Cant get over my cousins suicide

[Sfsu2020]

My cousin committed suicide a little over 1 month ago. He was just 33 years old (just 1 year older  than me) 

We werent super colse, I didn’t see or talk to him very often and we dont share many memories togheder. Last time I visited him it was I think 3 years ago. But of course he was family and I loved him. 
we are the kind of family that might not call you often, that might forget about birthdays but we love each other deeply 

It came as a huge shock and I honestly think I have never felt a pain like this. 
My heart is broken for him and his sibilings and partents and my family. 
 

He batteled with depression for so many years and I know he tried so hard. He did evertything he could to feel better but It wasnt enough.

I feel so much stress and pain and sadness, lonelyness, anxiety and even I little guilt. Sometimes  I feel like My head is in a bubble.

I dont wanna sound harsh but part of me feels I should not feel this way since we were not that close. My other family members seem to do way better than me but I cant stop thinking about it.  

I hope nobody else is going trough something like this but maybe some shared experiences would help. Thanks and sorry for my not so perfect English. 



 

 

[Tabs]

I understand your pain. I too have lost a loved one to suicide about 12 years ago. It is very shocking and sudden when we lose anyone and when it is a suicide we feel such a sense of profound helplessness. I felt like I could have or should done something to help prevent it but I have come to realize it has nothing to do with me.  You are sensitive and that is why you are feeling it more deeply than your family members. We all have different ways of coping with loss but I feel those same ways you described and it takes quite some time for it not to hurt so much. I  found this site because I recently lost my Uncle on November 16th.  I was very close with him.  He was 68 and in poor health but I did not get to say goodbye. I seem to be the one who is taking it the hardest in my family as well. I hope you are feeling a little better. 

[Shiva]

My sister in law commited suicide on monday. 28 years old. I don´t have any idea on how to deal with that but I feel you pain and can tell you you´re not alone. I am very sorry for your loss.