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Another Anniversary


jwahlquist

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Malisacher

Jwahlquist

So sorry …I’m dreading the holidays myself …my husband died on the 6th of September and had a birthday on 19th he would of been 52….our wedding anniversary is March 25  it would have been our 25 wedding anniversary …he really wanted to do something special for our 25 years together … my mom has been with me since my husband died….she is leaving me today so it will just be me and my son…everyday is struggle for me the grief and what will happen to me and my son next..

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6 hours ago, jwahlquist said:

It doesn’t help that my birthday and our anniversary are only 5 days apart either as he always made both so special for me.  Today sucks!

I am so sorry, I know they're really hard, I never have figured out a good way to handle those days, just try to get through them.  It's hard that what was the best day for us is now one of the hardest.  :(  I hope that knowing we all care and understand helps a smidgen.  

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foreverhis
13 hours ago, jwahlquist said:

It doesn’t help that my birthday and our anniversary are only 5 days apart either as he always made both so special for me.  Today sucks!

We're here for you.  For me, the second year anniversary was harder than the first.  I don't know why.  A neighbor friend, one who knows grief and has been such a blessing for me, texted to ask if I was up to taking a walk to the nearby coastal nature preserve, which is where she and her husband have a memorial bench for their infant daughter.  It was a beautiful day and we sat on the bench for an hour.  I didn't have to "put on the (damn) brave face" with her.  Like you, I had gotten good at hiding most of my grief, in part because I'm a pretty private person (at least, in person) and in part because it just takes too much energy to deal with others who don't really get it.  I talk to my husband every day and that day just let my voice carry on the wind with the hope that he could hear me.  I think that helped.

We had just had our anniversary 2 weeks before John died.  It wasn't until this year, nearly 4 years later, that I didn't want to just disappear or collapse into a puddle.  I cried, of course, and I talked to him a lot, but was able to prepare dinner with two friends, a meal that was something John loved.  We talked about many things and we also sat quietly at times.  It wasn't "good" exactly, but it was easier to remember all the good times.

I get what you mean about difficult days crowding together.  My birthday was 3 weeks after he died and his just 2 weeks after that.  Time is easing the waves of grief and pain those days bring, though I doubt that will ever go away completely.  I keep those days mostly quiet, especially his birthday and the day he died.  But this year, my baby sister and BIL, a gem just like my John was, asked if they could have a little gathering for my birthday with a small group of good friends who have been incredibly supportive, comforting, and frankly, more patient than I might deserve.  It was actually enjoyable.  My sister and BIL are both great cooks like I am, so they planned out everything and all I had to do was bake the cake and make a ganache.  (I know, kind of silly to bake one's own cake, but my sister has celiac disease and her SIL had given her a King Arthur Baking gluten-free cake mix.  It was excellent.)

I am sending you all the love and comfort in the world to help you get through today and all the days that follow.  ((HUGS))

 

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foreverhis, that is neat that you have a friend that gets it, although I wish no one had cause to, and that you could both just sit there and "be" with your grief.  My sister Peggy knows I get it too and it helps her with her loss to know she can talk about it and I understand.  I had no such person except a new friend I made when George died, but she moved away over six years ago to TX and isn't in my everyday life anymore.  I miss her.

I'm glad you had a good birthday.  I'm going to bring takeout to my sister's today as I can't lift her walker in/out of my trunk with this dog bite and tomorrow (my bdy) she has a doctor's appt. out of town.  I'll bring Kodie with me as she wants to see him.  Have not heard from anyone else about my bdy so guess it's alone again.

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jwahlquist
13 hours ago, KayC said:

foreverhis, that is neat that you have a friend that gets it, although I wish no one had cause to, and that you could both just sit there and "be" with your grief.  My sister Peggy knows I get it too and it helps her with her loss to know she can talk about it and I understand.  I had no such person except a new friend I made when George died, but she moved away over six years ago to TX and isn't in my everyday life anymore.  I miss her.

I'm glad you had a good birthday.  I'm going to bring takeout to my sister's today as I can't lift her walker in/out of my trunk with this dog bite and tomorrow (my bdy) she has a doctor's appt. out of town.  I'll bring Kodie with me as she wants to see him.  Have not heard from anyone else about my bdy so guess it's alone again.

Wishing you a happy birthday.

Thank you everyone.   It does help to come here and “talk” to others who get it.   

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