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Patricia77

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@Patricia77  I am so sorry for your loss, yet I'm glad you've found your way here.  I well remember the sleepless nights, it extended into years for me and I regret not accepting my doctor's early offer of a sleep aid, which I finally gave in to and am so glad I did!  Our sleep is so important to being able to function, which is hard enough under the circumstances.

There should be some others along shortly, I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to see it, I am usually on line every morning, tomorrow will be gone all day but there will be some here.

Grief Process
 

I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

  • Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
  • Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
  • Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
  • Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
  • Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
  • Try not to isolate too much.  
  • There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
  • Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
  • Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
  • In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
  • Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
  • Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
  • Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
  • Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
  • Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
  • Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
  • Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.

 

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On 11/23/2021 at 2:01 PM, Patricia77 said:

Lost my partner of 15 years on October 15- sleepless nights and exhausted-

Patricia77:  I am sorry for your loss. The people on here do help. They will become like family if you let them. We understand your grief because we've all been through it too. As for the sleepless nites and exhaustion, afraid it will be like that for a while. All I can suggest is that keeping some sort of daily routine helps. For me, having a routine acts as a distraction from the grief and crying, just a short break. But then if I feel like crying then I do. Don't hold back because you will feel like this every day for a good while. When it gets rough, that's when you come on here and let everyone know so we can help. You won't be alone here. f

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On 11/24/2021 at 8:59 AM, Diane R. E. said:

make sure to eat something healthy every day

It can be very difficult to cook/eat when you least feel like it, but it is so important to take in something so we can function optimally under the circumstances, which are hard at best.

I can't have because I'm diabetic now but you might try making a smoothie, one I liked had all the food groups:

Banana, some orange juice concentrate, strawberries, spinach or kale, yogurt, granola.  

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Thanks for the support 

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Sorry for your loss...

If you continue to struggle with sleeping, I would talk to a doctor. I just got sleeping meds, I have been able to sleep 2 days in a row so far..I've struggled for years with sleep, but after this loss I was awake at one point for 3 days. Sleep an hour, 1 day, sleep and hour, 2 days, sleep 4 hours.. In over 10 days I got less than 10 hours of sleep what hours I got were broken up as well, was starting to have auditory hallucinations..

And about food, eat what you can when you can. I'm not cooking, I just open a container, take a bite or two. Instead of a sandwhich, I just pull out some meat and eat it. Eat a little cheese by itself later on.. just grazing I guess. just don't feel like cooking..

 

 

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When I lost George it was hard for me to eat, I started making smoothies (this was before I was diabetic), I remember one had bananas, strawberries, yogurt, spinach, protein powder, granola, all the food groups!  It seemed easier to drink something than eat something/cook.

And I second the sleep, I didn't get enough sleep for years, my doctor had offered a sleep aid but I thought it a temporary solution to a permanent situation...I was wrong!  I made it tougher on myself than it needed to be by not taking it...I do now, unapologetically!  I need my sleep.

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8 hours ago, KayC said:

When I lost George it was hard for me to eat, I started making smoothies (this was before I was diabetic), I remember one had bananas, strawberries, yogurt, spinach, protein powder, granola, all the food groups!  It seemed easier to drink something than eat something/cook.

And I second the sleep, I didn't get enough sleep for years, my doctor had offered a sleep aid but I thought it a temporary solution to a permanent situation...I was wrong!  I made it tougher on myself than it needed to be by not taking it...I do now, unapologetically!  I need my sleep.

Drinking is so much easier.. I've been living off tea and coffee. I have been buying Kefir which is an easy drink that fills the belly nicely.

https://www.healthline.com/health/diabetes/diabetic-friendly-smoothies

I am not diabetic, but I am close, so I try to be careful what I eat. Thankfully I love healthy stuff and dislike sweets, so it's not too hard.
 

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Thank you!  I help manage a couple of diabetic groups so may share one with them!
I tried all the links, many were invalid.  Most were way too high in carbs for diabetics, however.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/181415990274083
https://www.facebook.com/groups/2249357341987919
 

This is a good recipe for travel and doesn't raise my blood sugar:
 

Chia Cereal

Mix together:
½ c. unwhipped whipping cream
1 c. water or almond milk
1/3 c. chia seeds
stir in some of the following:

1 T sweetener, sunflower seeds, walnuts, sliced almonds, pumpkin seeds, peanuts, berries, vanilla, cinnamon, unsweetened coconut, makes two servings

Refrigerate 45 minutes, thickens up.

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10 hours ago, KayC said:

Thank you!  I help manage a couple of diabetic groups so may share one with them!
I tried all the links, many were invalid.  Most were way too high in carbs for diabetics, however.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/181415990274083
https://www.facebook.com/groups/2249357341987919
 

This is a good recipe for travel and doesn't raise my blood sugar:
 

Chia Cereal

Mix together:
½ c. unwhipped whipping cream
1 c. water or almond milk
1/3 c. chia seeds
stir in some of the following:

1 T sweetener, sunflower seeds, walnuts, sliced almonds, pumpkin seeds, peanuts, berries, vanilla, cinnamon, unsweetened coconut, makes two servings

Refrigerate 45 minutes, thickens up.

Ohhohohoh, that sounds amazing. Thank you for the recipe.

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