I’m not too sure

[c0smicxcandy]

Hi everyone, my name is Alyssa. I lost my dad on the 16th..seems so weird to write out. I dont know how to feel. One second im crying, the next im easily agitated and annoyed, i’m a complete mess. I just got back from my parents today after being there since a few days before my dad left us. He had end stage COPD and was admitted to the hospital numerous times within the past few months. He ended up coming home on Hospice and passing away two days after being in the hospital for a few days. In the hospital when i visited he wasnt totally here; he didnt know my name at first, in and out of consciousness, combative with anyone who was in the room at the time, and trying to leave. I fortunately got a few “i love you”s from him that day..but i didnt think it was going to be the last that i would ever hear those words from him. The day he came home, he was totally unresponsive..he already looked like he was gone…i think the medicine made him that way im not too sure. The next day, I went up a layed with him and held his hand with my head on his chest, just talking with him. After that we had to give him his medicine which i helped my mom with and not even 2 hours later, after his nurse came and gave him a clean shave and put him in some nice clothes..he was gone..just like that. it seems so unreal, like its some kind of intrusive thought or something. A part of me died when he did, theres no doubt about that. I’m not sure what to do now. I think i find some tiny speck of peace, knowing he went out the way he wanted to. Medicated and comfortable at home. Also at peace knowing he can finally breathe again without fighting as much as he did everyday. I’m completely heartbroken…

 

I’m still not completely sure of the point of writing this was..i just dont know what to do now..the closest grieving group is over an hour away and i just dont have the time to do all that. If anyone has any advice or anything, im all ears…

[Lstewart14]

Hi Alyssa. I lost my Dad on the 23rd to a heart attack. I don’t have any answers or advice yet. Just know you’re not alone & I know what you’re going thru. Would also love advice on how to cope. My heart is broken. He was only 69 and I’m a 36 year old soon-to-be first time mom. I stumbled onto this forum today and I hope we can find some good information & support here! 

[c0smicxcandy]

@Lstewart14 I’m sorry to hear about your loss. my dad turned 62 in july and i turned 25 in july. I have a 2 year old daughter, she still asks about her “poppop”. its definitely rough, hopefully we can get the support we need from here, and some advice.

[ESM]

So sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my mom on November 8th. She literally was, in every sense of the word, my universe. She's pretty much all I've ever had. With no immediate family left, the feeling of loneliness is nothing short of crushing. I'm not quite sure how I'm even still here. Getting just from one second to the next feels like some never-ending stress test.

 Even though I felt horrible the entire day I hadn't cried up until about an hour ago. We always prepared dinner together and starting the process of cooking myself dinner without her there just punched me in the face with the fact that she's not here. I'm trying my best to cope but quite frankly it feels like I go a little more insane each day. I only hope you can find some peace and solace in something.

I hope that you can heal a little quicker and a little more efficiently than I am. Rather I should say I haven't even begun to heal yet. Try to be well.