My brother drank himself to death

[A shit sister]

Me and my brother grew up 15 years apart, me and my parents immigrated to the states and my brother being a young rebellious teen chose to go back to our country but then being an illegal alien became a problem after the first attack on the world trade so we couldn’t see him until probably 15 years later, by then my brother was a stranger. He became a big shot DJ in Europe a true fucking talent but the years of drug and partying and trauma I’ve always wanted a relationship but he’s always been cold but he went through some fucked up **** between us leaving and seeing me have a family and growing up (he grew up with all our family in Europe he’s always been a european boy) he loves New York and for years I was mad he never loved me the way I wanted yo love him and then it turned into anger that he used my parents for money and his love of his life died in a horrible accident (they weren’t together he left because she had multiple abortions without telling him and he found out and left her) fast forward to a new girlfriend and she was great he seemed happy she left because she wanted kids and he was drinking too much too much partying and then he gained a lot of weight lots of binging and then the last year I went through a lot of depression and life changes and realized it wasn’t my brothers fault he was the way he was. We finally were talking a lot more he was doing so well he was obviously still dealing with demons but he said he was loosing weight and we were healing our relationship…then he went ghost and we all assumed he was back on a binge and we were so mad at him….he drank himself to death on a Tuesday and no one found him on until Sunday. 
 

I feel horrible because I’ve used my brother to get out of jobs or take vacations when I couldn’t by saying my brother died…because he’s always been an addict he died all alone for days and no one knew. I feel like he was doing better and we were healing and then Covid happened and he went from better to the worse. I feel like this is my fault and I can’t sleep or eat. When I was younger I used to say if my brother died I wouldn’t even care….. now look at me in ducking shambles 

[reader]

Dear Sister,

We are so sorry for your loss. It's very hard to lose a sibling no matter how the relationship was. None of us know the future and we can't know how we are going to feel till it happens. Please know you are not alone. I hope you'll reach out and get additional supports through grief counselling, grief support group or other supports in the community.

We are thinking of you.