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Lots Of Stress And Grief While Starting New Life


tnd

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20 hours ago, John9 said:

tnd,

If you have an online SS account you should be able to print one.

Excellent suggestion! I hadn’t thought of that. It’s not too hard to set up an online account and it is good to have everything available.

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foreverhis,

The SSA has been trying to get everyone to set one up and I had one and so did MIL but my loving wife refused to do it because she didn't really like computers, she only used them at her work because they made her. I wasn't allowed to set up account because SSA is very strict about who can access information (even though she wouldn't have cared). If the online was available years ago maybe KayC and I wouldn't have had the problems we had (others too I'm sure). It is funny how some things you aren't allowed to do with the permission of your spouse and the "crooks" can do anything they want and get away with it but you can be fined because they know where you are. Just venting.

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4 hours ago, KayC said:

None of us (in my church) would treat someone that way, we'd try to help them ourselves or find someone who could.  My pastor is the best example I know of someone who gives of themselves. 

KayC:  Bless you! I cannot imagine going through what you did that winter. You are so unbelievably strong but, so is your faith and we both know that has something to do with it. Our life depends on our having faith. And your pastor is of course a strong one and good example of that. Bless him! What a heartwarming story about the good in people. 

 

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2 hours ago, Jemiga70 said:

Is it possible you could use one of the family's phones to call a taxi?  Or do they have a landline in the house you could use? Could you go next door, maybe a neighbor

Jemiga70:  That's the problem. I was told I could borrow their cell phone but then they disappear on me and don't leave me their phone. And there is no landline in the house. I can't go to the neighbors because I don't know that I could walk that far but also don't want to rock any boats. I'm living with a person who believes that their neighbors are "warlocks" and satan worshipers because they only come out at night. I don't know how they know that their neighbors only come out at night because the person that told me this disappears into their snake hole (bedroom), never coming out at night or going outdoors at night. And I was told that the other neighbor is a tramp and has slept with all the men in the neighborhood. I kid you not...this is the kind of stuff I am told. It's crazy. I'm sure that if I went to any of these neighbors that it would only make things worse.  

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Update for the day:

Okay, I didn't sleep last night but at least I stayed calm. Remember, it's all about survival right now. I've got to figure out how to survive here until I get my own place. I was told again this morning that I will be taken to get my meds. We will see. I was allowed to use their phone and checked, my meds have been sitting there, waiting to be picked up. I also found out that the pharmacy can mail my meds but it will have to be the next go-around. After that, this problem should be solved. 

Don't know when I will get my own place but could be stuck here for another month....it's hard to find availability in my price range. I sort of expected that but still, not the news I need. But there are waiting lists. This is going to be tough. I cry over missing my husband. The sobs are turning to moans and I don't care who hears me. But now it is my husband who is helping me. My faith in God has been growing and I know m my husband would be pleased. He would want that. And through the power of prayer, I feel my husband's spirit is watching me and telling me to press on, to not give up and not lose my cool. It's all about survival for me and I swear, I want to live to get out of here so I can prove to myself and to my husband that I can do it and start living again. I want a life that I can enjoy. I don't want to have to focus on "staying calm to carry one" every day. I know God wants us to have a happy life and to enjoy it. Well, by the time I make it out of here, I think moving forward in life won't be a problem for me. Piece of cake. Easy-peasy. Oh, I know it won't be that simple but at least I will be out of here and can start thinking about other things other than the crazy stuff I've encountered here. 

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tnd,

The situation you are in is not "funny" but I am sure that most of "our" neighbors thought my loving wife and I were "different" because we were not social with them. We don't live in a neighborhood where the houses are close together and when both of us worked and the only time we had together was the weekend we only wanted to be with each other. I only say that to say that lack of communication can cause all kinds of problems, we did have a very nosy neighbor and she was a gossip and who knows what "people" thought of us, we didn't care because we knew who we were but rumors will spread. We were the type that basically felt stay out of our business and we will stay out of yours. I am sure that none of this drama is helping you but keep on keeping calm if you can. When you get your own place hopefully there will be people who you can talk to if that is what everyone wants. I do talk to one of our neighbors often and so did my loving wife but mostly we were okay just as us. We didn't know that it would bite us in the butt by having no real friends to count on, I was the friend for others but they are all gone now.

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14 minutes ago, John9 said:

We were the type that basically felt stay out of our business and we will stay out of yours.

John9:  My husband and I were basically the same way. And honestly, we loved our time together and for that reason we kept busy doing things together, whether it was a trip to the store or working in the yard. We were wrapped up in the nice little life we had discovered that we could have together. The neighbors all knew his first wife had passed away so they were probably glad to see that my husband remarried. And when a relationship is new, it is all that matters to the people who are in that relationship. We were busy enjoying ourselves after both having lived alone and going through some rough times. Once we had to sell the house and move into an apartment, we still kept to ourselves. That was because the neighbors we had came and went all the time. People would move in one month and be gone the next. We had drug dealers and gangs for neighbors. Thankfully, our next apartment complex was a completely different story. If I could afford it, I'd go back. I don't want to have to think about living "on this side of town" and where the drug dealers and gangs are but it will be all I can afford. But I am at least good at "making a home a home" and pleasant to live in. I'll have to work my magic and do what I can on a tight budget. Been there, done that so I've got experience. 

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2 hours ago, tnd said:

I'll have to work my magic and do what I can on a tight budget. Been there, done that so I've got experience. 

tnd,

It is "good" that you do have experience so it will help you. This is another thing that would have been difficult for my loving wife to handle because she didn't "want" to deal with any of that stuff and if I had been the one to die she would have been in a real mess. I tried to explain that if something happened to me that she would have trouble but I guess she "knew" something I didn't. There was something I said before and I don't know the exact saying but it is something like " I have done some much for so long with so little, that I feel qualified to do just about anything with nothing". I know that "they" say that money can't buy happiness, but I have been poor and it doesn't buy anything. My loving wife and I both said we have been poor and we would have liked to try being rich for awhile. I hope that all goes well for you and that you are able to receive some help so that you can find and move into your new place soon.

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19 hours ago, tnd said:

What a heartwarming story about the good in people. 

Neighbors came and checked on me a couple days afterwards, they were amazing!  They brought heat to an elderly couple, fruit and drinking water to me, one of them set up a generator for my refrigerator & PC and another brought a small one for my freezer  but that was another power outage, during this one my son brought his but it quit after a day, still it saved my freezer.  I love this community, they are like none other.  I would do anything for any of them...and am now.

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11 hours ago, Jemiga70 said:

@tnd  Given your situation, is it possible you could order a phone from Amazon or somewhere?  From how youve described your current temporary situation, having your own phone seems like it would be an enormous help right now.

She hasn't had $ coming in since her husband died.  I agree, she needs a phone.  Badly.

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20 hours ago, John9 said:

I know that "they" say that money can't buy happiness, but I have been poor and it doesn't buy anything. My loving wife and I both said we have been poor and we would have liked to try being rich for awhile. I hope that all goes well for you and that you are able to receive some help so that you can find and move into your new place soon.

John9:  Ooh, I think money can buy me A LOT of happiness! Maybe it all depends on what a person wants or needs to buy. Buying food, paying my own rent, affording doctors and medicine, etc, stuff like that would make me VERY happy. I've always been practical. So was my husband. We weren't cheapskates but didn't necessarily do/buy stuff to keep up with the Joneses. I think if it were the other way around and I went before my husband did, he'd do okay with things on the homefront. It's been hard for me because I didn't have an income (he did) and then to pay bills everything was in his name so made it a bit tricky for me. But that is now a part of the scenery in the rear view mirror.  

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15 hours ago, Jemiga70 said:

is it possible you could order a phone from Amazon or somewhere? 

Jemiga70:  I did not know that you can order a cell phone online. Will the cell phone company or store activate it online too?  I am not high tech so don't know these things. 

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3 minutes ago, John9 said:

I have been doing the 2 step forward, 3 step back for so long I have been losing ground and I do feel for you. Glimmer of hope and sliver of a silver lining is still a good thing.

John9:  I know I'm not the only one. You've had it pretty hard yourself doing the dance. I almost hate to say it, only because I wish it had never come to this but, when everything in our world goes sideways and leaves us in tears and in shatters, you are right; a sliver of a silver lining is still a good thing. I use to not have to think about waking up in the morning and whether or not I could dress myself or eat or just have a day with no crying. Now if I wake up and can do anything, ANYTHING and not fall completely apart from missing my husband, then that's an OK-Kind-Of-Day. It's work tho. Takes a lot of willpower. But if I see just even a spark at the end of the tunnel I might tell myself to keep going. 

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1 hour ago, Gail 8588 said:

My cousin, who was approved as disabled, before the age of 60, does have a cell phone provided by social security.  She is deaf,

Gail 8588:  I will have to look into this. Thanks for mentioning it. I may not qualify because I am not deaf or blind or have ALS and it seems SS gives a little more help to those who are. But it will be worth finding out. I just need something very basic.   

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11 hours ago, tnd said:

I did not know that you can order a cell phone online. Will the cell phone company or store activate it online too?

@tnd  I'm not 100% sure if you can order a cell phone online.  I am not living in the States, so I don't know how things work there,  but I did find this article from March 2020 that may shine a light.  I hope you find it helpful.  https://www.whistleout.com/CellPhones/Guides/buy-phone-online-avoid-stores

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18 hours ago, tnd said:

Older tenants that are retired or home all day also make for good guard dogs...

I hear you!  My place is on an incline and my neighbor's place across the street looks down on mine, they have guard dogs and keep a close eye out for me, I appreciate their protective watch here.

You finally got your meds, AND food, this means you received the soc. sec. income?!  :wub:

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On 11/6/2021 at 11:43 PM, Gail 8588 said:

I would ask someone in SS if there is any assistance for a phone available to you. 

Gal 8588: Thank you for sharing this and for thinking of me. I read on the SSA site about the phones and tried to log on to apply but their site was down yesterday. Will try again. Or borrow someone's phone here to call them. If I have to do that it may take awhile. 

On 11/7/2021 at 1:49 AM, Jemiga70 said:

but I did find this article from March 2020 that may shine a light.  I hope you find it helpful.  https://www.whistleout.com/CellPhones/Guides/buy-phone-online-avoid-stores

Jemiga70:  Thank you for providing that link. I was reading on our Social Security Administration (SSA) site about how some people may qualify for a free phone and service. I tried to apply online but their site was down so will have to try again. But I will keep your link handy for just in case. 

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7 minutes ago, John9 said:

I hope you are able to find something in the timeframe you will be able to look. I mean that because it is "the Holiday" season and I don't know availability because of that

John9:  Thanks. I have a couple places already in mind that I could afford but need to see if they have availability. That's where the tricky part comes in....I need a phone and for someone to drive me to these places to look at them and fill out an application. Most places have a website and people can apply for an apartment online but the place I have in mind doesn't. It could be like pulling teeth to get anyone to take me there. So now I've got to work on that. 

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21 minutes ago, tnd said:

I tell my husband in tear-filled conversations that I will be alright and these people aren't going to get the best of me and they won't. 

When I get my own place and am actually living in it, I am going to throw myself a little celebration...and eat! 

tnd,ee

You will make it because you have made it so far from where you started. You are a very strong person and when you are finally in your own place of course you will feel like celebrating that BIG step after all of the small ones that got you there. Only you can decide if staying through Thanksgiving is better for you than trying to leave ASAP, peace of mind versus added stresses. I know eating food you don't want isn't good especially if it isn't "fresh" but I have been living off of peanut butter more often than not since my loving wife died because nothing else brings any joy and I don't have to cook it. I know my loving wife would be "yelling" at me right now because it isn't a balanced meal and she actually couldn't stand the smell of peanut butter and maybe ate one or two pb sandwiches a year. Our dogs and I used to go through a small jar of peanut butter in a few days. This is not saying that this is how you should have to live but again if you WANT to wait then by all means YOU do that but if you don't then keep searching for that new place and be as strong as I know you are to make it on your terms.

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2 hours ago, KayC said:

Always there for them.  No wonder they both still have such high regard for him.  He earned their respect.

KayC,

There is a saying about respect being earned and that proves it. And just as you and others have stated he probably did what he did because he cared not for any reward or benefit except to help people. I will never understand why people do what they do especially when it is to hurt others but.....You are probably right about the legal aspect of what is going on but as with everything else whether something would be done is another matter and tnd doesn't need that issue too. She just needs to get to where she is the one fully in charge of her life as much as she can be.

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20 hours ago, John9 said:

You will make it because you have made it so far from where you started. You are a very strong person and when you are finally in your own place of course you will feel like celebrating that BIG step after all of the small ones that got you there

John9:  It will feel good to have my own place and not at the mercy of or under someone's thumb. I didn't cry when thinking of my husband last night. Well, almost. But I also sort of chuckled, telling him that I'm going to make it despite everything that's happened. 

 

20 hours ago, John9 said:

I have been living off of peanut butter more often than not since my loving wife died because nothing else brings any joy and I don't have to cook it. I know my loving wife would be "yelling" at me right now because it isn't a balanced meal

John9:  I think your wife would have every right to chew you out about the peanut butter. I had chosen PBJ sandwiches but now I am sick of them. Didn't know that's what I'd have to eat every day here. That or frozen burritos. But seriously, unarm yourself with that peanut butter, put it down and go get yourself some real food and eat healthy...I promise you will feel a little better putting the right stuff in your body. Sorry, but wives are always right when it comes to these things. "Yes, Mrs. John9, I just told him to put that peanut butter down. You can thank me later". 

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5 hours ago, KayC said:

They should be helping you get your own place, not holding you hostage.  And that's what it amounts to!  They hold all the keys, to storage, rides, phone, food, everything.  You didn't sign on for this.  You can see the carrot dangled in front of you but can't reach it.  I wish so much that II were there, with my pastor and could bring people with me to rescue you, demand and get your things, and get you OUT of there! 

KayC:  Thank you for your concerns and for thinking of me. I'm playing it real cool now. Wish I could elaborate but (ha  ha) it could end up that they will want and help me to a new place before Thanksgiving, rather than keeping me here much longer. After asking if it was okay with her, I ordered some groceries online and Francis said she'd pick them up. Se shall see. The store doesn't offer delivery but she can pick them up curbside. Anyways, I ordered myself a lot of good food...and only a couple of very cheap gross generic items for them. That's all they will get from me. I was careful to order food that I can stow in my room and I'll bag the rest for the refrigerator. Can't wait to cook myself that steak!  

 

5 hours ago, KayC said:

Years ago my daughter's "friends" had offered to store her belongings while she was out of state, she came back here and they refused to give her her things!  They misappropriated them for themselves.

KayC:  Yes, some of my own personal items (cheap stuff) are being used and even taken. Oh well. Not the worst that has happened to me. I just want to get out of here. Safely and without any drama. I'm on the homestretch and have come this far that I figure I can take a few more weeks if I have to. I'm too mad now to give up or give in. They have no idea of what I can do.  I am not stupid. I've been around the block a few times. You know, I can be a real pest sometimes. ha ha...and do it with a smile. I prayed for them last nite after explaining my feelings to God. I am pretty sure He heard me. 

 

6 hours ago, KayC said:

George was the best stepdad in the world, to both of my kids!  Always there for them.  No wonder they both still have such high regard for him.  He earned their respect.

KayC:  What a guy, that man George of yours! Sounds like a very good reason to have a small celebration between just you and Kodie, remembering what he did for your daughter. Hope you do eat or drink something yummy and tell him. I am starting to learn that my conversations with my own husband don't always have to be tear-filled. I had a little chuckle last nite telling him some things.   

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19 minutes ago, tnd said:

But seriously, unarm yourself with that peanut butter, put it down and go get yourself some real food and eat healthy...I promise you will feel a little better putting the right stuff in your body. Sorry, but wives are always right when it comes to these things. "Yes, Mrs. John9, I just told him to put that peanut butter down. You can thank me later". 

tnd,

The problem is that I just don't feel like or want to cook since I don't have to for MIL. I lose track of time and the easiest is what I default to, I eat other things but no "real food' as my loving wife used to call it. She would always want to cook a really good meal on the weekends and not the quick one like after work that she didn't consider real cooking. We always knew that we didn't eat the healthiest but we did try to at least balance it out. This is all part of "us" always putting others first and it is hard, I have not been the one responsible for the meals for 35 years until my loving wife died and even then it was for MIL mostly because the first 2 months I didn't really eat anything and then I barely ate after that.

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13 minutes ago, John9 said:

The problem is that I just don't feel like or want to cook since I don't have to for MIL. I lose track of time and the easiest is what I default to, I eat other things but no "real food' as my loving wife used to call it.

John9:  Okay, I guess you can be given some slack (joking). You might only feel like peanut butter for now. When you get tired of it I am sure you'll head to to the store for something else. Soup and sandwiches are pretty simple. Or anything that can put into a microwave. Healthy Choice has some good microwave meals. I like their steamers. The portions aren't very big but to me, it tasted good. I survived on those while my husband was in the hospital. Today I ordered steak and sliced roast beef from the deli at the store and bologna and fresh fruit and a few veggies. Gee, you can't tell that I'm hungry, can you?   

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16 minutes ago, tnd said:

Today I ordered steak and sliced roast beef from the deli at the store and bologna and fresh fruit and a few veggies. Gee, you can't tell that I'm hungry, can you?

tnd,

My loving wife and I knew better than to go shopping while hungry and I know you aren't shopping in person but when you are hungry everything looks good. I used to buy my friend some frozen foods and I know there are some decent ones out there BUT....I am aware I should eat better but I just don't feel like it and as anyone who has ever cared for anyone else IF they don't want to do something it won't happen and I can't make myself do it and there is nobody like my loving wife here to convince me to do it and YES I would do anything for her and I know she wouldn't want this for me but until I am feeling it I can't change it. I haven't given up I just don't care for food as I did before. I always joked with my loving wife that I never starved to death before I met here but I am so totally out of it right now when it comes to thinking or planning meals, I will see what happens as this progresses.

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3 minutes ago, John9 said:

I am so totally out of it right now when it comes to thinking or planning meals, I will see what happens as this progresses.

John9:  For the last several months while my husband was in the hospital I hardly had an appetite and then especially after losing him. But just since September I've lost 30 pounds and after having days without food, now I am hungry. I carefully thought out a grocery list with meat, veggies and fruits in mind. I know what my body needs and now I can feed it. It's so weird looking at my skinny arms. 

You will eat when you are good and ready. Just be sure you at least have something every day. We shouldn't eat for comfort but I don't think that applies to those of us who are grieving because face it, nothing truly comforts us right now. But having a certain food we like might perk up our bodies, maybe help with our fatigue and tiredness from not sleeping. Between my illness and the meds I take, I know I can end up with more damage if I don't eat right. It's a scary thought. But I am seriously hungry so no more appetite problem, that's for sure. Maybe add some fruit, like a banana  to your peanut butter regime. Nothing tastes right to me anymore, I don't know why but I'm still going to try to eat what I use to like. 

 

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9 minutes ago, tnd said:

Maybe add some fruit, like a banana  to your peanut butter regime.

tnd,

Okay Elvis, haha actually there are a few things that "grossed" out my loving wife and me eating peanut butter and banana sandwiches was one of them and the other was peanut butter and cheddar cheese and I will always eat them. I have always eaten bananas and that was one of the few things I have been eating just about every day. We used to keep them on hand to quickly elevate MIL blood sugar when needed and they are good at the right ripeness. I just hate buying foods that don't last and that is why I like to have peanut butter on hand and at least crackers because bread can go stale quickly as you may have noticed. I also keep dry cereal and milk to as a last minute meal.

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I  don't know how this will go down but in a few hours Francis will be coming home with the groceries I ordered. Most of it for myself. I bought "the family" cheap hamburger, very cheap bread and eggs. That's it. The good stuff is for me. Wonder what look I will get when I cart it all off into my room. Well, I don't care. I'm going to finally eat! And if she or anyone else doesn't like it, too bad, they can kiss my "sweet bippy"!

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20 hours ago, tnd said:

But I also sort of chuckled, telling him that I'm going to make it despite everything that's happened. 

Good for you!  That's the spirit I see in you!

I understand John...I didn't feel like cooking when George died either, but I learned to do a smoothie that had all the food groups (including some I now realize we don't need).  Spinach, yogurt, strawberries, bananas, granola, some orange juice concentrate...I wasn't diabetic then.  It may not be well balanced but it was something at least.  And lots of water.

I could live on peanut butter, I love it...I also suspect I'm allergic to it.  I finally have an appointment with an allergy specialist for next week, I can't take any allergy meds the week before so I hope I live until then w/o them sticking me on Prednisone to undo the damage it'll do, horrid on diabetics!  Will try to tough it out, my allergy reactions are bad enough as it is.  I won't be able to breathe/eat/drink by then!

 

@tnd Enjoy that steak when you get it!!!

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58 minutes ago, KayC said:

horrid on diabetics! 

KayC,

It seems like just about everything is. MIL was a type 1 since 15-16 years old and I "think" at the end her body AND brain were just done. It was getting very hard to manage the numbers even though everything was the exact same from day to day but the "reaction" wasn't. All I can say is I tried my hardest to do what I could and I can't change anything. I hope you are able to figure out the allergies and don't have to keep suffering with that at least. I hope you can have some sort of peace and a break from all of your medical issues. I know that for the most part you can only hope for more good days than bad with the aches and pains and hope for no new ones.

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I understand what you're saying about everything done the same every day yet the reaction isn't, diabetes is like that, you do your best but get what you get it seems.  You took good care of her, few of us have someone like that in our lives, you were a godsend.
Being without my allergy meds for one day it's already miserable, I don't know how I'll do a week, but I'm taking my meds with me so when I'm done at the specialist I can get in the car and take them!!

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11 minutes ago, KayC said:

I understand what you're saying about everything done the same every day yet the reaction isn't, diabetes is like that, you do your best but get what you get it seems. 

KayC,

Yeah, MIL would occasionally in a lucid/angry moment say "F" diabetes among other things.

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On 11/9/2021 at 4:10 PM, John9 said:

I have said to people here I don't care what is said about me because I know what I did and didn't do and it is really between me and God and if I have offended him then I will be worried but until I stand before him and he judges me, nobody else can make any judgement about me.

John9:  I agree with you! I think as I go forward now I am going to be thinking more about myself. What I mean, is that I am going to start putting myself first and if I've got anything left in me otherwise, then I will think of others. As for what people may think, I don't care. I'm tired of doing the dance and bending over backwards to please people and do things to THEIR liking. They can either like me for how and who I am and how I choose to do things or they can choose to kiss a pig. I don't care. 

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On 11/10/2021 at 9:50 AM, KayC said:

I finally have an appointment with an allergy specialist for next week, I can't take any allergy meds the week before so I hope I live until then w/o them sticking me on Prednisone to undo the damage it'll do, horrid on diabetics! 

KayC:  I hope your allergy appt goes well. I am on Prednisone and still have to take an anti-histamine every day and generic Singulair and a steroid inhaler. Allergy season is the worst. It is trees, mainly Ash Junipers, which down here in Texas they call "cedar"  and Oak trees that get to me. And molds. 

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