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Missing Matt


Richard T

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Richard T

Our son died on 5-27-2021 and while I have experienced death many times, this is by far the hardest thing I have dealt with in my 60 years of life.  First, raising our son was not an easy process.  Then as he reached the adolescent years he started turning to drugs, which took us sometime to figure out.  As a parent we helped many times getting him into rehab, eventually he relapsed and he eventually went to prison after stealing some of our most valued family treasures to feed his addiction.   He did the same to his sister and her family.  He went away for 5 years and this must have been his wakeup call because as a family we seem like we eventually healed.  We forgave, he reentered our lives and became the best uncle to his lovely niece,  For this I am forever THANKFUL!  Our son had become addicted to heroin but to the best of our knowledge he had overcome.  It is now been about 13 weeks since his death and we await toxicology results from the ME.  I hope these results will help provide the closure we are seeking.  We had prepared for the news we eventually received but having seen his progression we were devastated when we got the call.  We communicate very well, my wife and I, our daughter as well.  I am hoping that by writing about this, I will be able to receive communications that will help me heal even more.  In closing I will add that he had turned to using a plant based supplement called Kratom to help with his insomnia and pain issues.  It seems rare from my research that Kratom causes overdoses, but again we are waiting for those toxicology results. Thanks all!

Forever 39 Matt!

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Dear Richard,

I am so sorry for your loss.  Your story is very familiar to me.  I lost my son 4 years ago to an accidental overdose - fentanyl.  He had been in rehab and had been sober for over a month.  Evidently my son had given in to a craving - I know he was feeling overwhelmed and stressed on the day he died.  At the time and as is the case now, much of the street heroin was actually fentanyl.  Many people in my area have lost adult children to this scourge.  

I am familiar with Kratom, and at least from what I have read, I don't think it would be easy to overdose, maybe impossible.  We had to wait 3 months for the toxicology results and a cause of death for my son.  

It is so very hard to lose a child.  I think it is especially hard when you have already been through so much trauma and loss due to the child's epic battle with addiction and mental health issues.  I am so glad that you will have many good memories from the time when your son re-entered your life.  In my experience, it is so comforting to remember those times.  I feel very blessed to have had just a few short days with my "real" son after he was in rehab.  He was like a new person.  I hadn't seen him so happy and well in years.  I think about that often now.  

There is no closure to losing your child, but, with time, you will learn to live with it.  Your life will be profoundly different.  I found grief counseling very helpful, and I still check in with my counselor on a monthly basis.  I have had a crisis of faith that I am still working on.  There are no easy answers, and every parent follows a unique path in coping with this loss.  Keeping close to your wife and daughter will be very comforting and helpful.  I wish you peace, and I hope you and your family find the answers that you need.

Susan

Aaron's Mom - 1990 - 2017

 

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Richard T

I really appreciate your feedback.  I know that there are many of us that are in the same boat. I really believe that time will make this more tolerable.  When our son was growing up we did go to family counseling and were basically told we had a great family and we were doing the right thing.  Then as he got older and we knew how bad the problem was, we got him into some rehabs, those just did not last terribly long, then prison came and I thought for sure that was the end for him, as they learn how to get drugs in prison and prison does not do a great job at reform.  Well prison appears to have been his wake up call.  Towards what would become the end of his life we were pushing him to see a doctor because his appearance and health just did not look right.  I just received his medical records and reviewed them all this last week, I could not find any profound details of a serious medical condition. So I am hoping the toxicology report offers up the cause, we just need some type of closure.

 

My condolences on your loss as well, this opioid crisis is so sad and very real.  Also sorry about your crisis in faith.  I have questioned faith since my high school days and I am still not religious in the tiniest bit.  Your faith may have lapsed a bit, but I am willing to bet you will find it again and it will help you as it did in the past! 

This much I do know, our son is gone.  Life is not easy and when one has these issues the problem is so confounded.  He no longer has a worry in the world, he has no more pressure upon his shoulders and in the end I believe that he can say his disease was conquered.

 

All the best to you!

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