Heartbroken losing mom to alcoholism

[Clo27]

Hi all,

I’m heartbroken writing this. I lost my mom to alcoholism yesterday. The way she passed is unbearable. I love her so much, we were very close for my whole life, and we shared a lot of truly amazing memories.

She’s witty, silly, creative, so intelligent, fun, pure hearted, and so so loving. She loves hiking, sailing, meeting strangers, dancing, making organic meals, flowers, listening to music, and she really loves her four kids. She ran over 30 marathons and was an amazing writer. It pains me so much that alcoholism got her. I really feel like alcoholism destroys. Even someone so sweet as her.

I’m so sad and cry all the time. I can only manage small bites of food and bits of sleep. I just really miss her and I wish I could tell her I loved her one more time. As she fought alcoholism, and really fought for a long time, I’ve been with her emotionally this whole time trying to coordinate care or be on the phone as a listening ear. Its crazy because I nearly exhausted myself trying to help her, and yet I wish I had done even more. I wish I said I love you more or just maybe even moved in with her and cooked her meals. I’m trying to show myself the grace I show other people and it’s very hard.
 

If anyone has any advice or resources, I am open to any way to get through this. I am already connected to a therapist and Al Anon, and now this group. I’ve also opened myself up talking and listening honestly to my whole family about how we’re feeling. 

I’m 28, and she passed at 60.

thanks,

[reader]

Dear Clo27,

I am deeply sorry for your loss. I know the pain is unbearable.  Please know we are with you.  For myself, I found these websites gave me a tremendous amount of support.

https://whatsyourgrief.com/resources/?resource_type=grieving

Grief in Common

Grief Share

Grief Recovery Method

Grief Healing Blog