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Lots Of Stress And Grief While Starting New Life


tnd

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22 hours ago, tnd said:

I feel bad for them being stuck in a room but I think it would have been harder on them if I had to give them away.

Oh Hon, I can only hope this is very temporary, I so wish WITH you that you could soon get your permanent place, for you and your cats.

 

21 hours ago, John9 said:

I still don't enjoy eating but I am eating something every day.

And that's a start, it's hard for us in early grief, we can lose or gain but it seems our grief affects our eating, very much so.

It's also hard to care about anything or have any motivation, oh boy do I get that!  It can take a long while before we reach the point where we have any motivation for life.

19 hours ago, Jemiga70 said:

I'm not sure if this is common at the stage I'm at.

More common that you realize!

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19 hours ago, Jemiga70 said:

Thanks for sharing.

Jemiga70,

Thank you for the comments as well, I am just so lost and find myself doing the same "nothing" over and over again. I mean I am going through the motions and sometimes don't remember doing it bust I must have because I am the only one here right now. I lose track of the time real easy now and again have to force myself to attempt to do at least a little something mostly because no one else is here to do it but also because it was always my "job" before and I know what to do.

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19 hours ago, Jemiga70 said:

Apathy. Just apathy. I'm not sure if this is common at the stage I'm at. It's almost 6 months since my beautiful wife crossed over.

Jemiga70,

I can only say that it is a little longer for me (228 days) and I feel the same way, I really don't care about anything but I am trying to not feel that way and it is very difficult. In my case I am overwhelmed with not only the too many deaths and grief but all of the other issues and I just don't want to deal with it and I want it to all go away because if I have to be alive I want some sort of peace and less stress. Sadly as I have stated too many times what I want doesn't seem to be a factor in anything that has happened.

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On 10/26/2021 at 5:35 PM, Jemiga70 said:

From making dinner to reading, my concentration ability has been compromised. I can only read small paragraphs, one at a time. If the text is too technical, has instructional steps or is poorly written then my concentration breaks quickly.

Jemiga70:  I struggle with concentration too. It's like all of a sudden it seems overwhelming and I can't do it. I plan which chores to do very carefully. In my mind I schedule what I'm going to do and then try to stick to my schedule. This helps to keep my mind from wandering off. If I see something that needs to be done, I don't do it unless it's on my schedule. Not even if I have the time. I just keep to what I planned on doing and then give myself a pat on the back at the end of the day. Seem the more I do it this way the better off I feel. 

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On 10/26/2021 at 3:49 PM, John9 said:

tnd,

I am glad that you have a goal for the "future" and the need to be in your own place. I can't be in my own place because I refuse to get rid of our house and I don't want to be anywhere else. I know that is part of my "problem" this house is us and always will be as long as I am alive and I also won't redecorate it so I am in the constant loop that I also have with my thoughts. I can't go back to a "simpler" time because honestly I wasn't really happy before I met my wife because of the various things I have been through and we met and fell in love at the perfect time for both of us. I don't know what the future is, nobody does but I don't see any good for me soon.

John9:  I hope you don't think I was suggesting leaving/selling your house. Your living arrangements are very different from mine. If I had a house with my husband, especially that many years and could afford to and was physically able to, I'd stay in it and embrace the memories. I'd probably carry on and maintain it just the same as when my husband was alive. I think any changes would probably come over time. I know I can't "turn back the clock" but given the current environment I am living in, it sort of helps me to think of what my next place will be like and how I will make it a home. It acts as a distraction. But, if I had a house I'd probably want to maintain it and even do things that my husband and I found enjoyable. Gardening for instance. I'm no gardener but maybe I'd learn. I'd at least keep my husband's gardening magazines and books. I use to love looking at those and going out to stores to help him pick out new ones and then maintaining them for reference. Stuff like that. And I'd still try to carry on some chit-chat in the morning over coffee, with either myself or my cats. Maybe at some point, with a friend or neighbor. I would just try to embrace all of it as much as I could. And thinking it would only be natural or expected, I'd sprinkle in little changes as I am able to. In-between my crying sessions. My routine might change a little. Some of my needs would be different, no doubt about that. But then maybe some of my interests and what I do or don't do would change too. All over time. I don't want to marginalize your grief or downplay it, but I think you are a lucky man to have shared a house with your wife and for many years. I'd use that as a starting point to getting back to the business of living. Don't be too hard on yourself thinking that you have to change yourself and everything around you.  

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1 hour ago, KayC said:

What will be, will be.

KayC,

That is what my loving wife had started saying a few months before she died, I didn't know it was to be prophetic. I know that we can't or shouldn't worry about the things that we are not in control of, BUT.......All I do now is worry about things in general and the less I am in control (if I ever was) the worse the worrying. I would like to have some "peace" before I die and not just when I die (I hope I get peace in death) but I do understand, at least as much as I can understand anything anymore.

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1 hour ago, KayC said:

Well something I'm doing must be working because my BP has been great lately!  This morning it was 110/67.  And I was born a worrier and anxious!

KayC,

That's great and I hope it continues to be under control. I also am a worrier and anxious and I was long before any of the recent problems. That was something I was trying to address and also get my loving wife to address, do what you can and don't worry about what you can't do anything about. But as we know that didn't work out very well for us did it. I am still trying and I am not doing well with it but I am trying to just let the people do what they are supposed to be doing. I just told the "good" sister yesterday something along those lines that I used to "stick" my nose into things without being asked and I am trying to wait to be asked before I "try" to help. It isn't in my best interest right now to alienate the few people who still have anything to do with me. I hope if I do cause issues that they will be a little more understanding but as it was stated "what will be will be".

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On 10/29/2021 at 2:56 AM, tnd said:

If I see something that needs to be done, I don't do it unless it's on my schedule. Not even if I have the time. I just keep to what I planned on doing and then give myself a pat on the back at the end of the day.

@tnd  I think this is a very good way to go.  I follow a similar practise.  I put a yellow sticky note on the cupboard door.  One note for 1 day with only the most pressing 1 or 2 or 3 tasks.  Next day same thing.  Sometimes a task from the previous day is carried over.  Doesnt matter; I tried my best.  I started doing this because with brain fog I couldnt keep things straight.  An older movie called Memento, the main guy does this but he's not in grief; no matter, his brain's not firing on all cylinders regardless.  And yes, important to be our own best friend and give ourselves credit for achieving (and for simply trying).

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On 11/1/2021 at 11:07 AM, KayC said:

I'm reminded of that book by the rabbi Kushner, When Bad things Happen to Good People, it reminds me that unfair as life seems these hard places drive us straight to the bosom of God and He's there to hold us.

KayC:  Funny thing...before my brother abandoned me, he was actually talking it up about how I was to not worry, to take all the time I needed to grieve and that he was going to help me and wouldn't let me become homeless, etc, etc...and he mentioned the very book you do. A month later and he abandoned me and I was homeless. Maybe someday I will send him a copy of that book and on the inside of the cover, write.."In case you didn't actually read this". Okay, so I am being sarcastic but aside from losing my husband, out of all the "bad things" that happened to me, it was the fact that my own brother abandoned me during my most critical time of need. Turned on my like flipping a switch. Knowing that he is capable of being so cruel hurts more than all the crappola I am going through right now. If it weren't for God and my growing faith in Him, I may have shriveled up and died by now. But I'm not going to. I'm not like some delicate little flower that can wilt. I want to make it through this and be my husband's hero.    

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5 hours ago, tnd said:

GOOD NEWS FINALLY!  After 5 months my Widows Benefits have been approved!!!!

tnd,

I am so happy for this good news for you. Hopefully all will now go smoothly for you to find a place and move in and grieve in your own space and time.

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7 hours ago, tnd said:

GOOD NEWS FINALLY!  After 5 months my Widows Benefits have been approved!!!! 

Yay!!!  Wonderful news.  Absolutely wonderful.  I'm so relieved and happy for you.  The lump sum back to June should be enough (fingers crossed) to get you into a small place of your own with first, last, and expenses.  What a load off your mind.

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Tnd, 

How wonderful!!!

A light at the end of a long dark tunnel.  I know it will still take awhile to get the money in your hand, but at least you know it's approved. 

It was kind of this family to take you in, but it will be good for you to be able to find your own place. 

So very happy your benefits were approved. 

Gail 

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23 hours ago, John9 said:

I can only hope that when all of "our" suffering is over we get the peace and love we need and "deserve".

And somehow I think when the sufferings of this time are past this will be a moot point as we will be fully enjoying what is to yet come!

20 hours ago, tnd said:

GOOD NEWS FINALLY!  After 5 months my Widows Benefits have been approved!!!! 

 

OMG, this is the best news I've heard all year!  So glad for you!!!

18 hours ago, tnd said:

If it weren't for God and my growing faith in Him, I may have shriveled up and died by now. But I'm not going to.

Good for you!  That's the spirit in you that I know exists!

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On 11/2/2021 at 12:07 AM, KayC said:

You WILL survive this, when you don't see how, when no way seems to appear, look at tnd, she thought she'd be homeless and at the last minute, God furnished her a place to live, it might not be easy or of her choosing, but she still has her cats and her wits about her

@KayC  Thank you, this is just what I needed to read today, a helpful reminder.  Your ability to keep the faith that everything will be alright in the end despite it all is rather incredible. Same goes for @tnd .  Vent your frustrations, anger, whatever, but never lose hope that one day things WILL be better and WILL work out for the best.  I've got much work to do in that department and perhaps it's why I'm still here living a life that doesn't seem to have any point to it anymore. Maybe the point is to learn to trust God implicitly, to learn to get on top of my own brain and create more reasonable. rational, balanced thought patterns.

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21 hours ago, Jemiga70 said:

Maybe the point is to learn to trust God implicitly

I think this is the whole point of Harold Kushner's book, "When Bad Things Happen to Good People."  Maybe that's the point of our existence.  I know there've been places along the way when we were allowed a measure of happiness, I loved being a mom, and when George held be, that was the best place in all the world to me.  Right now I find little bits of joy along the way, mostly in my puppy, but I've found purpose in being here for others whether in my diabetic groups, my neighbors, or in grief groups.  The other day I was walking Kodie and a previous mailman stopped and commented on the weight I've lost and said he recognized me by my smile.  That was a feel good moment...that I can brighten other's day just by smiling?!

 

18 hours ago, tnd said:

I may switch back to my old pharmacy because although it costs, they do have a delivery service.

Maybe switch now so you can get your Rxs!  It's appalling to me that no one cares to help you get your Rxs.  :(

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5 hours ago, KayC said:

Maybe switch now so you can get your Rxs!  It's appalling to me that no one cares to help you get your Rxs.  :(

KayC:  Well, I asked "my ride" again and was chewed out for it. I asked politely so was not expecting that. But then "my ride" calmed down and took me to the pharmacy, literally not even 5 minutes away. But contrary to their message, they only had one of my prescriptions ready. Have to check back again today. I kind of dread it but man oh man, I need this med.  If I get chewed out again I am just going to do what I did yesterday and keep calm. I don't want to rock the boat here or burn any bridges. Things will be (has to) better once I am in my own place. 

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On 11/3/2021 at 12:44 AM, Gail 8588 said:

A light at the end of a long dark tunnel. 

Gail 8588:  That's exactly what I said. As long as I can see some light I think I will do okay. Thank you for your kind words and for thinking of me. I've been thinking of many of my friends on here, you are one of them. I think about you and your son. I pray for him. Hope you will have some hopeful news to share soon. 

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On 11/3/2021 at 10:55 AM, tnd said:

But alas, soon enough I will be in my own place so I can move forward with my life and figure things out. Thank goodness I have you people! I need you! Maybe one day I will give more details but the people I am dealing with here are not who I thought they were. But I think my anger and frustration has sort of awakened a sleeping giant in me. Call it willpower, call it the will to live, I don't know what this is inside of me. But I want to be my husband's hero and I know he's probably cheering me on. He deserves my willpower. I am about as down as one can be but when I think of championing my husband's will and the goodness he had in his heart, a spark ignites a fire in me. I will do this for him as well as for myself. I will be his hero. 

You bet your sweet bippy he's cheering you on and proud of you for persevering!!  (I'm thinking that since I'm of an age to get that reference, you might be too.)

I'm sorry that the people who you're with now have turned out to be such...well, whatever they are.  I know that's been more stress, more angst, and more negativity.  But you've figured out a way to hang in there with this situation a little longer and soon (again, fingers crossed and prayers sent) you will have your own place and the peace you need to truly grieve.  IMO, you've already made the first little steps forward by holding on and by honoring your husband.

I don't quite know how to say this, but the family that took you in sound like they're not the Christians they claim to be.  If I had said, "You're not going to live in the streets.  I'll help while you get back on your feet.  You will stay with me," then that's what I would have done.  I'd simply have asked that you contribute as you could and that, down the road when you're settled, you help someone else if/when possible and if I'd had really significant costs that affected my own limited budget, maybe we'd figure out how to help each other as we go along.  But I would not be haranguing you about it or making you feel guilty or yelling/chiding/chewing you out about it.  I'd understand that having you with me would mean a bit more expense (utilities and whatnot) that would be my gift to you, patience on both our parts, and some of me helping you as you help yourself.  So, either I'd accept that in myself as the "terms" of my offer or I wouldn't offer in the first place.  And that's what is tweaking me off right now.  They offered; they took you in and said they'd help you; and now they've gone 'round the bend in making things harder and more painful for you.

Now that you've gotten your approval and will receive a lump sum, you can truly look forward to being independent again.  That alone has got to be a huge load off your mind.  (And little naggy inner me says:  Don't forget to keep applying for social benefits like utility discounts, SNAP (which you already have; thank goodness), and medical assistance.  I don't know how Medicare eligibility works with widow's benefits, but for disability it's 2 years from the date of disability.  If that's the case for you, then Medicaid and/or ACA premium assistance until then.  Just please, please, don't be too "proud" to accept any help you've earned as a productive member of society.)

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foreverhis,

Whats a sweet bippy? Just kidding I know the reference and I totally agree with all you said to tnd. I just hope that all of the things you said are available to her and approved because the whole situation should never have happened let alone taken this long to "be resolved".

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8 minutes ago, foreverhis said:

I don't quite know how to say this, but the family that took you in sound like they're not the Christians they claim to be. 

foreverhis:  You got that right! I still do not know of what religious persuasion they affiliate with but I don't need to know. What I do need to know is how I am going to get myself through this until I am in my own place. I don't want to rock any boats here and end up endangering myself because for the first time, I am starting to feel a little unsafe but, I also do not want to burn any bridges, either. Maybe they or at least one of them needs my help. Maybe a friend they can trust. I don't know but for now, I've got to think of myself and getting to the next step...into my own place. A lump sum has now been deposited into my bank account but I will probably need some type of Award Letter to give to a prospective landlord to prove I have an income now and that it will last. I imagine that will soon be arriving in the mail. 

19 minutes ago, foreverhis said:

They offered; they took you in and said they'd help you; and now they've gone 'round the bend in making things harder and more painful for you.

foreverhis:  I've always believed that if you are going to do something for someone and help them, you do it from the heart without expecting anything in return. Helping someone and then taking it back is not from the heart. You either help or you don't. I am still very much being helped here in the way that I am not on the streets. That's a lot. It counts for something and I'm going to take it. And I am doing it only because I see light at the end of the tunnel now and it shouldn't be much longer that I will be in my own place and out of the House of Cuckoo. I've got to learn what I did when I went through training to administer my husband's "home hemodialysis":  I was told to remember to say "Keep Calm And Carry On". If you ever google "home hemodialysis" on youtube, you will find videos that people have made of doing that. I warn, it is not for the squeamish. I did this for 3 years. Imagine having arterial blood spurt literally across your living room and your loved one sitting in so much blood that it looks like a crime scene. But it happens and is quite common for those on dialysis. Had to "keep calm and carry on". And this is what I am hoping to continue doing. 

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9 minutes ago, John9 said:

because the whole situation should never have happened let alone taken this long to "be resolved".

I agree, but I've learned to be a realist.  The departments are underfunded and understaffed, especially now with closures, and also especially now, there are more claims for widows and survivor benefits than usual because of the blankety-blank pandemic.  In the grand scheme of how things happen now, 5 months is not that long--though it's an absolute eternity when you're the one who is waiting.

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19 minutes ago, John9 said:

foreverhis,

Whats a sweet bippy? Just kidding I know the reference

John9:  Ha ha! Made me have a flash back to that old show "Laugh In". My father use to say one fist is worth a thousand words. Well, I am learning that one laugh is worth a thousand smiles. That's quite a bit for just one day and the day isn't over. 

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8 minutes ago, foreverhis said:

In the grand scheme of how things happen now, 5 months is not that long--though it's an absolute eternity when you're the one who is waiting.

foreverhis:  I must admit, I was surprised that I only had to wait 5 months. I had been reading on Sarcoidosis sites that many had to wait 5-6 YEARS! But maybe their being younger and actually still working has something to do with it. Both my husband and I started working when we were 12 years old. I have not worked for over 10 years. Seemed like I was being penalized for becoming a housewife and then sick. I remember the man who interviewed me the day I applied for benefits repeating the name of my first employer. It was a restaurant. I couldn't recall the name but I do remember that I had been a dishwasher. We chuckled at that and then he proceeded to rattle off my whole work history. He knew more than I did. I wish it had been immediately but at least I have my benefits now.   

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14 minutes ago, tnd said:

". If you ever google "home hemodialysis" on youtube, you will find videos that people have made of doing that. I warn, it is not for the squeamish.

I'm not squeamish in the least.  A good thing too because, though it wasn't like what you had to deal with, John was on IV antibiotics at home with a special portable machine.  The nurses taught me how to do everything and I was responsible from then on.  Plus, John had to have chemo support with Neulasta Onpro and one time it didn't finish correctly.  I had trouble getting the little flexible needle part of it out of his arm.  Unfortunately, it was sitting in a blood vessel.  That was a scary, messy clean up.  He ended up with a bruised arm.  I didn't panic; I rarely panic.  I also had to be taught how to change specialized dressings.  When I was younger, my family called me "nurse Annie" because I wasn't squeamish and always went into "calm help mode" in an emergency.  Still, I'm not sure quite how calm I would have been in your situation.

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31 minutes ago, tnd said:

A lump sum has now been deposited into my bank account but I will probably need some type of Award Letter to give to a prospective landlord to prove I have an income now and that it will last. I imagine that will soon be arriving in the mail. 

tnd,

If you have an online SS account you should be able to print one.

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tnd, foreverhis,

I believe that those who care and do what they do because of caring only, will never expect a reward or praise. I said that my loving wife and I never did anything with any expectations, we did it because we cared. When my MIL had broken her hip and was allowed to come home she had an issue due to dementia and health issue that required the use of a straight catheter and my loving wife had to do that and neither of them "enjoyed" it but it was the only way she could come home and not go to a facility. Luckily it was very short term and I never had to do it but we will do whatever we have to won't we. I never signed up to have to change my friends diaper or wipe his butt and I never signed up for showering MIL and wiping her butt either but I did it and hopefully I won't ever be a burden on anyone and I will be lucky enough to die before that happens because I would hope I did "earn that reward".

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7 hours ago, foreverhis said:

I didn't panic; I rarely panic.  I also had to be taught how to change specialized dressings.  When I was younger, my family called me "nurse Annie" because I wasn't squeamish and always went into "calm help mode" in an emergency.  Still, I'm not sure quite how calm I would have been in your situation.

foreverhis:  At the time there was only about 3,000 people in the US doing this kind of dialysis at home. It was extremely stressful and for me, quite time consuming. But never once had to call 911. Had to learn to hold pressure and trust that the bleeding would stop. Those first few sessions were stressful and very scary. By the end of 3 years I could run the machine blind if I had to but it was still all very stressful. Keeping calm to carry on was more of a requirement. 

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7 hours ago, John9 said:

If you have an online SS account you should be able to print one.

John9:  The Award Letter came today. Glad this part of things has finally happened. Now I need to get cracking and get out of here. I'm usually in my little bat cave this late at night but I'm angry and figured I may as well try plugging in my laptop out here in the kitchen while no one is needing the table.  

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6 hours ago, John9 said:

I believe that those who care and do what they do because of caring only, will never expect a reward or praise. I said that my loving wife and I never did anything with any expectations, we did it because we cared.

John9:  Your wife would be so proud but most importantly, relieved to know that you have continued being the good man that you are. You obviously didn't let losing her make you bitter and turn away from people in need. Not even while being grief stricken. I think it takes a strong person to continue like you have. 

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Up late here tonight. Usually not on my laptop at night but I'm angry and seeing that no one needed this little kitchen table, I decided to emerge from my Bat Cave and let my fingers do the talking. Lord help me....STILL did not get my medicine today!! No, "my ride" came home from work with some food and disappeared into their snake hole (bedroom) and has been in there ever since. And this is after telling me yesterday that we'd go pick up my medicine today. Well, I didn't dare knock on their door. And they are lucky I just didn't kick it in. When I asked about getting my medicine yesterday my head was nearly bitten off. I've gone 3 days now without it and definitely feeling it.

I swear, I am dealing with someone who has multiple personalities or they bipolar/schizophrenic and not always on their meds. Their behavior has become predictable. And it's hard to predict when a snake will strike. But I can predict when this one will strike. Nice today means wicked tomorrow. And I am starving. No joke. I have now lost a total of 30 pounds in 2 months. I am sick of PBJ sandwiches and frozen burritos while "others" take hot food to their room. I pitch in but don't get food! They come in, walk right past me without so much as making eye contact and disappear into their hole and often with other family members. Weird. I will be sitting here when this snake gets home from work and say "hello" and ask how their day went but nope, I get a quiet grunt, no eye contact and...no food. And now no medicine. This particular med I can let slide a little longer but there are 2 meds that I have to take and when it comes time to refill them in the next few days, I cannot skip taking them. They are very powerful drugs and suddenly stopping them could earn me a trip to the hospital or worse.. This has all been explained to "my ride", many times. But they keep acting like they don't remember. Or do they ???  I tell you, I feel a wickedness here. If I could, I'd call a cab and go get my meds but I don't have a phone. So I am stuck. Surrounded by evil. Lord, where did I go wrong?   

I am doing all I can now to keep my cool. I could very easily explode but I won't. I MUST "keep calm and carry on". How does one do that though in this situation? How??     

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7 hours ago, tnd said:

I am doing all I can now to keep my cool. I could very easily explode but I won't. I MUST "keep calm and carry on". How does one do that though in this situation? How??   

tnd,

I don't have any solution that would help you unless you can email the pharmacy and see if they know of a cheap or free delivery service that can help you. I have really never been able to understand some people, especially the 2-faced ones. I think it is some sort of "power" issue, they want to be in control of others and it makes them feel BIG. It is important to have and take your medication but if any of them are like the ones MIL and friend took you HAVE to eat too. I just hope that you can find a place and move ASAP for many reasons but your health and mental well being are the most important.

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19 hours ago, tnd said:

KayC:  Well, I asked "my ride" again and was chewed out for it.

That is so wrong!  And I'm so sorry that after all that, the pharmacy didn't have all of them ready.  No excuse for that!  I hope you get a better response next time.  And I pray it won't be long until you're in your own place.  Sometimes if you can establish yourself in a church it might be easier to have a pool of people from which to draw from.  None of us (in my church) would treat someone that way, we'd try to help them ourselves or find someone who could.  My pastor is the best example I know of someone who gives of themselves.  During our snowpocalypse (2/24-3/3/19) our electricity was out, which means no water either, phones were out too.  We couldn't drive anywhere and couldn't walk anywhere for days with 4'5" of super wet snow that came overnight and then froze hard.  After a week, my pastor came and got me, drove to the church, got out, handed me his car keys and said, "Go to our house, the door is open, get a shower, and when you get back here, we'll have breakfast ready for you."  He worked hard all week, taking care of seniors and close to 100 young people that had been stranded out of town on a skiing trip, the hwy was closed for days, he fed them and found cots for them to sleep on.  Even now it brings me tears to remember.  I will never forget Arlie and I stranded here in the dark listening to trees crashing all around us, not knowing when one would hit us.  It was total devastation outside, I was worried about Arlie hurting himself on a stob when going outside to do his business.  The only time in his life I couldn't walk him.  I had to go to the bathroom outside, worried someone would come by and see me as I couldn't even make my way down behind a tree!  It felt like the whole outside was an igloo, one you couldn't get around in.  Food going to waste.  Not knowing when this would end, or how it would end!  My son showed up a few days into this, he couldn't get through before because the only way in/out of town was closed.  We were cut off from the world, I didn't even know what was going on in my town.  My son shoveled the roof off and saved my home.  Him and friends shoveled on my driveway until he had to leave and then my pastor came up with someone and finiished it..

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17 hours ago, foreverhis said:

I don't quite know how to say this, but the family that took you in sound like they're not the Christians they claim to be.  If I had said, "You're not going to live in the streets.  I'll help while you get back on your feet.  You will stay with me," then that's what I would have done.  I'd simply have asked that you contribute as you could and that, down the road when you're settled, you help someone else if/when possible and if I'd had really significant costs that affected my own limited budget, maybe we'd figure out how to help each other as we go along.  But I would not be haranguing you about it or making you feel guilty or yelling/chiding/chewing you out about it.  I'd understand that having you with me would mean a bit more expense (utilities and whatnot) that would be my gift to you, patience on both our parts, and some of me helping you as you help yourself.  So, either I'd accept that in myself as the "terms" of my offer or I wouldn't offer in the first place.  And that's what is tweaking me off right now.  They offered; they took you in and said they'd help you; and now they've gone 'round the bend in making things harder and more painful for you.

I am afraid I have to agree, I don't judge whether they are/aren't Christians or not but let's just say their living it leaves something to be desired.  And do NOT let them guilt you into sharing your soc sec with them when you get it!  You will need it for furnitured, 1st month, last month, deposit, food, household goods.  It seems they "wearied of doing good," which the Bible tells us NOT to do!  I'd always be grateful for them taking you in but it's with a grain of salt it seems.

16 hours ago, tnd said:

He knew more than I did.

I'm glad they have record of all of your employment, that's better than they did for me!

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16 hours ago, John9 said:

I never signed up to have to change my friends diaper or wipe his butt and I never signed up for showering MIL and wiping her butt either but I did it and hopefully I won't ever be a burden on anyone

I feel this way.  Sometimes I'm glad we don't know the future.  Today is enough.  And that's biblical. ;)

 

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