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I lost my mom 3 weeks ago and I can’t accept it


Ieskha

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My mom passed away unexpectedly 3 weeks ago. I can’t wrap my head around the fact that she is actually gone. I have three siblings and we are all going through it :(. We were all very close to her and losing her has been very hard.

Some days I feel like I can do this. I can move forward and try to find comfort in knowing I’ll see her again one day. But other days, like today, I feel the most unbearable, crippling pain in my heart that I can’t fix. It's awful...

Everyone says time will heal. I don’t believe it. It actually makes me angry when I hear this. (but I know they are just trying to help) 

I just do not understand how we are expected to go on and live the rest of our lives without the women that was there our entire lives. Just the thought makes life feel so long. I can't accept my kids will not have their amazing grandma anymore. (she was the most amazing grandma and mom) I can't accept that every holiday, birthday, special occasion will no longer include her. I miss her corny text telling me how much she loved me. I miss her voice; her smile. I miss the comfort her mere presence provided me with. Just how can I go on? I want to scream, I’m angry, I’m sad… I don’t know what to do. 

I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but I see videos of her, pictures, and my mind just can’t register that she is actually gone. How? She was just here last month. We just celebrated my daughter's birthday, we just went to have breakfast with her. I talked to her on the phone… like how is she just gone?
 

just venting I guess…

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Dear Jessica,

I'm so sorry for your loss. It is a raw time and only normal to feel this way. It's hard when friends and family don't understand. I wish people knew how to give the right support and understanding.

The first two years of grief are the hardest. I know my own emotions were up and down. Please know you are not alone. Keep taking it day by day and be gentle and kind to yourself.

Our thoughts are with you.

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Reader,

Thank you so much for your words. They give me hope that one day it won’t hurt this bad. 

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Missmybeautifulmum
On 10/8/2021 at 4:02 AM, Jessica Medin said:

My mom passed away unexpectedly 3 weeks ago. I can’t wrap my head around the fact that she is actually gone. I have three siblings and we are all going through it :(. We were all very close to her and losing her has been very hard.

Some days I feel like I can do this. I can move forward and try to find comfort in knowing I’ll see her again one day. But other days, like today, I feel the most unbearable, crippling pain in my heart that I can’t fix. It's awful...

Everyone says time will heal. I don’t believe it. It actually makes me angry when I hear this. (but I know they are just trying to help) 

I just do not understand how we are expected to go on and live the rest of our lives without the women that was there our entire lives. Just the thought makes life feel so long. I can't accept my kids will not have their amazing grandma anymore. (she was the most amazing grandma and mom) I can't accept that every holiday, birthday, special occasion will no longer include her. I miss her corny text telling me how much she loved me. I miss her voice; her smile. I miss the comfort her mere presence provided me with. Just how can I go on? I want to scream, I’m angry, I’m sad… I don’t know what to do. 

I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but I see videos of her, pictures, and my mind just can’t register that she is actually gone. How? She was just here last month. We just celebrated my daughter's birthday, we just went to have breakfast with her. I talked to her on the phone… like how is she just gone?
 

just venting I guess…

Hey i just want to say that everything you said above seems to encapsulate exactly how I feel since losing my mum.. you are not alone x 

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Hi I completely feel the way you do :( 

my mom died on April 10, 2021 5:20 PM feels like yesterday actually my moms name is Kazuko I just named myself on the website with her name because her name was so unique

like you some days are easier or should I say not easier but not as hard as some days. I can’t believe she’s gone….. I took care of her for two years in my home every day with a routine with her I will get her breakfast and say good morning I will get her lunch and I will say good night …..I only had one day off but six days a week i she was like my baby

my mom was diagnosed with an incurable cancer HPV and ended up having hepatitis C in the end and her liver gaveout on her, I helped her six days with hospice on her journey to heaven

I still have the images in my mind and I’m grateful to God that I was able to say things to her even though she was unconscious I knew she could hear me because she would moan and grab my hand.  I’m so grateful for this but also it is like a double edge sword because now I have those images in my mind the way she looked so thin and different but peaceful at the same time. 

I live with guilt also because when she came into my room and wanted me to help her with her mask I told her to please sit on the bench in my room and I would be right with her little did I know that she had hepatitis and her liver was going bad which made her dizzy and she fell from a 2 foot bench  broke her hip on February 3 and everything went wrong after that she declined rapidly 

now that bench haunts me in my bedroom the thought of me telling her to sit on the bench haunts me. if only I could go back in time and insist on blood test for hepatitis and be aware that she could fall easy. 
 

Now I ask God to give us strength to remember the happy times and know that I mothers would want to sit take care of ourselves so that we could live long happy life until we meet again. 

Take care of yourself and know that you have a place where you can express your feelings know that we are here to listen because I do know what you mean by family Being  tired of hearing the same thing over and over from me they don’t understand the loss of someone so close and deeply loved. 

 

 

 

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Oizys Miseria

I feel the same.  I lost my mom not even a month ago.  My brain can’t process the idea that I won’t see or hear from my mom again.  I am so tired of people especially people who still have two living breathing parents that love them living telling me everything will be okay.  It’s like what do you know of if?   My mom raised me and I don’t know my father.  I don’t have siblings.  All I had was her.  I thought the universe owed me a bone right?  Now I feel completely alone because none of my friends understand what I’m going through.  They haven’t lost anyone.  I’m angry, sad, and not in touch with reality right now.

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I’m so extremely sorry for your loss. It is heartbreaking. Sometimes there’s a small comfort just knowing the people on this forum understand what you’re going through and know how hard it is to wake up every day. You’re in my thoughts, and I hope the tolerable days start to outnumber the ones that are unbearable. Much love to you ❤️

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