Will this ever get any better

[JBL3]

I lost my older brother in January of this year. He was 34, we were 15 months apart and he was my best friend. 9 months later now and it almost feels like it’s getting harder. I had to be checked into a facility with how bad the depression of losing him hit me. We talked every single day he was the funniest smartest person I knew. My husband had left for army training for 6 months 5 days before my brother passed. So I dealt with it alone and it drove me into the darkest place I’ve ever been. My husband came back this summer and immediately got orders he’d be getting deployed for 11 months beginning in November, and I’m feeling the darkness start to swallow me again. I thought with some time I would heal a bit. Not ever completely of course but I thought it would get easier. But with each day that passes I get weaker and more sad and discouraged it seems. I just feel farther away from my brother every day. Is this something I’ll just have to learn how to manage better or can I expect to feel empty forever.

[reader]

Dear JBL3,

I am so sorry for your devastating loss. Please know you're not alone in your feelings.  It's so important to get additional support through counselling, grief support or online support. We all need someone to talk to. I found this website Grief in Common very helpful and they offer some online supports as well.

What you're feeling is normal and natural given how close you were to your brother and how much you loved him. There is no fixed timeline for grief but I hope with more time the intensity will lessen. My one counsellor told me on average it was around 18 months but that will be different with everyone.

Our thoughts are with you. x