I don’t know what to do

[Anna28]

I am close to losing my father, who is only 53. He had cardiac arrest and now is put into an induced coma. He’s been in the hospital for 3 days now and hasn’t shown much brain activity and no one knows if he has any for another day, when they do an EEG. Worst part is, I didn’t talk to him for about 4 months for really stupid reasons. He would call me everyday and never gave up on trying to talk to me. Not to mention I have his first and only grandchild who he calls his purpose and I also didn’t let them talk for months. He asked me for help and I didn’t give that because my spouse didn’t want me to. The last thing my father messaged me was “if you’re trying to torment me, you’re succeeding.” The last hug I gave him was short because I was irritated. The last call we had, I hung up. I am so mad at myself. And I really don’t want to lose him but nurses say it does not look good. I just don’t know if I can live with myself if he leaves. I am torn apart and do not know how to deal with myself. I feel like the worst human being and worst daughter. I just want to hold and hug him and never let go. I just want to talk to him. 

[reader]

Dear Anna,

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. I hear how you are feeling. None of us know the future and I'm sure we all wish we could go back if we could. Your dad sounds like a very loving person and I think he would understand.

Sending all my prayers to you and your dad. (((hugs)))

[tessa]

Hi Anna, have you tried talking to your father even though he is in a coma. They say hearing is the last thing to go. He may still be able to hear you.
I'm not in the medical professional so I don't know but when my father was dying, in a coma, I spoke to him to say the final good byes.

[Mkpeteus]

Anticipatory grief can make losing someone so much harder. You think about every personal thing in the relationship leading up to this point. But regardless of the situation, the love you have for your dad is clearly unconditional and I know by the way you’re speaking about him that his love is unconditional for you as well. Try hanging onto that, and know you’re not alone. You’re in my thoughts ❤️

[IsThereHopeForMe]

I remembered the good times when I was talking and joking with my dad. Days later he was gone. He got Covid and had to be intubated before passing away. There were so many things I wanted to tell him or missed doing for him. He used to tell me when my mom died 3 years ago to make her proud and accomplish what she had expected of me. I guess the same thing my father would wish now that he is in some better place where there's no more suffering.If only I could see them or meet them again once more..