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my parents seemed to forget my brother who passed at 23


gaedzv

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my brother passed when he was 23 due to a seizure while everyone was asleep

he started to experience mobility loss in his legs in early 2019 and by the the end of the year he was paralyzed he couldn’t even speak or swallow while he was able to think clearly the entire time 

as soon as he was forced to use the wheelchair he moved with my parents and they become his caregivers even though my brother hated it since he was always the independent kind of child 

as soon as they found him unresponsive in his bed the morning after, they began getting rid of everything about him, even the paintings he made when he was still able to move his arms 

they got rid of all of his things in his room in order to turn it into a playroom for my kids 

there’s no a single picture of him in their house, they refused to acknowledge his birthday, when someone asks my mother how many kids she has she always reply ‘just one’

they refuse to talk about him, we never talked about him again after his funeral 

i really don’t know why they are doing this or what can i do to help

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Dear gadezv,

I'm so sorry for your pain and sorrow. It's really hard to know what your parents are thinking and going through and why they took the steps they did. It could be this was the only way they could cope after so much trauma. I hope you'll reach out talk to a grief counsellor or join a grief support group. I wonder if your parents will join you. These sites helped me, I hope they will be a good starting point.

Grief in Common

What's Your Grief

Grief Share

Grief Recovery Method

Grief Healing Blog

Thinking of you.

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Gadezv,

I just lost my 18 year old son to a seizure in his sleep (SUDEP) a month ago.  He didn’t have the extensive medical issues that your brother had, but it was a complete shock.  
What I will tell you is that everyone grieves in their own way.  I carry photos of my son with me in my pocket at all times and love to talk about him.  My kids and husband want to distract themselves from what happened.  Playing music, going out constantly, watching tv, even two of them sleeping the days away.  
I am positive that your parents couldn’t ever forget your brother.  They probably just need some time processing his healthy normal life, him being ill and needing care, and him ultimately passing away.  For some, pictures and objects belonging to our loved ones make it too hard to get through the day.  
Try to see it through their eyes and hopefully you have other people in your life that are willing and wanting to talk about him and share memories with.  If not, reach out to the community or church or whatever you have near you for support.

Sending you and your brother’s memory love.

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