Loss of my 10 year old furry friend

[amydee]

 2 months ago from today I lost my best furry friend of 10 years. His name was Tommy. He was a gift from my best friend when I lost my first cat.

Before his death, he wasn’t himself, all he did was lie down and not eat. I called our vet to check up on him and he diagnosed him with a fever. He gave him an injection and prescribed the cat with antibiotics but Tommy wasn’t feeling better. He then didn’t want to eat nor drink. He even puked out the medicine!

The hardest thing was my family had to go on a trip. We dropped him off at grandma’s house. My gran spared my feelings and said Tommy was fine when I call her but 6 days later, when we came back from the trip. My mum announced Tommy passed away. It was the hardest day of my life. My grandma said he had hypothermia and his state didn’t progress while I was away…

Right now, we have a new cat Teacup and she’s wonderful but I can’t stop thinking about Tommy. It might have been of old age but I can’t stop thinking “What I could’ve done” or  “what went wrong”.  I don’t know what to do. I want to bond with our new furry friend

[KayC]

I am so sorry for your loss of Tommy, I know how great the feelings, how had it is to go through.  Grief has a beginning but not an ending, but it does evolve.  In early grief it's common to go through all of the "what ifs" in an effort to find a different possible outcome, only there is none save the one that happened.  We don't have the benefit of hindsight ahead of time.  Some things we can't stop, much as we want to.  That's how it was with my loss of Arlie and Kitty two years ago.  

Give it time and your Teacup will worm her way into your heart, even as my Kodie has.  He is nothing like Arlie, Arlie was a gentle giant and Kodie is small.  Arlie did Husky talk, and very high level of communication, Kodie doesn't do that.  Arlie could hold me up when I had to get stuff out of my shoe (on our walks) but Kodie is too small.  I could hug Arlie's big body.  Kodie likes to climb on my lap, something Arlie couldn't do.  Kodie is adorable and spins when he's excited.  They are just two very different dogs.  I've found this to be true about all of my cats too, all very unique.  Get to know Teacup's special qualities, and love her for her.....she will never be Tommy, those unique traits he possessed are a tribute to him, but she will become close to you too, in time.  One never replaces another, but they can gift us with who they are and give us purpose/incentive and bring us a smile again.

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace...

 

[amydee]

On 10/11/2021 at 12:34 PM, KayC said:

I am so sorry for your loss of Tommy, I know how great the feelings, how had it is to go through.  Grief has a beginning but not an ending, but it does evolve.  In early grief it's common to go through all of the "what ifs" in an effort to find a different possible outcome, only there is none save the one that happened.  We don't have the benefit of hindsight ahead of time.  Some things we can't stop, much as we want to.  That's how it was with my loss of Arlie and Kitty two years ago.  

Give it time and your Teacup will worm her way into your heart, even as my Kodie has.  He is nothing like Arlie, Arlie was a gentle giant and Kodie is small.  Arlie did Husky talk, and very high level of communication, Kodie doesn't do that.  Arlie could hold me up when I had to get stuff out of my shoe (on our walks) but Kodie is too small.  I could hug Arlie's big body.  Kodie likes to climb on my lap, something Arlie couldn't do.  Kodie is adorable and spins when he's excited.  They are just two very different dogs.  I've found this to be true about all of my cats too, all very unique.  Get to know Teacup's special qualities, and love her for her.....she will never be Tommy, those unique traits he possessed are a tribute to him, but she will become close to you too, in time.  One never replaces another, but they can gift us with who they are and give us purpose/incentive and bring us a smile again.

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace...

 

@KayC  This was a wonderful video. I’m glad Tommy has crossed the Rainbow Bridge. I’m sure my first cat Tom welcomed him with open arms (… or paws) . Tommy was the sweetest cat ever. He would comfort me when I’m down. It’s hard … I had him for a decade ! 10 years of bonding and friendship. Even my family knows how much I loved him. I honestly wish I was there to comfort him to the end… even if I knew he wouldn’t make it… I would hold him in my arms, doing my best to warm him up before he crossed the Rainbow Bridge…

[KayC]

Best thoughts to you and everyone going through this, the hardest thing in the world...

[AJWCat]

I am so sorry for your loss of sweet Tommy.

I got another cat a few months after losing mine (which was absolutely horrible) and even with that time that passed, it was still hard. I was still very sad about my other cat. But it really helped me to heal and to be able to give the love I had b/c I am such a cat person.

That said, the bonding happened slowly and now after a few years already, this cat is my new love. It's weird, even though I love her completely, she could never and will never replace our guy we lost. And that's good.

We should be able to love many animals in our lives. It's so so painful to lose them, but they need us. If we aren't willing to save them, we are doing our pets a disservice. 

[amydee]

I’m back again and still filled with regret. The bargaining stage is the toughest stage to get out of. I discovered many things that could’ve helped Tommy. Springe feeding, feeding tube but since I’m from a country where majority of the population don’t have pets, I didn’t find anyone who can help me through this … it’s hard, I wish I could just accept and move on. But I keep searching and searching if Tommy’s death was preventable or not. Some of my family members are tired of me talking about it.

[KayC]

Family/friends seem to tire of our grief long before we've began any adjusting, this is the hardest thing in the world and adjusting to their absence is so slow as to seem imperceptible.

That's where this place comes in...we get it.  You are free to post any time here, we're listening and caring.  
I realize this is a LOT of reading, but perhaps one a day?

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html
Grieving intensely
Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers
Crying, cannot stop
Pain - When Nothing Eases it
Is Pet Loss Comparable to Loss of a Loved One?
Why Does It Hurt So Much?

 

[Kelvin Hernandez]

On 10/11/2021 at 3:50 AM, amydee said:

 2 months ago from today I lost my best furry friend of 10 years. His name was Tommy. He was a gift from my best friend when I lost my first cat.

Before his death, he wasn’t himself, all he did was lie down and not eat. I called our vet to check up on him and he diagnosed him with a fever. He gave him an injection and prescribed the cat with antibiotics but Tommy wasn’t feeling better. He then didn’t want to eat nor drink. He even puked out the medicine!

The hardest thing was my family had to go on a trip. We dropped him off at grandma’s house. My gran spared my feelings and said Tommy was fine when I call her but 6 days later, when we came back from the trip. My mum announced Tommy passed away. It was the hardest day of my life. My grandma said he had hypothermia and his state didn’t progress while I was away…

Right now, we have a new cat Teacup and she’s wonderful but I can’t stop thinking about Tommy. It might have been of old age but I can’t stop thinking “What I could’ve done” or  “what went wrong”.  I don’t know what to do. I want to bond with our new furry friend

I’m sorry for your loss of your furry friend  but you should never put blame on yourself, I’m sure your cat lived a wonderful life with you and just think about this if you would  have never gotten that cat it probably would have been suffering on the streets or in a abusive household instead it was given a lovely home and lived its natural lifecycle you should not put its death on your hands it was completely out of your control I wish you safe healing.

[amydee]

Thank you Kelvin. I find that very comforting. I’m happy we gave Tommy a fulfilling life. Now I just miss him, his meows, petting his belly, keeping each other company. I miss that a lot! It feels lonely without him. I’m sure I’ll bond with Teacup when years go by.

[AJWCat]

I also tortured myself for weeks and months about what happened to my cat, what I did not prevent, and how it happened. You can drive yourself crazy.

You never know what suffering you may have caused. Your sweet cat would not live happily being in such a helpless state. There is no good answer, but to find peace. I wish it for you, and I know you will find it. It just takes time. Hang in there. Come back and write, it does help.