My baby died yesterday

[MyHeartDied]

My 13 year old dashchund died in my arms yesterday at the vet. He suddenly fell ill, I rushed him to the emergency vet and they discovered he had a large tumor with internal bleeding. Surgery would likely not be successful, and if so, it wouldn’t prolong his life that long. So we had to opt to put him down. I didn’t want to put him through any more suffering or worse die at the vet without me there.

It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and I’m 50 years old. He was my whole world, my everything, my sunshine and my very best friend. I’m so heartbroken. The pain is worse than anything I’ve ever felt and I can’t stop crying. I have no reason to get up in the morning and I’ve lost the will to live. My husband and children are also grieving. Our doxie was a huge part of our family and we loved him to bits. Everything in the house reminds me of him. He didn’t even get to open his Christmas presents.  I took all our Christmas decorations down today. It’s over as far as I’m concerned and I don’t want to celebrate anything.

I wish I had known, I wish I had more time with him. I can’t imagine my life without him and I don’t know how to live without him. 

I can’t describe the pain. He was my everything and now he’s gone. We spent all day, every minute together for the last 13 years. He was my baby. There’s such a huge void in my life now, and I don’t know what to do. Nothing is enjoyable.

I know it’s only been 24 hours and everyone says “give it time,” but I don’t know how I’ll ever get over this loss. I love him and miss him. I just want to be with him. 

How do you go on when a piece of you is gone?

Heartbroken in Canada.

 

 

[foreverhis]

I'm so sorry.  I know the pain of losing such a beloved companion.  It's devastating.  I won't give you any platitudes about "time" or anything else right now.  That's not what you need, IMO.  For now, all you can do (and I do know this is also a cliche, but it's true) is take one day, one hour, even one breath at a time.  Do only what absolutely must be done.  Eat when you can and even if you don't want to because we must; stay hydrated, even if you have to "force" yourself to do it.

Please know that every member here understands the depth of your loss and grief.  Not everyone does because not everyone is lucky enough to find such a companion.  (Well, and also because some people simply refuse to understand that our furry loves are not "just" pets.  They are family.)

I won't say I know how you feel because I don't.  I can only say that I know how I felt when John (my husband who is the primary reason I'm here) and I lost our most beloved, special two (Keeshond and red tabby Persian).  No one can "know" fully how another person feels, but we can know the pain in your heart and mind is real and deep. 

Your sweetheart is handsome and beautiful.  I'm glad you posted a picture of him.  This will sound weird perhaps, but I'm so glad you were there with him until the very last moment.  If we can be, it's really important, IMO.  He left this world surrounded by all the love and comfort you had to give--and that is more precious than all the gold in the world.

If I may suggest you try to think of it as letting your vet "lift him up" out of his pain so he can run free and wait for you at the Rainbow Bridge.  I don't know; maybe that doesn't help at all, but I read something a while back from a woman who said that she doesn't think of it as "putting down," but as "lifting up" with a loving heart.  Even as we know how much it will hurt and how long we will grieve and that we will miss them forever, we do what is right for them because we owe our fur family nothing less than the unconditional love they have always given us.

You've found a really good place to be to talk, question, rant, and even "scream" when you need.  I'm sure more members will be along soon, many with losses far more recent than mine.  We lost our Charlie and Penny many years ago, 3 years apart.  I still miss them every day, especially now that my greatest love, John, was taken from us.

[MyHeartDied]

8 minutes ago, foreverhis said:

I'm so sorry.  I know the pain of losing such a beloved companion.  It's devastating.  I won't give you any platitudes about "time" or anything else right now.  That's not what you need, IMO.  For now, all you can do (and I do know this is also a cliche, but it's true) is take one day, one hour, even one breath at a time.  Do only what absolutely must be done.  Eat when you can and even if you don't want to because we must; stay hydrated, even if you have to "force" yourself to do it.

Please know that every member here understands the depth of your loss and grief.  Not everyone does because not everyone is lucky enough to find such a companion.  (Well, and also because some people simply refuse to understand that our furry loves are not "just" pets.  They are family.)

I won't say I know how you feel because I don't.  I can only say that I know how I felt when John (my husband who is the primary reason I'm here) and I lost our most beloved, special two (Keeshond and red tabby Persian).  No one can "know" fully how another person feels, but we can know the pain in your heart and mind is real and deep. 

Your sweetheart is beautiful.  I'm glad you posted a picture of him.  This will sound weird perhaps, but I'm so glad you were there with him until the very last moment.  If we can be, it's really important, IMO.  He left this world surrounded by all the love and comfort you had to give--and that is more precious than all the gold in the world.

If I may suggest you try to think of it as letting your vet "lift him up" out of his pain so he can run free and wait for you at the Rainbow Bridge.  I don't know; maybe that doesn't help at all, but I read something a while back from a woman who said that she doesn't think of it as "putting down," but as "lifting up" with a loving heart.  Even as we know how much it will hurt and how long we will grieve and that we will miss them forever, we do what is right for them because we owe our fur family nothing less than the unconditional love they have always given us.

You've found a really good place to be to talk, question, rant, and even "scream" when you need.  I'm sure more members will be along soon, many with losses far more recent than mine.  We lost our Charlie and Penny many years ago, 3 years apart.  I still miss them every day, especially now that my greatest love, John, was taken from us.

Thank you for your reply. I’m in so much pain right now. I don’t want to eat or get out of bed. I hold his blanky and cry. He slept with me so I can’t sleep without his little warm body snoring beside me. 
 

The rainbow bridge legend is all I have to look forward to.  I keep telling myself he’s not in pain anymore. He’s young, healthy, happy and free. But it’s not enough. I want to be with him. 
 

Im so sorry about your husband. If I lost mine now, in addition to my doxie, I would surely want to end it all. I envy your strength. 
 

 

[KayC]

OMG, I am so sorry!  I know of no pain worse in the world.  You don't "get over it" there is only adjusting to the changes it means for our lives, little by little.  It's hard to even process.  I lost my Arlie 8/16/19 and I'm not "over him."  I never will be.  But little by little I've learned to carry my grief inside of me and no longer expect to see him first thing in the morning or walk him, or cook for him.  The absence of everything we did together, all of our daily interactions, was a huge trigger for me in the beginning.  I went to my son's house for a couple of days right after we buried him...coming home was hard.  He's buried next to where my husband's ashes are, next to Skye, who used to live with us (my granddoggy), and Kitty was buried on the other side of him just 4 1/2 months later.  I've been widowed 16 1/2 years and to say Arlie was my whole life is an understatement.  He was my soulmate in a dog.  The perfect dog for me.

I encourage you to write about your baby, in a way it immortalizes them, gives value to them, and their lives.  It helped me anyway.  I wanted everyone to know what a wonderful dog was lost to this world.

I hope you'll continue to come here and post, as long as you desire.  We want to be here for you.

 

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers
I hope this brings you some comfort and peace...

 

 

[AJWCat]

I am so so sorry for your sudden loss. I know how awful it is, and how being so sudden, too, leaves you in a state of shock. I was right where you are 4 years ago. I lost my cat of 10 years (horrifically) and suddenly. We have no kids so he was like our kid.

Thought my heart was literally breaking in half. And to be honest, I didn't care. Nothing mattered. The world was a very dark place. You go on to honor the life you lived with him. That does not mean it is easy.