I need guidance in processing/ regulating my emotions

[ajnolan]

Hello, 

A few weeks ago we found out that my mother terminally ill with cancer and will likely not make it two years longer--I am 25. I have been trying really hard to process my emotions without overwhelming myself and it has been a hard balance. The main problem I'm facing right now is that I overflow with emotions when something seemingly trivial happens. The other day our fire alarm went off and it sent me into a meltdown. 

I am afraid this is going to cause problems in my relationships--which I deeply need right now. This weekend, my partner and I attended his grandmother's funeral--I used all of my energy not to break down at the funeral, or talk too much about my mom as for just this one day I wanted him to grieve and for me to support him, as he has been doing for me. Later that evening after the funeral I found out that a group of my friends got together to an event I thought I was invited to. This sent me into a really dark place and  I couldn't hep but break down. This is something that wouldn't usually bother me so deeply, but right now it feels like everything bad thing that happens is the last straw. 

I'm afraid that my partner is hurt that I couldn't go one day without making it about me. I really tried. But right now, everything that I process goes through a filter of "my mom is dying". On top of this, I am crushed that my friends didn't invite me, especially as they know what I am going through. I really need my friends and partner right now, and I am afraid that I will push them away if I don't learn to handle these emotions better. I am trying to make new friends who are more supportive, but my partner is endlessly supportive and I worry that I may find the limits of his compassion during this process. I also fear he will never be able to fully support me throughout this, as he doesn't understand. All of this is causing resentments, fear, and anger in a relationship that I cherish.

Please, please let me know if you found a healthy coping mechanism for processing all of these intense emotions. 

[missingjay]

Hi, I know what you're feeling. I lost my soulmate a month and a half ago and it's been impossible to get through the days, I am also 25 years old. I understand what you mean, this past month it has been so hard for me to keep myself from always talking or at least thinking about my significant other. What you need to know is that it's okay for you to be overwhelmed with emotion right now. I know that you need support from your friends and significant other right now and sometimes its hard for people to understand what you're going through when they haven't felt the same pain you're feeling. Having lost someone very suddenly with no warning, the advise I want to give to you is to cherish every single moment with your mom that you can. When you're feeling that disconnect from your friends, go with honesty. Just tell them that you're going through a lot and that if they're willing, it would really help if you could all hang out more while you're getting through this. Tell your significant other how much you care for him and that even though you may seem occupied with your own thoughts and feelings, it doesn't mean that he isn't incredibly important to you. Tell them that you don't want him to feel hurt because you spoke about your mom at his grandmother's funeral but that you have so much raw emotion that its difficult to hold it in sometimes and that you want to be real with him about where your mind is at. And above all else, when you're feeling left out, go to your mom and spend as much time with her as you can. I wish that I had even 2 more minutes with my soulmate to tell him how much I loved him.

It's okay to feel how you're feeling and if after being honest with your friends they don't understand that, then maybe they aren't the best people to be around while you're getting through this. I wish I had more advise for you, but I just wanted to at least reply so you know that you're not alone.

[Michael M]

I will give you a piece of advice that will seem contradictory because I am giving you advice.   You need to find good listeners who do just listen.   Too many people want to fix us when very often all we need is someone to listen.   These listeners crop up at odd times and places.   Often they are not family.   Family is sometimes to invested in you to be able to just listen without trying to tell you what to do.  A mixture of people you trust advising you and purely empathetic listeners can sustain you.   Hope you are able to find your listeners.

[reihaneh]

Dear Ajnolan,
I lost my husband due to cancer. Let me tell you sth. 4 years ago, doctors told us he will not make it more than 2-3 months. Fortunately, he survived 4 years after that time.
So life is unpredictable. dont think about 2 years. I hope it will be 20, or even more, in practice.