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Odd question..


Kris C

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The family of my fiancé will bring his cremated remains back to where he was born (outside of US) this October. They will give me a keepsake amount of his ashes and I have just found a very beautiful Planturn that I ordered online but will take 6-8 weeks to be received. I’m wondering where can I temporarily put his cremains while waiting for the urn. Is it too disrespectful to put him in a ziplock? I’m wondering if his cremains will be stuck in the corners of the bag once I transfer it.. I don’t know.. I’m over thinking things and my brain isn’t really a brain anymore.. I attached the photo of the Planturn I was talking about.2E958245-2369-4492-A67A-765C0FFDCEEC.jpeg.57e8c0c961212413b8294a2a9cbad02f.jpeg

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Your planturn is beautiful.

I have had a similar quandary. I am traveling by air with his cremains so they have to go through screening. They tell you to make sure that the article they are in will not be too opaque that the machine cannot see through it. If that happens they confiscate it, they will not open it no matter that you tell them too. I have bought a cardboard tube box to carry them in. It does seem a little disrespectful, but that's just in my mind, I know he wouldn't think that. If when I move them later there are ashes caught in the corner I can burn it or bury it in the garden. You can find some pretty boxes, or decorate one yourself.

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I can only tell you how it's done in our area.  When I went to pick up my mom 11 years ago and then my husband in 2018, their remains were in thick plastic bags, sealed with a tie, and with an engraved metal tag confirming identity, etc. 

We were taking my mom to the Bay Area to be placed in her niche with my dad.  They had placed her in the bag and then in a cardboard box with a label.  The local memorial park, where she had been cremated, also had the proper paperwork for us to transport her out of the county.  When we got to the memorial park up there, they removed her from the cardboard box and placed her (in the bag, which sounds so weird) into the simple, pretty wooden box that matched my dad's.  They asked if we wanted any remains removed to keep, but we said no.  They said they can place small amounts in keepsake items they sell or some can be sent out to be made into gems or some can be put into smaller plastic bags and then the remains can be placed in whatever keepsake someone wants.

My husband's container is a handsome dark burgundy leather cylinder.  Partly that's because it's simple and suits him, and partly because they asked if I'd be scattering his ashes and it's "easier" with something other than an urn.  They opened it to show me his remains (in the plastic bag) with tags.  If we scatter him, we have to keep the tag.  Again, they asked if we needed "human remains" transport paperwork, which we didn't, and if we wanted any set aside.

So I'd have to say that it's not the least bit weird or disrespectful to place a portion of your fiance's remains in a plastic bag until that absolutely lovely planturn is ready.  I've never seen anything like that.  It's something I might consider if we do scatter most of John in the three places he loved best.  I'd consider keeping a small bit for something like that.

@LMR I don't think it's disrespectful at all, if using a cardboard tube or box gets you through security easier.  One of the reasons they used cardboard for my mom was because it was only temporary.  Another was that, and this surprised me, an adult human's remains are heavy.  Why add extra weight when you have to carry them?  Do be sure you have any required transport paperwork.  At the local memorial park, they told me that people sometimes forget to check and then get held up because of it.

 

And for both of you:  IMO, the only way you could be disrespectful would be if you didn't care about things like this.

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The crematorium usually places cremains inside a thick plastic bag before placing them inside a requested item, such as an urn or wooden box. Otherwise they deliver them in a cardboard box. I know this is different but my cat's cremains were placed inside a thick plastic bag and then inside a cardboard box until I picked him up from the Vet. I then wrapped the bag of his cremains in a beautiful scarf I had and put it away until I was ready to place him into something else. I never did. I liked being able to hold the scarf filled with his cremains when I wanted to and putting him back on a shelf. Just an idea. But do leave the cremains in the thick plastic bag.      

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I confess that I had considered putting the ashes inside a cushion or soft toy so that I could hug it. I had lots of ideas, Zen garden!

I was planning on making a visit next spring, hoping that will be possible by then so that I can go and spread some ashes at the coast. He really loved driving the PCH and we did it often. I didn't want to carry his ashes back and forth so I was going to put some in another box and put it in my safe deposit box. Is that inappropriate? I'm not sure.

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3 hours ago, LMR said:

I didn't want to carry his ashes back and forth so I was going to put some in another box and put it in my safe deposit box. Is that inappropriate? I'm not sure.

LMR:  I think a safety deposit box would be a very good idea. Especially in your case. It's a safe place and you wouldn't have to travel with them. Very good thinking! 

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21 hours ago, LMR said:

I confess that I had considered putting the ashes inside a cushion or soft toy so that I could hug it.

That's a great idea!  You could actually put it in a sturdy ziploc inside the cushioning, maybe a zipper so you could remove it during washing.  I love that idea.  In 16+ years of being on line daily at grief sites, I've never seen another person come up with it, but it's something I could see myself doing had I not already spread his ashes.

 

21 hours ago, LMR said:

Is that inappropriate?

I don't think ANYTHING is "inappropriate," it's what is most comfortable to YOU!

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40 minutes ago, KayC said:

That's a great idea!  You could actually put it in a sturdy ziploc inside the cushioning, maybe a zipper so you could remove it during washing.  I love that idea.  In 16+ years of being on line daily at grief sites, I've never seen another person come up with it, but it's something I could see myself doing had I not already spread his ashes.

in a way, thinking up things like that has helped to keep me going. I think I will try this one out. They make those cushion covers where you can have a photo put on it.☺

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