about him all the time. I definitely know how you feel and the pain of what you are feeling. If you’d like to write back please do. I’ve joined Compassionate Friends. They meet once a month and it’s for parents that have lost their child. I’ve found it has helped some. Because we are able to talk openly about our child and not feel awkward. We are able to be with people who truly understand our loss and who truly get our pain. 

When I wrote my comment I didn't expect a response, and I was deep in my sorrows. I was delighted to see you responded, thank you. I heard the two year mark is even more painful, I'm hurting for us both. You're absolutely right about meeting people and how difficult of a situation it is for us. One of my gf asked me to be her bridesmaids and on our bridesmaids meet and greet lunch, people were raving on about their normal lives and happy kids, while I keep repeating to myself "Do not cry..Do not cry..Do not cry.." I had a million different scenario on how I should answer the question when it lands on me. Which it did. I had to put on my armor of steel and swallow my tears just to say "yes, one son, he passed a year ago.." Things got award and like you said, people wanted to run away as soon as they hear that. My other friends tell me they don't know how to console me but they want too. I told them I don't even know how to console myself so I don't expect anyone else to. I was in a grieving group that has experience something similar to my situation. It does help me feel less lonely, but I got to the point where I'm just sitting there staring into nothingness; nothing anyone said was reciprocated, so I stopped. I see as my life here on earth is also over.. My son was only 13yrs old about to turn 14yrs old, he was so excited for high school..our kids had so much more to live for and that just breaks my heart. sending ***HUGS**

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34 minutes ago, MistyN said:

When I wrote my comment I didn't expect a response, and I was deep in my sorrows. I was delighted to see you responded, thank you. I heard the two year mark is even more painful, I'm hurting for us both. You're absolutely right about meeting people and how difficult of a situation it is for us. One of my gf asked me to be her bridesmaids and on our bridesmaids meet and greet lunch, people were raving on about their normal lives and happy kids, while I keep repeating to myself "Do not cry..Do not cry..Do not cry.." I had a million different scenario on how I should answer the question when it lands on me. Which it did. I had to put on my armor of steel and swallow my tears just to say "yes, one son, he passed a year ago.." Things got award and like you said, people wanted to run away as soon as they hear that. My other friends tell me they don't know how to console me but they want too. I told them I don't even know how to console myself so I don't expect anyone else to. I was in a grieving group that has experience something similar to my situation. It does help me feel less lonely, but I got to the point where I'm just sitting there staring into nothingness; nothing anyone said was reciprocated, so I stopped. I see as my life here on earth is also over.. My son was only 13yrs old about to turn 14yrs old, he was so excited for high school..our kids had so much more to live for and that just breaks my heart. sending ***HUGS**

Thank you for writing back! I fully understand how you feel and about putting on your armor. On my first real day out I just wanted to be by myself. I drove up to Lancaster to my favorite resale shop and as I’m standing in line an elderly gentleman stroked up a conversation with me and as we waited in line another woman joined in. Of course the gentleman asked do you have children. Mortified I replied yes, and he continued well, is he in school or working? Tears welling in my eyes I said he just passed away. All he could muster to say was God bless you. I left and cried the hour and a half back home. My life was completely foreign to me & still seems so unreal. I totally get where you are coming from on life being over. I now know what a broken heart feels like. Our sons had so much more life to live and we will never fully understand. I look forward to bedtime so I might dream of him. I have even contacted a medium through the Forever Family Foundation. If you can look in to them. They are for people who have lost a child. Also Compassionate Friends is nationwide. Check to see if there is a local chapter near you. I just started going to them about 10 months ago and it has definitely help. It’s other parents like us. Please keep in touch. Let me know how you are. If you ever just want to talk about your son or anything. It’s not an easy road we walk. Sending you big hugs too💜

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