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I can't comprehend losing my father


manowar4563

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My father recently passed away due to complications of COVID. He was a healthy man and in the prime of his life (he was 50 years old) but I had no idea that he was going through so much pain, since I am studying 500km away from home and no one told me that my dad was hospitalized. My mother knew, but she hoped my father would make it until the last moment. His condition was stable a few days before he passed away, and my mother even talked to him on the phone. A day before he passed away, she drove all the way to me to bring me home, as we wanted to celebrate his recovery, but on the road, we received the horrible news. At first, I couldn't react at all, I didn't know what to say or do, and only after we got home did I understand what happened and broke down. 

I am an Orthodox Christian and our whole family is, so when my father was at the Chapel I couldn't bring myself to visit him. I was just scared and terrified and I could only stay near the Chapel, outside, in the Church's garden. I saw my father only when we buried him and I feel like such a coward for not visiting my father 

I don't know what to feel, I could barely cry when I heard the news of my father's passing and I couldn't cry or bring myself to cry at all since then. I don't know why I can't, I love my father so much you wouldn't believe but I just can't cry, I don't know why

I still can't even comprehend he passed away, I still believe he is alive, here, with us, as if he's away for work and I'm waiting for him to come home

I feel terrible and guilty

I apologize if I don't make sense but I just wanted to let out all of my feelings 

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My condolences to you and your family...the state of shock or what I call the new reality is a hard adjustment to accept and to make...I have caught myself the other day getting ready to call my father; and my mom while we were together she picked up her phone and was getting ready to call him to ask if he wanted anything from the store. My mom looked at me and begin to cry in the store...At that moment acceptance made its way in for the both of us that my Father was no longer here physically. We loss him on Monday due to covid...I actually seen him that morning and his numbers made a slight improvement and that evening we got the call. Getting through the acceptance of your new reality is challenging...they say with time you'll be ok however I've noticed its not with time but its with my support system in which I am able to accept and move forward. 

I hope you have a support system and when people say "I am here if you need me" or "You can always call" believe them and do it...it helps with learning how to cope and how to move forward with you and your new reality. 

I am praying for you and you family. 

-Ari

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3 hours ago, Ari said:

My condolences to you and your family...the state of shock or what I call the new reality is a hard adjustment to accept and to make...I have caught myself the other day getting ready to call my father; and my mom while we were together she picked up her phone and was getting ready to call him to ask if he wanted anything from the store. My mom looked at me and begin to cry in the store...At that moment acceptance made its way in for the both of us that my Father was no longer here physically. We loss him on Monday due to covid...I actually seen him that morning and his numbers made a slight improvement and that evening we got the call. Getting through the acceptance of your new reality is challenging...they say with time you'll be ok however I've noticed its not with time but its with my support system in which I am able to accept and move forward. 

I hope you have a support system and when people say "I am here if you need me" or "You can always call" believe them and do it...it helps with learning how to cope and how to move forward with you and your new reality. 

I am praying for you and you family. 

-Ari

I am so terribly sorry to hear that, my sincerest condolences. We're both going through similar events from what I can gather... I still can't believe he is gone... I dream of him every night and every night I hug him and tell him that I love him, I just wish I could've done that sooner
I don't know about talking to other people, my mom, grandma and aunt and uncle and my best friend (whom I consider a brother to me) have been incredibly supportive and I don't know how to repay them, but I just don't feel like talking to them

I just want to remember my father as the lively, funny, handsome, tolerant man he was and I try not to think about the current events...

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Sorry to hear of your loss. I know how you feek, lost mother on 12/17/21 and am in shock. Just hang in there and you will see time does heal. If you are spiritual, know that he is watching out for you.

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unluckydaughter
On 12/16/2021 at 5:40 PM, manowar4563 said:

My father recently passed away due to complications of COVID. He was a healthy man and in the prime of his life (he was 50 years old) but I had no idea that he was going through so much pain, since I am studying 500km away from home and no one told me that my dad was hospitalized. My mother knew, but she hoped my father would make it until the last moment. His condition was stable a few days before he passed away, and my mother even talked to him on the phone. A day before he passed away, she drove all the way to me to bring me home, as we wanted to celebrate his recovery, but on the road, we received the horrible news. At first, I couldn't react at all, I didn't know what to say or do, and only after we got home did I understand what happened and broke down. 

I am an Orthodox Christian and our whole family is, so when my father was at the Chapel I couldn't bring myself to visit him. I was just scared and terrified and I could only stay near the Chapel, outside, in the Church's garden. I saw my father only when we buried him and I feel like such a coward for not visiting my father 

I don't know what to feel, I could barely cry when I heard the news of my father's passing and I couldn't cry or bring myself to cry at all since then. I don't know why I can't, I love my father so much you wouldn't believe but I just can't cry, I don't know why

I still can't even comprehend he passed away, I still believe he is alive, here, with us, as if he's away for work and I'm waiting for him to come home

I feel terrible and guilty

I apologize if I don't make sense but I just wanted to let out all of my feelings 

Dear manowar4563 and everyone here:

Please accept my sincere condolences. 
 

manowar4563, I lost my Dad to covid as well. He was a very healthy 63 year old. It all happened so suddenly that he was gone before we knew. Your words so much relate to what we went through. We only had 5 days’ time from when he was admitted to hospital to his passing away. Everyday we hoped he would improve. He kept texting us, he was aware of what was going on, that we didn’t see the worse coming. That one week was most brutal, anxiously waiting for his improvement. Even the day before he passed away he texted us saying he’s feeling better and he wanted to get discharged soon. But next day his O2 level dropped, he was intubated and suffered a cardiac arrest out of everything. We couldn’t even see him and he never saw us before he breathed last. This was the most brutal thing to happen to someone who never hurt a fly.
I completely understand what you felt when you heard the news, you were in a state of shock to even react. Especially when you never expected the worst. It’s been 8.5 months since my Dad passed away, but believe me I still cannot comprehend the loss. I also still feel he’s gone out and he’ll be back. Even now it all feels fresh, I cannot just think about that horrible week. Every step reminds me of him.

Don’t feel guilty, don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re already in so much grief. Share your emotions on this forum, vent out everything you want to say. We’re all ears here. I’ve realized nobody else can understand our pain. Close friends, relatives are only there to say sorry. They move on and celebrate. Hope we all can find some peace.

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