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Soggy

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You are NOT too needy! We have had our hearts broken. Our souls ripped out. You do not recover from a loss like that in such a short time and I have come to realise that where grief is concerned eight months is not very long at all.

You thought your friend would be supportive. It comes as a shock when we find out who we can rely on now, it's often not the ones we expect.

I hope you have someone else to help you.

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10 hours ago, Soggy said:

My husband of 35 years died 8 months ago. One of my closest friends just informed me by text that our friendship, specifically my anxiety and grief is triggering her so she wants time and space away from me. I am sorry she is struggling, but I am doing the best I can. Feels like another loss. Sound familiar to anyone?

That didn’t happen to me but I can understand it.  Sometimes our grief is really depressing for someone that’s anxiety is triggered.  I found my closest friend wasn’t there for me at all because she didn’t know what to say, which I understand but it wasn’t about her.  Give it time 

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16 hours ago, Soggy said:

My husband of 35 years died 8 months ago. One of my closest friends just informed me by text that our friendship, specifically my anxiety and grief is triggering her so she wants time and space away from me. I am sorry she is struggling, but I am doing the best I can. Feels like another loss. Sound familiar to anyone?

Oh yes, unfortunately, although our "friends" all disappeared pronto and never gave reason!  It was the last thing I would have expected as I never would have done that to them if the roles were reversed.
Friends, letdown
Friends who Stop Being Good Friends
Friendship: Why I No Longer Hold Onto Relationships That No Longer Serve Me

I am so sorry for your loss, it's been the hardest thing I've ever been through...my husband died way too young, suddenly, unexpectedly, now 16 years later I'm growing old alone.

I'm glad you've found this place, it helps to express yourself to those who "get it" and understand.

I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

  • Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
  • Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
  • Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
  • Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
  • Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
  • Try not to isolate too much.  
  • There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
  • Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
  • Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
  • In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
  • Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
  • Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
  • Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
  • Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
  • Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
  • Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
  • Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.

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2 hours ago, Dawn Wms said:

I look together to the outside world, but inside I am still in pieces.  I have no advice, just know I can empathize and my heart goes out to you.

Dawn Wms:  I like what you said. Friends/family of those who are grieving should read it -and if they don't know what to say, they could use your statement. 

"I have no advice, just know I can empathize and my heart goes out to you". I think if I could hear that from anyone it would help. It's honest, to the point but caring. And if someone asks us what we need, we could repeat this to them....a little empathy goes a long ways, especially hearing it from a friend or family member.  

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On 8/21/2021 at 5:07 PM, Soggy said:

I feel ashamed that I was too needy. 

Soggy:  I think I understand what you are saying and why you might feel that way. For me, I feel humiliated to need help or some comforting. But we shouldn't be feeling this way. We are needing something that is one of the most basic human needs in life -empathy! And empathy (I think) can be offered up in many forms; conversation, hugs, being present, giving, sharing, acts of kindness.  

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1 hour ago, widower2 said:

My head is swimming with replies...like "I see what you mean! I'm so sorry that I had the gall to love someone who passed away and actually mourn that loss and not be a little ball of sunshine around you. How insensitive of me. That must be hell for you. Can you ever forgive me???" 

I love this!  Thanks for the sarcastic chuckle.

I haven't really had this problem, though I had to kick a few casual acquaintances out of my life because their reaction to my losing John was to basically pretend he had never existed.  Good riddance.

The thing is that John and I already knew who are friends were because of his bicycling accident and my developing auto-immune illnesses a number of years after that.  We had to "rearrange" the life we were living, concentrating on the important activities like finishing raising our daughter and just day-to-day living.  We didn't know sometimes how we would feel physically or what we'd be able to do, so we scaled back fun/social activities and travel.  This caused a number of "friends" to withdraw and then simply exit our lives.  Fine with me. 

The small, tight, comforting circle who remained are here for me still.  And I've been so lucky to keep developing friendships in our neighborhood with people who we were becoming friends with when John was diagnosed.  A small group stepped up to help by bringing food, which a friend who has the key to our house, would leave in the fridge for me/us and taking care of little chores that needed doing that we just couldn't do.  One of our male friends even made sure that John knew he was "keeping an eye" on me when John was in the hospital and rehab.  We live in a semi-rural area, which is largely very safe, but John worried so much about not being at home.  After I lost John, they stepped up even more, taking care of some projects John hadn't been able to finish, doing small repairs/maintenance for me, and bringing easy to eat food like homemade soups, muffins, and such.  And when I was ready, two of my women friends gave me a little nudge to start doing restorative yoga for my physical and mental well-being.  Our little group has become much closer all around over the past 6 years or so.  It's an unexpected and precious grace in my life that I do not take for granted.

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13 hours ago, KayC said:

Oh yes, unfortunately, although our "friends" all disappeared pronto and never gave reason!  It was the last thing I would have expected as I never would have done that to them if the roles were reversed.
Friends, letdown
Friends who Stop Being Good Friends
Friendship: Why I No Longer Hold Onto Relationships That No Longer Serve Me

I am so sorry for your loss, it's been the hardest thing I've ever been through...my husband died way too young, suddenly, unexpectedly, now 16 years later I'm growing old alone.

I'm glad you've found this place, it helps to express yourself to those who "get it" and understand.

I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

  • Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
  • Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
  • Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
  • Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
  • Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
  • Try not to isolate too much.  
  • There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
  • Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
  • Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
  • In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
  • Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
  • Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
  • Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
  • Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
  • Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
  • Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
  • Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.

Thank you. That is lovely

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@Soggy  I want to welcome you, though I'm so sorry you have reason to be here.  I'm so sorry too that your close friend behaved that way.  Unfortunately, this is all too common.  It's disappointing and really infuriating.

You can be sure that the members here will do everything we can to help you.  We understand and we will be here for you in whatever ways we can.

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34 minutes ago, foreverhis said:

I love this!  Thanks for the sarcastic chuckle.

I haven't really had this problem, though I had to kick a few casual acquaintances out of my life because their reaction to my losing John was to basically pretend he had never existed.  Good riddance.

The thing is that John and I already knew who are friends were because of his bicycling accident and my developing auto-immune illnesses a number of years after that.  We had to "rearrange" the life we were living, concentrating on the important activities like finishing raising our daughter and just day-to-day living.  We didn't know sometimes how we would feel physically or what we'd be able to do, so we scaled back fun/social activities and travel.  This caused a number of "friends" to withdraw and then simply exit our lives.  Fine with me. 

The small, tight, comforting circle who remained are here for me still.  And I've been so lucky to keep developing friendships in our neighborhood with people who we were becoming friends with when John was diagnosed.  A small group stepped up to help by bringing food, which a friend who has the key to our house, would leave in the fridge for me/us and taking care of little chores that needed doing that we just couldn't do.  One of our male friends even made sure that John knew he was "keeping an eye" on me when John was in the hospital and rehab.  We live in a semi-rural area, which is largely very safe, but John worried so much about not being at home.  After I lost John, they stepped up even more, taking care of some projects John hadn't been able to finish, doing small repairs/maintenance for me, and bringing easy to eat food like homemade soups, muffins, and such.  And when I was ready, two of my women friends gave me a little nudge to start doing restorative yoga for my physical and mental well-being.  Our little group has become much closer all around over the past 6 years or so.  It's an unexpected and precious grace in my life that I do not take for granted.

That's fantastic, I'm glad you found such excellent, REAL friends. We had people who did a lot of that when she was sick...bringing meals, picking us up at the airport after traveling to wherever for consultations/treatments, etc etc...but when she passed, they disappeared. Apparently they were HER friends, not mine. At least that's the message I got loud and clear. And really most of our friends were "hers" initially that I met when we became a couple, but I thought that we got along and were friends generally. My mistake. Thank you for that salt in the wound, just what I needed. Maybe you could grab a hot poker while you're at it? 

But it wasn't just them. There are people I've known all my life who were like family to me who were similar. Frankly I don't care if I ever see or hear from them again. I have no patience for such people. 

 

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On 8/23/2021 at 11:34 AM, widower2 said:

 

Very...as you can see, this is tragically common. Some "friend." It's times like these when people show what they're really made of. Your anxiety is "triggering" her? What a disgusting, self-centered comment. My head is swimming with replies...like "I see what you mean! I'm so sorry that I had the gall to love someone who passed away and actually mourn that loss and not be a little ball of sunshine around you. How insensitive of me. That must be hell for you. Can you ever forgive me???" 

 

Too needy? You cannot be "too needy" at a time like this. Don't ever let anyone make you feel like that! You ARE "needy," but not "too" needy...you need comfort, you need support, you need compassion. Desperately. And understandably. There's no better justification for those needs. Obviously that was asking too much from her. I hope you can find some real friends going forward. 

 

 

This made me giggle and i wish I used it. Absolute gold

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Unfortunately family and friends do fade away with the eye roll of get over it already. I guess it makes sense, nobody wants to surround themselves with negativity. I was only disappointed by the people who did not stick by me despite the fact that I had gone through so much of their life’s **** with them without being judgemental. But again, nobody needs to return a favour. 
I also noticed that some people enjoyed listening to tales of woe. Like stories of hardship and difficulty coping, or what mutual friend Y had said or coworker Z had done were enthusiastically listened to. As soon as I had identified these people and stopped sharing such details with, I noticed the conversation dwindled because that was all they were interested in hearing. 

 

 

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6 hours ago, Zee24 said:

As soon as I had identified these people and stopped sharing such details with, I noticed the conversation dwindled because that was all they were interested in hearing. 

Zee24:  Sorry about your friends but now that you know which ones to cut loose, do it. No sense in keeping them around if they can't care about people. 

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I don’t really know how I am feeling about it. I veer between tears and anger. She informed me we can meet casually twice a month for coffee but no processing feelings 

or talking about our days. Why does she get to make all the rules?  I feel so vulnerable I am tempted to cut off all contact. Probably not good to make that decision from anger. Wish I wasn’t dealing with this too. 

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1 hour ago, Soggy said:

Why does she get to make all the rules?  I feel so vulnerable I am tempted to cut off all contact

She doesn't get to make all the rules unless you let her.  It sounds as if she has a need to control your friendship, where you are supposed to be there for her on her terms and her terms only. That is not the way a true friendship works, not ever.

She wants to meet casually, superficially even, now and then, on her schedule, and with nothing of consequence discussed.  Is that the kind of "friend" you want or need in your life now?  This is, of course, a question only you can answer.  However, after losing my husband of 35 years, my ultimate answer to that question is no.  I do not have time or energy or the desire to waste anything of myself on people like that.

This woman is trying to make you feel as if your grief is not just inconvenient and "triggering" for her (triggering of what exactly?), but that you are not entitled to it at all.

You have every right to be angry and upset.  Not all decisions made in anger are bad, if you know it's the right answer for you.  I'm sorry that you have this piled on top of your absolutely understandable, "normal" grief.  (I don't like the word normal much now, so I try to avoid it.)

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14 hours ago, Zee24 said:

Unfortunately family and friends do fade away with the eye roll of get over it already. I guess it makes sense, nobody wants to surround themselves with negativity

No, it makes no sense whatsoever:

"Get over it already?" These are the people I'd like to whack with a baseball bat and as they lay there in agony, lean over them and go "get over it already." 

"Nobody wants to surround themselves with negativity?" So I guess all the people who work in hospitals (and homeless shelters...and...etc etc etc) should quit. It's too "negative."

I'm sorry, but people like this really need to just be pushed off a cliff. Well wait, that's not 100% correct. I'm not sorry.

 

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7 hours ago, Soggy said:

I don’t really know how I am feeling about it. I veer between tears and anger. She informed me we can meet casually twice a month for coffee but no processing feelings 

or talking about our days. Why does she get to make all the rules?  I feel so vulnerable I am tempted to cut off all contact. Probably not good to make that decision from anger. Wish I wasn’t dealing with this too. 

Answer: she doesn't get the make all the rules, at least not if you don't let her. And I disagree; anger at her gross insensitivity is an excellent reason to cut her off.

I think I would counter with a reply something like this: "I have a better idea. We can meet casually twice a decade for coffee, but if during that time you suffer some terrible misfortune, don't mention it, because it will 'trigger' me and I'm not into 'processing feelings.' That work for you?"

If the answer is no, good. You're better off. What a disgusting person. I'm sorry you had to find this out...I wish it was less common, but it seems true, real friends are rare. Frankly I half hope I run into someone I used to consider a friend some day and if they have the gall to go "hey how are you, long time" etc etc I will just roll my eyes, laugh, and walk away. If they're lucky that's all they will get. 

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I'd be frank with these people, but I grew a lot of moxie after George died, my protector was gone, now it was up to me.

I'll repost these in case some of you didn't see them earlier:

Friends, letdown
Friends who Stop Being Good Friends
Friendship: Why I No Longer Hold Onto Relationships That No Longer Serve Me

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20 hours ago, Soggy said:

Why does she get to make all the rules?  I feel so vulnerable I am tempted to cut off all contact. Probably not good to make that decision from anger. Wish I wasn’t dealing with this too. 

Soggy:  You don't need to deal with this right now. You don't need it! And since she isn't helping you and only bringing you further down, you don't need her either. It's okay to be angry. And I understand what you mean about it not being good to make a decision from anger. I don't like angry feelings at all, it's negative and toxic. It can be very damaging to ourselves to carry around a lot of anger. Let go of it. This does not sound like the definition of what a friend should be. You are grieving and in order to grieve and process what you are going through you need to take care of your own needs first. That's hard for a lot of us but this is one of those times when we have to put ourselves first so that we can heal and get better and be there for others later on. Please think twice before meeting with this so-called friend again. It will only leave you feeling torn up.  

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18 hours ago, foreverhis said:

She doesn't get to make all the rules unless you let her.  It sounds as if she has a need to control your friendship, where you are supposed to be there for her on her terms and her terms only. That is not the way a true friendship works, not ever.

foreverhis:  As I read your post, something jumped right out at me...you have described my SIL! Everything had to be on her terms or else "I was the one with a problem". And remember, she's an admitted hoarder and has a very major problem with it. And she's very controlling and demanding of people. And...I had to ditch her, didn't I? I hope Soggy sees the damage these types inflict on us. 

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I didn't have a big rift with the ex-friends, they just slipped away on their own.  They were unwilling to be friends with someone who lost their husband, it reminded them of their own mortality perhaps or maybe it was just uncomfortable for them.  At any rate, who wants fair weather friends like that!  I'd rather have one good friend than five fair weather ones.

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21 hours ago, LMR said:

I think deep down I want to make her feel guilty.

:D  And I hope she does!  Sorry, just my feelings, esp. after all I went through.  Although after all is said and done I don't think a one of our friends did.  One of them went through it himself a few years later, even had the b-lls to hit on me!  NO!  He's dead now too...

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On 8/21/2021 at 10:48 PM, Yoli said:

Soggy, I had the same issue with people pulling away instead of drawing near. Their life was still carrying on while ours stopped.

I do also have to say that support did pop up from unexpected places.

 

I found this, too. I was told early on that "grief rearranges your address book" and I'm glad I was told that early on, because it lessened the shock, but not the pain. However, people that I least expected support from stepped up in amazing ways. My older brother came for a week to help me out with paperwork and then I didn't hear from him unless I called him. But even then he wouldn't ask how I was doing so I didn't offer. My sister in law has said nothing about it to this day. NOTHING. I think it is that she did not/ does not know what to say, but there is a wall between us now.

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6 hours ago, Michelene said:

I was told early on that "grief rearranges your address book"

That may have been me, it sure did mine!  You find out who your true friends are...I found out ours were anything but.  But I got a new fried, my bestie for ten years before she moved away to remarry.  I've found people are in our lives for a time and life continually has it's stages and changes.  I have to work at having friends, continuously.  I envy those who it seems to fall in their lap.

6 hours ago, Michelene said:

people that I least expected support from stepped up in amazing ways.

That is what is so heartening!

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